The day of my wedding was drawing swiftly closer.  Many of Cadfael’s distant relatives had crossed the seas to attend and the hold was becoming crowded with extra servants and guards to attend to them. Cadfael’s political allies and a few of his enemies were now also sleeping within the walls of the hold.  I hardly saw him as many meetings took him away from me and I was forced to entertain the female guests and children.  I struggled to interact with the many mothers and forded questions on whether or not I would have children and how many.

  I was still unsure about being a mother, and with the rumors continuing about my virginity and now the possibility that I was skillfully hiding a pregnancy, I was even less sure.  Lord Aur did not need to have siblings and seemed fine with the friends he had gained among his own cousins and visiting noble children.

  The ladies and I were in the sun room so that there was enough space for them to babble amongst themselves and watch the seamstress fit me into my wedding attire. “Sol, do you have any plans for children?” One lady asked me slyly.

  “Never,” I blurted without thinking.  There was a collective sigh and I held back from rolling my eyes in frustration.  This was the fifth time in an hour that the subject had been brought up and my irritation was beginning to show.

  “Well it’s never up to the women now is it,” another lady said continuing the conversation.  “Take me, I never wanted children but Lord Ray insisted.”

  “If a man wants children he’ll keep at his woman until she’s pregnant. If she fails to conceive it’s her fault.”

  “But if the man does not want any more children and she conceives it is also her fault,” Lady Grise, wife to Lord Green, said pointing to her gravid belly.

  “Sometimes it is if she wants more children,” one lady whispered.  A group giggle followed the remark and I let my eyes roll.

  “Sol, have you thought of where to have your first time?” another lady asked. This one was well past childbearing age. She looked like an overripe pumpkin whose flesh and softened and begun to fall in on itself.

  I felt my face warm as I froze.  Another subject I dreaded was the night that I gave up my virginity to Cadfael.  Yes I wanted him in such an intimate way, but I was scared of what my role in it would be.

  The women giggled again. “I heard it hurts less if you do it in the water,” Lady Ray said fanning herself. “Though we can’t ever know because you can only lose your virginity once.”

  “Well I tried the water bit and it hurt. I was raw for a week!”

  “Lady Sto, can’t you see we’re scaring her with such talk?” Lady Grise said as she saw me bite my lip in fear. “Now dear, don’t worry, a small pain is worth what will happen later with experience, and from what I hear Lord Cadfael has experience.”

  “Hmph,” someone snorted at the door.  We turned to see Lady Ai entering the room with her fan making lazy sweeps by her face. My teeth began to grind as I watched her make her way familiarly through the room to where I stood.  She slowly circled me like a shark that had caught a whiff of blood. “So this is what you’re wearing? Rather plain isn’t it?” Ai said lifting the fabric and running it through her fingers.  “Is such talk of flings appropriate during a dress fitting? Well I’m sure you didn’t know any better being of peasant stock.”

  I resisted the urge to strike Lady Ai.  I could see the glint of malice in her eyes as she looked up at me from below her lashes.  She bared her teeth at me in a false smile then went to stand in front of Lady Grise. “Move your whale form, you’re sitting in my favorite spot,” Lady Ai said coldly.  A few women began to protest but it died away with a swift glare from her.  Trembling Lady Grise stood up and moved closer to Lady Ray. “How is your husband by the way Lady Grise?  I see his jewels are not going to waste anymore.”

  I could see the color rising in Lady Grise’s cheeks and watched as tears fell from her eyes. Did Lord Green and Lady Ai have a history together?

  “Why are you here Ai?” Lady Ray said jumping to Lady Grise’s defense.

  “Well, we all should know that Lord Cadfael and Lord Gidean are cousins.  It would have been rather rude of Lord Cadfael not to send an invitation to his cousin and the woman who birthed his son.” Lady Ai closed her fan with a snap and stood up. “Well, I only wanted to see a pig dressed in pearls. Good day Ladies, Swine.”

  As the door closed behind her Lady Grise threw a cup onto the stone floor. “I hate that woman!” she hissed as the cup shattered.  “I cannot even call her a woman, it’s an insult to us!”

  “Calm down Grise, we don’t want the baby coming early,” Lady Sto said rising to take the woman’s arm.

  “She makes me so…so…ooh!” Lady Grise exclaimed and threw her plump hands in the air.

  “Lord Green has been Lady Ai’s latest interest,” Lady Ray whispered to me as Lady Sto led Lady Grise over to the refreshment table. “Lord Gidean is planning a holiday to separate those two in order to keep the peace.”

  “Hmm…” I murmured.  I wondered why Lord Gidean had married Lady Ai if he knew that she was unfaithful.  Did he truly love such a hurtful woman like her?  I looked around the room at the women recovering from Lady Ai’s cruel presence.  How many marriages had that woman interfered with?

