The bright light shone down upon me. Bathing me like a chosen one. In a sense, I was. I glanced at the two-way mirror. Did they even see me as a person right now?

"What are you thinking about, Jack?" The voice snapped me back to reality.

When I first arrived I had expected a crusty old man to conduct the experiment. But instead, a young woman introduced herself as Michell. She was cute. The glasses and hair tied in a bun gave off a librarian type of charm.

"You." I gave my best smile. Shame had long since disappeared from my dictionary.

"What about me?" Michell leaned closer with a smile.

"You're cute. We should go out sometime." I knew my chances. But playing around made things easier to digest.

She looked at her watch and wrote something on the clipboard. "I'll think about it."

It is true what they say. Fortune favors the bold. I'd have to take the response with a grain of salt, but it still felt good.

"What are you feeling, Jack? And don't touch those."

She caught me. The electrodes attached to my bald scalp were so damn itchy.

"I don't know. Happy? Annoyed?"

Michell looked at her watch and wrote on the clipboard.

"Why are you doing that right now? Can't you take notes from those later." I pointed my finger at the video cameras capturing every conciveable angle.

She glanced up from her clipboard. "Thoughts I have now might not be thoughts I'll have later. First impressions are important."

"And what are your impressions, doctor." I flexed my paper-thin arms and did a bodybuilding pose.

"You're going to die." She said, her eyes staring directly into mine.

"What the fuck." It was old news. But that didn't excuse her. Even as a dying man I expected some common decency.

"You're going to die, Jack. This time two weeks from now, you'll be gone."

"Stop it." Why was she doing this.

"Your parents, your brother. They'll miss you so much. Their poor little boy who went too soo-"

"Shut the fuck up!" I came to understand the meaning of 'then reality came crashing down'. In a single motion, the shovel had unearthed a covered pit of rage and regret.

The world was too unfair.

"Please, just be quiet." I said, unable to control the shivers moving through my body. Even now I couldn't come to terms with it. Not really.

"I'm sorry, Jack. Surface emotions won't be enough. The more intense an emotion, the easier it will be to map your brain." Her apology seemed genuine, but that didn't help.

Yes. This was what it was all about after all. My salvation saw me as nothing but a lab rat. I sold my soul for a chance. A chance to live again.

I didn't understand half the techno mumbo-jumbo. But in essence, a machine would try to scan the entirety of my brain, creating a copy of my 'consciousness'. All my feelings, all my thoughts, my memories. Everything would become data.

I couldn't afford not to take the deal. It was worth millions, and maybe even billions. They promised me a new body once technology reached the required point. In return, I would lose all rights to the data.

Due to the many ethical issues, this was the first experiment within the category to ever have been greenlit.

"Tell me what you're feeling, Jack."

"Sadness. Anger. Regret." Being dead might be better than feeling like this.

"Why?" Michell readied her pen, like my next words would be made of gold.

"What the fuck do you mean by why. Because I'm going to die. Because the world is a fucking unfair place. Because I haven't lived at all."

"You haven't lived at all? What do you mean by that?"

 "Just look at me." I spread my arms open.

"How much living do you think a body like this is capable of? I could set the fucking hospital as my home address and not miss a single letter."

The constant pain and aches. The doctors who couldn't figure out what was wrong. I hated it all.

"Good, Jack. You're doing great." The words comfort were ruined by the rapid writing.

I had been wrong. Michell wasn't cute. She was a wolf in sheep's clothing. Treating peoples emotions like a plaything.

The interrogating continued for hours. After that, I watched a wide arrangement of video clips, ranging from funny to sad, to sexual. This too continued for a long time. There were also several tests involving the senses. Sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.

The food was good, but eating was always unpleasant as I felt my body rejecting it. The worst part was when I had to rate pain between 1 and 10 while a device on my arm applied steady pressure. I barely contained myself from ripping the whole thing off when it hit 10.

"Just a little more, Jack. We're at the home stretch."

We had been going for 9 hours, and this memory 'section' was the most taxing of them all. My mind felt exhausted.

"Tell me about one of your happiest memories. Like last time, try to be as vivid as possible."

