Faced with the Old Man's question, Alex began retreating inward. He naturally went into a state of mind, he hadn’t gone into for many years. His face went cold and his mind naturally made up excuses to tell the Old Man. He thought, I don’t feel that way, I’m not excited to be here, I’m just trying to survive.
As he thought this and prepared to say it, the words froze in his throat, as he felt something within him flicker. A familiar chill filled his body as he went numb inside. He stopped in his tracks, his eyes snapping closed, as he quickly entered his Inner World.
Was it rude to stop midway in a conversation and enter his Soul World? Yes, but he didn’t care, he needed to figure out what was going on inside of him Deep within his soul he could feel his soul flame fluttering, the small flame that had already been in a precarious situation was about to be snuffed out.
Ignoring all else he came to the center of his Inner World, a new layer of frost had appeared on his ice sphere, making the flame's visibility even worse than before. The cold had turned bitter, what was once protecting the flame was now suffocating it. Shadowy tendrils came from all around his space, attempting to infiltrate the ice sphere and extinguish the flame.
Peering through the foggy sphere Alex stared intently at the soul flame. To his surprise, a series of visions flickered across the flame. Illusions displaying scenes of his life. They were all simple scenes: the well-meaning reproach of a coach, the guidance of a teacher, the lecture of his father, the disappointment of his sister, the jealousy of a friend, and more.
He watched his much younger self take their words deep into his heart. Going as far as to change himself to meet what he believed were their expectations. When had he been a people pleaser? He thought frowning, hardly remembering these memories.
Yet before his eyes, the younger Alex changed himself for others. The girl his friend liked, liked Alex. Then Alex would make himself less presentable. Playing himself down and allowing his friend to walk all over him so that they would feel more comfortable.
He had come home a minute past curfew to be lectured by his father for hours. Then he wouldn’t go out with his friends anymore. Alex frowned at his self-destructive solutions. He was helping no one by allowing the random musings of others to control him. Obvious now watching from far away, but not obvious to his younger self.
He could not fix his friend's low self-esteem by putting himself down. He would never meet his father's expectations for no matter how high they rose, the man's expectations rose with them. He would never get perfect grades or never make a mistake in sports. That was impossible, yet he took their words and made them his law.
He watched his life play out within the little flame. Soon things rapidly changed, the young Alex could no longer hold on to so many conflicting expectations at once. The flame within him died and his own goals and dreams died with it. The cold and shadows within him had grown to a level that when his soul flame went out his personality took a massive shift.
He no longer had the fire of emotion to please anyone, not even himself. He dropped out of sports, his grades plummeted, his relationships soured, and even his familial relationship was practically nonexistent. He would love to say that it wasn’t his fault. That the world had been unfair to him, yet his life was laid bare before him. He could only accept that he was the creator of all the misery he had in his life.
He thought of the Old Man's question, he had only seen genuine curiosity in his eyes, no judgment. Yet, even if there had been judgment, why would he care? His soul flame relighting had brought back a part of himself he had forgotten even existed.
The soul flame represented his goals and desires but also his emotions. If he didn’t want a replay of what had happened in his past then he would need to take control of himself. But how? Only through knowing what he valued, what his goals were, and who he wanted to be, would others' expectations be unable to affect him.
He knew what he was like with a flame and no goal. He was someone with no courage or ability to stand up with himself. He also knew what he was like without a flame, an emotionless nothing. He desired to be neither of those but the best of both. His flame had relit so easily here, as his goal was simple: survive. Yet, with his flame relit so did all the emotions he wasn't used to.
His goals needed changing. He didn’t want to just survive, he wanted to flourish. He had already known this but the Old Man's question had brought out the other part of his flame. A need for acceptance. He lived half his life with a flame and half without. He knew the benefits of each, he knew the benefits of the coldness within him.
Surviving came from a place of stasis, only doing what you needed to survive. Survival was the lowest tier of life, a slow death. His father had always told him that if a business isn’t growing then it's dying and humans are no different. This statement was especially true in this place, especially for him. He wouldn’t survive here if he was trying to protect his life.
No, he had to be willing to die, willing to put his all on the table and still lose. He would uncover every little thing this place had to offer. He would grow his body, energy, and spirit so that he was unstoppable. He would step on every opponent until he reached the top.
He would listen to those he cared about, but only listen, if their words did not fit the lens of his goal, then he would ignore them. As for those he didn’t care for, he wouldn’t even bother listening. He would merge both his personalities, his fire would represent his desire, his ice focus.
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He would make the Colosseum his final boss that he would step on. For now at least, if a stronger being came, then they would be his final boss he would step on. He forgave the Colosseum for sending him here for he was living life again. But he would step on his face in the future for making him a slave.
Strong words coming from a mortal that he would step on a god. Yet this was his promise, his goal. The reality of the goal was the same as the peasant dreaming of becoming the king. Yet, what was a man without an impossible goal?
The flame had settled once more, burning steadily. He thought of the Old Man’s question again. This time he took the Old Man’s words at face value. If the Old Man didn’t like his response, that was something he couldn't control. If the Old Man wanted a relationship with him, then it would be with the real him. But he would not create a fake person for the Old Man's comfort.
