I didn’t go to pick up the teeth from the two mimiccycles right away. There was no way I was going to be caught off guard when the queen was summoned, so I drove around the track slowly and waited for my rocket launcher to reload itself. I considered it my victory lap even though there was no cheering from the audience. They only seemed to make noise every time the announcer said something.

“Tooty, did I earn any achievements for that race?”

“Sorry Mr. Walker, any achievements you earn won’t be visible until you enter a garage zone.”

I sighed. “Do you have to call me Mr. Walker?”

“No. You can change your designated name at any time.”

I turned onto the bottom part of the track. “So if I ask you to call me Milo, would you?”

“Yes.”

“What about Banana Sandwich?”

“If you desire.”

I thought about the time years earlier when I was obsessed with pro wrestling and had come up with my own name. “What about Dra-Gun?”

“I should tell you that you can only change your designated name once.”

“Is there an item I have to buy to do it more?” I asked sarcastically.

“No. Once you change it, it’s permanent. Think of it like a username.”

“Oh. Then Milo is fine.”

A chime came through the radio. “Milo it is.”

As soon as I rounded the corner and drove through the last two pairs of floating teeth the announcer came back on. “Our challenger has done it. He has defeated the mimiccycles and collected their teeth like a demented bone collector.” The crowd roared. “Now,” the announcer paused, giving an air of anticipation. “It is time. For the main event. Presenting. The. Queen. Mimiccycle.”

A bolt of lightning struck the middle of the arena and the queen appeared. Unsurprisingly, it was a dirt bike, but unlike the previous ones, this one was huge. Big enough that Godzilla could ride it. Its seat was magenta colored with the letter Q emblazoned on either side. And also just like its children, a long slimy tongue came out of the top of the seat and hung to the side, settling on the ground and pulsing like a heart. It’s name appeared on my windshield.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

Queen Mimiccycle: Enemy: Combat Danger: Boss

The queen revved her engine. It was a deep guttural sound that vibrated the car windows. She raised her front tire into the air and sped towards me, kicking clouds of dirt up behind her. I drove out of her path and fired a rocket into what would be considered her underbelly. It was a direct hit, but the rocket exploded harmlessly against her. She slammed her front tire down causing the entire arena to quake and making the beetle fly up a few inches off the ground.

I turned the car around and fired another rocket, this time aiming at the queen’s tires. The tongue moved like a striking snake and grabbed the rocket out of the air, flinging it towards the arena stands. She then spun around and drove towards me again.

The queen was fast and I tried to get out of the way again, but her tongue intercepted me and slapped down on the front of my car, flipping it. Luckily, the car landed on its tires but the momentum made me slam my face into the steering wheel. It wasn’t as hard as it was with the dragon’s minions, but I could taste the metal-tinged blood that dripped from my nose. I threw the beetle into reverse and just managed to dodge the tongue as it came down again.

“Eat this,” I yelled as I fired a rocket at the tongue. It blew off the appendage at the halfway point and blood spurted like a firehose staining the arena with dark red puddles. I drove away from the queen as its engine whined in a scream of pain. When I was far enough away I turned around and fired another rocket at its front tire. As the rocket approached, the tongue began to regenerate, the raw flesh knitting itself back together. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” The tongue intercepted the rocket and threw it out of the arena.

I had fired four rockets, but because of the two minute load time, I knew that I had three left. But with that tongue there was no way I could get a rocket close enough, and if I tried to get in close I would get crushed. While I had nothing to back this up, my guess was that its main weakness was its mouth.

So the question became, how would I get high enough into the air to fire a rocket into its mouth. I looked at the hill on the track part of the arena, but immediately squashed that. The beetle could barely get any hang time with all of its weight.

The queen charged at me again, whipping its tongue in the air like a lasso. That was it, the tongue was the answer. So far it had only tried to smash me with it, but if I could stay underneath it, perhaps it would try to grab me with it.

I drove towards the queen and dodged out of the way of the tire. I quickly spun the car on the spot, throwing myself to the side as I did and blasted towards the underbelly of the queen. Before I could reach it, the tongue intercepted me and wrapped itself around the car like a constricting snake. The tongue covered up all the windows leaving me with no way to see outside except for the rocket launcher.

As it lifted me up, I let go of the steering wheel and grabbed the column with both hands to keep my aim steady. The queen lifted me higher until I was above its gaping maw and rows upon rows of sharp teeth. I squeezed the trigger and the rocket went straight down the queen’s throat.

For a tense moment nothing happened, but then fire erupted from the mouth. Parts of her body exploded outward in fountains of fire. The tongue let go of me and the beetle dropped to the ground in a bone jarring crash. I was prepared this time so my face didn’t ricochet off the steering wheel once more.

As soon as I got my bearings, I drove the beetle to the outer edge of the arena in the hopes of staying as far from the inevitable explosion as I could get. But the queen did not explode. She continued to spout fire from her body as she collapsed and her engine died. And so I sat there, admiring it like it was a fireworks show.

When the fountain of fire finally did die down the announcer came back on. “That was amazing. The queen has been defeated.” The crowd cheered again, and I think they may have been chanting my name, but it was hard to be certain. “With the queen dead, you now have the right to claim the Queen Mimiccycles Loot Chest.

A locked wooden chest came out of one of the queen’s new holes and landed in front of the metal corpse.

I smiled and looked at the radio. “Do I have to drive into it to pick it up?”

“Milo,” Tooty said, “what did I say about asking stupid questions?”