As soon as they were safely behind the door to his room, Alessandro breathed a sigh of relief.
Apparently in the elven empire, matters of love and romance were kept fiercely private, and anyone who spoke openly about sexuality was thought to be an absolute barbarian. To put it more bluntly: they were all massive prudes, and given the particulars of his dating habits and the gods that he served, it was easy to say that Sylphie did not have a good impression of the priest.
Though, he really didn't think it was fair to glare at him with such hateful eyes, or to slam her fist into her palm so threateningly just because she didn’t like him…
Ah well. It was quite inappropriate to think about a woman other than the one that was in his room, no?
He looked down at Cinnabar and smiled.
"How about you tell me a little more about what, exactly, you were thinking?" He encouraged after a moment of watching her fidget by the door. "Because that definitely didn't sound like a love confession."
Which he was glad of, quite frankly. He wasn't sure what this all was about — though he certainly had some guesses — but Alessandro would have had to refuse her outright if she'd come to him saying that she’d fallen in love.
He dated, yes. He dated quite frequently. And while he’d be the first to argue that there were many, many forms of love, that something’s transience did nothing to diminish the power it held, he also knew that if the love she sought for involved commitment, he wouldn’t be able to give her what she wanted. It’d be a heinous act to lead a girl as cute, pure, gentle, and generous as Cinnabar on, and… well, considering the obscene acts of violence she was capable of, possibly quite deadly as well.
He really, really didn't to be torn to pieces so fine they could be mistaken for shredded beets.
“I’m not even fully certain what it is I do want,” she admitted softly. “I know it’s — I’m not wanting to tie you down or anything like that. I didn’t approach you because I’m looking for some sort of novel-like romance, though I do want to experience a love like that one day. I’ve just… never, um, been with anyone before. Dating or otherwise. And you have a lot of experience, don’t you? I thought, if it was with you, you could teach me how to, um, do things. Properly, and all. The physicality of love..."
Well then! That wasn’t really what he’d expected, but he supposed it made sense — he was often referred to (only sometimes affectionately) as ‘the party’s slut’, so it wasn’t completely out of left field to automatically associate him with that. If she wasn’t going to say it directly though, they weren’t going to get anywhere, so he crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side. “Experience with what, precisely?”
“Ah, um…!”
Cinnabar flinched, shoulders tensing up, and she suddenly decided she wanted to look absolutely anywhere but at him. “I won’t be able to help you if I don’t know what exactly it is that you want,” he pressed, and she took in a deep breath to steel herself.
“Intercourse,” she mumbled. “I want to learn about that.”
Oh stars above, that’s what she called it? He restrained the urge to ruffle her hair, and instead stepped forward, taking a seat on the modest bed and patting the sheets beside him. Lest she get the wrong impression, he quickly clarified, "Before anything else, I'd like to figure out your needs."
"My…needs?" She asked, hesitantly approaching and taking a seat beside him. She kept a good number of inches between him and her, and he allowed his hand to rest in the space between them.
"Yes. What you'd like to get out of the experience, your boundaries, what sorts of acts you'd enjoy... that sort of thing. I’d like to get a better sense of what you were thinking when you propositioned me."
"Um! Well, I'd been thinking, just basic... sex? Er." She paused, and then made a rather lewd hand-gesture to demonstrate. "Like that. That's. What most people are expecting when they want that, right?"
Oh dear.
He tried to keep the smile on his face, even as he internally screamed about the lack of sexual education among the demonic clans.
"Penis-in-vagina intercourse is one way to have sex, yes, but there's many other forms, such as oral sex — which involves mouth-to-genital contact — fingering, which involves hand-to-genital contact, anal, which — ah, Cinnabar. Are you quite alright?"
Cinnabar, who had flopped backwards onto the bed, simply whined from underneath her hands. Goodness. Hopefully he wouldn't have to get any diagrams.
"Are people supposed to be good at all of that?!"
"Well... what is it that you mean, exactly, when you say 'be good at'?"
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"Huh?" She peeked up at him from behind her fingers, clearly quite confused. "Sex is about — giving pleasure, right? In a relationship, you do it because it’s how you physically show someone the depths of your love. So if you're, um, better at doing it, you're better at conveying your feelings, aren't you...?"
"Well," he said, carefully considering his reply. There really was so much to unpack there; where could he possibly start? "That can be a… potential facet of it, yes. But this isn't a subject like, oh, math for example, where there is a correct answer you are working towards and an impartial metric that you're graded by."
He leaned back on his hands, hair spilling around his shoulders as shifted to get a better look at Cinnabar. "In fact, I'd argue that grading is counter-productive to the process. It's a very personal thing, what one considers to be the 'point' of sex and what is desirable about it, and there's no one way to do it right that works for all people. That's why it's important to me to ask these questions of you. I don't want to do anything you won't like or that will hurt you."
