I recall bits and pieces of the past. They say Guardians aren’t supposed to remember when they’re resurrected by Ghosts, but I do. I never told anyone. Was it because I’d be annoyed by all the questions thrown at me? I know firsthand how inquisitive those nerds in the Tower’s library can be. I’d rather not be bothered by them, but… I know there’s a deeper reason why I refuse to speak of it with anyone else.

Occasionally, the memories emerged in my mind. Some were pleasant, most were… less so. They frequently took the form of nightmares, though they came in the form of intrusive thoughts, too. Often, I see my fellow Guardians lamenting how they wish they could remember, but they know not how blessed they are to be ignorant of their past. There’s a reason why the Light wipes the slate clean, and I know it terribly well.

It’s amazing how very few scenes I could recall weighed me down so much. Considering how emotionally loaded the memories were though, I understand why they slipped through the Light’s memory-wiping power. I asked Luna, my Ghost, if she could “patch up” the mistake, but she claimed she did not know how. Apparent the Guardians weren’t the only entities bestowed with Light who didn’t have any recollections of the past. She even agrees that it’s terrible the thing that birthed her didn’t equip her with knowledge beyond a few basic stuff.

Was it little wonder I couldn’t connect with other Guardians, who were all unburdened by their past? I could visit the counselors in the Tower. I could seek guidance from them, and learn how to come to terms with the scraps of who I was and rebuild my “self.” But, I… I don’t know if I could trust them. How will I know they won’t lead me down the wrong path? Or simply label me as “defective” and study me? After all, this has never happened before as far as I can tell.

Luna says I’m being irrational, and maybe I am, but… I don’t know. I don’t know who I am except for the traumas of a ghost or much of anything about the world I’m born into yet. Though what I’m capable of comes to me instinctually, it doesn’t provide an emotional assurance as to who or what I’m supposed to be.

There’s a Guardian in the Tower whom everyone calls Crow. Apparently, he killed the previous Hunter Vanguard and was revived as, well, a Guardian. Rumors say he may be willing to provide counsel to those who may be struggling with their new identity as Guardians. Also, apparently, his old memories were thrust back into him, but based on what Luna told me, he doesn’t experience the emotional weight of his past. Based on that, I shrugged off Luna’s suggestion, because I remember how I felt far more clearly than what may have actually happened.

So, I kept to myself most of the time. Of course, I mingled with the other Guardians still, hoping that would show me my path forward. I should’ve expected their temporary company only dulled the pain. Luna kept telling me what to do and how I could handle the pain, but I just told her to shove it. I was essentially a big baby, and big babies don’t know how to deal with all this crap. For a long while, I just needed time for everything to settle down.

As I performed my missions and explored the world, I gradually bonded with Luna. Sure, she and I have problems to sort through, but we grow closer as we spend more time together. Gradually, I became more comfortable opening myself up to her, and she more understanding of my inner world. She still offers me advice from time to time, but I can tell it comes from a place of care and not just blind worry anymore.

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Honestly, I developed a bit of a crush on her, and I think she has feelings for me, too. A romance between a Guardian and a Ghost isn’t completely unheard of. There were rumors of a Guardian who installed their Ghost into an Exo body. However, I… I don’t know what to do with myself for now, so we didn’t entertain the idea.

One day, we stumbled across an Eliksni corpse on the outskirts of the EDZ. A Vandal, it would appear. Before we could even investigate the body, a Ghost casually floated past us and resurrected the Eliksni before our very eyes. To say Luna and I were shocked would be an understatement. Similar cases have been reported starting from a few months ago, but it was still extremely rare.

When the Eliksni awoke, he screamed and flailed about. It took us quite a while to calm him down. His Ghost, later dubbed as Shocky, stated that he had never seen such a thing before, but I do. While my reaction wasn’t as dramatic as the Eliksni’s when I was first rezzed, it was similar. He remembers, too.

For the first two weeks, we didn’t bring him back to the Tower because he was in rough shape, mentally and emotionally. I doubt his psyche could’ve handled it. Like me, he didn’t remember his name or who he was, but he could viscerally recall his death and some information related to why. We helped him pick a name, Frestras, and I basically spent the weeks accompanying him.

The Vanguard didn’t question me where I disappeared to for two weeks. It was mostly because THE Guardian was taking care of everything like they were the messiah granted to us from a higher power. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. Anyway, during that time, I took Frestras to my hideout and we just spent the days together. Thankfully, he knew how to speak English, which made things easier.

At first, he was wary of everything, including us and his ghost. We surmised from his overall behavior that he was likely betrayed when he died. However, the power of the Light was strong, and the initial shock wore off by the end of the day. Though the emotions still lingered in his heart faded rather rapidly over the first week, they didn’t disappear. They haunted him still, much like how it was for me.

To soothe him, I shared my own experience with him. Frankly, I didn’t expect doing so would bring me comfort as well. Who would’ve thought being able to share moments with someone who understood your pain deeply was actually pretty great? For the first time in my second life, I felt… alive. Despite how tormented he was by the fragments of his past memories, he was quite the uplifting, cheerful guy. I didn’t expect that from an Eliksni. Then again, I haven’t really interacted with one in-depth.

I’m a little embarrassed to say, but by the end of the second week, I fell for him a little. Gosh, am I this lonely and thirsty? So much so that I fell in love with the first two people I had a heart-to-heart with? He’s quite attractive too, I won’t lie…

After the two weeks were over, we brought him to the tower. There was a commotion, and he was overwhelmed by everything, but he had me by his side. Though Guardians weren’t supposed to look into their past, an investigation was launched into his death. Since most of the Eliksni is part of the Last City now, we have a duty to bring his murderer to justice.

A few days later, things finally calmed down, and he was deemed to be a Warlock. It’s funny, because he acts more like a Hunter than a Warlock, and I’m the exact opposite. Guess we made a good pair, and he agrees because he wants to form a fireteam with me, not with his kin. The other Eliksni Guardians tried quite hard to persuade him to join them, but he refused, stating he was more comfortable with me for the moment. It actually irritated a few Eliksni, both Guardian and mortal, to see one of their own rejecting them and preferring a human. A few stink eyes were directed at me but I ignored it.

And so, the fireteam, Shell of A Ghost, was born. We looked after each other’s back as we completed missions and tracked down his killer. A lot happened since then, and our relationship improved. Well, “improved” is underselling it. However, that’s a story for the future. For now, I’m just glad I have someone to count on, to support me when I need it.