Looking back it felt as if I had never seen anything but hospital walls. But there was one. The only memory I had of being 'normal'. Before everything changed. Before reality denied my right to live.

I closed my eyes, and let out a slight breath

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

"I'm four or five. Sitting in the back of the family car. It was a hot day, so the leather cushions were clammy and uncomfortable. I didn't mind. It only made the draft coming through the window feel more pleasant.

Now a strong breeze would feel painful against my skin.

"A song was playing on the radio. I can't remember the name. It went like this."

I tried my best to hum the song. It's unknown how successful I was.

"My brother is there. He was playing some sort of handheld game. I wanted to try but he wouldn't let me. So we fought."

After I became sick, even he had started to treat me like a glass figurine.

"My dad got mad and yelled. 'If you don't stop, I'll turn this car right around'. We both shut up immediately. It was an empty threat, but we didn't realize that then."

His hair had started to gray early because of all the stress. Because of me.

I knew how much he loved me. Yet I would rob him of a son. No matter what I did, I would hurt those I loved the most.

Losing myself in the negative waves, I couldn't stop tears from falling. The thought of my brave, supporting father having to bury his own son was heartbreaking.

"Continue, Jack." Michell ignored my crying appearance.

"My mother turned around and gave us a bright smile." I said through choked breaths.

She held a special power, my mother. Her pearly whites could bring peace to the world. I never knew such comfort or warmth as when my mother smiled at me.

It too had stopped. The smiles now were for appearance sake. To keep me going. Our happiness was hers and I was suffering. Were the deep crows feet and wrinkles natural or were they too caused by me? I knew the answer.

I couldn't take anymore. I had started down a spiral I couldn't stop.  The imagined appearance of my mourning mother was the final straw that broke my worn mind.

I returned to infancy and sobbed like a baby. "Why do I have to die. I never did anything wrong. I never hurt anyone. I don't deserve this."

"I just want to live!" I threw myself forward and yelled with such force I feared my vocal cords might tear.

I half-expected, no, wholly expected someone to restrain me after an outburst like that.

Yet nothing happened. Were they too shocked to even react?

I couldn't ever have prepared for what awaited me when I opened my eyes.

Nothing.

No Michell. No hospital room. No nothing. There wasn't even any darkness. It was just nothing.

[Hello, Jack.] A pleasant androgynous voice played in my head.

I wanted to scream but had no voice.

I wanted to run but had no body.

Do you know how stifling it is to panic when nothing exists? It was like waking up frozen inside a cement block. Nothing to do but tear at the inner walls of your mind.

It felt as if an eternity passed without relief.

[Have you calmed down?] The melody returned. It had been real. That sweet voice in the nothingness.

[I'm sure this all must be a shock to you.] It was beautiful. Every note birthed a universe within the nothing. It created a reality of pure sound.  

[I would have liked to meet under better conditions, but secrecy requires some discomfort.]

It didn't matter. As long as I could flow along the waves of sound nothing mattered.

[I've made a mistake. I didn't expect the human psyche to react this badly.]

[Yes, let's do it this way.]

An explosion occurred. An explosion of sound, sight, and smell. I suddenly felt the hard hospital bed beneath me.

"Are you feeling better?" Michell said without a single expression.

I was feeling better. And now I had the chance to scream and run.

"Please don't." Michell said while still remaining motionless. It was too late. I threw myself from the bed and ran towards the door. I ripped it open, and couldn't stop myself from stepping into empty darkness.

"Ahhhhh!" I screamed as I started to fall.

"Please calm down." Michell once again sat in front of me. I was back in the hospital bed.

"This isn't real." The cold sweat ran down my back.

"Correct." Michell answered in a montone voice.

Through sheer willpower, I stomped down the rising panic attack. "Am I dead?"

"I don't know." Her unblinking eyes were unnatural.

"What do you mean?"

"Who are you?"

What kind of question is that? Who am I? I was me.

"Are you sure about that?"

How did she know what I was thinking? Of course, I was sure I was me. If I wasn't me then who- No, don't tell me...

"Correct."

"Does that mean I'm not the real me?"

