“OK, THIS WAS A REALLY GOOD PRANK, BUT I THINK IT’S TIME YOU LET ME GO.”

Nick crossed her arms and frowned.

“No,” Exflibberaguil said shortly.

“Look, I really got to get back home. My mom is going to be furious when—”

“You were the one who agreed to the Terms and Conditions,” Exflibberaguil reminded pointedly, “you should have taken these things into consideration before agreeing. Violating the terms and conditions is against rule 22419 in the Galactic Yelling Papers. I could sue you for it.” This was not true, of course, because the Galactic Yelling Papers didn’t apply for primitive species, but Exflibberaguil took the chance and guessed that this Odriew wouldn’t know. He assumed correctly.

“This is really taking this whole ‘alien’ thing a little too seriously,” Nick said uncomfortably. Over the past few hours, she had sat in a sleeping room given to her, and thought. She finally came to the conclusion that this Exflipper was not an alien and that she wasn’t on a spaceship at all, but on a normal plane.

“Of course,” Exflibberaguil sniffed, “I am an alien. At least from your point of view.”

“You’re insane, aren’t you?” Nick asked, a hint of fear in her voice. She read about people that were insane. They had obsessions, and maybe this person was insane too, and his obsession would be pretending he was an alien.

“Perhaps,” Exflibberaguil answered thoughtfully, “You know, insanity is a very interesting topic. Because, in a sense, the whole universe is insane and chaotic. So perhaps those who are insane are actually sane, and act so oddly because they see the reality of the universe. And perhaps our natural combat to such a frightening insane universe is by acting “sane” and refusing to believe the insanity of everything. But since the majority of us sees the universe through this filter of, well, sanity or insanity (call it what you want), we automatically believe that the exception (that is, those who act differently) is insane.”

“What?”

“But then again, there are those who are insanely stupid,” Exflibberaguil muttered.

“Ok, you’re insane,” Nick blurted, “I read somewhere that I shouldn’t anger someone insane.”

“Correct,” Exflibberaguil agreed, amused, “it’s common sense.”

“Can I please, please, be dropped off at my house?” Nick pleaded, dropping to her knees.

“Why, you don’t like my ship?” Exflibberaguil waved his hand, motioned around the room.

Nick was obliged to look around. It was a very nice ship. No, a very nice plane, Nick reminded herself. This room she was in was about the size of a large garage. Three of the walls were painted clean white, and one was painted cool grey. The floor was carpeted with soft, white carpet, as both Nick and Exflibberaguil walked barefoot. There were three very inviting blue chairs, the cushions neither too soft nor too hard. Like Goldilocks. These chairs were arranged around a glass-covered table, the border the same color as the wall. And, for a pop of color, there was a bowl full of what looked like cheese puffs. Nick had eaten one, and it turned out to be orange-flavored puffs. Nick had also been able to see the orange-ness of the food.

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On the opposite wall was a large television monitor, covering nearly the entire wall. Beneath it was a low counter. There was also a port for Box to charge in. These ports were placed everywhere around the ship. The whole room was illuminated from the top. It would be incorrect to describe this as the ceiling, because there wasn’t one. It was just a giant light, which for some reason, felt strangely natural.

What was the most remarkable about the ship, besides the fact that the bright white walls were unbelievably clean, was that it smelled exactly like how the room looked. Nick’s sleeping room, which had consisted mostly of warm reds and oranges, smelled of cinnamon buns baking in an oven. This room smelled like fresh mint leaves with a touch of citrus. Nick still couldn’t find the source of these wondered smells.

At length, Nick spoke. “Your ship is very beautiful,” Nick admitted, “But I really want to get home.”

Exflibberaguil rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Well, I regret to inform you, but you may not have a home in a few more galactic years. Or a planet, for that matter.”

Oh great. I’m dealing with an insane terrorist. “What do you mean?” Nick asked, panicking, “are you going to start a nuclear war?”

“I’m here to stop an alien invasion.”

“This is not funny, okay?” Nick exploded, “It was funny for the first few seconds, but I really want to leave now. I don’t know who you are, or what you do, but I’m not willing to risk my life to find out!”

“You don’t need to risk your life to find out. My name is Exflibberaguil. I’m a Mustela. My planet Pylo’rox was invaded and destroyed—something, by the way, I’m working on forgetting. I’m here because I don’t want your planet suffering the same way. Planets are supposed to go extinct either because of solar flares, other natural destructions, or warfare, but not by invasions. It’s breaking the laws of nature, and the laws of the Galactic Yelling Papers.”

“Stop it! Stop pretending! You’re not an alien!”

“Why not?” Exflibberaguil challenged.

“You don’t look alien enough!”

“And what does that mean?” Exflibberaguil raised his voice.

“You don’t look…” Nick faltered.

“Like a monster?” Exflibberaguil snapped, “is it that? It’s a real pity, you know, that Sodriew associate aliens with monsters now. But isn’t it obvious that not all aliens look like monsters? I live on a planet that survives on oxygen, and gravity very close to that of Driew’s. Therefore, I should look very similar to what Sodriew look like. And yes, we’ve had animals very similar to the dinosaur before. Even though we are a lot more evolved than Sodriew, evolution takes a long time, and only when we, Mustelas, go extinct can the next wave of evolved living things take over.

“But going extinct takes a long time. Living things try their best not to die out. Only nature can decide when a species had enough time on their planet, and that it was time for the next, better, living things to take over. It hasn’t happened yet for Mustela.

“Driew and Pylo’rox are all part of a class of planets called ‘Goldilocks’ planets, in Nedriew terms. Planets are grouped by the Most Optimal Evolution Form, or the MOEF. That is the form we would end up evolving to, if we had infinite time. This form can only be achieved under the right amount of oxygen and gravity. Therefore, Sodriew and Mustela should look very similar.”

“You’re obsessed! You’re an insane terrorist who is obsessed with aliens to the point where he believes he is an alien himself!” Nick yelled.

“You’re stubborn! I’m telling the truth!”

“Prove it!”

Exflibberaguil sighed. “I didn’t want to do this so early in our acquaintance, but it looks as if I have no choice.”

“That’s right. Prove it, or let me go!”

Exflibberaguil clapped, and the TV turned on. “I would tell you to enjoy the show,” he said, seating himself in one of the chairs, “But I know you won’t.”