I woke up and I hurt like I had been stabbed three times in the chest, which I guess was what had actually happened if the flashbacks I’d been reliving whilst unconscious were anything to go by. My breathing was shallow and ragged and when I tried to move, I quickly gave up as it just hurt too much. Great work Neesha, you nearly died again, I thought to myself, as I opened my eyes and blinked in the bright sunlight streaming into the infirmary. At this point if I had been physically able to sit up in shock, I would have done, but as I couldn’t I just spasmed painfully in my bed before sinking back down into it. I was in the infirmary, I looked down to see my chest was heavily bandaged and I was in a convalescent’s gown, not my uniform. Shit, I thought, there was no way they didn’t know I was a girl now. What was going to happen to me? I had just got my life going pretty well and now it was all crashing down and all because I’d been an idiot and tried to intervene without backup. I paused a second to think about Matty, I hoped she was ok, she wasn’t in the infirmary with me; hopefully she was back with her family now, safe and recovering. I wondered if I would ever see her again. If they threw me out of the militia, could I go to her, she might be grateful for my attempt at saving her, well grateful enough to put a roof over my head for a few days whilst I found my feet. Aaargh! Who was I kidding, I was nothing to her, just some stupid kid who had nearly gotten herself killed trying to be a hero. To be honest, I had no idea how I’d even find her again, I didn’t even know what she looked like – in fact all I knew about her was her mother was a servant, her father a dock worker, her brother was dead, and she was tall and sarcastic.
Maybe one of the boys’ families would take me in for a while once the boys got over the initial shock – that was probably my best bet but at the same time I knew it might ruin everything. The boys were my brothers and yes one day I was going to tell them the truth about me, but I was going to do it on my terms, as an equal, not a damsel in distress. There would be nothing worse than one of them suddenly going all soft on me and professing their undying love or something like that – first I could never see any of them that way (I had seen them be disgusting too many times for there to be any spark of attraction) and fundamentally that wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to be coddled or protected I just wanted to be me, to make my own way in the world and make my own choices.
This was such a disaster, one I should have seen coming, this could never last, could it? At some point as a knight, I was going to get injured and then my secret would be out. I had been kidding myself thinking I could make this my life, what a fool I had been. Most likely I would be expelled from the company in disgrace. Even that was better than the alternative as I saw Sir Shi, who had a kind heart, offering to take me on as a servant where I’d get to watch my squad mates and new apprentices move on with the life I had wanted. I felt tears start to run down my cheeks which I quickly stifled. I may be a fool but I still had my pride and no one would see me crying over this. Just then I heard the door open and Dr Haskell walked in.
“Oh good, you’re awake,” he said. I didn’t reply.
“Painful to talk?” he asked, honestly I hadn’t tried but as everything was currently painful I just nodded.
“If you can tell me, on a scale of 0-10 where nought is no pain and ten is the worst pain you can imagine, where would you say your pain is?”
“Eight,” I managed to grunt.
“Right, I’ll get you some more opium, it will help with the pain, but I can’t give you too much as your breathing is already slow, there’s a drain in your chest helping your lung re-inflate. Do not pull it out.” I looked down and saw a rubber tube coming out of the right side of my chest.
“Lucky escape really, three bolts and close range could have done a lot more damage than a punctured lung and two shattered ribs, I know it doesn’t feel that way but trust me, if one of those bolts had been a few centimetres to the left, it would have been your heart.”
“Uggh,” I grunted in some sort of response.
“It will still be at least a week before you’re back on your feet and a month or two before the ribs heal enough to let you go back on duty, I basically had to cut one out entirely and the other is held together with titanium screws and plates currently – it will look a bit weird through your skin but at least I could save that one.”
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“Duty?” What did he mean back on duty, surely if he had been operating on me he must have seen.
“You’re not being pensioned off just yet young Neesh,” he said, kindly.
“But,” I spluttered, both out of pain and shock, “but surely you know.”
“Know what?” I swear I could see a mischievous glint in his eye. We stared at each other in silence for an uncomfortable few seconds before he said, “oh that you’re not in fact a young man but a young lady?”
“Yes,” I said, sheepishly, this was a cruel joke he was playing.
“Well, it was a surprise certainly but it makes sense when you think about it,” he said, before growing more serious, “look Neesh, I’m a doctor before I am a knight and that means whatever secrets are revealed to me in the course of my work stay secret, for better or ill. Was I shocked? Yes. Do I think you should come clean about your secret? Yes. Do I know what will happen if you do? No, but I would trust Sir Shi to treat me fairly. Do I think it matters that you’re a girl? You passed the trials and as far as I’m concerned that means you deserve to be here. Does that set your mind at rest?”
