A clash of swords as blood wonderfully spills.

Effortlessly moving and flowing as two dancers of combat cross swords.

I wonder, will I ever be able to be like that?

To clash but endlessly flow like the streams in a rippled river.

I want to experience this feeling... this nature.

As a kid I used to be entranced with these videos and recordings of idealistic hero's who set out to beat the villain. It was pure logic as a kid wasn't it?

The good guy wins because he's right and the evil person dies because they're wrong.

But I was never interested in such idealism, and nor was I interested with this question.

I loved the violence. The combat. The battle cry unleashing with adrenaline pumping and bursting.

I wanted it.

I wanted to experience it.

No... I needed it.

Being able to indulge in a ferocious clash which creates bonds and which was so beautiful to me. I always fantasised for hours the characters I would create and the back story moulded for me, how the choreography would play out and indulging in cliché scenes. But I was just a coward.

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

For 22 years I worry about my surroundings.

The 'evil eye' belittling my interest and slanting its eyes as if to say I was such a disgusting specimen. But I realised I had no care for what people thought about me.

It was my family.

I cared for how my family would be treated.

I cared for how they would treat me.

Would they disown me if they found out I went along with these destructive tendencies?

Probably.

So I fantasise and fantasise. Vividly these thoughts seem so real I thought to myself.

They'll keep me satisfied. I wont have to be judged by my own family and I'll be able to keep living an ordinary life not tainted with distain or ruining the red bonds I have, thankfully chained since my birth.

But with all the despair I've experienced...

I just don't care anymore.

A man I have become and so a man I must act out.

I will march on and express this bloody fantasy into a vivid reality.

To satisfy this salvation I desperately need, even if I turn psychotic...

Into the thing I love.