The One Regret

They won’t forget, they shouldn’t forget what I did. The chaos that I unleashed into the world already full of suffering and calamity. The dread, putrid monster, sending humans to hell. Making them sin, for no reason.

There were people that were aware of this, they had faith in me. I introduced them to hell first, for reasons now unknown to me. I don’t remember why I did it.

I watched as my once friends were dragged into hell right there in front of me. They had no hate for me, they just looked at me. I realized that they didn’t deserve hell, they had done nothing to get tormented with the monsters who actually were deserving of it. Well who am i to judge now who should be suffering in the hideous pits of the fiery void that is hell.

I believed once that the only person who wasn't here to betray it was me. But now I realize that I was used like a marionette. It wasn’t what I believed it was, it’s a liar.

The king with a forgotten name, a king not worthy to be called as such, a king.

It was that thing. It was it’s fault!

No! I mustn’t speak anymore. My once allies have accepted hell, and when my miserable life finally ends I should accept it too, in the end that’s the only place i can go. No, perhaps it is too good for me.

I wandered across the empty cities, villages and forest looking to find someone else that may have not been cursed, but nobody was anywhere, not even the smallest of animals, no sign of life, not even plants, it was a wasteland. The only thing that separated it from an actual wasteland was the fact that the houses, buildings and other man made things were not even touched, the water’s gone and the ground was dried. Flowers, trees and grass were completely gone. The sky was a dark blue, devoid of any clouds and moon. After scouring the whole country for any sign of life, I gave up. Broken, tired, terrified, I can now only end my miserable life. I am aware that after my suicide I will find myself in the deepest pit of hell, designed only for me. So I decided to write this letter as I didn't know what else to say as compensation for my crimes, even though I knew nobody could read it. As I made my way to a window on the highest floor in the largest building I could find, as soon as I entered the room where the window was found, I immediately started to run, jumping head first through the window. Reminiscing about the people that I thought deserved to be killed off to start a new, better, higher, more powerful race of beings. What I believed to be angels, turned out to be nothing but jaws of darkness. My eyes closed, I felt my body hitting the ground, my mind faded to black. Then in this darkened space of emptiness I saw a humanoid shape forming in a ring of fire.

The shape finally took form, the fires disappeared, it looked like a man and the first thing i saw of it was its clothes, they looked elegant, crimson colored, clothes of a nobleman or some other wealthy person. It walked up to me, its movements looked sinister. I was scared, terrified. Then i tried to look at its face, the moment i tried to do bring up my head just a little bit to see this things face, then a sudden rush of terror came over me. This terror was something i never experienced, i believe not a single human being has experienced this kind of horror. Not even the ones that witnessed the hell that I brought to swallow them whilst still being alive. I wanted to get up and run but I just couldn’t move, it was like I was being held by this darkness I was laying on. The thing slowly came to me and sat in front of me, like there was some kind of invisible chair. After I realized how hopeless I was, my heart began to beat so fast that I felt like it would pop out of my chest. I closed my eyes not because I was afraid of what it was gonna do to me, but because this creature was simply too horrifying to be explained. And then I heard the monster start talking with a horrible, cold voice out of what I can presume a mouth, but no such words can come out of some mouth. Because what this monster told me was something I will never get over, it mentally broke me completely. After it told me what will become of me it disappeared into the darkness, leaving me with knowledge I can't comprehend, knowledge of this creature's existence, and the knowledge of my dreadful fate. The emptiness disappeared and I found myself in heaven, celestial bodies, a city in the sky, beautiful angels dancing and flying all around me. Since I can feel my legs being able to walk again, I make my way up to one of these angels. The other angels were also dancing above it, it was also glowing much more than any other does, so much so I could barely make out the details. I asked while squinting at it : “Why am I here, what purpose do I have here, o shining angel, i am not worthy of this paradise, hell is where I belong”. I couldn’t tell what the angel’s facial expression was, because out of its entire body, its face was basically invisible because of the glowing, the angel was quiet for a moment. Then it gave an answer: “Open your mind, and then tell me, will you be in heaven then”. I couldn’t understand the meaning of those words but still I somehow managed to do it. It’s all black again. But soon I realized that I was not in the same place where I met that thing. I also realized I could still move, but I didn’t want to, I started to hear whispering all around me. Then all that whispering was silenced by the words “Turn around”. Those two words were exceedingly more frightening than the whispering, it was as much if not more frightening than the fear I felt upon the creature in the shadowy abyss. Even though I started crying, I still needed to heed the request of the monster, no matter the creature behind me who requested so. I quickly turn around to prepare myself for something unspeakably disturbing and horrible, I only found something alien and unexplainable. The appearance of the monster was nothing more than a wide mouth with a smile and sharp teeth and red eyes. His hair was basically invisible because he looked like he was made out of pure darkness, but some parts were sticking out and they seemed like small horns. His body seemed to be some kind of black liquid encased in a giant glass object that's designed and detailed to look like an expensive garment. His hands that could be barely seen through the liquid were white; as I began to look around I saw three stars behind him. He was also on a balcony floating on nothing I couldn’t keep looking around more because he began to talk, he said: “You were lied to about your fate, it is quite obvious because of your crimes you will not see paradise, Avarlogvor likes to play pranks and make fun of his victims he made do something they don’t see as morally right”. I enraged by that statement yelled: ”Prank?! I have killed everything I had ever known, for what?!”

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The creature said: “You say that as if you didn’t order the execution of every species in your infinite dimensions”.

'Dimensions'? I didn't know the meaning of that word so I ended up dismissing it. Still, I couldn’t say anything, he was right, I was toyed with but I never should have accepted such an offer. I sacrificed friends and family for something I thought would be much more grand, than having people that still care about you. Now I was relieved, since the monster I met at the shadowy deep, just wanted to twist the knife, somehow made me hallucinate that I was in heaven. Finally I can go to hell where I belong. I asked the creature in front of me if he could send me to hell, and he said: ”You're quite bold to ask of me to grant you a wish, after you dared to raise your tone at me, I think I should punish you for this”.

A shock of terror came over me after he said that, fearing what will he do next. But I quickly calmed down, in the end punishment is just what I craved.

I asked, ‘what will become of me’. All of a sudden I felt numb, I fell on something that felt like dried dirt, I began to close my eyes. The last thing the creature said to me was: ‘‘You shall be returned back home, to live endlessly, until everything ends in your little, insignificant existence’’.

Then I fell asleep.

I woke up in a garden, my garden, looking around and everything still seemed like how I left it, lifeless. The first thing I tried to do was try to take my own life again. I went inside my house and then into my kitchen to grab a knife. So I did, I tried slashing my wrists, but there was no blood, no wound. I remembered the monster's words saying I'll live forever, until existence collapses on me, and takes me away somewhere.

In the end my punishment was something I didn't expect. To live forever without anyone, writing this letter to myself, my broken spirit and mind.