  The seamstress patted my leg and I turned minutely to the left. She placed one last pin in the hem of the dress then stood back to review her work. The skirt was designed to allow maneuverability on land and sea and would blend in with the blues and grays of the water. Emeralds the size of peas were sewn along the seam line in looping swirls.  On the bodice was jet cut into the shape of oysters.

  The ladies clapped. “Darling you will look wonderful on your wedding day,” they exclaimed.  I felt heat rise in my cheeks and quickly stepped down from the stool on which I had stood for the past two hours.  My legs felt stiff and I heard my knees creak as my feet touched the tiled floor.  I let the seamstress help me from my wedding dress and stretched as I was relieved of the weight.

  I watched as she carefully packed it away before sitting down on one of the spare chairs. Now that I was no longer the center or attention the women began to talk amongst their own social circles. I immediately felt lonely.

  How was I to fit into their world? I wanted to be a warrior, they wanted status. I wanted steel, they wanted pearls.

  I rubbed my eyes, forgetting for a moment the liner one of the maids had used to define my eyes. Hopefully the engagement dinner would not be ruined as well.

  There were two dinner halls in the hold.  One was for more intimate gatherings and the other was for larger social gatherings such as holidays and weddings.  With the number of house guests increasing each day, Bran had moved our dinners to the larger that was still ornamented from several centuries ago.  I did not recognize the people in the paintings high upon the walls.  I was told that they were the hold’s owners before the land split in two; Cadfael’s ancestors.

  It was their floors we danced upon and their stone art that we gazed at while we waited for the servants to serve us.  Cadfael and I were seated at the head of the table while the other nobles were arranged before us in order of hierarchy.  Our guests had started making toasts to my and Cadfael’s impending wedding.  After the fifth toast I was beginning to feel more bored than embarrassed by the noble’s flowery speeches of advice and dry jokes.

  As the current speaker began his speech on the importance of loyalty, Lady Ai stood up drawing glances from the people seated around her and Lord Gidean.  She had a sly smile on her lips as she lifted her goblet and banged her fork against its bowl.  “That was a most touching speech Lord Blenny, I think any new bride should be loyal, truthful and above all, virginal.”  Lady Ai chopped the last word of her sentence off with the click of her teeth.  Several of the guests looked confused.

  Cadfael stood up staring Lady Ai down as she smiled coolly in our direction.  “Lord Blenny has not finished his speech Lady Ai, if you would please seat yourself and let him continue?”

  Lady Ai gave a hollow laugh.  “I’m sure we’re all bored of the same tired out speeches; this is your third wedding after all.” I felt tension rise in Cadfael and placed my left hand over his right.  “What I would like to know is why you would choose to wed this woman that continually claims to be a virgin even though you know that she has been bedding Landwalkers like some waterway harlot?”

  There was a collective gasp around the table and Lord Gidean grabbed his wife’s arm and attempted to pull her back into her seat.  “Be quiet Ai!”  She dug her nails into his hand drawing blood, but he refused to release her arm.

  “I refuse to let my former husband take such taint into his household where my son lives.  What if Aur grows up to become some Landwalker pet?”

  “If I didn’t know any better I would say that you were jealous, Ai,” Cadfael said coolly. “Why else would you accuse my fiancée of not being a virgin?”

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  Lady Air sneered.  “Don’t flatter yourself, Vael.”

  “Lord Cadfael, we cannot dismiss Lady Ai’s accusation.  It is one thing for a woman to remarry, it is another to allow a woman that has never wedded to wed without being a virgin.  I am sorry my lord, but we cannot allow this wedding to continue unless we have proof of her virginity,” Lord Green said as Lady Ai smirked from across the table.

  I felt my stomach drop.  How long had Lady Ai been planning this humiliation?  I knew that I would pass the test, but what if she chose the examiners and they lied?  Was Lady Ai testing Cadfael to see if he would refuse to wed me under these accusations?  I did not know if I should speak to defend myself. Would it mean that I was guilty of an act that I had never performed?  If I showed excessive confidence would that also cause the nobles to think that I was guilty?

  I looked up at Cadfael and could see the smoldering anger in his eyes. His lips had curled into a snarl while his hands had balled into fists.  Everyone knew of his temper, a façade carefully crafted over the years to disguise his insecurities.  The contempt in his eyes this time was real as he stared at his first wife.  “I will agree to provide proof of my fiancée’s virginity for a price,” Cadfael said.  The room held its breath as the former spouses stared each other down at the table.  Lady Ai continued to look smug.  “Should the test prove my fiancée innocent of your accusations, you will give up all rights to our son Aur and will be banned from my hold indefinitely.”

