I was driving a truck when I saw a rather beautiful young lady in a maid outfit walk across the sidewalk. I managed to swerve to avoid her, but only ended up crashing into a big old factory, straight into a knot of men and one very important-looking old man. This is where I black out.
When I woke up, I was in… nowhere? Eh, let’s call it that. If the concept of zero had a color, this would be it. Then I saw them. A man and woman, standing in the void.
The man was pudgy, with sausage-thick fingers and a great red mane of hair, looking like a really, really buff Santa Claus. No, wait, more like Santa Claus from Fatman, only he’s been going to the gym for the last twelve hundred years. The woman, on the other hand? She was HUGE, from my perspective. Not just tall, but insanely muscled as well, with scintillant green eyes and limbs like tree trunks. She looked like someone had taken Ronda Rousey, a Valkyrie, and a female bodybuilder, combined them, still wasn’t satisfied with the result, and cranked the resulting mix up to eleven. And then to fifteen, for good measure. I really have no words for this.
“Wha-Who are you?!” I stammered.
The man smiled, creases showing along his eyes. “I am what you would call a god. And thank you.” He boomed.
“Eh?” I mumbled
The man- no, god spoke again. “Watch.” Suddenly, I was watching the inside of that factory I’d totaled. There were a bunch of kids, a mix of boys and girls, no older than fifteen. And they were being herded into boxes and packaged up by some men, overseen by the old man I’d crashed into previously. Then, several things happened at once. A large, fit girl squirmed free, one of the boys brought out a little packet of firecrackers and threw them, and a small boy hid behind a stack of boxes. Then, it started going wrong. The fit girl was tackled to the ground and dragged to a crate, the boy with the firecrackers was apprehended. It seemed that their little escape attempt was foiled. Then, I crashed into the old man and his cronies all over again, and the men’s attention was once again diverted. The hiding boy rushed out and he, the fit girl, and the boy with the firecrackers all escaped through the hole in the wall made by my crash. Nobody noticed them in the chaos.
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“Because of you, those three managed to get to a police station and alert the policemen, who shut down that crime ring.” The god-man- whatever he was, patted me.
“But I didn’t have any intent to-” I stammered
“Intent does not matter, only results do. And well, do you remember that young lady?” He asked. The muscled woman beside him, in a blink of an eye, turned into the same maid that started this whole mess.
“That was you?” I said shakily.
The maid- formerly beefy- woman cackled, the first time she’d spoken. “I do maids and fighters very well!”
The god said “Now, now, dear, let’s not scare our guest. Now, young man, I would like to thank you, but I cannot simply send you back. That would violate the divine law of no miracles. That incident with Jericho was humiliating enough. So, I’m going to make sure that you have a good life elsewhere. Ever heard of How To Train Your Dragon?”
“Yeah, I loved that show as a kid. You’re going to send me there?” I questioned.
“Yes. As a matter of fact, you’re going to be a dragon. But not just any dragon: I’m also taking ideas from that game you love to play so much: Monster Hunter. Anyhow, you aren’t going to be the only beast from Monster Hunter there. There will be three others, each as powerful as yourself ”
“So, you’re going to send me to How To Train Your Dragon as, I don’t know, a Kushala Daora or something?” I asked hopefully.
The maid who had now reverted into her gigantic, muscled form, laughed. “Oh no, little man. You need to think bigger. A lot bigger. ” She grinned wickedly.
“So, like a Nergigante or something?” I thought to myself.
The male god said with a sigh. “Guess you’ll just have to find out.”
And with a blink of an eye, I had blacked out again.