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Jet
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The day has already been plenty interesting. I got to meet the Lord’s suddenly appearing heir and learn about a secret all at once. Two things that would normally tide me over for a few days each in one exchange. I figure I've squandered all my luck for the year on that one conversation, getting so many juicy tidbits back to back.
That idea soon got blown out of the water. Walking at a brisk pace down the hall, I think about my sudden awakening from my lovely sleep. When one of my minions rudely shook me awake, I gave the twat a good right hook and then listened to what was going on. Through his swollen cheek he told me something I’ve always wanted to hear.
A dungeon opened nearby.
Just thinking about it makes me walk even faster, quickly putting my little gremlins far behind me. Their quick footsteps as they try to keep up with me are music to my ears. I try to contain the manic grin on my face, but I can tell I’m failing.
Finally reaching the command center of the knight complex, I see all the other captains holding back similar grins. I quickly make my way to my seat, which is already turned around. Plopping into the backwards facing chair I look up at the Major.
The brick of a man shows none of the energy that's being given off by his subordinates. As usual, I can’t tell if he has none, or if he’s just a master at concealing it. I’ve only seen the older soldier smile once, and I swear his face looked like cracking stone.
“Captains!” The shorter man’s voice cuts the excitement in the air from a chaotic nexus to a slight humming. Glaring at each of us in turn, he continues.
“A dungeon has opened nearby.” His short statement causes the temperature in the room to rise. “It’s close enough to one of the farms to be a major issue, so we will be sending out a squad to deal with the damnable thing.” His voice creaks with annoyance. Giving us all a glare, he finishes his debriefing. “Any questions?”
Surprisingly, a voice cuts through the excitement vibrating in the air. The youngest of the captains, Geff or something, shoots the major an ill-advised question.
“W-what's a dungeon, sir?” The greenhorn captain can’t be more than twenty-five, it's not that surprising he doesn’t know.
The major doesn’t agree with my assessment. His stone-like face actually moves a few centimeters, shifting into a barely noticeable frown. “Captain, how can you not know such a simple thing?” The contempt in the elderly warrior’s voice is apparent. I hear chuckling from a few of the other captains… morons.
Immediately the major turns on them. “And which of you grubshit excuses for commanding officers told him about dungeons?” The group goes silent. “None of you dullards, as I thought.”
The major lets out a sigh before finally sparing Geff or whatever his name is. “A dungeon is a structure that appears just below the surface of the ground. They are usually made of strange materials and built in strange ways, but they all have one thing in common.” His hand slams into the table.
“They are all completely infested with monsters. The damn things just show up underground, open to the world, and all manners of horrid beasts swarm out of them.” His frown gone, as if it had never existed, he continues, “And they don’t stop. They seem to not need food when they’re inside the dungeon, but they sure as hell do once they leave. The one that has appeared tonight is in the middle of a farmer’s field, so as soon as one of the mongrels in there finds the entrance, the entire area will be swarmed.” As he speaks, he slowly walks around the table until he stands behind maybe-Geff. Placing his hand on the young man’s shoulder, he finishes his spiel.
“The last dungeon in this county appeared when the Count was still trying to be an adventurer, so I’m not surprised you don’t know, lad.” He gives his underling a pat on the shoulder. “All of you can fight over who gets to go… I’m going to bed. Dismissed!” Without another word the major walks out of the room.
As soon as the door shuts behind him, pandemonium breaks out.
【〓〓〓〓】
Sporting a black eye and a massive grin I march back to my bunk. Entering the barrack my unit is in, I cheerfully tip their beds over. As each of my minions fall to the floor I check that they’ve woken up. The ones who are still sleeping get the loving ministrations of my foot to their ribs.
Soon the barracks is filled with the soothing sounds of grown men groaning like children. Once they’re all awake, I stand in front of the group, excited to tell them the wonderful news.
“My gremlins… we are going to clear a dungeon.” Their response is immediate. Several of my lovely underlings begin sobbing in delight. Others pass out in excitement. My second-in-command, bless his heart, even asks a question.
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“Boss, why do we always have to do the insane shit? Couldn’t one of the other units go to some gods forsaken hole in the grou— “
I cut my lieutenant off with a quick blow to the top of the head. “I’ve told you a million times to quit calling me boss, we aren’t street urchins anymore.” Ignoring his joking question, I look over my thrilled unit of crying soldiers.
My right hand man, Lieutenant Scotch, finally stops daydreaming after receiving my reprimand, and starts to talk again. “I’m serious, Cap. Why do you always sign us up for this stuff?” I look down at the short man. His six foot height is just so pitiful compared to my glorious six foot one and a half inches. Alas, not all can be as gifted in life as I.
Remembering my minion had asked me something, I finally respond, “Obviously because it’ll be exciting.” Scotch doesn’t reciprocate my smile for some reason. “Alright, men, all of you go to bed, we’re heading out at dawn!”
As I crawl into my bunk, I hear Scotch grumble, “You don’t have to get us killed trying to compensate because you don’t have a dick, Cap.” In a flash, Scotch falls asleep on the ground, a bruise on his face.
I cheerfully call out to my minions, “Sweet dreams, men!”