  “Then I make this counter price,” Lady Ai said flipping a stray hair from her face.  “Should the test prove your fiancée guilty, she shall be executed by your hand for providing false testament to a noble.” Cadfael nodded.  “Then it is agreed.  I have already chosen a physician-”

  “No!” Cadfael said cutting her off.  “We shall choose someone neutral.  I shall write to the Illustrious of Meridia and ask him to defer a physician for us.”  Lady Ai’s face closed down, but I could see her body trembling from anger.  Lord Gidean was finally able to pull her back into her seat and stood in her place.

  “I will second your decision,” he said.

   I wondered again why he had chosen to marry Lady Ai.  What did he stand to gain from having such a woman in his house?  I made a mental note to find out, but first I needed an ally among the servants.  Since Cia’s death they were wary of me.  After Cia’s mother had been punished for her false rumors the hostility toward me had diminished to an extent, but the fact still remained that I had killed one of their number.  How was I to bridge the gap between us?

  My only option seemed to be my second cousin on my mother’s side.  We had not spoken in years after a petty fight we had had after my mother’s death.  I knew she worked somewhere in the laundry.

  Cadfael beckoned to Bran and had him draft a letter to the Illustrious of Meridia before sitting down.  He clapped his hands and immediately the servers rushed forward with platters to feed the guests, the toasts now over after Lady Ai’s interruption.

  It took a week for the Illustrious of Meridia to respond.  When he did, Cadfael summoned me to his study. 

  Cadfael was always busy meeting with his advisors there.  As a noble living close to the Forbidden Line, skirmishes between the Landwalkers and Waterfolk occurred often, sometimes with casualties.  There were five Waterfolk villages under Cadfael’s rule each with a standing militia, the largest was Geyser, where I had lived all of my life.  As the closest village to the Forbidden Line it had the largest militia.

  In the study there were many paintings of the underwater landscape around Geyser.  I recognized many of the landmarks including the Sanctuary, Geyser’s most treasured Waterfolk secret.  As I passed the painting of Sanctuary I paused in surprise.  Next to the painting of Sanctuary was a portrait of me.  I was a few years younger and holding a spear, light glinting off my armor from the underwater rays of the sun.  There was a fierce look in my eye and the hint of a smile on my lips as I lunged toward my target.

  “I painted that five years ago,” Cadfael said startling me.  I had not heard him enter his study.  He came to stand beside me, admiring his own work.  “That was when I first took notice of you.” He touched the frame, his eyes distant. “Ai and I had already divorced, but I did not know she was pregnant at the time.  We had married young, but had trouble conceiving.  She lost three babies; it drove her into depression.  No matter what I did to cheer her up, nothing worked.  Eventually she blamed me for our losses, saying that my seed was tainted, poisoning her.  She began sleeping with her guards and servants, and then visiting nobles until Gidean drew her attention. Ai requested a divorce and I gave it to her.”

  Tears shimmered in Cadfael’s eyes but didn’t fall. I rested my head against his arm and took his hand in mine, squeezing it tightly. “She had slept with me one last time before the paperwork was settled; it was her way of saying goodbye.  I think she regrets it to this day because of Aur.”

  “Hmm?” I murmured.

  “To her, he is a constant reminder of me and our failed marriage.  Right now she and Gidean are having trouble conceiving. My cousin is concerned that Ai will repeat her actions if she is not pregnant soon.”

  “Is this why she is attacking me?”

  Cadfael squeezed my hand.  “This brings me to what I wanted to talk to you about.  The Illustrious and Illustria of Meridia have invited us to their hold.  They wish to provide us with their personal physician, and after, we are to attend the Festive.”

  I remembered the Illustria inviting us to the Festive before.  Now that we had to travel to their hold and attend the Festive our wedding date would be pushed back further into fall. “Will you be fine with a fall wedding?” I asked.  Cadfael sighed heavily.

  “At least it is not spring.”

  I smiled.

  “I’m going for a swim; I will be back for lunch.”

  “Where are you going?”

  I hesitated.  I wanted to tell him that I was going to the Forbidden Line, but I knew that he would forbid me from leaving the hold and direct one of the servants to watch me.  “I just need to get out of the hold and feel the sun.”

  “You can do that in Sanctuary.  Why don’t you take Aur with you?”

  I bit my lip.  Cadfael had probably guessed my true intentions.  “I’d love too,” I told him. “Where is he?”

  “I believe his nursemaid took him to the roof.” He kissed my forehead before pushing me toward the door.  “I will join you two later.”

  “Ok,” I said softly.  I opened his study door and made my way to the roof.  For a moment I considered going to the Forbidden Line anyway, but then decided against it.  Reports had come in from the patrols saying that the clashes between Landwalkers and Waterfolk had become more frequent within the last few days.  Rumors were that the Landwalkers were hunting for something along the coast.  The name Stone had appeared a few times and I knew that the demon must have been behind the increased violence.