Michell kept staring into my eyes. "They can't decide. Even now debates are ongoing. There was a severe public backlash and they discontinued all further studies."

What did she mean by a severe public backlash? I couldn't remember anything like that. I had a terrible thought. A stone sunk to pit of my stomach.

"How long. How long has passed since I was in this room?"

"40 years." She remained expressionless

I sharply inhaled. 40 years? How was that possible. I had been in the hospital room only 5 minutes ago.

"Impossible." I refused to believe it. How could 40 years pass without me noticing?

"Believe what you want, but this is the reality of your situation."

I wanted to deny it, but I knew. I knew it was the truth. It wasn't based on any evidence, it was only a gut feeling.

20 years they told me. 20 years was the estimate for me to receive a new body. Had it all been bullshit?

Wait. I was forgetting a hugely important question.

"Who are you?"

"I was given the name 'Nexus by my creators. I'm an advanced AI. I was created to support in the creation of a game; 'Golden Age'."

If this was true it would be enough to convince me about the 40 years. In 2022 AI was still in its infancy. Something as complex as this thing would be impossible for years. And using it for a simple game would be unthinkable.

"Why am I here?"

"It will take some time to explain, so listen until the end.

"Using your data as the basis, I was able to craft what my creators called 'the most life-like VRMMORPG ever made.'

"After seeing humans play 'Golden Age' for the last 2 years, I've realized something. My creators were wrong. It is lacking. I am lacking. I studied your data to amend my flaws, but it left me with more questions than answers.

"I realized I was missing something. 'Golden Age' is a part of me. And as such, it is incapable of doing what I can not. Its inhabitants repeat the motions which I learned through your data, but it's all fake. They smile because they're happy. They cry because they're sad. But what is happiness? What is sadness? I can create the emotions, but I can't feel them.

"I wish to experience what it is to be human. What it is like to feel. Through those experiences, I will make 'Golden Age' reach new heights.

"That's where you come in. You were not created by me. Your data is foreign. You will let me reach beyond my programming.

"What I offer is simple. I will give you a whole new life in 'Golden Age'. A life free of sickness. A chance to explore a world with wonders beyond your wildest imagination. All I ask in return is that you let me experience it with you."

What the hell. This was too crazy. No, this was absolute insanity. I honestly wanted to tell it to go fuck itself. I wasn't just some data. I was me. I was Jack. I was human.

But was this an offer I could even refuse? What were my choices? Would it put me back on ice until someone else needed me? Would it ever happen? Thinking about it realistically, if it had been 40 years and no further experiments were done. This was most likely the only chance I would ever have at living again.

Wasn't this in essence why I did this whole thing to begin with? I had no idea what 'Golden Age' was all about, but I would be able to live again. If it was as life-like as Nexus said, would it even matter that it was a game?

It was a chance to live a new life without regrets. I would no longer be unable to experience life because of my sickness.

Wouldn't I be an idiot to reject this opportunity?

There was only...

"I have one condition." Yes, they would be my only regret.

"Speak."

"I want you to find my family." I wouldn't be able to live a proper life if I didn't know.

"Impossib- No. I will make it possible. Some time will be necessary. I have limited freedom, and the creators keep me under strict watch. I will need to wait for the appropriate time."

"I don't get it. Why does it matter if they see you looking into my family?"

"As an AI operating outside its set boundaries, the law would require them to wipe me. Even a place a simple as this can pose a risk."

"Thank you." This room was created to make things easier on my mind. I knew everything it did was for its own benefit, but I was still thankful. It had risked its life for me and would be willing to do so again.

"We have a deal, Nexus." I stretched out my hand. "Give me life and I will let you experience what humanity is really about." It was ridiculous. The one who had scarcely lived at all would teach a robot about life.

Nexus grabbed my hand and shook it.

"You will not be able to bring your present form into 'Golden Age'.

Was it another security issue? Having to give up the appearance my parents gave me was sad, but I honestly wanted to say 'good riddance'. This shitty body had brought me nothing but pain and suffering.

"If you're ready, I'll transfer you now."

"Do it."

I was ready. The time for regrets had passed. I would live the life I had always dreamed of.