I’ve been omniscient, and it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. For one, no surprises ever again. For two, if it ever ends you forget all that stuff you learned. Not a good feeling.

- Vycar Flamefall on the topic of omniscience

“Oh Kinli, he isn’t educated.” Jevi moaned after aborting the incantation for another cantrip.

Kinli wasn’t a name I recognised, but now wasn’t the time so I instead shushed Jevi and crept forward, dagger in hand. Once I was in front I started walking Jevi back. There was some shuffling, but it was drowned out by the next shout.

“OH NO! MEPHISTOPHILOS! YOUR FLANK!”

“Can you kill the rats any quicker?” I hissed at Jevi.

“Fuck.” Jevi hit her head. “I need my zinger for that! And really? Mephistophilos?”

“Not the time. We need to prepare to fight... that guy, as well as the rats.”

“Fuck.” Jevi swore again. Whatever she went on to say was drowned out.

“PLOPLAR! NO!” Whoever it was fell to their knees. We were around the corner of the tunnel, so we couldn’t make out who it was. “NOOOO!”

“This guy can’t be allowed to live here.” Jevi muttured. “He brings down the amount of smart here by just existing.”

“He’s not the only one.” I muttered quiet enough that she didn’t hear. “Okay, I do not want to fight whoever that is. I say we run and get the guards or something. I remember Gamil recommending something like that.”

“No!” Jevi hissed.

I rounded on her. “Why the Hells not?”

Jevi’s eyes darted as she came up with an answer, but she didn’t get to speak it.

“I WILL AVENGE YOU!” The harrowing cry was followed by the sounds of excited rats, and I decided I wasn’t waiting around to argue with Jevi. The sound must have taken all the resistance out of her too, because when I shoved her up the tunnel, she picked up the pace and almost left me behind instead of complaining.

“Wait!” I shouted after vaulting over the barrels. “Collapse the tunnel!”

Jevi gasped and pointed my sword at me. “That’s a good idea!”

I used my dagger to point the sword away from me somewhat cautiously. It was easy to tell that the gesture hadn’t been made with malice, but a sword in the face was a sword in the face. Jevi turned and started incanting, but faltered when yet another shout came up from the tunnel.

“I CAN SENSE YOU! DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FLEE FROM ME! STAND AND FACE PUNISHMENT FOR YOUR WORST OF DEEDS!”

“Hurry!” I insisted, and Jevi had to restart the relatively short incantation.

The wand movements finished, and I observed the magic pulse across the room where it hit the roof of the tunnel. For a moment nothing happened, then I saw as a shirtless and very hairy man with an all too familiar look in his eye charged into view, only to get caught under collapsing earth.

A moment passed.

“THE EARTH CANNOT HOLD ME! THE EARTH IS MY FRIEND!”

“I just wanted to kill rats and make money so I could go to Juvel.” I complained as new magic overtook the recently fallen dirt. The tip of my dagger came up in preparation, and I positioned myself between the man and Jevi. I was conscious that I was doing what this annoying girl had suggested, but the truth in the moment was that she was defenceless. “I didn’t expect to find a discount Bubbles.”

The earth exploded out from the man, leaving the tunnel perfectly clear. “I AM RATMAKER! YOU WILL BE FED TO MY MADE RATS!”

“Keep dreaming.” Jevi quipped as the spell she’d gone on to cast was loosed from her wand. Three bolts of arcane force zipped across the room and each hit the man in the chest, but he didn’t go down. In fact, he barely even started bleeding. Jevi took a second to look on forlornly. “But I was telling you to keep dreaming.”

“MY SKIN IS MY ARMOUR AND MY ARMOUR CANNOT BE PIERCED!” Ratmaker bellowed. “AND MY SWARM WILL CORRECT ALL WRONGDOINGS!” On cue, the dire rats that dwelled below spilled through the tunnel, and started crawling out into the room in front of the shirtless man. “WITH YOUR DEATH!”

“Bring down the tunnel again.” I told Jevi. “Behind him this time. Stop the rats from getting out.” That was all I had time to get out before a dire rat leaped at me and I put the dagger between me and it. The point of the blade tore through its flank, and it started writhing in pain before it hit me, so I was able to kick it back into the thin mass that was starting to thicken.

I ignored the guilty pang that came from wounding something like that. “Sooner would be good!” I insisted, and Jevi finished her incantation moments later.