  I rubbed my temples as a headache caused them to throb.  There were so many new warriors training in response to the Landwalker threat.  How was I to bring peace to our two worlds if neither side trusted the other?  How was I to defeat a demon? I shivered as I remembered feeling his raw power roll over me while I was imprisoned.

  I quickly pushed the thought away and put a smile on my lips for Lord Aur as I reached the roof.  The door leading out was held ajar by rough lump of marble that looked as if it had once been a bust. I walked past the dusty lump and squinted as the sun shone brightly in my eyes.  Shielding my eyes with my hand I made my way blindly forward.

  “Sol!” a small voice piped.  I was suddenly hugged and staggered back from the unexpected weight against my legs.

  “Lord Aur! Please be careful,” his nursemaid replied and she tugged his arm until he loosened his tight grip around my legs.  “I’m sorry Milady, we’ve been working on manners today.”

  “That’s alright,” I said chuckling.  “So tell me, what have you learned today, Aur?”

  The boy’s face brightened and he clasped his hands behind his back.

  “I learned that when you go to visit someone, you should always bring a gift!”

  “Oh, that is very important,” I said. “What else did you learn?”

  “You must always be respectful to superior lords and ladies like the Illustrious.”

  “Good job, Aur,” I said patting him on the head.

  “Lady Sol, how are your own studies going?” Aur’s nursemaid asked. I stiffened as I thought of the lessons I had been neglecting with my own tutor. One of the perks of my betrothal was learning how to interact among nobles; one of the downsides was interacting with nobles like Lady Ai.

  “I’m learning much. My tutor feels the need to cram more etiquette lessons after my trip to the Forbidden Line.”

  The nursemaid’s smile waned and I cursed myself for mentioning the Line. So much for my lessons in manners. I changed the subject. “So, Aur, do you paint?”

  The boy shook his head. “No, mama doesn’t let me,” he said softly. I watched as his small features darkened and his eyes glistened with unshed tears.

  Why was I making such a mess of this? I was no good at being a lady and even less at being a mother. Was Cadfael insane to pick me as his bride or was I for believing that I could be?

  A sigh escaped my lips and I knelt in front of Aur and took his tiny hands in my own. “Aur, can you tell me what shapes you see in the clouds?”

  Mutely the boy shook his head. I hugged him and he shuddered in my embrace. I felt his tears dampen the shoulder of my robe.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  “It’s not your fault,” the nursemaid said swiftly. “Lady Ai was very strict when it came to Lord Aur’s education. She had him flogged whenever he showed interest in painting.”

  “Mama says good lords don’t paint,” Aur said lowly.

  “Aur!”

  I looked over my shoulder at Cadfael as he crossed the distance between us. I could see a shadow in his eyes as he dropped to his knees beside us. “Aur,” he said again as the boy buried his face deeper into my shoulder. “Do you think papa is a bad lord?”

  “No!” Aur said.

  “Did you know Papa paints?”

  “No!”

  “Do you want to see what I painted?” Aur nodded and then looked up at his father. Cadfael gave him a gentle smile then took him by the hand. “Come with me, I’ll show you.” Cadfael then took my hand as well and led us to his study.

  In the corner of the study his paintings were covered by sheets. Cadfael pulled one off the sheet from a large canvas that sat slightly apart from the others.

  My heart skipped a beat.

  On the canvas was a rough sketch of Cadfael, Aur and myself standing together in front of an ornate door that I recognized from Sanctuary. Large blooming lotuses bordered the canvas and I could see one held in my hands. Our faces were already painted down to the neck and I could see small notes for what colors he planned on using for our robes and the flowers.

  Timidly Aur touched the canvas with his fingertips. “That’s me,” he said in a small voice. His face brightened and he turned to his father excitedly. “Can I paint too?”

  “Yes Aur, of course!” Cadfael said before leaning down and planting a kiss on his son’s forehead.

  “Can I paint now?”

  Cadfael chuckled and went to a chest that sat beside the paintings. He opened it to reveal dozens of paints and brushes. “There are a few small canvases behind you, Sol. Can you give one to Aur?”

  “Yes!” I said. I chose a canvas that was two hand lengths wide and one hand length long. Aur held it close to his chest while bouncing on his toes as he waited for his father to finish arranging the paints.

  “Here, sit next to me on the floor, “Cadfael said before turning to me. He took me by the hands and led me over to his desk and had me sit on top of the smooth wood. He stole a kiss from me before sitting next to Aur. “Sol is going to be my model. Isn’t she beautiful?”

  “Yes, just like Mama,” Aur said then suddenly looked shy.

  “Yes, like Mama,” Cadfael said carefully. “Sol is going to be your mama too.”

  “I know,” Aur said as he dipped his brush in some blue. “I’m glad she’s going to be my mom.”

  I felt heat rise in my cheeks and looked down at my hands.