"That wouldn't happen!" Cinnabar exclaimed suddenly, sitting up with unusual enthusiasm. Alessandro blinked as she scowled at him. "I know you'd never, ever hurt me! That's part of why I..."
She trailed off. "Trust you with this."
My, he hadn't realized that she thought of him so charitably. He was aware that he'd earned many criticisms from his fellow adventurers for his vanity — not that it was his fault that they didn't understand how important some things were for morale, like hot water and manicured nails — and while he knew Cinnabar had some manner of fondness for him, she’d also seemed to find him a little ridiculous. But to trust him so wholeheartedly?
To want to do this with him?
From the depths of his heart, he couldn’t help but let out a little sigh.
“That's kind of you to say, Cinn, but even the kindest partners can hurt each other if they aren't on the same pa— if they don't understand each other," he corrected. "Let me ask you this. If we both, right now, took off our clothes and I began kissing you, would you... truly be fine with that?"
For a moment, Cinnabar gaped like a fish, before grabbing the nearest pillow and burying her face in it. "Yes," she wheezed. "That'd, um, definitely be fine..."
"Would it? Really?" He sighed, then reached out to place his hand on her shoulder. She flinched back, just like he thought she would, eyes wide and arms clutching the pillow. Her claws pierced the cloth, letting out a puff of feathers from the newly torn holes.
"Oh no...!" she squeaked, letting out a distressed whimper, and stared down at the damage which she’d wrought.
With a wave of his hand and a glow of holy light, Alessandro began to chant, and after a few seconds, the pillow was restored to its unblemished state of a few seconds prior. He smiled down at Cinnabar then, not unkindly, but with a knowing look that made her fidget under its scrutiny.
"I — I can deal with it! Really! I just need to, to get used to it..."
"Cinnabar... I don't want to make you endure anything. It's fine if you still have things to work through. You should do that at your own pace. But I don't want to give you an experience, especially your first one, that is something that you're forced to suffer through.” He rubbed his forehead. “That won't help you at all, and it certainly wouldn’t teach you a single thing about love."
"Then what will?"
It was sudden then, the way she snapped, and like before, Alessandro was surprised by the force of it, looking down at her in shock.
She didn't rip the pillow this time, but she kept tight hold of it, and raised her legs up so she could lean her forehead against her knees. "Even someone like me wants to experience love at least once in my life. But how can I be in any kind of relationship when I can't even touch people? When I didn't even know what any kind of love looked like until you all found me and took me with you? It’s not just about my curse. Even if I manage to break it, I’ll still be scared of any kind of contact, and I’ll have no experience with all the physical aspects of love that other people have had an entire lifetime to figure out. I keep hearing it’s so important, that the only way you can truly be able to feel love is through sex and it’s the culmination of this beautiful thing, and…”
Her words lost their dark bitterness, and instead, just seemed — lost. “I want that affection that I see in Chroma's eyes when she looks at Crest. I want to feel what it's like someday, to be held so preciously, and I want it so badly it hurts. If there's one thing I've learned, being with you all, its that you can't get things if you don't work for them. So please,” she asked, turning her face to him and looking up at him with those crimson eyes. “Let me work for it. Let me try to get over my fears, so one day, maybe, I can have something like that too."
...It was not a matter of resolve. He could see it glinting in her own eyes, even as she sniffled, and Alessandro would give anything to see her surrounded by all of the love and affection she deserved. He wanted to wipe the tears from her face and tell her that everything would be alright, but the idea of her trying to suppress her desire to recoil when they were doing something together was...
It wasn't just that it felt like the wrong way to go about things; it was something he didn't want to happen at all. For either of their sakes.
There was nothing beautiful about that at all.
"Cinnabar..." he said, not sure what to say or, really, quite what to do.
"I trust you,” she pleaded. “I really do. I know you'd make it nice."
"It's not just about that, and you know it.”
"Please. There has to be something that will help."
There were so many problems he had with everything she’d said, so many little qualifications and corrections he wanted to impose upon her way of thinking. That love intrinsically required sex, that she somehow needed to be good at it, that if she wanted someone to care for her in that way, she’d need to be able to follow through with her body. But also, how could he deny its importance to her, especially when she had spent a lifetime entirely bereft of touch? As a priest of the twin gods, Venus and Libra, wasn’t it something he should do, helping her find a path to the love that she so dearly desired?
Finally, he sighed in defeat.
“…How about we take it slow?” he said, extending a hand to her with a smile. “Let’s gradually work up to it, so we can figure out the kinds of things you might like. I don’t want to sleep with you, Cinn, not until you’re ready. But you’re right, there are plenty of things we can try that might help, and I’m happy to work with you to figure out what those are.”
Ah, he thought, watching her expression transform, she really does have a beautiful smile, and as she gingerly put her hand in his, he gave it the gentlest squeeze he could.