A man, a dog, and a Demon Overlord

“Light is not the absence of darkness, Darkness is the absence of light.”

Hello world, my name is Abner Hanover, but most call me Abe. I am your average world-changing, Demon-smacking, heartbreaking, humble man you will get to know and love. Well, maybe I'm not too humble and not so much “love”....... Anywho, this is my story of fighting a Demon Overlord.

Chapter 1

BARK BARK BARK! Buddy waggled his tail back and forth while looking at the door. “I know, I know, I'll take you for a walk already”. Buddy, my dog, is a border collie mutt, between 60 and 70 pounds, colored like a dairy cow, and smarter than your average person. Listen, I swear one night I fell asleep at my desk doing my Trig homework. I woke up with my quiz on the floor, with all the questions answered and the dog sitting next to it. Now I'm convinced it was him but, my then-roommate, Ian, said he did it for me, which is a blatant lie. I mean, who does someone else’s trig homework? I can tell you, man's best friend, that's who.

Leaning over, I picked Buddy's lead out of his mouth and put it on. We began walking down our street. Now my neighborhood wasn't the nicest part of town, that's for sure, but it was close to the university and that's what matters. I moved into this place my junior year and only have a few months left until I graduate and can finally get out of here. I very stupidly moved in with my aforementioned roommate, Ian. Ian was like me, we were both nerds with undiagnosed ADHD. I mean, we got into everything. Video Games, Magic the Gathering, Robowars. If it was nerdy, we got into it. For the first few years, he and I were the best of buds, then like all bromances, he got a girlfriend. Now, before someone gets upset, I don't blame her. She made him a better man. I was the one who wanted to stay, in her words “immature”. That is when I founded the He-Man Morgan Hater Club. I was the Founder, Financier, and chief dick-head in charge. I was so caught up in having fun, that I couldn't see I was driving a wedge between me and my only true friend.

About a mile into our walk, we came to a major intersection of roads, surrounded by those posh outdoor patio cafés and restaurants. Filled with hipsters and soccer moms alike. Buddy then sat down on the sidewalk, looked me dead in the eyes, and started screaming at me like I had spoken ill of his mother. I was flabbergasted, he had never done this before. On top of all that, people were gawking at me like I was beating him. “Oh great! Dog, will you shut up? Someone is going to call PETA on me”. So I picked his round butt up and started to high-tail it out of there. I turned one, two, then three corners before I thought I was far enough away from the herd of angry Karens that started walking towards me. I sat Buddy down in front of me and said, “What in the world was that all about? I mean come on dude, you almost got me chewed out by some lady with a blond pixie cut”. Buddy, in all his doggy wisdom, looked at me and cocked his head to the side as if he was saying “Like dude calm down, we're cool”. Then he cocked his head to the other side, then again and again. At this point I realized he wasn't even looking at me, he was looking behind me. As I turned, I heard a sound like a thousand angry bees getting attacked by a vacuum cleaner. I completed my turn and I saw it, a solid white disk floating in the air facing towards me. As I stared with my jaw on the floor, I said, “What the heck is that?”. Then as quick as a flash, Buddy jumped his happy butt into the disk; dragging me along with him as I was still holding onto his leash.

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I didn't know which way was up and which way was down. I felt my body slipping away. At first, I didn't have a body, but I was aware of what was around me, sort of. This white light consumed my entire world. I started to scream, for buddy, for my momma, and at the end I even started to appeal to a higher power when I heard a voice like a thousand trumpets blaring, saying “The reign of evil is coming to a close, and you will be my catalyst!”. Then in a flash, something akin to a semi-truck hit me in my… soul? I was pushed out of the light and down, down, down.

My awareness came back in fits. I would be able to open my eyes for a second and fall back into unconsciousness. After an unknown amount of time, I was very abruptly aware of my face being attacked! My fight-or-flight instinct kicked in. I began to wind up my first for the most devastating punch I could manage when I realized; it didn't hurt, and it was slimy. I opened my eyes to see Buddy of all things licking my face and whimpering. I sat up, holstered my fists of fury, and said, “I'm okay!” as I pushed the log of a dog off of me and sat up. I looked around and for as far as my eye could see there were only trees and underbrush. “Where the heck am I?” I wondered out loud. Then right before my eyes, a screen appeared. Not like a computer screen or a phone but a floating box, it had an opaque background with the fanciest gold lettering I had ever seen.

“Hello, Catalyst, welcome to Bathos, home of great power, mysteries, and wonders. Adventure and death are around every corner, but it is up to you to decide which Path you will take.”

As fast as it came, it went. I felt the sweet release of passing out wash over me, but I fought it back this time! What in the world was happening? I just got sucked into some kind of portal, thrown through the freaking sun, and got yelled at by some voice calling me a Catalyst, whatever the heck that is. I looked at Buddy and said, “Well, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore”. Of course, the dog couldn't understand me, but at this point, I am going to embrace my craziness. It is easier than trying to explain all this mess.

“What's Kansas?”

“Who said that?” I asked, looking around wildly.

“Who said what?”

“Alright, come out and show yourself!”

“Yeah, show yourself. Grrrrrrrr”.

With a rising sense of both terror and excitement, I looked at my dog.

“Did you just talk?” Buddy looked at me, I mean he looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Since when can you understand me?”. That was it, I couldn't handle any more of this weird acid trip. I thought I could embrace the crazy, but I couldn't, and I am not too proud to admit that I passed out