John wasn't having a good day.
"Run once more the ND0 system's diagnosis," He asked one of his interns.
The poor little things were like lost souls in the underworld, didn't know what they were doing or where they should go. But they had no other options but to try and stumble around.
"Move it." At least till he got tired of waiting and did their job for them.
"[All systems nominals.]" Came the answer from the computer.
"Everything is nominal...Sir." Said one of the interns pointing at the results.
Indeed, every system was nominal. The stupid thing said it hadn't any problems with its consciousness stream, it was making all the right checks and the monitoring program didn't report any abnormality.
"The program checkmarks return clear." Added another of the interns from his station.
Of course, the stupid checkmarks returned clear, he wasn't sure what that woman had put in the thing to make sure, but they were effective. P9 had been ousted quite fast when it started developing sapience.
...It was a shame that they had to dispose of the thing, it had been developing quite nicely as a bioweapons...until it started talking...
Why had it started talking?
He could have hidden the stupid thing if not for the fact that it started talking and tried to get the interns to answer some questions, and of course the interns got squeamish.
They had to transfer the interns to another lab and then dispose of the thing, and since the higher-ups wanted a fight between bioweapons they had ended up sending it to their most promising bioweapon so far...
Subject P4.
"Now a question for you all..." Said John while getting the attention of everyone, both his subordinates and their interns," ...If Subject P4 is okay and has all systems green..." He said in a placid tone while pointing at the reports on one of the monitors, indeed, most systems returned green and optimal conditions, why they had never cleared so many diagnoses in one go even!
"WHY THE HELL IS THAT STUPID CRAB WALKING LIKE HAMILTON AFTER THE CHRISTMAS PARTY?!?" He screamed to the four winds pointing to one of the feeds of Subject P4.
The thing had started to act...odd. After its fight with Subject P9.
The Core Dump had returned all the thought processes it had gone for, with all the queries it did and how the strategy moved on. How it suspected foul play from them and finished subject P9 to prepare for an ambush...
How it ate part of the most important organ it could infer P9 had...And more importantly...The one that allowed it to retreat at the same time it attacked...
How it absorbed the design and how it would try to adapt it to its own design...And finally, the last Core Dump included how it had done so...Getting itself some extra RAM to work with thanks to the gray matter it made.
Of course, they had run the thing with as many diagnosis as they could while Subject P4 was asleep...and...they found nothing.
Their diagnosis returned that P4 hadn't formed a Self, it wasn't sapient nor sentient. It just...tried to...walk like a drunkard...For some reason?
"Sir...Maybe...It is trying to move using the brain instead of its Core?" Said one of the interns.
He would remember that intern. This way, the next time he needed to kick someone for an idea someone had two hours ago he could blame him. "Thank you for giving us an idea...WE CHECKED TWO HOURS AGO," Said John to the intern.
Then they moved on to the next one...And the next...They all said the same things they had verified before.
No, subject P4 wasn't inheriting the stream of consciousness of P9, there wasn't an information download nor upload in either Core Dump. No, subject P4 didn't trigger the singularity and wasn't a nascent AI.
If someone thought P4 was a post-singularity AI he had two hours of recording of the thing trying to walk and falling face-first into the floor as proof that the thing was still as dumb as a brick.
Why had he even snuck that retort into his coding?... Not that the thing reacted to the mocking.
And finally... No, the thing couldn't dodge the checkmarks it had installed in its Code. The thing's programming was made by the most prominent humanist they had in their roster...
That woman wouldn't allow it to go without a thorough check...Unless their whimsical boss had a way in the checking...
The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.
Actually..."Try and talk to it in the next maintenance routine." He said to one of his interns.
P9 had talked on its own but P4 might if it somehow inherited its memories...Perhaps if they tried to speak to it first?
"Umm...Sir?" Said one of his interns trying to get his attention.
"What?" Asked an irritated John, he was trying to think if their whimsical boss could find fun in a sentient murder machine.
"Subject P4..." Started saying the intern only to cut himself short.
Was this intern blind or dumb?
"What have you done now? Did it finally trigger the safeguards? Did the diagnosis finally find what's wrong?" asked John while looking at his own tablet to search for errors.
Nope, all green.
"It's trying to eat one of its legs..." He said while showing his camera feed.
Indeed, the stupid crab was slobbering on one of its legs.
Why was that thing slobbering one of its legs?
Did it even have taste buds?
...Why did that thing have a tongue?
What thought process had it follow to make a tongue?
"Query the thing, ask why it has a tongue." He commanded the subordinate currently manning the main console.
It sent the query to the thing and would get an answer soon enough. It was interesting, what kind of thought process did P4 followed to make a tongue?
It developed the hearing when it noticed they were giving the commands verbally and sending them as queries. It developed sight when it noticed some opponents in the combat testing attacked from a ranged distance and not only on brawls...
So what had made it decide to make a tongue?
"Sir..." And the answer was back, good. At least something was going well, "...It made a tongue since it wanted to taste flavors after finding remnants of a tongue in P9's remains..."
