am! Wake up now!”

 Sam opened his eyes and searched the dark for the alarm clock. Two o’clock in the morning. Reaching over to turn on the light, he closed his eyes, dreading what he might see when the room illuminated.

 Feeling almost as silly as his four-year-old daughter Kayla, he peeked out and scanned the room. He saw what he expected: nothing. Nobody else was in the room except him and his wife, lying beside him.

 He watched his wife sleep, and the worries from the dream began to fade. She and their children were his whole life. Lately, it seemed he was falling more and more in love with her. They had met fifteen years ago when they were both fifteen, and they had been married for ten years. They had three beautiful children and years of happiness, but recently, he was realizing just how deep his love for her had become.

 For the past week, he had been waking up every night from nightmares about losing her and the children. It was always a different scenario, but the end result was the same: he lost them. Tonight’s dream had been the worst by far. They’d all been in the car, singing silly songs, when suddenly he was outside. He watched in horror as the car passed him and burst into flames. He ran toward them, screaming, but knew it was too late when he heard the explosion. He collapsed to the ground, sobbing and clutching his chest, convinced he was having a heart attack. Then he heard that voice screaming at him to wake up.

 He hated keeping secrets from his wife, but he knew she would just worry if he told her about these dreams and the voices. The voices—that was really what troubled him. From his psychology classes, movies, and books, he knew that hearing voices was a sign of madness. I can’t be crazy. Crazy people don’t question their sanity; they just are. It has to be something else. But what?

 As he watched Gail sleep, the dream replayed in his mind, and his heart ached at the thought of losing her. He wasn’t usually the kind of man who was insecure or obsessed with his loved ones, but lately, it seemed that’s all he could think about. I just can’t lose you, Gail. Or the kids? The thought of the kids made his chest heavy again. He jumped out of bed and ran to the boys’ room.

 Joey was lying in the top bunk, snuggled in his GI Joe sleeping bag. They had bought it for his last birthday, when he turned nine. Joey was as attached to that sleeping bag as Kayla was to her Tigger toy. Of course, Joey would deny needing it; he was much too old for that.

 Sam smiled, remembering the big fight Gail and Joey had gotten into about a month ago when she took it to the dry cleaners. Joey couldn’t understand why it couldn’t just be washed at home. Yet, as soon as Sam had mentioned Joey’s need for it at night, Joey had stopped yelling and sulked to his room. Watching Joey sleep now, Sam wished he hadn’t teased him. At only nine, he deserved a safety net in the middle of the night. Sam wished he could feel that safe from just a sleeping bag.

 Sam kissed Joey’s cheek and tried to whisper that he loved him, but he couldn’t find his voice. He realized he was holding back tears. Why am I so emotional lately? As he moved to check on Carson, his younger son, he thought he heard Joey whisper, “I love you, Daddy,” but when he looked back, Joey was still sleeping soundly.

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 Sam knelt by the bottom bunk and watched his six-year-old fidget in his sleep. Sam smiled, recalling Gail’s words: “Carson never stops. Even when he’s sleeping, his mind and sometimes even his body keep going.”

 It was true—Carson had already brought home notes from school describing him as fidgety, anxious, and excitable. Sam loved it, though. Carson loved life; he was always ready to go. After long days at work, hearing clients discuss alimony and who gets what, and how much they hate each other, it was a welcome reward to come home to Carson.

 He pulled the covers over Carson and gently kissed his cheek. As he looked at his son, still deeply asleep, he couldn’t help but smile, thinking, What a sentimental dad I am, and quietly left the room.

 Kayla’s room was lit when he walked in. She never slept without the light on. You could turn it off a hundred times a night, and a hundred times, she would turn it back on. It was either that or she would sleep with Gail and Sam. They finally gave in to the light when they decided to have another baby. It was a little hard to make that happen with a four-year-old between them.

 He walked over to her bed, which was her “princess” bed. Kayla had watched a movie with her brothers about a princess and fell in love with the idea of having a canopy bed like the princess in the movie. So when she outgrew her toddler bed, Gail and Sam surprised her with the canopy bed. Kayla had dubbed it her “princess” bed.

 Sam looked down at his little princess and smiled, feeling like the luckiest man in the world. He had married his high school sweetheart and had three beautiful children.

 He thought of the people he counseled for a living and knew he never wanted to be them. The only thing in his life that depressed him was his job. He had always wanted to be a counselor, had spent years in school for the degree that provided him the opportunity, but lately, he wished he had done something different. Gail suggested he consider counseling the children of divorcing parents instead of the parents themselves. He knew she was right and had decided to leave his job. He just had to finish out this month, then he could focus on finding a job that would make him feel like he was making a difference.

 He bent over and kissed Kayla’s cheek, rubbing the blonde hair that always amazed him because it was the exact shade of Gail’s. As he was leaving the room, he absent-mindedly turned off the light. Realizing his mistake halfway down the hall, he went back to turn it on again. He flipped the switch and heard his daughter whisper, “Daddy?”

 “It’s okay, Kayla. I forgot. I’ll leave it on now. Okay?”

 “Daddy?”

 “What, princess?”

 “Daddy, I love you.”

 He walked over to the bed. Kneeling down to give her a hug, he tried to hide the tears that seemed to come out of nowhere lately, “I love you too, princess.”

 “Daddy, don’t forget you promised to teach me how to ride a bike.”

 Sam smiled. Kayla had been eager for him to teach her to ride like her brothers. He wasn’t surprised it was on her mind even in the middle of the night.

 “Yes, I won’t forget. You’ll be riding with your brothers in no time. I love you, princess. Good night.”

 “Don’t forget your promise, Daddy. I love you.”

 Sam turned again at the door to tell her he loved her too, but she was already snuggling back under the covers and falling back to sleep. He felt as though he was going to cry. Why do I feel like I’m losing them all? I have everything a man could want, yet I feel as though it’s slipping away.

 Sliding back into bed, he snuggled up to Gail, waiting for the peace to wash over him as it always did when she was near. He felt the day’s worries and fears drift away as he drifted off to sleep.

 When he heard her yell out, “Sam, I love you! Please don’t leave me,” he opened his eyes, ready to reassure her he would never leave her, but she was sound asleep.

 From years of studying, he knew he was experiencing panic attacks and irrational fears. He also knew he couldn’t continue to counsel himself. He’d tried, but after a week of nightmares, voices, and panic attacks, he knew he needed help.

 That’s it. Tomorrow morning, I’m going to see a counselor. I need to find out what’s going on.