"Dorian! What's wrong? Are you alright?" Lambert's concerned voice reached me and brought me back from the shock that had both my bodies freeze.
"I... I'm alright," I said to Lambert as he half knelt beside me, "I just need to rest for a bit..."
"Are you sure? You seem pale," He said in concern as he helped me up and to the side of the road where he sat me down, "You shouldn't push yourself, if you can't do this, I'll talk to the captain, I'm sure that he will understand."
"There's no need really," I tried to smile at him, "Just let me take a breath."
"... I... Sigh, okay," He said as he sat down next to me.
As I sat there I let the significance of what I had just heard dawn on me. I looked at the people moving all around, the kids playing on the street and the grown-ups going from here to there. Their unfamiliar yet familiar faces, most of them were people I was able to recognize from Dorian's memories, people who he saw daily on his job, and some of them even helped him when he needed it the most.
I then looked at my side at Lambert, who was sitting next to me with a frown on his face and a weird sensation hit me as I looked back at the street once again. It was such a lively scene and knowing that it was going to get destroyed by a horde of horrible demons soon made my blood freeze, even more so when I knew that I probably had no way to stop it.
On the other side, Zagmuz too froze and just sat there totally in shock, the news and what it meant was just too much for me to process, I was basically leading a bunch of demons to massacre a town of humans.
"Your highness, are you alright?" I think I remained there frozen for a very long time before Gorduf's voice finally reached me.
The question annoyed me and I felt a bit of anger bubble up again from deep inside of me, this time I didn't hold it because the news I just heard was doing a lot to me.
"Am I alright?" I said in a half shouting voice as I stood up, "what do you think, huh?"
Gorduf just took my outburst and lowered his head in silence. I snorted and then turned to general Kildor with a burning gaze and spat through my teeth:
"What do you mean we are going to invade a human village? Why am I just hearing of it now? And why in hell am I here if you're going to war?"
I knew that my anger and dissatisfaction were mostly from Zagmuz's personality, but I also was feeling the same at that moment, finding myself in the middle of all of this was too much to handle.
Under my hateful, judging and demanding eyes, Kildor didn't even flinch, as his pitch-black eyes met mine with no care, I guess him being one of the demon army's pillars hardened him enough to ignore entitled princes and other noble brats.
"Your Highness," started Kildor in a calm yet strong tone, "all of this was done by his Majesty's orders."
Just those words were enough to extinguish the fire burning inside of me, as if the mention of the demon king was the ultimate spell to put me in place.
"Right now," continued Kildor ignoring my visible flinch at the mention of the literal devil, "quite a few of our armies are heading to important points of interest that we need to take hold of if we want this war to go as we want it to, so you not knowing anything about this is to be expected. Actually, except for a selected few people I chose personally, no one knew, not even the soldiers here."
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Kildor let everyone in the room process what he had just said before adding:
"As for why you are here, that too was ordered by His Majesty, he wants you and your siblings to experience war and grow, and also to see how you are going to act under such circumstances."
"My siblings?" I asked as if compelled to do so by Zagmuz's memories, "do you mean..?"
"Yes, leading two of those armies are your siblings," Kildor nodded.
I don't know how hearing that made me feel, I understood that Zagmuz had somehow of an inferiority complex towards his older brother and sister, they were two freaks of nature that seemed to be able to do everything perfectly. Actually, one of the reasons Zagmuz turned out how he did, was because it seemed that no matter what he did and how hard he tried, he would never reach them, and would always be found wanting, always compared to his two older siblings. Finally, he stopped trying and just started doing whatever he wanted, growing to be a selfish and horrible man.
"So, it would be great if you do your best in this," said Kildor as his voice gained an edge to it, "His Majesty wants results, and it would be in everyone's best interests if you recognised what's coming and what's expected of you and worked towards it."
I fell weakly to my chair and looked at the plate in front of me. Silence descended on the tent. Just as I felt that Kildor was going to speak again, I asked:
"And what is it that's expected of me precisely?"
At my question, Kildor showed a frown for the first time since I laid my eyes on him, before saying in a tone that had a hint of displeasure:
"In simple words to lead, His Majesty gave you the final say in this operation. Of course, I will be acting as your consultant and I can take over if things turn really bad, but other than that, the one in command here is you."
My heart beat faster after hearing what he had to say, not of fear or pressure of what was expected of me, or at least not entirely, but because what he had just said presented me with a way to help the humans in Border Town. I just needed to mess things up enough to give the humans an edge, but not enough to get Kildor to take control, it was going to be hard I knew, but it was still manageable, and if I do it well I won't even make people suspicious of me as Zagmuz had quite a record of being incompetent.
Then the harder question came, should I even help? It felt kind of heartless and dirty to even think about that, but I knew that I had to ask myself this question as soon as possible.
Dorian's memories and feelings affecting my judgment was something I was aware of, the emotions I felt whenever I looked at the people and town itself weren't mine, I had no attachment to Border Town nor did I have any attachment to its people, I was just an impostor controlling the body of one of its residences. I could run away from there as soon as possible and I would probably be safe if I stole a horse too, but would I be able to live with that? Would I be able to live with myself knowing that I left a whole town to fight for itself while I ran away like a coward? I couldn't imagine I would...
And worst still, even if I ran away as Dorian... I for sure won't be able to run away as Zagmuz; the man leading an army to the town, I would still be there, seeing the massacre from the front lines, seeing all that I could have been able to stop, or at least lessen.
As I thought about what I had to do and what all the different decisions might lead to, and just as all of it started becoming too much to handle and I felt as if I was going to have a mental breakdown, I felt a calmness descend on me, one that helped me see what I really wanted and what each decision might ultimately lead to.
My choices were limited from the start, and I myself was biased toward one decision. There was only one thing to do really, leaving people to die without even trying to help wasn't an option.
As Zagmuz, I took a deep breath then let it out slowly, before lifting my head and looking at Kildor, the general had his eyes on me and he was watching my every move intensely, deep down I felt a bit of pressure from his gaze, but I didn't let any of that show at all, I just returned his stare and asked in a levelled tone that had an undercurrent of anger:
"When are we expected to reach Border Town?"
Kildor gave me a deep look before nodding and saying as he gazed at everyone in the room:
"5 days at most."