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100 Ways to Kill an Alien
Arc 1, Chapter 1: Alien Contact

Arc 1, Chapter 1: Alien Contact

I did it again. I can’t believe it. Just when I thought I had stopped for good. But noooooo, I just had to do it. Sigh, why does it always end up like this? As I shake my head I look down on the body lying on the ground before me. What is wrong with me, killing people just like that?

Well, there ain’t nothing I can do about it now. He’s already dead, a knife in the heart usually does that, and standing here staring won’t get anything done. I need to get rid of the body. Good thing I killed him in my apartment, it would be really troublesome if it happened outside. Ugh, but he really stinks. I hate that the bladder empties when you die

First of all, let’s put him in the tub. I don’t wanna make the floor all bloody and I need to clean of all the crap and piss. I haul his body over my shoulder before I proceed to the bathroom. Huff, heavy guy, aren’t you? I should have picked someone lighter, a girl would have been better. Meh, can’t be too picky.

When I finally get the guy into the tub I go to the kitchen to get a good knife. What? Do you know how difficult it is to get rid of a whole body? I can’t exactly drag him to the nearest dumpster and leave him there. Well, I could but that would be fucking stupid. Oh, this knife seems good enough.

Back to the bathroom I take off his clothes and immediately throw them into the washing machine. After that I tie the man to the ceiling by the wrists. It’s a pain to do. I then pour a ton of bleach into the bathtub in order to get rid of the smell of death.

Ah, time to get gory. I put the knife to his throat and make a deep cut. Red blood gushes out and pours down in the bathtub below. What a beautiful colour. I make two more cuts, one on each thigh, slitting the femoral arteries. Now I just have to let gravity do it’s thing and wait.

While waiting for the blood to drain I lit a LOT of candles and start cutting onions. Everything in order to kill the smell.

Ah, seems like the washing machine is done. Good, now I can just tear them apart and throw them away.

Sigh, I wish I could just make this end. The killing I mean. It’s not like I can control it, it just happens. Last time I killed someone before today was two months ago, which was a new record for me. But then this guy hit on me and these uncontrollable feelings welled up… One thing led to another and here I am! The messed up thing is I don’t feel bad about it. I regret it, sure, but when I kill someone I am filled with ecstasy and my body quivers in happiness. The first time I killed someone I orgasmed. Yeah I know, it’s messed up.

Other than me killing people I am a pretty normal person. I am 25 years old, live in a small apartment and work as IT-support on a small company, nothing fancy. I’ve got no boyfriend, no pets and my hobbies include playing games and reading. By the way my name is Cassandra Elizabeth Wright. Just so you know. I also happens to be know

Ah, while waiting I should watch the TV. Draining blood like that takes time you know? Oh, look! It’s Murder on Mystery Hill! What are the odds?

*20 minutes later*

Oh come on, it’s obviously the gardener! No, not the maid, the gardener! Ugh, stupid detectives! She was obviously framed! The gardener knew about her hatred of the count and used it against her! And there’s no way she could have used that gun, it’s to heavy! The recoil would have given her bruises!

Wait did someone just knock on the door? At this hour? Dammit, I don’t have time for this. I get to the door as quietly as possible and peeps through the eye hole.

On the other side of the door stand somebody dressed in a black jacket but I can’t see a face, it is covered by a cap… Oh my god is the cops! I am screwed! Well, I ain’t going down without a fight! I have killed and I will do it again! Wait, something’s off. Since when do cops wear pink stockings? Ah, it’s just Laura! Silly me! I open the door and give her a big smile.

“Hi Laura, how ya doin?” I ask while leaning nonchalantly against the doorframe. In the hallway stand the woman known to the media as the Midnight Killer. But to me she is just Laura.

“Well, I’ve had it worse but hey, tell me, what is that I smell?” Laura replies with a smile on her own. Her dark eyes trembles slightly. No wonder, she can smell the death after all. I laugh. She is just like an animal!

“Oh, I was just about to clean the bathroom but that can wait. Wanna come in?”

“Of course” she replies. Laura steps inside and I close the door after her. She immediately throws her shoes and jacket off before proceeding to make herself comfortable on the couch. “So,” she says, “who did you kill this time?”. Getting straight to the point huh?

“So I went to the bar to relax, take a few drinks you know?” I say and Laura gives me a quick nod. “But then this guy that started hitting on me, didn’t take the hints that I wasn’t interested. At first I was just going to ignore him but then I got this… “urge”. I tried to resist it but you know what happens when I feel that way, I just can’t control myself! Soooo, I invited him to my apartment and then… I killed him”.

For a few seconds none of us say anything but then Laura starts laughing.

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“So much for quitting!” Laura says, giving me an amused look.

“Cut me some slack, will you? You know I’m trying here!”

“Hey girl, I ain’t judging!" I know how annoying things like that can be!” she says, raising her hands defensively. She then start looking around the room “By the way, where is the guy? Did you already get rid of him?”

“No, he’s in the bathroom, I’m draining him of blood. I actually think it’s done by now. Wanna give me a hand?”

“Mhm, but you help me out next time, deal?” Laura says while offering me her hand. I sigh and take it, giving it a light shake. She flashes me a smiles, showing of her pearl white teeth. “Perfect! Now, hand me a knife, a saw, some gloves and an apron so we can get this thing started! Oh, and don’t forget the plastic bags!”

“Pfff! Like I would forget something like that! It’s not my first rodeo you know?” I mutter.

While Laura takes off her clothes, not wanting them to get dirty, I prepare all the necessary stuff. They are all in the kitchen and are easy to find. Yeah, even the saw. I always leave them where it’s easy to get them.

When I get out of the kitchen I see Laura standing there in… well, nothing. She’s completely nude, revealing her tanned body and many tattoos.

