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The S.T.U.D.Y. -Sucks To Ultimately Die Young-
9 - Sunscreen and existencial dread

9 - Sunscreen and existencial dread

First things first, I go to my local stream. Even while walking slowly to finish pushing the soreness away, I’m there in less than 10 minutes. However, just that time is also enough for me to feel my sunburns heating up. I'm pretty sure the air must be somewhere between 20 and 25 °C, yet it feels like my skin is on fire. And the sun is still rather low in the sky…

I wish the stream was big enough to efficiently clean up the grime I've accumulated yesterday, a mixture of dirt and dried sweat obscuring my skin, that I've been trying to ignore as much as possible. At least it’s not itchy but I do smell a little…

Wait. Maybe that's a solution to my sunburn problem.

Smelling like an old barn?

There's barely more than a hint of wet dirt up here, but lower down the mountain the stream will provide mud I can try to use as sunscreen for my arms and face, and even if it’s hot I’ll keep my shirt on to protect my back and shoulders. This might just work.

I ponder my food options as I walk down the mountain. Trying to munch on random leaves and roots is likely to not only be disgusting but also maybe even poisonous. Maybe flowers are safer?

On the other hand, can I really kill a wild animal and eat it raw? I'd have to actually catch it first which might be a difficult affair.

Eh. My grandfather must be turning in his grave right now. He was a hunter, I bet he'd already be setting up a barbecue if he was here. I used to be both amazed and scared by his rifle in Grandma's house. Grandpa Ben was a rough man who'd lived a rough life in the countryside, can't say I really felt much when he died, I was only 12 and it was difficult to bond with him. Still, he's the source of a good chunk of my practical knowledge of nature. Did I ever thank him for that I wonder?

Moving on, hunting, food. Yeah. Right. Options… There are tiny burrows everywhere which must be the homes of whatever small critter passes for rabbits, or maybe rats, in this place but I haven't caught a glimpse of those yet. Next... Oh yeah, birds. There were birds flying in the horizon yesterday. I slow down my pace as I start paying more attention to the skies. Yep, I could probably kill one with a good stone throw, birds are pretty fragile.

Humm, what else... Well there's bound to be some kind of reptile around too, rocky ground with plenty of crevices and well sunlit spots. Should be perfect for lizards and snakes. I didn't see any of those yesterday but maybe they were just staying out of sight like the bird? Do I want to eat reptiles though? I’m pretty sure people in Australia occasionally eat crocodiles when they can't find anything less deadly to barbecue.

Eh. Gotta love Australians.

Catching a lizard or a snake can't be too hard, just swing my awesome whip their way, the lashes are about the same size as a small snake. No doubt I could kill them.

I wouldn't feel bad getting rid of a snake.

Do you want to eat them though?

...Not really.

There must also be whatever herbivore the wolf usually eats, and the wolf itself. Not sure how I would get those though, pretty sure a deer would see me coming way before I'd spot it. And the wolf... Well just the one sure, but wolves on Earth aren't solitary and if there's a whole pack of them, I'm pretty sure I’m the one that will be served for dinner.

A soft buzzing sound as a beetle zooms past gives me a last obvious idea. There's always bugs if I need disgusting but nutritious things right? Hopefully it won't get to that. Actually, scratch that, I won't let it get to that. I'll catch something, and I'll try to make a fire somehow to cook whatever meat I have. I think I can handle a day or two of fasting... And if I can't make a fire... Well raw meat beats raw bugs everyday.

I'm nearly at the spot where I saw the wolf yesterday, so I focus back on my surroundings.

A thick bramble bush on my right, the forest is further down with its ever-swaying branches, the place is peaceful and devoid of wolves.

I wonder if this planet has similar evolutionary rules as Earth. Maybe mammals just all have six limbs here? I guess having six legs must help to push out more acceleration. Must eat through more energy though. What does it say about the wildlife that its better to move really fast, even if for a shorter time? Sounds like evasion is important?

Perhaps wolves are actually the underdogs around here.

That was a terrible joke Bob, shame on you!

I won't admit it but he knows I'm glad to hear him again though.

I'm not kidding, the wolf from yesterday certainly seemed to be very careful, definitely not top-dog behavior.