“Yes,” I said, a huge wave of relief washing over me.
“Good, now focus on getting better, I’m not going to out you but I won’t actively help you conceal your secret and the longer you’re here the more risk there is of it being exposed.”
“That’s fair,” I said.
“Good now drink this, it’s the opium,” he said handing me a small vial of clear liquid. I did and quickly felt some of the pain dull.
“You think I should tell Sir Shi?” I said, picking up on the other thing he had said.
“I do,” he said, “I understand why you might be reluctant, but Sir Shi is the sort of man who sees people’s true value not just what they project to the world or the world projects on them.”
“I’ll think about it,” I said.
“Good, now try and rest, I’ll be back later to see how it’s going.”
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Erik hadn’t seen Shi since the rescue mission and he was getting worried, it was uncharacteristic of him to shut himself away for so long. Now however, he had invited Erik for a private dinner, which was unusual again, Shi enjoyed dining with the company and for both Erik and Shi not to be in the dining hall for dinner would be noted amongst the rest of the company. So it was with unusual trepidation that Erik knocked on Shi’s door that evening.
“Come in Erik,” Shi said, “I was just getting an update on Neesh from Dr Haskell.”
“How is the young rascal?” Erik asked.
“Healing pretty well,” the doctor replied, “I think his lung will be back up by tomorrow and I can get the chest drain out, and his ribs will just need time to heal. Hopefully, I can turf him out of my infirmary in a few days, so long as he comes for regular check-ups.”
“Good, and no fear of that, the boy is going to be confined to headquarters for quite a few weeks,” Shi said, “I admire the young man’s courage, but he was foolish and put himself and the company at risk.”
“Quite,” Dr Haskell replied, with a slightly strange expression.
“Don’t be too hard on the lad, we were all young once and hot blooded, especially when a pretty maid was involved.”
“How is the girl?" the Doctor asked.
“As well as can be expected, given what she’s been through, she’s back with her family and I have Sir Merril keeping an eye on their home for the time being,” Shi said, his expression darkening, “to think this all happening right under my nose, I am ashamed gentlemen.”
“Now Shi,” Erik began.
“Do not tell me it’s not my fault Erik,” Shi interrupted, “a gang was operating, a gang possibly under the sponsorship of a foreign power, in my ward, forcing young women into prostitution for gods know how long and we knew nothing about it. I am responsible for the security of Northgate, both from foreign enemies and criminality, and I have failed in my duty.”
“But Shi,” Erik tried again, only to be interrupted once again.
“But nothing, if I am not accountable who is? No, it is clear I have failed and my duty now is to expunge this cancer from our city, to tear it out root and branch, and even then it will be insufficient to atone for my failings but gentlemen that is what I will do. I will establish a taskforce which I will personally lead, dedicated to eradicating this gang and all who give them succour.”
“Even if that includes the Parasian prince?” Erik asked.
“When I said all, I meant all,” Shi said.
“Command isn’t going to like that,” Erik said, “not that I disagree.”
“No they won’t but that is also my responsibility to bear,” Shi said.
“You might start a war,” Erik said.
“War is coming anyway, my friend, what I do or don’t do will not change that. All I can do is make sure that Malin is a place worth defending when war does come.”
“And what about the girl, what do you intend to do for her?” Dr Haskell asked.
“Yes the girl, we owe her restitution for our failings directly,” Shi said, “I shall ask Mrs Elthorpe to look at what we can spare. Twelve thousand marks, hardly sufficient but it would set her nicely for life?”
“Giving money to a girl forced into prostitution may not go down in the spirit it was intended,” Dr Haskell said.
“You are right of course,” Shi said, deflating, “but what else can we offer her.”
“A job,” Dr Haskell said, “I talked to her, she’s a bright, well educated young woman, very capable and calm under duress.”
“You think she would accept a job? Why would she want to?” Erik asked.
“Pride, she tried to escape, she clearly has pride and the same pride that would throw a gift back in your face will grasp the hand of someone offering an opportunity to better herself,” Dr Haskell said.
“You’re right doctor,” Shi said.
“Well I make it a point to try and understand the mind as well as the body,” Dr Haskell said.
“I shall speak to Mrs Elthorpe,” Shi said, “I’m sure a position can be found in the household.”
“That wasn’t what I had in mind actually,” Dr Haskell said, that odd expression spreading across his face again.