“Commander Hatter,” Hare continued. “My analysis indicates that we are outnumbered, and that reinforcements will not reach us in time to prevent defeat.”

“I know that, Hare!”

“This unit recommends activation of the Eat Me protocol.”

“Eat Me is too unstable, Hare. It took months to put you back together after the last test.”

“Negative, Commander. Calculations indicate that simultaneous application of the Eat Me catalyst to this unit and to allied unit Rabbit will balance the effect.”

“It’s too risky!”

“This unit is open for suggestions regarding other plans, Commander.”

“I don’t think we have the time for arguments, Amadeus,” Alice interjected, her eyes locked on to the approaching Pawns.

“Damn it,” Hatter swore. “I really hope your calculations are correct, Hare.”

Hatter took off his hat, and plunged his hand inside. Further inside than Alice thought the hat could hold. A couple of seconds later, he pulled out what looked like a scone made of steel. The words “Eat Me” were visible on top of the scone, written in what looked like copper wire.

Hare grabbed the scone, and broke it in half, handing one to Rabbit.

“Initiate Eat Me protocol,” Hatter ordered.

“Initiating Eat Me protocol,” Rabbit and Hare said at the same time, eerily similar voices merging together. Then both robotic lagomorphs ate the metallic scones, moving in perfect synchronicity.

The best word Alice could find for what happened next was ‘unfolding’. Both of the lagomorphs had what looked like welding seams on their limbs, and as soon as the scones were eaten, the metal plating started spinning slowly, but instead of spinning as a single piece, one side of the seam stayed in place, while the other spun away.

But instead of opening the seam, more and more metal appeared, as if pulled from beneath the other part, resulting in the limb growing wider and wider.

At the same time, the lagomorphs’ joints were spinning and pulling away from each other, elongating the limbs at the same rate.

The same process happened to the lagomorphs’ torsos and heads. Seams opened up and metal unfolded as the robots kept growing.

After a few seconds, Alice could see that their proportions were also changing. The legs and torsos were growing faster than the arms, which caused the originally humanoid robots to take a much more animalistic form.

The whole process took no more than ten seconds, and at its end, the two lagomorphs were shaped as an actual rabbit and hare.

Except, they were made of metal and the size of main battle tanks.

A hatch popped open on Rabbit’s (and Hare’s) back.

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“Eat Me protocol active. Pilot Alice is requested to climb aboard.”

“Eat me protocol active. Pilot Hatter is requested to climb aboard.”

“What. The. Hell. Rabbit?” Alice stared at her spaceship… android companion… rabbit tank… thingy.

“Please climb aboard, Pilot Alice. Eat Me protocol requires an organic operator on board.”

Unlike Alice, Hatter didn’t waste any time gawking. Instead, he swiftly climb a ladder that appeared on Hare’s flank, and dropped through the hatch, closing it behind him.

Which was rather fortunate, since the Pawns were getting into flamepike range by that point.

Hare hopped (an impressive feat, for a machine which must have weighted upwards of fifty tonnes, towards the approaching Pawns, somehow managing to flip around in mid jump and slam, back feet first, into the leading statue.

Unlike the earlier battle, this time Hare’s kick was more than enough to throw the Pawn backwards, smashing it into, and through, at least one tree. It wasn’t enough to destroy the sturdy giant, but it definitely felt that one.

Unfortunately, Hare lost most of his momentum when he hit the Pawn, which let the other two hit him with two bursts of flame.

The sight of Hare under attack was finally enough to jar Alice out of her shock, and she quickly climbed to Rabbit’s back and hopped down the hatch.

Inside, Alice found herself in a cockpit not dissimilar from the one she sat on when the whole thing started, and she let her well-honed pilot’s instincts take over.

In the back of her mind, Alice thought that this really shouldn’t have worked. The difference between the movement of a spaceship in vacuum and a multi-tonne rabbit in a forest should have rendered everything she knew completely useless.

And yet, somehow, it worked. Alice piloted Rabbit in a series of hops that ended with a kick, just like she saw Hare deliver earlier.

Rabbit’s kick, however, seemed far less effective, and only lightly staggered her target.

“Please be aware that this unit is designated as a long range offensive unit, and not a melee combatant, Captain,” Rabbit voice sounded from the speakers set into the control panel.

Alice didn’t really have time to reply, as she was too busy avoiding the Pawn’s pike blade. The thing was faster than it looked, and Alice couldn’t seem to manage to regain her distance from it. She just managed to barely jump away from the polearm’s wide swings.

The distraction was enough, however, for Hare to break away from the attack, and the brown lagomorph, which Alice could now see really was bigger and heavier than Rabbit, smashed into her attacker and threw it off. With a little more time to breathe, Alice scanned her control panel, looking for whatever controlled her promised long range weaponry.

It turned out that by letting her instincts take over, Alice actually managed to miss a covered switch on her left control stick, and a covered button on the right.

“How do I operate this?” Alice asked Rabbit.

She was fairly sure she understood, but felt it better to take the time and ask than risk another mishap.

“Flip the switch to charge the ear beams, then press the button to fire.”

Alice flipped the switch, and a blue bar on the left side of her viewscreen started to fill. It was a long minute before the bar turned red, and Alice figured the weapon was ready to fire.

A targeting cross appeared in her viewscreen, and Alice found that she could aim the ears separate from Rabbit himself.

She quickly located the Pawns, who were once more ganging up on Hare, and aimed the cross at one of them.

Pressing her firing button caused the familiar blue beams to flash toward the target, and the familiar blue sphere to carve out most of the Pawn’s body.

Not pausing to celebrate, Alice jumped Rabbit to the left, just in time to avoid the two remaining Pawns’ return fire.

The Pawn’s attack on Alice cost them, however, since it left them vulnerable to Hare. The brown lagomorph hadn’t been idle while Alice charged her laser, and the Pawns were starting to show the effects of his heavy kicks.

And with them turning their backs at him, he was finally able to land a solid kick against one, breaking its arm off.

With only one Pawn actually capable of fighting, Alice had no trouble staying out of the line of fire long enough to recharge her weapon, and it wasn’t long before the last Pawn was nothing more than a pile of red rubble before the two armored robots.

“Battle complete,” Rabbit voice sounded inside the cockpit. “Please disembark to allow termination of Eat Me protocol.”