I smile a bit in spite of cringing at the puns. I swear dad jokes come easier to me ever since I've passed 25. Maybe my subconscious is trying to send me back to the times of my childhood. Dad was an endless source of corny jokes and Mom had some kind of love-hate relationship with them. She would always playfully slap Dad's shoulder when he cracked one, saying he would ruin the sense of humor of me and my sister. Well, we did smile like happy fools back then, and look where that got me : in the mountains about to improvise a mud bath.

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

That’s probably unrelated to the jokes though.

It’s not much of a bath considering the mud is barely a centimeter deep. I just try to scrape is and spread it as well as possible. The cold slimy feeling is really a blessing on my burns, so I generously spread it over my arms and face. We'll see how it feels when it dries but for now, this coating is perfect.

I could keep it fresh all day if I had some kind of container to move water around.

And more importantly, I wouldn't depend on this little stream whenever I need to drink. Yeah that's going to be a priority.

Although I know what comes first. Food.

There's really only one place I can go to hunt : further down towards the forest. Well, how bad can it be to walk through a forest during daytime? People do that all the time on Earth, surely its more or less the same on this planet. Of course they probably don't go to hunt with rocks and a weapon made of a disassembled bush, but I'm sure it’s going to be peaceful. There will be no bears, no packs of hungry wolves, no poisonous snakes.

Don’t forget to dodge any falling meteor too.

Yeah, yeah, I get it.

I sigh and start making my way down, the sight must be bizarre, a frowning man half covered in mud and dragging a shitty whip behind him.

I’m decidedly unhappy about this but I have no convincing arguments to avoid trying my luck in the forest, so there’s no helping it. It’s not even particularly scary, a stretch of woods that I can see the end of on the other side of the valley. Its like... Maybe 2 km wide? I think I've heard somewhere that healthy eyesight goes to about three kilometers on Earth, but I'm not sure how that works in mountains, with the height advantage.

Well, I can see individual bushes and trees on the mountain opposite me so it can't be too far. Uh. Now I wish I had the foresight to stock up on much more survival trivia before leaving.

I freeze on my tracks. Wait... How come I didn’t do that?

I didn’t know I was coming exactly here, but I knew I’d be in a place where practical scientific trivia would be useful, and I definitely researched some survival good practices in case I needed to survive in the wild.

But I’m drawing blanks.

They fucked us good with that unknown context thing.

I groan in frustration, almost a growl really. I should remember much more of this, this isn’t just context, it’s actual knowledge I worked for. It’s mine!

God. Damn. It.

Fucking Knowledgeable.

This is wrong, their stupid modifier ate through memories that have nothing to do with context of the Study!

I yell at the sky stomping my feet.

“Oy! Give me my memory back! Your shit went haywire!”

And immediately feel stupid as nothing happens, unsurprisingly.

I can't tell how many memories I'm missing. For unfathomable reasons, I remember meeting Alexander up to just after the personality quiz thing, but there are holes before that.

I need to go over my past and try to see if there’s any obvious hole they've poked in my mind. Am I forgetting about important people or things? First of all, how the hell can they remove memories?

I know that some post traumatic therapies involve hypnosis to try to help people forget, but that stuff is tentative and slow at best. Maybe whatever process the Knowledgeable passed me through isn’t quite on point, which is why I can tell there are holes and inconsistencies. Can't be that easy to modify a mind without messing everything up.

Imagine if all you could remember was going to sleep two days ago and then bam, wake up in the mountain. I bet if somebody lived that, they'd really flip their shit and go full murder-hobo, crazy man in the woods.

Yeah. And what if unknown context was a full clean slate, no memories from home? I bet there'd be a dozen of us in my head instead of just you to deal with the shock.

That would be fun! Full house party in Marc’s.

Bob tries to cheer me up, but I’m in a strange place between anger and fright. My hand is clenching my whip so hard it hurts.

If they can erase memories, have they done something else? They must have the means.

I feel like myself, but am I really me? This question and a dozen more cross my mind as I shiver while trying to push away the existential dread.

I need to stay grounded. I’ll secure some food and this evening I’ll go through these things properly. Hopefully I’ll be in a better place then, both physically and mentally.

M. HEALTH : 83/94

Yeah I need some time to chill. Brutally murdering something and eating it raw, that’s metal as hell, best thing to clear my mind.

Woahooo, the forest ♫ is dark ..♪.. but my heart, is darkeeeer!!! Naaa, nala'nanalaa'

Bob, I said metal, not some pop music a fakely edgy teenager would sing.

Yell murder and give me some Slayer beats.