Lu’s life settled into a routine. He would wake, study, and then join Bull in breaking his fast. His friend had changed some over the months; he was a touch slower to quip or laugh, and the aura of boisterous violence about his person leaned a little more violent than boisterous. Lu didn’t begrudge him any of this; he had changed, too.

But they remained friends. In fact, it could be said that their bond had become stronger rather than weaker. After all, the existence of the Sixth Reality was kept carefully to a small circle – the only other people Lu could talk about his experiences with, were relative strangers.

“It was ghastly, Bull. I can’t even describe it – imagine a giant termite, but… No, I actually can’t describe it, it was too disgusting.”

Bull took a sip of his tea. For all his barbaric qualities, the man’s taste in beverages was surprisingly refined; today he had brought out something from overseas, a tea brewed from Blackiron Camellias. “But the daughter seemed human shaped?”

“I never saw under her mask. In fact, none of the women I saw had their faces uncovered, so I can only speculate.” Except Granny, but that interaction was extremely suspicious. Better to assume everything I saw in that clearing was a fabrication.

“Hmm… That’s a very specific statement, you never saw under her mask.” Bull’s eyebrows waggled. “So you’ve seen the rest of her?”

Lu took a sip of tea to hide his reddening face. “Bull, don’t be crude. She had a small wardrobe malfunction during a spar – and she didn’t have any, ah, anatomy I would be interested in anyway.”

The waggling continued for a moment as Lu’s face continued to redden, before relenting. “Well, I’ll take your word for it. Still, it seems hard to believe that such a wide variety of 'anatomy' can happen naturally. Do you think they all have special constitutions?”

The question actually made Lu stop and think. “Maybe? The women are definitely stronger; the one adolescent defeated over a dozen armed men at once, and the adults were all giant monstrosities.” Another sip. “Are there special constitutions that pass through generations like that? I admit, I’m not particularly educated on the subject.”

“There are. Over in Hatt’ai, there’s a sect that’s all descendants from one divinity – the Morning Phoenix Sect, I think. They all have bird-like features.”

“Ah, interesting. I’ve never heard of them.” Hatt’ai sounds like a Redsea Continent name, but that’s as specific as I can go.

“I took an interest in the subject, right after the Green Year tournament – remember that?” Lu nodded; it had been a fairly large affair, though he hadn’t attended. “I lost to a disciple from Golden Sun, then that disciple lost to a wandering cultivator with a cat’s face. She was more powerful than her realm would suggest, so I decided to do some digging.” He drained the last of his cup.

“I suppose your hypothesis has some merit, then. Hopefully we’ll learn more as the situation unfolds.” He finished his own cup, setting it to the side. “Have you heard anything about that, by the way?”

“The next breaching attempt won’t be for a year, at least.” He grimaced. “With two fatalities out of eight, they’re taking things more cautiously.”

Two? “Oh dear, did senior Ri Jo pass away? I thought he was recovering.”

“No, he- succumbed to his demon.” A polite way to say he took his own life. Lu’s mood blackened. “They’re keeping it hushed up for now.” The conversation lapsed for a moment as both men ruminated. Although he tried to kill me, I can hardly blame him. I certainly didn’t wish him any ill fortune. But there was a small kernel of determination hidden in the solemnness of Lu’s face. I won’t succumb. My Heart Demon is undoubtedly weaker than me; it can’t do much more than make hateful remarks and halt my movements.

He was hyper-aware of the ticklish sensation at the base of his spine. Or is that just what it wants me to think? It could be biding its time, keeping the true extent of its influence hidden… For all that it was twisting into something other as they diverged, the demon had been part of him originally. It was entirely possible it was planning something subtle.

Bull’s voice drew him back to reality. “Are you certain you don’t need my help, Lu?”

He winced. Bull hadn’t outright said it, but it was obvious that he had found out somehow – perhaps Elder Persimmon had loose lips in both directions, or maybe it was just obvious to someone who had gone through the same thing. “I appreciate the sentiment, Bull, truly. But I think I’ve been doing quite well. You don’t need to worry about me.” He put on a faint smile, the biggest he could manage while remaining sincere.

----------------------------------------

It was important to keep the demon continually exhausted by pressing it spiritually, so the majority of his afternoons were spent in meditation. Sitting in a comfortable pose, he assailed the chunk of deviant soul with his sense. He stabbed into it, attempted to cut and bruise it, and just generally did his best to expend its energy. He couldn’t strike at its vitals, but the outer surface of its spirit was as vulnerable to him as he was to it. It struck back, but its sense was much smaller than his own, like a child fistfighting a grown man.

And all the while, he did his best to widen the crack between them. He thought of all the things the demon rejected, and embraced them. Lazy days spent reading, or shopping, or just napping even. Attending theatre and poetry recitals. Accepting that he was not a grand hero, or a daring genius who would upend the world.

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.

He also did his best to push away the parts that the demon had formed from, though that was much harder. His curiosity, his wanderlust. The fascination he had had with far-off places as a young child. Any sort of drive that ran counter to his contentment. It stings. Those are parts of me, I don’t want to let them go! But it had to be done, for now. Hopefully he would be able to reclaim at least parts of those things, snatch them back right before the end.

You won’t. They’re not yours. They belong to me, and only me. You already threw them away! If you want them back so badly, stop resisting!

It was hard work. He came away drenched in sweat and feeling ill every time, side effects of aggravating the damage the demon was doing to his soul. But he persevered, gradually separating and isolating his Heart Demon a little more each day. Its thoughts became more distinguishable from his own, less coherent as it lost access to the rest of his soul. Where before it had been almost hidden inside his own personality, now it was a wild, animal thing that he could barely see himself in at all.