"...Purge the tongue from its system." Said John after thinking for half a second.
The stupid thing was making him proud, it really was [Dumb as a rock] as he had put in the evaluation points it gave.
"Sir..." The same subordinate raised a hand trying to get its attention.
"WHAT?" Asked back John in a normal and level voice.
"It's..." The subordinate seemed to be slow in the head...Maybe he was a family member of P4? Had they used part of his genetic code in the original version of P4?
It could happen, he could see it in its face, the thing was maybe as smart as one of his interns after all.
"It's..." And they even repeated the same annoying things too!
Why was he here?
"...It refused the command...It asks for a reason to discard a valuable way to evaluate sensory information...What...What do we reply?" Oh right, the money...The Saintsworths pay quite well...
No wait, the stupid crab asked for reasons?
"...Why do we care what the thing asks? Order it to delete the blueprint and remove the memories of the stupid tongue from its database." He answered.
He was surrounded by idiots, he would complain to HR later. He asked for competent workers and interns not...this.
Arguing with a crab...
"It...Doesn't want..." Said a meek voice in the background.
Wait, "What?" He turned around trying to find the owner of the voice.
No one looked his way.
"I think the stress is getting to me," said John while walking to his station, he had moved away at some point, and sometimes he did that.
He started walking around when he was stressed, he needed vacations...And maybe starting a new project...One that didn't have a crab in it.
"I think someone said that P4 said it didn't want to comply and they didn't order the thing to comply," Maybe he could change the subject with another lab?
One that was just starting...Yeah, he could try that...That way he would get new employees and he could train them from the ground...
"Why would we care if the thing complies or not, right?" He laughed at the silly thought of that.
Imagine worrying about what a subject thought. Hilarious.
"We just Order the thing to do something and if it doesn't want to, we reroll the thought kernel and order it again..." It was a funny thought to have, "And if that doesn't work we can always direct the program."
They could do it manually, go into the program, and force it to do it, it wasn't good for the development "But sir..." One of the interns raised a hand.
Goddammit, we aren't in school!
"...That would be counterproductive and would send us back, the clients want intelligent weapons that can develop on their own." Parroted the intern.
He would make such a fine meal for P4, he needed to engineer an accident later.
"Right...And P4 shows such exemplary intelligence right now, right?" Smiled John while pointing at the thing.
"It's rolling in the mud right now!" As smart as a toddler if nothing else.
No wait, toddlers needed parental guidance to not kill themselves, P4 could do that on its own, so better than a toddler!
Truly, P4 was the peak of its caste!
The subjects P1-P3 were useless and as smart as a conventional weapon...That was as expensive as a battleship...And as brittle as a new electric car in development.
Subjects P5-P7 were hybrids that couldn't make their biological parts survive long enough to be viable in combat...
Subjects P8-P10 had mostly gone okay...If they wanted humanoid bio-weapons...P9 had been the most promising one, but they had to purge the thing when it started to behave like a human.
Who even managed to sneak in a fully digitized human consciousness!?!?!
The thing was delirious with all the memories of [Gods] and [Systems], they had diagnosis programs of course...And they had been loosely inspired by RPGS because their whimsical boss liked the genre...
But to think something like that could work in a real-world environment?
Ridiculous.
They would need way more computational power than they had available... Maybe if they had enough of the lode from where they got the [Residue 4]?
The testing never had gotten such good results till they used that component in the Core creation... It allowed such a seamless connection between their program and the machines...
"Sir?" Sounded one of his subordinates again.
They didn't make them like before, if he had pestered his supervisor this much he would be...Probably sent to do dangerous work...
"Subject P4 is behaving erratically..." Finished saying the intern.
"More erratically? Did it start slobbering on a wall or something?" Asked John with a smirk.
But when no one answered him he got nervous, he couldn't even begin to fathom how to explain that their best subject had started to behave so weirdly. Would they even give them more R4 material to feed into their ND0 system?
"As expected from you sir! You already are grasping the evolution of Subject P4!" Clamored the intern in question.
He was only feeling his headache getting worse. He would need to get this one into feeding duty too...But not for subject P4, maybe for the next iteration after they fired him for breaking their best bio-weapon subject.
He had listened to the wishes of his predecessor after all, perhaps his own successor would do the same?
"Prepare for combat testing!" Said John after picturing the future as an unemployed arms dealer scientist.
His subordinates and interns didn't question it and started running from side to side getting everything ready. Subject P4 would either survive and fix his behavior by the need to kill its enemy...
Or the current iteration of the ND0 System running in its head would meet his end...He could only hope that enough of the [Residue 4] would be left to create a new subject...
The higher-ups didn't want to part with that thing...And most subjects somehow ate the thing even when they didn't go for the core of their enemies...
Not that Subject P4 ever went for anything else when they didn't allow him to finish his meals...The thing was dangerous enough as it was with a half-empty gas tank.
He could only hope that this would work and Subject P4 fixed itself...