Synopsis
Volume 1: The Life of Tim
In a world of magic and otherworldly heroes, Tim, an ordinary law abiding citizen, experiences absolutely nothing bad. Life is just hunky-dory for him. His life definitely does not get ruined by any heroes not doing their jobs, and he totally does not commit several war crimes in the course of getting his life back on track. You cannot prove anything. Nothing out of the ordinary here! Very wholesome, 10/10 experience.
-- A proofreader that is definitely not being held at gunpoint
Volume 2: The Life of Ellie
In a world of magic and otherworldly heroes, Ellie is a good girl that goes around singing happy songs. At no point in time are there any terrible grudges she has to pursue. I swear by my dear old mother that she most definitely does not break the Geneva Convention multiple times in order to make things right. She's just a sweet little girl with a blanket poncho who most certainly has not put two-and-two together to realize that the heroes are why she has lost everything twice over. Please. I swear it's the truth.
-- Cato and Dentatus have my wife and kids. This is a legitimate plea for help.
Cover art by Dentatus
Discord: https://discord.gg/576xkHb9aB
Table of Contents
- 1Prologue: In Which the Heroes do a Good Thing2024-11-13
- 2Volume 1 Chapter 1: The Life of Tim2024-11-13
- 3Chapter 2: Traveling by Map2024-11-13
- 4Chapter 3: Hydration is Key to a Healthy Life2024-11-13
- 5Chapter 4: Taxes and Death, The Only Certainties of Life2024-11-13
- 6Chapter 5: Cookies, a Rat's Best Friend2024-11-13
- 7Chapter 6: Oh You'd Butter Believe This2024-11-13
- 8Chapter 7: The Rat Definitely Does Not Talk2024-11-13
- 9Chapter 8: Hey Kids, Wanna See a Disembodied Hand?2024-11-13
- 10Chapter 8.5: Hey Siri, What is the Geneva Convention?2024-11-13
- 11Chapter 9: No One Ever Invites Me to Parties2024-11-13
- 12Chapter 10: Do Corpses Count as People?2024-11-13
- 13Chapter 10.5: Farmers Don't Count As People2024-11-13
- 14Chapter 11: My Friend, My Good Friend2024-11-13
- 15Chapter 12: Loitering Can Be Bad For Your Health2024-11-13
- 16Chapter 13: Of Rats and Half-Elves2024-11-13
- 17Chapter 14: The Rat is Not a Flute2024-11-13
- 18Chapter 15: Arm, Meet Rat2024-11-13
- 19Chapter 16: Rest When You're Dead2024-11-13
- 20Chapter 17: In Which Tim Discovers War Crimes2024-11-13
- 21Chapter 18: How To Make Mustard Gas2024-11-13
- 22Chapter 19: Kneel2024-11-13
- 23Chapter 20: Some Mustard For Your Hotdog2024-11-13
- 24Chapter 21: Definitely Not Sherlock2024-11-13
- 25Chapter 22: The Getting Out Of The Dodge2024-11-13
- 26Chapter 23: Always Pack Brass Knuckles On Trips2024-11-13
- 27Chapter 24: History Tends To Repeat Itself2024-11-13
- 28Chapter 25: Wood Splinters and Stone Bricks2024-11-13
- 29Chapter 26: Survivors2024-11-13
- 30Chapter 27: What Did That Desk Do To You?2024-11-13
- 31Chapter 28: In Which Tim Explores the Wonders of Chemical Weapons2024-11-13
- 32Chapter 29: Gunpowder? More Like Funpowder!2024-11-13
- 33Chapter 30: In Which The Hero Does His Job For Once2024-11-13
- 34Chapter 31: In Which Elena Causes Property Damage2024-11-13
- 35Chapter 32: In Which Tim Leans Back Really Far In A Chair2024-11-13
- 36Chapter 33: In Which Tim Slightly Improves Race Relations2024-11-13
- 37Chapter 34: Sir, I Need You To Ignore The Suspicious Barrels2024-11-13
- 38Chapter 35: In Which People Show Up To Work Hungover2024-11-13
- 39Chapter 36: In Which The Boys Look Forward To A Cold One2024-11-13
- 40Chapter 37: Volunteers Are A Renewable Resource2024-11-13
- 41Chapter 38: The Rat Requires Two Tins Of Cookies2024-11-13
- 42Chapter 39: In Which A Demon Camps For Kills2024-11-13