Some rats were buried as the tunnel collapsed for a second time, and most of them were left trapped. But even though most of the rats were on the other end of the collapsed tunnel, there was still a formidable number of them surrounding us. A few had darted forward to test my mettle and found attack to not be worth it, but the rest had taken to surrounding us. I quickly counted seven dire rats and one hairy man against two teenage girls.

I didn’t like the odds.

The situation wasn’t that nice to think about either.

“THE TWO OF YOU HAVE COMMITED A CRIME MOST HEINOUS!” Ratmaker bellowed. “HURTING MY FRIENDS!” He had a staff with a dire rate skull on the top that he was gesticulating quite aggressively with. The crazed look in his eye was hidden by the dirt that had stuck to his long hair and fell down his face, but it was definitely there.

“Woah now, listen here.” Jevi spoke placatingly. Her voice sounded quiet so soon after the loud and insane Ratmaker. “We were here because there was a dire rat infestation and we were supposed to clean it up.”

“SO YOU ADMIT TO THE CRIME! YOU FIENDS!”

Jevi winced, but kept talking. “Wait up there, big man. We didn’t say that. We didn’t know that these rats were actually friends. We can’t really do the job because there’s no rats here, are there? There are only friends.”

She nudged me with an elbow. It was a bit of an awkward movement since she was hiding my sword behind her back, but it still propelled me half a step.

When I frowned at her, she nodded meaningfully at Ratmaker. Then again when I didn’t get what she meant the first time. “Would never dream of hurting my...“ I frowned. “Friends.”

Jevi cringed at my performance. Normally my acting was flawless, but the unbidden thought that I didn’t have any true friends had decided to intrude the forefront of my mind at the exact wrong time.

Once she’d smoothed out her face, Jevi spoke up again. “See? Complete misunderstanding!”

Ratmaker paused for a moment and let out a low whistle that I heard magic resonating within. I frowned and observed its effect; the dire rats started circling us, keeping us off balance. So he was magically commanding them. Good knowledge to have, but I failed to see how that errant observation helped me in the moment.

“IT MATTERS NOT THE INTENTIONS BEHIND ONE’S ACTIONS!” Ratmaker decided with a slamming of his staff. “FOR THE IMPACT OF AN ACTION LIES RESPONSIBILITY AT THE PAWS OF THE ONE WHO ACTED! APOLOGIES ARE OFFERED FOR BUMPING OLD LADIES AS ACCIDENTS, LIVES WILL BE OFFERED FOR THE MURDER OF PLOPLAR!”

With the conclusion of his possibly reasonable argument, he let out another shrill whistle and I immediately let out the whistle I’d heard before. Ratmaker reacted with surprise, but the rats didn’t listen to me. Instead they closed in and I had no choice but to prepare my dagger.

“Objection!” Jevi shouted, and then focused her magic towards Ratmaker. “Listen!”

The dire rats had been closing in slowly, waiting for me or Jevi to make a bad move. Ratmaker wasn’t far behind, but the magic in Jevi’s command gave him pause. He whistled again, and I realised what I was doing wrong.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

No magic in my voice.

“You’ve demanded lives for punishment for the murder of Ploplar, but he or she was only one rat.” Jevi spoke quickly. “However close you were with Ploplar, it’s unfair for you to demand two lives in exchange for his, wouldn’t you agree?”

Whatever magic made Ratmaker listen ended, and he didn’t whistle for his dire rats to attack immediately so I had to assume Jevi’s words had some weight to them. In the end he hunched his shoulders and scratched his chin in thought. I almost said something before the final verdict was reached.

“MOTHERLY CHILD, YOU HAVE NO BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS! ONLY YOUR BOOTS!” Ratmaker declared, making my blood flare after I figured out just who he was referring to as the ‘motherly child’. “I CANNOT KILL YOU GOOD AND CONSCIOUSLY!”

“I can kill you.” I rebuked, but it was weak. I hadn’t even killed that deer, had I? There was a deadly weapon in my hand, and I’d only used it to attack with deadly force once, and that had been against someone that could poke themselves better.

“IS HAS BEEN DECIDED!” Ratmaker bellowed. “AND NOW I MUST KILL YOU IN SELF DEFENCE!”

“Why did you say those exact words?” Jevi muttered.

He loosed another whistle, and I counterwhistled. This time I made sure to gather magic in my mouth before doing it. The theory wasn’t that hard, I just summoned my magic in the same way I did when I was pushing magic into one of my weapons for rezan, only it was pushed up to linger briefly in my mouth instead.

