“Through our might, our determination, our sacrifice; the world has been cleansed. Cleansed of a taint as old as time itself. Together we stand victorious over the darkness...”
I zoned out. It was, by my reckoning the 93rd time I had heard this speech over the last 12 months. It did not get any better with age. This was our victory tour, or rather his victory tour I suppose. You see my best and only friend, Derik White, was the Chosen One. He, together with a few non-essential personnel such as myself, had forever vanquished evil. Whatever that means. Despite being so close to the action, I was truthfully rather unclear on the details.
You might think that this might finally mean a rest. A chance to stay in one place for more than a night, hell it’d be nice just to see a single person I recognised. You’d be wrong. Instead we’d embarked on this nightmarish lap of honour.
“...We will forge a new world. A world of peace and prosperity, where every man is equal.”
As the speech reached its climax the applause was deafening. About 200,000 people were jammed into the Capitol Square, or so I was told. It seemed each and every one was screaming, shouting for their hero. I sighed. His success was literally pre-ordained by fate, Derik could not have failed if he’d tried. I on the other hand received no such assurances. As far as I was concerned that made my survival far more miraculous.
I pulled myself away from my grumblings. There were more important things to focus on, tonight we would finally move into the palace, finally stop this endless journeying. But first the celebrations. On cue I stepped forward, I held my gleaming sword aloft and waited till the crowd quietened.
“Glory to the Chosen One,” I yelled.
----------------------------------------
I awoke the next day nursing a monstrosity of a hangover. My head hurt worse than the time I was kicked in the head by a giant. Swearing never to drink again, I dragged myself up of the floor and clambered awkwardly over the comatose guests around me. Despite my condition, I smiled. It would be arriving today. They called it The Game of Life. Now that the world no longer faced the constant threat of annihilation, the greatest wizarding minds of the world had finally been able to apply their craft to new areas. This was the culmination of one such effort. It transported the user’s mind to a magically simulated world where everyone could be a Hero.
I reached the Throne Room. Derek was there already, perfect as ever, dressed in an immaculate white robes and infused with a level of vitality I could only aspire to. I frowned in pain and envy as he bellowed across the room, ‘Jason, you’re just in time, our delivery is being carried in as we speak.’
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I shuffled over to him.
‘Think you could manage to be a little quieter, not all of us are blessed by the Lady of Light you know.’
He chuckled and spoke again at a more reasonable volume.
‘Of course, of course. I’m glad you’re here. Are you excited? You might finally find a fight you can win.’
I opened my mouth to respond, but was saved from having to think of a reply by a huge box atop a cart being pulled in by 6 guardsmen. I guessed it to be about the size of a person in length and it seemed roughly cubic.
It was accompanied by an excruciatingly loud voice.
‘Great. Great. Just perfect. Bring it over here folks. That’s it right there. That’s the spot. Thanks everyone. That was great.’
A short, wiry man stepped from behind the box. He seemed to be the source of the noise, though I couldn’t for the life of me work out how he produced so much of it.
He bounded up to us and began to bellow again.
‘A pleasure. A pleasure indeed. So young, so handsome. I hadn’t quite believed the stories but I’m glad I didn’t bring my wife eh?’
He winked mischievously. This was going to be a long morning. Hoping to cut the pleasantries short I interrupted, ‘That’s a little larger than I was expecting? Are they both in there?’
The little man looked at me, then the box, and then back again. He paused for a second and then let out a booming laugh that seemed to reverberate inside my already aching skull.
‘Hahahaha, that’s not the game, boy. That’s the Instruction Manual.’
‘The what?’ I replied.
‘The Instruction Manual,’ he said again. ‘It contains all the basic information you need to play the game.’
Before I could say anything more, Derik cut in. ‘Does it need to be read now? Or can we start playing and read up on things as we need to?’
‘Well, it’s not for me to tell the Chosen One how to go about his business. No it is not. But well, it is traditional to read the rules of a game before you play.’ The little man shrugged. ‘ I guess playing a little couldn’t hurt before reading’.
Derik winked at me. ‘That sounds like an all clear to me. So how do we start?’
The little man gave us each a green crystal.
‘Here’s the treasure. You’ve got the full VIP package on this one: you can assign your starting attributes freely; change your appearance and choose any of the available starting classes. Just don’t activate it while you’re standing up or you’ll have a nasty lump on your noggin when you wake if you catch my drift.’
I grinned at Derik, and despite my hangover, rushed off to throw myself onto a bed and activate the crystal. Suddenly I was surrounded by darkness with words seemingly imprinted straight into my vision.
Welcome To The Game of Life.