UGH. Are all these things so heavy?
Most are heavier. They’ve got buckets of fat rolling off their bones. You should come out someday. It would be good for you.
No thank you! I was nearly devoured the last time I came out. Who knew such a place would be so aggressive? I couldn’t even get a proper introduction. They’re just begging for war. And I bet, if we did try, we’d win the war right now. I don’t know why you all are stalling. Our forces are so much stronger than theirs.
Not everything’s about war.
Of course not. I know that.
The new generations seem to think otherwise. It’s all about control and that nonsense. Power. Pride. We don’t do that. You do remember that, right?
Of course! You don’t need to always be so nagging.
Good…I was just getting worried…
Pfft… Stop taking everything so seriously. I’m just kidding around. Now, why do these things weigh so much? Is it their diet? Or are they filled with water?
You’re changing the subject again…
----------------------------------------
“WHERE AM I?”
“Five more minutes,” Nick muttered, turning to her side. She groped around for the alarm.
“Where am I?” Exflibberaguil yelled again. “Where am I? Where am I? WHERE AM I?”
“Shut up!” Nick screamed in an equally loud voice. “I just wanted to sleep! What’s wrong with you? And why’s the trailer all—hey where am I?”
“That’s what I’ve been saying!”
“I should think you’d recognize your own ship,” Box said. “Apparently I thought wrong.”
“Box!” Exflibberaguil cried, leaping across the room and collapsing on the little round robot charging in the corner. Box’s charging port was the only feature of the room. The rest was all a blank white. There were no doors.
“Do you know how we got in?” Nick asked, examining the walls. “There are no doors here. I can’t find any secret windows either. It’s all just…wall.”
“How should I know how we got here? I was unconscious too!” Exflibberaguil whined, rolling around on the floor.
“Well, it’s your ship…”
“So what? If you found yourself in a doorless room and a tiny robot says it’s your house, how would you react?” Exflibberaguil groaned. “We’re doomed. Doomed! This is where I, the great Exflibberaguil, die of starvation.”
Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.
“How ironic. This whole thing started because I was kidnapped onto this ship. This is where it ends, I guess.” Nick began speaking in a high-pitched sarcastic voice. “Oh no! I’m Exflibber-what-not and now I’m going to die on my one spacecraft. I’m so useless!”
“You are useless. I’m glad you’ve come to terms with it,” Exflibberaguil said matter-of-factly.
Nick sniffed as angrily as she could, unable to come up with a good comeback. She lay flat against the wall, feeling her way to see if she could find a hidden button. “Hey Box, you seem to know that this is your ship. Do you know how to get out of here?”
“No.”
“Any useful information at least. Like, you know, where is the door?”
“No,” Box replied, as cheerful as ever. “Try asking the ferret. He knows.”
“I don’t think ferrets speak English, Box,” Nick sighed. The ferret purred and rubbed against her leg, as if to say, Don’t underestimate me! I understand you’re talking behind my back.
“Help!” Exflibberaguil wailed, his voice echoing around the room. “Help! Someone!”
“I don’t think that’s going to work.”
“Why not?”
“It never works like that in movies,” Nick replied all-knowingly. “What’s supposed to happen is that we’re stuck in here. Food will come automatically or through some secret slot. Then, the lights will go out and a creepy voice will say: ‘This is a game. Try to escape to survive. Mwahahahaha!’” Nick acted all the parts out, throwing her head back for the evil cackle.
“We’re not in a movie,” Exflibberaguil pointed out.
“We are if I say we are,” Nick replied stubbornly. “Besides, I don’t see you will a better plan. It took years of honing my internal movie database to get to this level. I’m not about to get insulted by you amateur. All you watch are horror movies of buck-toothed animals eating you and clawing at your skin and biting and tearing and—” Nick collapsed on the floor. “I think I need to sit down.”
“Ah, so you finally realized,” Exflibberaguil sighed, collapsing as well. “It’s the rabbits that did this. Of course. I wonder if they know I’m not an Odriew?”
“Of course they know! They’re keeping you prisoner! Why else would they keep you if they didn’t know you’re an alien.”
“A Mustela, to be precise. But there are plenty of reason why we’d be captured. We may be quarantined. There may be a lot more people somewhere else in the ship. You’re not always so special, you know. Besides, it may also be because we’d get some sort of special punishment.”
“Why would we get the special punishment?”
“Because I may or may not have insulted the leader of the rabbits…” Exflibberaguil murmured.
“But let’s look at the positive side! We’re not dead with infected wounds. And it’s not like my entire finger is gone. In fact, I don’t feel any pain at all!” Exflibberaguil wiggled a bloody finger one centimeter too short. “It feels all numb and tingly. I mean, I know it’s just a numbing agent the rabbits gave me, and that it would wear off in a few hours, but let’s be positive!”
It’s true! My wound... Nick hurried to check her hand. Sure enough, the bandages were clean and fresh. The blinding pain she experienced earlier had been reduced to the dull throb of a bruise. “I wonder... how did the rabbits change my bandages? I mean, they don’t have thumbs. Do they use prosthetics they put on their paws? Or do they just bite it?”
“Here I am,” Exflibberaguil said dramatically, “the great Exflibberaguil trapped in a doorless room and my only companion is worrying about rabbit prosthetics.”
“You sound like me!”
“I do not—“
“My awesome must be rubbing off on you!”
“No!”
“ENOUGH!” a bone-chilling voice boomed. “STOP WITH YOUR NONSENSE.”
“Who is it?” Nick asked in a trembling voice.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Exflibberaguil snapped.
“I CAN’T STAND YOUR BABBLING ANYMORE.”
“What do you want?” Exflibberaguil hissed.
“I JUST WANTED TO INFORM YOU,” the voice continued, “THAT WE WEAR PROSTHETICS.”