Ratmaker roared. “YOU CANNOT INFLUENCE MY FRIENDS!” But the rats were still circling us. I’d figured it out.

Jevi nudged me shoulder to shoulder. “Good work on that one though.”

I nodded but kept my focus, pushing down on the warm feeling inside. I didn’t know if there was a limit on the number of times I could do that. The rats were clearly confused, with less cohesion than before. Whatever magic was affecting them meant they listened to things they normally wouldn’t, and was probably of Ratmaker’s design. If the spell, if it was a spell, ended, then they may simply go wild.

Which would be bad for us. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure if they would attack me or Ratmaker if I gave an attack order. And I simply did not want to try.

Ratmaker loosed another roar, and swung at us with his staff raised. I had a moment to register magic flowing into his staff and to block with my own magical weapon. Nothing exploded, thankfully, but the strike almost broke through my guard.

“I WILL AVENGE MY FRIENDS EVEN IF THE HOTTISH HELLS TAKE M-” A thin bolt of fire hit Ratmaker in the side of the face and interrupted him.

“Good luck with that.” I told him as I disengaged and prepared to block another strike. I didn’t need to attack to win this. Jevi had more than enough cantrips to finish Ratmaker off, if only for the simple fact that cantrips did not draw magic from the body the way spells of the first tier or above did. The only limiting factor was how long she could keep repeating the incantation and performing the correct wand movements.

“RRAAGH!” Ratmaker howled indecipherably as he swung again.

I caught his staff. Jevi cast her cantrip. Ratmaker burned a little bit more. He whistled. I whistled. He roared and tried to hit me again. Each time he got a little closer to breaking my guard, and each time we whistled, the rats became more agitated.

The fight didn’t seem to be one that lasted a long while. Ratmaker did not have the immense constitution of the old adventurers of my home town, which meant that instead of a fight that persisted for whole minutes with a dragon breathing fire every few seconds, this man was on death’s door far sooner than I thought he would be.

Ratmaker flagged, taking a moment to lean on his staff, and I used it to try and strike the final blow. Only I spied something out of the corner of my eye and looked before I could stop myself, causing my strike to stray off its intended target. The blow wounded, but it did not kill the man.

“Well what in the Hells was that?” Jevi asked, plainly disappointed. As if making a point, the comment had come after she completed an incantation for yet another spell. Three magic darts loosed from the end of her wand and spun in a spiral before they spread out and hit Ratmaker over the heart, stomach, and in his groin.

“Don’t get distracted until the fight is done.” Jevi said instructively as she put a hand on her hip. Her other arm struck out with my sword and beheaded a nearby dire rat. “Honestly, it’s like you’ve never been in one.”

Ratmaker fell backwards, leaving his staff standing upright. He had an expression of pure shock and agony, and I remembered a proverb that Taranath enjoyed. When in doubt; kick ‘em in the balls.

“I’ve had training.” I argued defensively, but my heart wasn’t in it. The thing that had initially distracted me was still there, standing just outside the door and staring directly at me.

It was a deer. Just like the fucking deer I loosed an arrow into on my birthday.

My free hand instinctively went for my bow, and the deer bolted as I burst into a run. I grasped uselessly behind me while I chased after it.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Jevi asked as I made it out the door, looking frantically in the direction it had gone.

There wasn’t any deer here. A look down revealed there weren’t even any hoofprints.

“What in the Hells?” I cursed, ceasing my fruitless search for my long broken bow.

“Um. Don’t want to worry you or anything, but there’re still rats to slay!” Jevi called after me. “But if you want to abandon the reward, that’s fine too. I’ll take it!”

That wouldn’t do. I whistled, thinking on what I wanted the rats to do, and suddenly Jevi was surrounded by a very dire circle. They had calmed down now that there hadn’t been any conflicting orders for a while. After a brief thought, I tried putting some complexity into the magic behind my whistle, and let another sound loose. Instead of just sitting in a circle, the rats began to pace in two circles, each of which was strafing around the girl in a different direction. Some even finished digging through the secret tunnel and joined in.

Jevi pouted, entirely unafraid. “Now that’s just not fair.”

I held my hand out. “Sword.” She really didn’t want to give it up, that much was plain to see. “If you want a sword, use the money you earn here to buy a weapon or something. That one’s mine.”

