“So, what do I do?” The two girls were sitting at a simple wooden table in a quiet corner of the library. The building seemed deserted other than the two of them and the great stacks of old leather-bound books.
“First, you need to recognize the magic.” Cecilia explained matter-of-factly.
Idelle blinked. “Recognize it? What do you mean?”
“Remember what I said about magic being the thing that will acts on? How do you plan to act on it if you don’t even realize it’s there?”
“That makes sense. So how do I see it?”
Cecilia made a face. “It’s not really seeing it. I guess you could call it sensing it?”
Idelle made a face back at her. “All right, how do I sense it then?”
Cecilia waggled a finger at her. “That’s my point. You already are. Sensing it, I mean.”
“...No I’m not. Are you making fun of me again?”
“Only accidentally, I’m sure. Here, try this. Remember what I said about a quiet, contemplative mood? Take a minute to relax. Focus on your breathing. You can close your eyes if you like.”
Idelle resisted the urge to grind her teeth. She could frankly think of more relaxing people to be here with. “Ok. And then?”
Cecilia stared intently at her, lips pursed. “You don’t look very relaxed.”
“I’m trying, all right? Just tell me what to do after that!”
“Fair enough. After that, you might need to… Hmmm, how to describe it. Set aside your senses? Some people describe the sensation as ‘opening up.’”
Idelle frowned. “Might? You don’t sound very sure…”
“To tell you the truth, I’ve been able to perceive magic around me as long as I can remember. One of the best in the royal family, remember? So I don’t have much experience to work with here.”
She groaned. “Yeah, I remember, miss prodigy. Can you at least tell me what it looks like?”
“I said already, it doesn’t look like anything—” she held up a hand to stop Idelle’s attempt at protest, “—but, if you asked me to put it in words? For me, it’s a little like being surrounded by an infinite number of little motes of light of all different colors, layered atop each other.”
Idelle tried to visualize it. “Wouldn’t that just be completely overwhelming? Blinding, even? No— right, like you said, it isn’t really seeing…”
“Right, that’s why I emphasized that point. Also, it feels different for everyone. Comparisons to sight are the most common, but many describe themselves as ‘hearing’, ‘feeling’ or sometimes even ‘smelling’ the magic around them.” Cecilia giggled at the confused expression on Idy’s face. “Stop trying to think about it, just relax!”
“All right, all right.”
It was easier said than done. Idelle took a deep breath and looked around her. The library was dimly lit, with light filtering through a distant window and casting colorful shapes onto the tall shelves of books. Was there a stained-glass window over there? She didn’t think she’d ever seen one before. Even here glass was uncommon.
Her gaze continued to wander the room. She realized her fingers were tapping on the edge of the table and forced them to still. She stared at Cecilia sitting next to her, her back straight and neck poised. The princess’s eyes were hidden under long lashes, not quite closed but not open either, and her breathing was slow and even. Idelle tried to match her, counting the seconds as she breathed. Seven in, seven held, and seven out.
The princess really did look like someone out of a story, like this. Graceful, elegant, and beautiful. She’d set her hat on the table, and her hair seemed to catch the light as it slowly shifted with her breath. Idelle shifted awkwardly on her chair. She felt out of place, in her slightly too large gambeson and boots. Focus. She was looking for colors. Her eyes were drawn to Cecilia’s hair again, the shifting reflections—
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“You’re getting distracted.” The other girl’s eyes were open again and she had that obnoxious small smirk on again. Idelle did her best to imagine she was a slug and had no eyes to have just been caught staring with. It didn’t work.
“...You’re not helping.” Her attempt at a deadpan fell similarly flat, and Cecilia sighed.
“Try closing your eyes, like I mentioned earlier. There’s no rush, you can take your time at it.”
Idelle decided it was better to let the conversation move on rather than bring up that the other girl was the one who was rushing her. She closed her eyes. Breath in, hold, breath out. Breath in, hold, breath out...
