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The First Test (RAW) chapter 1 part 2

The First Test (RAW) chapter 1 part 2

Birdie blinked as the feeling of being transported instantly from one place to another settled over him. The air instantly goes from stale and stuffy to fresh and clear. He could hear the roar of the crowd, where it had been earlier filled with the silence of anticipation and fear. There is a buzz in the atmosphere that you could feel.

This is why being at the pit was the best job. The emotions filled you, and you couldn’t help but cheer as well. That is, unless you were the ones about to die. On the other side of the pit, up at ground level Birdie could see Mac shivering. The adrenaline was filling him, and he was getting ready. Birdie could tell Mac felt it.

Most of the other tester’s Birdie could not see, likely sulking in a corner of the cell hidden from above. They were likely feeling something entirely different in the atmosphere.

The crackle of a mic could be heard above the pit, and a mans voice boomed, reverberating off of walls and drowning out the crowds cheers.

“I know, I know, you are ready for the FUN to start. But here in the pit, we have rules. NO GAMES before the BETS have been placed. SO PLACE YOUR BETS before you lose out on ALL that MONEY you can earn. And while you do so, our sponsors would like to give a word…”

“IS WHAT I’D SAY but NOT TODAY!!! TODAY, we are JOINED BYYY… LADY ZYRA!!!”

“ZYRA. ZYRA. ZYRA.”

The crowd begins to chant Zyra’s name, louder and louder, being boosted by the mics until it sounds like an explosion has gone off, and all at once the voices drop. A dull background noise to a seductive feminine voice.

Birdie couldn't see the woman. Or. A woman moves on a flying platform to the middle of the pit. (it uses jet thrusters to move and hover.)

“Thank you for the introduction, and thank you everyone for the warm reception. It is an honor to be so highly regarded in this beautiful stadium…” She drones a bit, talking about a festival, honor, and money. I’m sure it was interesting, but I don’t care. “Love you.”

Should I keep the italic sentence, or remove it and include more of her speech?

The Audience’s voice goes in and out. Squealing from a section of seating distinctive in the roar after Zyra’s speech.

“I hope you have your BETS PLACED. BECAUSE. The FESTIVITIES. WILL NOW. BEGIN!!!”

Stolen story; please report.

The announcer is speaking. Final draft will make this more clear.

A deafening roar from the crowd starts again, and the gates across the pit from Birdie groan open, catching the attention of the audience, and introducing the “testers”.

I have yet to come up with a name. Either (Testers, Contestants, or Testy’s. 3rd one I dont like.

“ON the EAST SIDE, our SWOORN enemies. THE. CZEECH. REBELSS.”

Also not the name I will go with. I am of Czech ancestry so I just wrote this on the spot.

Sharp claws begin to rip holes in vault doors, and a huge tiger charges through the ripped up door, pulling the metal along with it.

“OOOON the WEST SIDE, a Rare specimen. A PREDATOR from the Lab OF FIIILLLLTTHH!!!”

Stomping and clapping start in a rhythmic beat, getting the audiences blood flowing, and the adrenaline rushing to their heads. As they stomp, the tiger launches forward, ripping off the head of a con’test’ant. Mac picks some scrawny guys up and stands his ground. The men scream as they try to get free from his grip.

There are a few things I have comments on that say I should change this sentence structure or paragraph to make things more vivid and less jarring. This is one of them.

The tiger picks off more and more people, getting closer to Mac and his “handmade” clubs. Once close enough, he swings his right club, hitting the tiger in the face and knocking it off balance. Getting closer, he swings the man in his left arm, but the tiger bites clean through him, creating an explosion of blood and guts.

Mac lets go of the leg in his left arm, and wraps the other man around the tigers neck like a rope. Letting out a roar, he pulls the tiger to the ground onto its side, ripping the man in half, his spine wondering where the flesh it was attached to had gone.

With his now empty right hand, Mac pins the bus-sized tiger and digs into the tiger's jugular until the light goes out of the beast's eyes. After making sure the thing was not getting up, he pried his arm out of its flesh. Then he began to shake. Liquid and chunks flew off of him like a dog when it gets wet.

A silence enters the pit, then the screen above the Eastern gate projects into open air.

‘CZECH REBELS WIN’

Cheering fills the pit once again, and a replay of the final moments fills the air, giving a detailed look at how Mac had torn into the tiger.

As they watched, Birdie, Beth, and the other cleaners quickly pulled the dead into the hidden hatch beneath the sand. Most pulling bodies as quickly as possible, the rest dumping cleaning chemicals that would get rid of the flesh, but not the bones. The Tiger was heavy, requiring 18 people to drag it, but the rest was done in a flash. Fifty dead bodies, and the pit match was only a third over.

This paragraph is where I will be extending the chapter to a respectable length, there is much I could explain about the cleaning, but it is only filler. I plan to make the pit match 3 chapters. They are all written, but very raw.