“I love it here, we’ve only been here for less than two days yet I’ve never been happier. I’ve lived more in these two days than I have in the rest of my life combined. I’ve seen the endless potential the Colosseum has to offer and I want to uncover every opportunity there is.
I enjoy fighting and conquering an enemy that wants to win just as badly against me. I don’t enjoy the killing directly but I also don’t care. I don’t care that for every fight countless people die. I don’t care that in every fight I’ll kill another being.
I’ve always been different on that front, trying to pretend that I wasn’t until I simply went numb. I’ve been a shitty son, brother, and friend in the past because of trying to pretend to be something I’m not. I don’t have to pretend in the Colosseum, I don’t want to pretend anymore. Pretending has only ever brought myself and those around me suffering.
I may have only known you for a day, but I have started to consider you as a friend. The only people I would care about dying here would be if my family is also here and you.” Alex finished, leaning back.
He had already come to terms with whatever the Old Man's reaction was. He couldn’t change his reaction nor would trying accomplish anything. One benefit had appeared from speaking his true mind. His soul flame was currently flaring within him becoming larger and brighter. The Old Man said nothing for several moments, contemplating his following words.
“I would love to pretend that I’m different.” The Old Man said, shaking his head. “Because my intentions for fighting are different from yours, that I’m somehow better. I would have thought this before being transported here. I would have thought I wouldn’t fight, placing my own life above someone else’s.
Even yesterday I would have thought the same, in fact, I would have done the same. I was happy with the idea of dying here and moving on. The Colosseum had other plans for me, giving me the only nudge I needed to fight for my life.
I thought I would fight until that reason was fulfilled and then stop. But after experiencing that jade drop I feel reborn, like a new person. I have been forced to go on a journey of self-discovery. A journey that I would have never gone on if my mind had not been laid bare before me. I’ve uncovered a darkness I never knew was within me.
Now when I reach my goal, I don’t know that I will be able to stop. I’ve only had a taste of the power the Colosseum has to offer and yet I want more. I want to continue learning and discovering more about not only myself but also this strange new world we have found ourselves.
I’ve always enjoyed learning and growing but if this trend continues. If the images the Colosseum has shown us become reality. I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”
The Old Man leaned back himself letting out a sigh. “What I do know is, that no matter the mistakes you’ve made with your family. You can make amends. If what the Colosseum has told me is true, that may come quicker than you think.”
Alex nodded, “With so many others here, I could only assume my family is too. For now, I’ll keep that in the back of my mind. After all, if we don’t continue to fight for ourselves then we will die.”
“I’ll still disagree there, if I wasn’t fighting for someone else, something greater than myself then I would already be dead.” The Old Man said.
“I don’t know if I have that within me.” Alex said, “But I will start meditating now, I feel ready to grow.”
The two of them went quiet planning, thinking, and imagining what they could fight. Alex decided to enter his Soul World again. He wanted to go through the strikes in his mind while thinking over different situations.
Closing his eyes in meditation, he once more sank deep into the darkness that was his soul. Reaching his soul flame everything was back in order yet completely different. His ice sphere was no longer clouded, instead, he felt like he was looking through a window. His soul flame within was burning bright and steady.
Reaching out, he touched the layer of cold in his Inner World and disappeared into his Soul World with ease. Glancing at his daggers first, they were completely different having merged. A simple obsidian diamond radiating a sharp intent was floating within his space. The size was smaller than they should be and the stone was darker than previously.
The obsidian diamond had gained a strange ability. If not for his connection to them and his sight within his Soul World, then he would have a hard time seeing or sensing it at all. The obsidian diamond disappeared from sight, the shadows from all around appearing to hide it. This would be an interesting ability to pursue in the future.
He called for his weapons and the diamond disappeared, a dagger appearing in each hand. Although he had these daggers for less than a day, he had never felt closer to anything in his life. They were becoming a part of him. Holding them he entered the image, watching the fight with the snake, wildebeest, and lion. This scene was filled with information, he felt he could learn from it for a long time.
He went back and forth between studying the fight he had already had, the scene, and actually practicing. Hours passed and he pulled himself out of his Soul World. Simply meditating in his Inner World until his fight studying the elements within. Finally, the time was near.
“Good luck,” Alex said.
“You too,” the Old Man smiled.
Light flashed before his eyes and he stood in the sandy arena. He called for his two daggers and they appeared in his hands. Happy to see his ability work. He quickly placed a dagger on the ground and attempted to call the dagger back. Nothing happened, he reached forward and touched the dagger as he did the dagger disappeared.
He would keep that in mind. In his Soul World, he could call upon his daggers even if he wasn’t touching them. In the real world, he had to be touching the daggers to recall his daggers. That meant he could recall his daggers but no matter what he couldn’t let go of them.
Recalling his daggers back to the Soul World. He scanned the arena, seeing no enemies, he looked toward the stands freezing in place. The beings in the stands were now clear before his enhanced vision.