】〓〓〓〓【
It worked! It fucking worked! I knew it, I knew that I could figure it out. These neanderthals are so dense, it’s no wonder they never got close to such a simple answer.
The dark figure shudders in delight.
Soon, soon, soon I’ll perfect it! But for now, more testing!
The silhouette leans over, creating a flash of light in front of it. After a few moments the ground shudders violently.
“How wonderful.”
】〓〓〓〓【
Jet
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I give my bootstrings a good tug, tying them neatly. The clean and shiny boots give me a feeling of contentment. My moment of bliss is shattered when another set of boots, not as nice as mine, walk into my view. The pair stops just in front of me, causing a small cloud of dust to settle on my immaculate footwear.
Raising my head to see the perpetrator, I feel my temple tense from my broiling anger. I give the newcomer who sullied my wonderful boots a friendly smile.
For some reason my underling flinches and gives a quick salute. “Captain! Slum Squad ready to go!” I feel the pressure in my temple rise even more, these numbskulls are still using that stupid nickname. Never dropping my grin for a moment, I stand up from my seat on the bench.
A good look around shows me that most of the squads assembled in the courtyard of the knight complex are mostly ready. The number is lower than a typical monster cleanse, only two squads besides mine. Finally moving my gaze to the men in front of me, I feel a surge of pride in my chest.
Unlike the other two squads, my minions are combat ready. Their straight posture and perfect formation brings heat to my face. That’s what a squad should look like! I try to keep my smirk from entering my default smile.
Stepping forward I give the delinquent soldier that dirtied my boots a swift smack to the head. “Next person to use that obnoxious nickname for our squad will be finding a mage for new teeth! Got it, boys?” My loud voice cuts through the din in the area, causing even the other squads to stop for a moment. Soon enough I get my desired response.
“YES SIR!” The voices of my entire squad resonate at once, filling the air with the roar of their answer. Except for one of them, his voice was discordant. I slowly make my way to the odd one out, standing in front of the thin man.
“Dugg, what did you say just now?” I continue to smile at the wiry man, waiting for him to give me some kind of excuse.
The man’s face drips with sweat. “I said, yes, boss, sir!” Dugg’s voice is shaking with anxiety.
I give him a good smack to the back of the head before walking away. “Dugg, when we get back you’ll be maintaining the squad’s weapons for a week!”
As we head out into the city, my squad of idiots roars in appreciation for their comrade’s selflessness.
【〓〓〓〓】
Soon, but not soon enough, the sound of boots biting into dry dirt fills the air. The lovely sound signals our arrival in the outermost section of Wornsbirth, the crop fields. The wide patches of dirt circle the entire city, outside the protection of the barrier. For the most part farmers live just inside the barrier, but every few months a report hits my desk informing me of some moron that built outside it. Usually it's accompanied by an evidence crystal full of nasty images. Always unpleasant.
A minute or two into the nearest field, my entire squad feels a pang of loneliness, followed by the air becoming horribly bitter. The sudden change in temperature has some of our more delicate equipment making popping sounds as they contract. After checking with our squad’s support mage that our equipment is unharmed, I begin my pep-talk.
I snap a finger, creating a disproportionately loud bang. The sharp sound cuts through the quiet murmur of my squad, no doubt they’re all excited to hear what I have to say.
“Alright, you pansies! We just left the barrier of the city, so it’s not gonna be as nice as your beds back home, kiddies! You all know this, but just so I don’t hear any of your lovely voices complaining, I’ll remind you all. It’s going to be colder, less comfortable, even slightly darker out here compared to inside the barrier. If something could be worse out here, it probably is!” My speech seems to be working, as my squad is staring at me with blank expressions. “Also! Inside this dungeon, there will be monsters and artifacts that have never been seen before. You can touch and fool around with any of them, but you’ll probably be going home in a wooden box if you do! And be sure to get only yourself killed, will ya?”
I give my silently brooding squad a genuine smile as I feel my face flush in excitement. “You all ready to do some fighting?”
【〓〓〓〓】
I lead my gang of miscreants further into the field, looking at the growing green leaves covering the ground. Our pace is slow as we try to avoid stepping on plants as much as we can, although we’re mostly unsuccessful. We continue our tedious march for what seems like days. Soon enough the sun begins to dip behind the far-off mountains. As darkness spreads across the soil under our feet, a light starts to glimmer in the distance.
Not far from us is a large glowing shape, a foot or two above the ground. One of our scouts spots it just as I do and whips up a cheer, ‘we found the dungeon’. Nothing producing light would work outside the barrier, well, nothing that large or bright, anyways. As I plod my way to the shape and I realize it isn’t just a foot off the ground, and that it is much larger than I thought.
When we finally reach the damn thing I walk straight up to it. At a forty-five degree angle, the thing looks as if a child had hurriedly shoved it into the dirt. The crooked thing is a large metal pipe, extending out of the ground and ending in a large, red, glowing object. It reminds me of a sign hung outside of a storefront, except whatever is displayed on the sign is easily the size of my torso. The me-sized symbol glows bright yellow, putting our expensive shard-lamps to shame. The area surrounding us is lit as if the sun was still beating down on us. Amazing!
I turn to the squad, my smile reflecting the yellow light. “Alright, everyone, time to let ourselves in.”