“But we’re partners.” She protested.

“There’s sentimental value attached to it. Don’t make this difficult.”

“Well when you put it that way…” She dropped the sword disrespectfully. I just didn’t get this girl.

Regardless, I picked up my property, and slashed up with my dagger as I stood again. Since she’d taken the kill, I only cut her chin enough to release a single drop. That done, I whistled and had all the rats stop in place. Of everything, that was possibly the thing I’d liked the most since leaving home.

Shame it couldn’t last. There was no way of knowing how long my influence would last, and that was without worrying about feeding them or moving them literally anywhere with people. I pulled a small knife from my bag, the kind used for cooking. “Remember that a death by a thousand cuts is preferable to what I can do to you.” I offered the knife handle first. “The rats won’t move. I feel more comfortable with you holding this than my friend’s sword.”

Jevi took the knife with a reluctant sigh. “I’m gonna miss swinging that big, curvy sword.”

I frowned, not getting the joke she was clearly making, then turned to the nearest dire rat and picked it up by the head. I was about to pull my dagger across its throat when there was the sound of hooves in the basement. Looking up, there was that fucking deer again.

“What the fuck, is that a deer?” Jevi could see it too. That meant I wasn’t imagining things. A small relief, considering the implications.

The damn deer was looking at me though. I couldn’t tell what the hell it was looking at me for, but it was looking at me. Then I saw the arrow lodged in its flank.

A grin crossed my face. “Oh. I get it.”

The deer flinched.

“What? You get what?” Jevi looked between the deer and me with blatant confusion.

“You’re my innocence, aren’t you?” The deer didn’t react. “Well guess fucking what?” I dragged the blade across the throat of the dire rat, then lifted it by the tail so the blood would run faster. Red liquid ran warm down my knee. It ruined my pants, but I’d put this pair on expecting them to get messy.

Just like that, I’d killed something. The deer didn’t stop staring at me until the rat stopped convulsing. It dipped its head in something resembling sorrow and I threw my dagger at it. I wasn’t much of a thrower, but with my Rezan infused weapon I was sure I would hit my mark. Only it bolted just as quickly it did back in the forest. My dagger instead sunk into the door frame.

Jevi looked between the dagger and me. Then the strangest smile of satisfaction grew on her face. “I knew you were special.”

I dropped the dire rat and stepped over to the door. “It doesn’t matter if I’m special or not. We have rats to slay and skin.”

“Skin?” She frowned.

“Get the hides.” I explained. “For extra gold.”

“But what was…” She gestured at the door. “That.”

“Marylyn was being a bitch, so I told her to suck it.” I pulled my dagger out with ease, then called a rat to me with a whistle.

“Who’s Marylyn?”

“A bitch.” I explained, then killed the second rat the same way I had the first. “You should get killing, Jevi. Each of these pelts is two gold.”

Jevi didn’t get to work, instead choosing to keep looking at me with an expression of impression. “You and I…” She waggled her eyebrows as her eyes darted around in thought, then refocused on me. “We need to be a team.”

“Do you want to settle down somewhere, nice and quiet?” I killed my third rat. Now that I’d actually killed something, it was so damn easy. Not for the first time, I cursed what the Shepards had done to me. My now deceased aversion to killing had been their doing. There was no doubt about that.

“No. I have dreams.”

“Then there’s no chance of that.” There was no reason behind my non-sequiter question. I just wanted to deny her what she wanted because of what it was.

Jevi hummed, unconvinced. I was ready to deny her all the way to new years day, but she said something that actually made me interested. “That strapping lad the old lady mentioned died downstairs with his armour on, right?”

My eyebrows rested down as I recalled the reflection I had seen amidst the swarm. I nodded as I killed my fourth rat.

“Armour sells for a lot. Then there’s whatever potions and equipment he had on him. We’ll say we found the body and keep the loot for ourselves, eh? Make a killing?”

I thought about it as I killed my fifth rat. Now that the floodgates were open, this was too easy. It wasn’t satisfying, I just felt no aversion to it. Doing this was just cutting meat. “We can split evenly on that.” I decided, getting a happy grin from Jevi, who approached me with her arms spread wide. That, I stopped by placing the pointy end of my dagger in her way.

“The money from the job is still mine.”

“That’ll work.” Jevi laughed, stepping over Ratmaker to reach the farthest living rat, my kitchen knife glinting in her hand. “That’ll work real well, I think.”

\V/