- 43Chapter 40: In Which A Hero Jumps Off A Wall2024-11-13
- 44Chapter 41: 1v1 Me Bro2024-11-13
- 45Chapter 42: In Which A Hero Uses Her Brain For Once2024-11-13
- 46Chapter 43: Spamming Lightning Magic2024-11-13
- 47Chapter 44: In Which Tim Ignores OSHA Regulations2024-11-13
- 48Chapter 45: A Flower In A Sea Of Smoke2024-11-13
- 49Chapter 46: Remember Kids, Always Cut Off The Head2024-11-13
- 50Chapter 47: In Which Tim Valiantly Runs Away2024-11-13
- 51Chapter 48: In Which Tim Becomes A Good, Upstanding Citizen2024-11-13
- 52Chapter 49: In Which Gangsters Bake Some Pastries2024-11-13
- 53Chapter 50: Messengers Are Expendable2024-11-13
- 54Chapter 51: Please Stop Killing The Messengers2024-11-13
- 55Chapter 52: A Wistful Dream For When The Violence Ends2024-11-13
- 56Chapter 53: A Rare Seven-Fingered Elf, What A Find!2024-11-13
- 57Chapter 54: Torchlight Reflecting In A Glass2024-11-13
- 58Chapter 55: In Which Bert Sings A Silly Song2024-11-13
- 59Chapter 56: Eleven Seconds2024-11-13
- 60Chapter 57: Hide and Seek With Your Friendly Neighborhood Hero!2024-11-13
- 61Chapter 58: Ain't Got No 'Mallows2024-11-13
- 62Chapter 59: In Which Adrian Drops his Mixtape2024-11-13
- 63Chapter 60: In Which Elena Eats Some Cod2024-11-13
- 64Chapter 61: My Friends, My Good Friends2024-11-13
- 65Chapter 62: Leftovers Always Taste Better2024-11-13
- 66Chapter 63: In Which Clarkson Does Paperwork2024-11-13
- 67Chapter 64: How To Use a Severed Head as a Distraction2024-11-13
- 68Chapter 65: In Which The Town Guard Stops For A Light Dinner2024-11-13
- 69Chapter 66: The Obvious Benefits Of An Ambush2024-11-13
- 70Chapter 67: In Which Tim Needs Some Aspirin2024-11-13
- 71Chapter 68: In Which Jumping Into A Burning Building Is A Good Idea2024-11-13
- 72Chapter 69: The Life of Tim2024-11-13
- 73Chapter 70: A Life, Almost Forgotten2024-11-13
- 74Volume 2 Chapter 1: The Life of Ellie2024-11-13
- 75Chapter 2: Bill Clarkson Vs Elena's Alcohol Addiction (Round 1 - Fight!)2024-11-13
- 76Chapter 3: In Which Elena Hates Blue People2024-11-13
- 77Chapter 4: In Which Ellie Takes Care of Very Serious Business™2024-11-13
- 78Chapter 5: Fifty Good Men Ready To Commit Acts of Extreme Violence2024-11-13
- 79Chapter 6: The Voices in the Wall Aren't Real, They Can't Hurt You2024-11-13
- 80Chapter 7: Hello There Dandy-Man2024-11-13
- 81Chapter 8: In Which Galler Gives Out Firm Yet Loving Hugs2024-11-13
- 82Chapter 9: A Hero in Jeans and a Button-Down2024-11-13
- 83Chapter 10: In Which Santet Becomes One With The Dust2024-11-13
- 84Chapter 11: Exploring The Possibilities of Premeditated Homicide2024-11-13
- 85Chapter 12: Kicking Back With A Snack To Watch The Carnage2024-11-13
- 86Chapter 13: There Ain't No Ice Cream On A Battlefield2024-11-13
- 87Chapter 14: Bad Vibes On A Battlefield2024-11-13
- 88Chapter 15: In Which Some Soldiers Sample Fine Cuisine2024-11-13
- 89Chapter 16: Right, So The People In The Mud? Yeah. They Can See You2024-11-13
- 90Chapter 17: A Thousand Voices2024-11-13
- 91Chapter 18: Keep An Eye On The Rats2024-11-13
- 92Chapter 19: In Which Ellie Has A Sneaky-Beaky Idea2024-11-13
- 93Chapter 20: That One Thing With The Dragons And The Balls2024-11-13
- 94Chapter 21: In Which Ellie Has Violent Intentions2024-11-13
- 95Chapter 22: In Which Ellie Gets Some Petty Revenge2024-11-13
- 96Chapter 23: EAT THE GLASS EAT THE GLASS2024-11-13
- 97Chapter 24: The Gore Pit2024-11-13
- 98Chapter 25: The Man In The Suit2024-11-13
- 99Chapter 26: The Thing In The Gore Pit2024-11-13
- 100Chapter 27: Attempting To Shank A Hero2024-11-13
- 101Chapter 28: The Life Of Ellie2024-11-13
- 102Chapter 29 - Epilogue2024-11-13