“Why did you strip?” I ask, tilting my head while looking at her. “You asked for an apron”.

“Felt like it” Laura simply replies, shrugging her shoulders. Sigh, she’s always been like this, doing whatever she feels like. Well, that’s why we became friends to begin with. Her quirkiness amused me. We actually met for the first time when I found her stabbing a dude. I helped her. It was during the time I went on a total killing spree. Ah, teenage memories…

I give Laura the apron and we head to the bathroom. When she sees the body she whistles while taking a few steps forward, inspecting the body closely..

“Wow, you sure did a good job on this one! Such clean cuts… and you stabbed him right in the heart too! Impressive to say the least!”

“Oh stop it, you’re making me blush” I respond and gives her a light punch on the shoulder.

“But honestly, I am impressed! This guy is huge! Must have been quite heavy. Speaking of huge…” she says before glancing at his penis. “Did you have a go with him before you killed him?. I shake my head. “Such a shame… Killing someone while having an orgasm is the best feeling ever. By the way, what was his name?”

“Oh, uhm, I think it was Clint. Or maybe it was Clyde… Clark?”. Shit, what was it again. I should have at least memorized his name… Seeing my distressed state Laura puts her hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t worry, you cannot remember every single one of them” she says reassuringly.

Laura then helps me take the man down and lay him on the bathroom floor. I pull the drain and let all the blood and bleach disappear.I look up at her with a questioning gaze. “You ready” I ask.

“Girl, I was BORN ready” Laura says, showing of the knife in her left hand.

“Well then, let’s get right to it!”. We then proceed to cut the poor man up. First we tear out his entrails and organs before going for his limbs and then we skin him, cutting off his skin and flesh.

Laura start singing Bohemian Rhapsody in the middle of it and I can’t help but sing along. It’s one of my favorite songs after all. It’s a blast. We even end up using the knives as microphones. But worry not, we are still throughout while cutting him up,

To be on the safe side we pull out all of his teeth. Harder to identify him in case someone finds him.

The whole thing takes three hours and when we are done we have his body neatly cut up into several neat pieces. We had to crush some of the bones with a hammer but otherwise it went pretty smoothly. Laura asked to keep the brain and heart. I agreed. I ain’t got no use for it after all. We put the remaining body in the freezer.

“Soooo, what you gonna do with the rest of the body?” Laura asks while she puts on her clothes. “Throw it away?”

“I was thinking of flushing down pieces of him in some public toilet somewhere. Not the bone bits though, I will flush them down here. When it comes to the rest of the I will dig them down in different places”.

“Yeah, that sounds good, just be carefull. Don’t wanna lose my killer-bud!”

“I am not a killer” I mutter.

“Oh, sorry, I meant to say SERIAL killer” Laura says, making me slightly annoyed. But before I can say anything she takes a huge step forward and gives me a tight hug, despite being half-naked. “I had a great time” she says, her warm breath tickling my ear. “If you ever feel like killing someone together, just call me”.

“Yeeeaaah, I will think about it” I say but I am not going to take up on her offer. I wish to stop killing people after all. Laura puts on the rest of her clothes and departs, leaving me alone in my apartment. When she’s gone it feels strangely quiet.

Ah, I clean up the bathroom. Laura offered to help with that too but I turned down her offer, not wanting to bother her any more.

I fill a bucket with water and start scrubbing the bathroom floor with great vigor. Leave no evidence behind, that’s the key to survival. I pour soap on the floor, filling the air with the intense smell of lemons and chemicals.

When I am done with the floor I continue with the tub. Thankfully it’s almost completely clean, even before I start, and the only thing I have to do is scrub away some blood that splattered on the sides.

Satisfied with my work I stand up and glance over the bathroom. How nice. It’s like it never happened! Except it did.

Sigh, I guess I should get started and bury parts of the body. Might as well get it done you know? Hmm, one of the bags will have to do for now, I will bury the rest another time. Let’s go.

Outside it’s cold. Well, it’s only spring so what could you expect? I take a deep breath and my lungs are filled with the cool air. That and cigarette smoke. I swear, everybody in this city smokes and it’s driving me insane. Not the smoking part, the smokers. Most don’t care where they are or if there are other people next to them. It’s your choice to destroy your body but don’t involve me. Speaking of which, the guy I killed was a smoker too. I could see it on his lungs.

Now, I should hurry up before the city start waking up. When the morning arrives it will be quite worrisome to bury the body, too many possible witnesses. I hurry down the street towards the nearest park.

When I arrive it’s two in the morning. Crap, I’ve got to do this quick. The drunkard's usually head home at this time. I find a suitable spot and hidden by the darkness I start digging with my tiny garden shovel. The smell of earth fills me with great vigor.

It takes half an hour to dig everything down. When I am done I sigh and wipe my forehead. All this work for a single body, it’s insane! In the good ol’ days you could dispose of a body much easier! But now there’s all this surveillance and technology that helps identify both the body and the killer!

I stand up and brush the dirt of my clothes. Time to head home. No need to stay here any longer than necessary. I will also have to avoid this place for a few months. A common mistake criminals do is returning to the crime scene. I don’t know why. Perhaps being proud of a work well done? Plain stupidity?

Suddenly, without warning, my surroundings lit up as if it was in the middle of the day. My eyes hurt from the sudden amount of light.

Wh-what is happening? I-is it the cops!? I blink a few times, desperately trying to get used to the light. After a few seconds I start looking around, trying to find the light source. Right, left… Nothing. So that means… it comes from above.

I look up and what I see makes my chin drop. Up there, in the sky, is a circle of light. And it’s not the moon. No, this thing is larger… And less green. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

Then, without warning, everything goes white.

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Mankind would later come to know this as “The First Contact”. This night a new chapter in history started. And for Cassandra, this was the start of her new life.

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