And as the days passed, suddenly it was time. The damage was as bad as he could make it without weakening himself, so now it was on to phase two.

----------------------------------------

All of phase two, the part where he would attempt to partially re-fuse with the demon, would be taking place inside the research area. He sat in the centre of a large array, observed by four bright-eyed researchers in protective gear. The walls were white ceramic; one of the researchers had explained that since it was already a type of earth, the environment degraded it much more slowly. Lu wasn’t sure he followed the logic; stone was a part of the earth, and yet the stands had crumbled just fine. Ah, I’m distracting myself. Best to get on with it.

The knife sat at his feet, though he wouldn’t need it for hours still. He let a sense of calm drift over him.

Hello, Demon. This is it. Anything to say?

His back was a patchwork of numbness and itching, with grasping tendrils running through his spine and ribs. No. Actions speak louder than words, Lu. Get on with it.

Lu closed his eyes.

When he was very young, he had owned a small, wooden boat. It was his favorite toy. He would make up grand adventures while in the bath, battling krakens as a bold sea captain, finding buried treasure as a pirate. Exploring distant lands. Ha. That’s funny, isn’t it? We’ve set foot on another world. I guess that dream came true.

It did. So why did you throw it away?

I didn’t. The excitement of exploring a new place, meeting new people… I never rejected that. I just acknowledged that I didn’t need it every day. There were things I wanted more. But it doesn’t need to be all-or-nothing, does it?

Do you remember seeing that lake for the first time? The way the boats seemed to float on air, the colourful fish, the plants drifting in invisible currents…

He did. He could see it perfectly, feel the wonder it had evoked. Somewhere inside him, a sick feeling erupted as he and the demon rejoined, just a little bit, his soul corroding as two misaligned spiritualties attempted to return to one.

His mind turned forward a bit, until he was recalling the induction ceremony he had underwent as a ten-year-old. Father was so proud. And them, forming his dantian, the first in the year to do so.

They respected us. We were the best, the brightest rising star. Why did you stop?

Lu smiled a bittersweet smile. Do you not remember, how hard we tried? We didn’t stop, not on purpose.

You did. You did! You gave up. We could have kept going – Bull proved that.

It hurt. Even thinking it hurt. Yes… Yes, he did. It wasn’t impossible, you were right. I just… Stopped putting the work in, after a few years. I found other things I loved.

We could have been a hero, someone worth something. But you turned us into nothing, into a lecherous joke. There goes Lu, the waste. There he is, flirting with a woman who’s too good for him, yet again. It didn’t have to be that way! Even now, even now, if we reached the inner realm now-!

…I know. There was poison in his veins. Something dribbled from his nose, down his chin and soaked into his collar. Blood or mucus, he couldn’t say. A bit more, I can do just a little bit more.

This time, it was the demon that initiated. For all that it hated what they had become, they had both grown from the same soul. It wanted this as much as he did, in a way. Father. Our father. Why didn’t you visit him? Why did you abandon him?

I- I-

Not even to see him off? You are a coward, Lu. I could forgive anything else, but not that. Shu went to the Wheel alone.

I- Shame cut him. He had no rebuttal. I am. I am a coward. I couldn’t go back, because I was too strong to be a mortal… Too weak to be a disciple…

Tears and other fluids welled up from inside. He was at his limit. His eyes opened, and he haltingly picked up the knife. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was weak, that I was a coward, and that I let it all fester away beneath the surface. I should have killed you years ago, properly.

The chasm opened back up. There was a faint tink as one of his teeth hit the ground, falling right out of swollen, bleeding gums. Do you think we could have reconciled, in a different life?

…No. What you want and what I want are incompatible. You’ve won. The admittance brought no triumph or joy, only more pain. But don’t think I’ll go quietly. This was always a fight to the death.

The demon lashed out, leeching strength from their connection. Lu fought back, slicing into it, hooking it and bringing it to the surface. He dragged with his sense, pushing ki into his body to burn them both. Even now, he was still stronger.

I think that you’re wrong. If I had lived differently… Ha, even in this we can’t agree, can we? The knife went down. No spell shielded his mind from the pain as he cut.

----------------------------------------

Lu emerged from the fortified doorway sporting a deeply tired look on his face. His legs trembled as he shuffled, and there was a bulge to his robes that suggested he was bandaged underneath.

But even as wretched as he looked, Bull could tell he had succeeded. “Hey, Lu. Long day?”

He seemed surprised to see him. “Bull. Ah, you didn’t need to wait for me…”

He pushed off the wall. “Well, I did.” He took Lu’s arm, half-carrying him down the hallway. He must have been as tired as he looked, because he didn’t protest at all.

It was halfway to the man’s room before he spoke up again. Quietly, almost a whisper, he asked “What was yours, Bull?”

“…”

“Ah, sorry. I didn’t mean to-“

“I loved someone. And hated them.” The pain was old. A scar, rather than a wound.

They came to Lu’s door, and finally the man wiggled free. “Thank you, Bull. I’ll be just fine from here.”

Bull grunted. The man was haggard, but there was still a spark in him. “Yeah, I know you will.” He turned, but just before leaving he heard Lu whisper.

“Did you- were you able to… Reconcile?”

He looked back. “No. Very few people can do that, and they’re not better off for it.” Lu had his hand on the knob, not moving. So he walked back, and put his hand on the man’s shoulder. “Sometimes we have to let things go, Lu. That isn’t losing. Whatever it was – you’re still Lu.”

A smile, faint and tired. There was blood on his teeth, and tears pooling in the corners of his eyes. “Yes. I’m still Lu.” He shuddered. “It’s over. I won. I was always the real Lu.”

Bull patted his shoulder. “And you always will be.”