It wasn’t working. Too many things were still lurking in the back of her mind. She tried to focus on what Cecilia had explained earlier. Magic. That’s what she was here for, right? An extension of her will. The image of the wolf flashed through her head again. And worse, a distant memory of a blissful flavor and aching agony in her head. It throbbed in response and she groaned.
“This isn’t working… Can you explain what I do when I get it?”
Cecilia nodded without complaint. “Sure. Once you find the magic around us, the next step would be to figure out as best we can what affinities you have. From there, it’s simply a matter of willing it. That’s both the easy part and the hard part. It’s like discovering you have another arm; but never learned how to write with it or do anything. It takes practice.”
Idelle groaned a second time. “This is plenty hard enough for me, thanks. What are affinities?”
“You mentioned fire, lightning, those kinds of things earlier, remember? Those are more or less your affinities. Someone with a great deal of fire affinity will be able to sense fire magic nearly anywhere and be able to engage it more readily and with less effort than someone with very little. In reality, it’s a little more complicated than that, as the amount of different magics will vary from place to place, and affinities vary between different people and peoples alike, but that’s the gist of it.”
“...So you’re saying that if it’s hard for me to see magic, it means my affinities are low?”
Cecilia hesitated, choosing her next words carefully. “Well. It could be one reason, certainly. But like I said, it’s more complicated than that. I believe in you. Also, it’s not seeing—”
“Yeah, yeah, sensing or perceiving or whatever. I get it.”
Cecilia looked like she wanted to say something else, but thought better of it upon seeing Idelle’s stormy expression. “Let’s give it a little longer. It’s been a long few days for you, I imagine it’s a little difficult to be relaxed and contemplative right now.”
Idelle gave a begrudging grunt of agreement and closed her eyes again. Breath in, hold, breath out. Breath in. Hold. Breath out.
Ignore the headache. Breath in. Hold. Breath out.
Breath in. Hold. Breath out.
She could hear her heart beating, and with a surge of surprise she realized she could hear Cecilia’s beating as well, a little faster than hers. She could hear a slight rush against the outside of the building as well, and the occasional slight creak of old timbers as the building shifted and settled.
But she wasn’t looking to hear either, not really. Was there something else?
Breath in. Hold. Breath out.
She smelled sweat and old paper and parchment and a faint hint of flowers. Was Cecilia wearing perfume?
Breath in. Hold. Breath out.
Ignore the headache.
She could see little flickering points of light dancing on the inside of her eyelids, if she focused. But that wasn’t it either. That was just her eyes still, she was sure of that.
Ignore the headache.
Breath in. Breath out.
She let her face fall flat onto the table with a thud. “I still can’t get it…”
Cecilia patted her shoulder. “You’ll get it. I think. You were much more relaxed that time, I could tell.”
“Thanks. I think.”
Cecilia laughed at her. “You should go get something to eat and drink - did you get any food between Ivar’s class and when I met you?”
“Um. No.” Actually, she hadn’t had anything to eat or drink since breakfast. Maybe that was the reason for her headache. The thought annoyed her. Why was she pushing so hard, anyway? No wonder she was struggling. “Can I just get something at the barracks cafeteria?”
“Of course, you’re a guest there for as long as you’d like. You can try again on your own this evening after you eat. Oh, and while we’re at it — you don’t have any money, do you?”
Idelle flushed. “Not really.”
“Here, take this then.” The princess casually tossed a small pouch across at her, and she hastened to sit up and catch it. It clinked, and when she untied the neck she saw a few familiar feeling coins. “You do know how the currency works, yes? Twelve Denier to the Gros, and twenty Gros to the Ecu? Not that you’ll run into many of those.”
She nodded dutifully.
“Perfect. Do you also remember the way back to the barracks from here?”
She hesitated. “Yes. Maybe.”
Cecilia let out a huff of air that was suspiciously close to a disguised snort of laughter. “...I’ll just walk back with you, it’s roughly towards the castle anyway.”
Idelle mumbled out something along the lines of “...thanks.” She was really too polite to the other girl, Idelle decided. It must just be that she was fundamentally a really nice person, even to snobbish princesses.