Back in high school, I dated Matilda Vines. She wasn't a cheerleader or anything, but when it came to looks, she was one of the 'it-girls' of our school. Smart, charming, and overall nice. I won't lie here, she was terrific in bed as well. If she had not transferred to Hillbury, I would have in all likelihood, married her instead of Joan. Which made the first time I ran into my ex all the more awkward. It did not help my peace of mind that I was also on a date with Joan at the time. But what I experienced all those years ago was nothing compared to all the feelings that bombarded me in the car with Joan as she drove us to our daughters graduation.
I sat in the passenger's seat while she navigated the underground tunnels of Roagnark. With flame yellow incandescent lights and pipes that redirected through the walls, the underground roadway looked more like an alternate steampunk world than anything I recognized as part of the city.
“I know it looks rickety,” Joan explained, “But the construction is one hundred percent safe. The only corners we cut was making it look good.”
Turning my head to follow a road marker made of scrap metal and a plastic sign stuck onto it as we passed, I replied, “I have no doubt it's safe. But this really looks like the hobos highway. Couldn't you have spent maybe a year making it look neat?”
Joan laughed, “It's good to see you again Milton.”
We sat in mutual silence for awhile, an array of thoughts bombarded my head even as I admired the impressive tunnel system built.
Are you still with G? Are you happy? How's Leila? What are you working on now? Do you still love me?
That last question was not something I would ask. I felt confident enough that despite all these years, I would know Joan enough to guess the answer from her actions and words.
We took an exit that came up, leaving what Joan called the 'downway' and into a narrower stretch of road that apparently functioned as streets.
I spoke first, “How are you?”
“Fine,” she replied and I watched as a small smile formed on her face. In the yellow light, I saw more clearly the small bags that had defined her eyes. Fatigue was not something she carried with her. Sleeping early, eating healthy, regular exercise. That was Joan. If she was tired in any way, it was due to worry.
“You haven't slept much.”
“You can tell?” She sounded slightly surprised, but happy all the same.
“I can always tell.”
She chuckled. After a beat of contemplation, she replied, “I've been worried about seeing you again. Physically, we haven't met in eight years. I didn't know what you were like now. And if you would still be okay with...” she slowed down, gathering her thoughts. “With me and G.”
I simply asked, “Are you happy?”
“What?”
“Are you happy?” I repeated. “And I want the truth. No sugar-coating it for my sake.”
She nodded to herself, lips pursed as she readied her answer. Then, a small grin that broke my heart and made my day at the same time. “Yes.”
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“Than I'm fine with it.” I smiled at her – No, I beamed at her, I dare say. Though inside, my heart felt torn, despite knowing it was physically impossible. I was, for once, happy that I could no longer shed tears for I would have probably wept and that would make me look way less cool than I was projecting to be.
We pulled up at a tunnel that led to the multi-story underground car parks for Leila's school. Filled with other families, some just parents, others with siblings, few alone, we found a lot marked 'RESERVED' and parked in. However, Joan did not switch off the engine and instead leaned back into her seat, closing her eyes and letting out a sigh. I never found out if it was a sigh of relief or strain.
Through her darkened sight, she said, “I still love you. You know that?” Answering the question that I would not ask.
I took her hand in mine, rubbing the creases in her knuckles gently. “I know.”
“Am I selfish? Is this wrong?” I sat with her in silence without an answer. “I have two husbands. And I love both of you. Am I selfish? Is this right?”
“You're never selfish. If anyone's selfish, it'd be me.”
“We went through this Mil.” She sat back straight to look me in the eye. “You being frozen is the best choice to make.”
“I'm not talking about that. It's more that I'm actually happy that you're so conflicted over me,” I gave a cheeky grin. “Now that's selfish. Not you. No. You, you're just being human.”
She looked to her ring fingers. Our wedding ring was on her left hand and G's on her right. “But still...”
I clasped her hands together, palm-to-palm. The rings touching each other. “You deserve this. Not the stress, but the happiness of having two men who love you. And you deserve to have a beautiful daughter who is graduating, and all the ponies and butterflies in the world.”
Her smile came back. “Ponies are extinct, Milton.”
“Really? Okay, just butterflies then. Maybe we can replace ponies with zebras or some poodles.”
The laughter that followed from her was magical, and I completely forgot about all the grim bodes in life. The Mist Portal, my daughter's feelings towards me, her marriage with G. Everything washed away upon hearing her symphonic laughter.
I urged, “Now, let's go be proud of our daughter.” She nodded and turned off the engine. After exiting the car, we made our way towards the elevator that would take us up to Leila's graduation hall. “How did you get a 'reserved' spot?”
Even under the lighting, I could see her cheeks flush with modest embarrassment. “They're calling me 'The Heroine of the Mist' now. For my work with the Sun Domes.”
Stopping her in our tracks, I stepped in front of her and kissed her forehead. “I don't know who I'm more proud of. Our daughter for graduating or you for saving the world.”
“You'll save the world one day too.”
“But only because you made a world that can last long enough for me to save.”
At that point, I looked over her shoulder and crossed gaze with a man leaning against a corner wall, away from the crowd the elevator. Then I realized how silent the world had become. The sound of the traffic from outside the lots had stopped, as were the chatters of eager families. Around me, everyone else had froze in their tracks. Children paused in mid-air from an eager hop, a couple stopped in a swearing contest far in the corner. Even Joan was frozen in time, her face locked in the smile that my last words to her had left.
The stillness in the air was deafening.
With a suave gait, the man who I had locked eyes with approached me, his voice a sword that pierced through the moment in time. “Milton Jones.”
“And who are you?” I replied, calmer than I had expected to be. Though I was worried about what was happening, especially for Joan, my gut told me the situation was not of life and death. Maybe.
“I think you can call me Pausa.”
“And what do you want with me?”
He stood right opposite me and behind Joan. Though his face looked young, skin without wrinkle, with the smooth contours of a male model, the man had a look in the eyes that seemed to surpass age. And I felt that if anyone knew anything about age, it would be me. When you jump large gaps in time, every little change about a person will scream at your attention. The eyes were one of the most jarring, the age seemingly etched within their veins.
He swept aside the bangs of his short, styled-up hair, strands of white protruding through an otherwise deep black. Taking a deep breath, he smiled at me. A Confident, curious, excited smile. “You're the judge of mankind.”
I blinked. He disappeared. And like a wave splashing against the shore, the sounds around me slammed back to my ears and I jolted from the shock of the world unfreezing from time. The arguing couples swearing caught my attention first, giving me half the mind to tell them to shut the hell up. My head swirled and I felt throwing up was an option to make.
“Milton?” Joan asked, probably noticing how pale I had become. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I replied in pauses, still shocked and confused at the event that transpired. “Just...peachy.”