"Where exactly did you get these mushrooms?" I asked as my stomach took a sudden interest in kickboxing.

"Hm? Yes, that's right," Lance replied without looking up from his book. I narrowed my eyes at him, putting my fork down and leaving the rest of my salad untouched.

"I think I'm going to start dating again," I muse out loud. "What was your friend's name? Eric? Do you think he'd like a roll in the hay with me?"

"Sure Grandma, whatever makes you happy," he answered. I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair.

"Lance, I'm pregnant. You're getting a new aunt or uncle," I announced.

"That's good," he dismissed before putting his thumb to his lips and chewing on his nail. Growing weary with the game, I picked up one of the offending mushrooms and threw it at his head. "H-Hey, what was that for?" he startled. He looked down at the mushroom and then up at me, offering me the most betrayed expression a victim of mushroom assault has ever mustered.

"That's for ignoring your grandmother! I've been poisoned by my own family and the little brat is ignoring me. I ought to send you out for a switch," I scolded, but his lack of concern reflected the veracity of the threat.

"Oh, sorry Grandma, I'm just a bit... wait, poisoned?" He asked while furrowing his brow and adjusting his spectacles.

"Poisoned indeed! These mushrooms have started a bare-knuckle brawl in my stomach! I fear I may keel over at this very table!" I exaggerated and he picked up the mushroom that had bounced off his head to examine it. His brown eyes, which he'd inherited from his human father, darted across it for a few moments.

"Oh great Goblin Lord, you're right, these are the wrong ones! I'm so sorry grandma, I was so distracted when gathering ingredients, I must have confused them. They look so much like the white buttons you like, I didn't even notice these speckles! Do you really feel sick, shall I fetch a doctor?" he queried, suddenly giving me his full attention. His face had paled and his eyes were as wide as a hungry cat's. It was my turn to grow concerned.

Lance had let himself be distracted before, but never enough to make a mistake like that. "No dear, you are alright. Us goblins are made of sturdier stuff than that. No poison mushroom is going to hurt me. More importantly, what's going on with you? I've never seen you so... absent, before. What's on your mind kiddo?" I questioned in return.

"Grandma, this could be serious! It's a myth that goblins are immune to poison, you are just resistant! Besides, what if it's a magical effect? I have never seen this kind of mushroom before! I can't believe I did this, I'm so sorry, I'll go get a healer right away," he insisted before scrambling up and out the door. I held out a hand to stop him but he was gone before I could get a word out. What he was worried about was more important and he just changed the subject whenever I asked. Lorraine, his mother, and I had tried everything but he just wouldn't open up.

I sighed. I was old, not made of glass. This was far from the first time I'd gotten sick from strange food I'd found in the forest. I would be fine. But he was off, bothering a healer because I had a tummy ache. It's cruel how age diminishes you in the eyes of your children. Even more so to your grandchildren. When I was Lance's age I was the most promising swordswoman in this part of the country. I was the first goblin captain in the mercenaries' guild. Sure, I had never ascended past that, but I wasn't someone to sneeze at.

I'm the woman who made green skin sexy in this town! I didn't need to be handled like some fragile old lady. I didn't care that I was an old lady, nor that standing up always drew a loud groan from me alongside a chorus of pops and cracks from my joints. Yeah, alright, I couldn't eat red meat anymore, and sleeping on the wrong pillow forced me to walk around like a ghoul all day. That was all beside the point. Aches and pains aside, I was not a child. I could take care of myself and I could handle some silly mushroom.

I supposed I couldn't blame the boy. His father had died when he was just a child. He'd succumbed to what we thought was a simple cold, but propagated with what must have been magical aid, until like me, my daughter was left a widow. Ever since he has been overly concerned for both of us. It was his idea to eat breakfast with me every day, to ensure I am eating everything I need to extend my life as long as possible. He was such a kind boy. It would annoy the healer, and he'd be less likely to come when he was actually needed, but trauma is trauma.

Just as I was huffing to myself and clicking my tongue at Lance's hasty decision, my stomach lurched again and I doubled over. 'Shit' I thought. 'Surely I'm not so old a mushroom is actually going to take me out?'. Worse, my skin started to tighten. I was like too much meat in a cloth bag, it felt like my flesh would start tearing any moment. I reached up and steadied myself on the table and forced myself to stand. I looked down at my arm and gasped.

The green flesh was twisting and stretching in unnatural ways. Lance was right, this was no poison. This was an enchanted mushroom. I had to find out what it was doing. I stumbled away from the table and almost fell over, but caught myself on the wall. I had to crawl along it to make it to my bedroom. I had a small bookshelf near my bed, and it held what I needed. There was a tome full of known spells and curses. If I could find out what was happening, I could maybe stop it. I shakily grasped the old, warn handle on my door and pushed it open, shifting my weight to it as I entered the room.

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There it was. Just next to my side of the bed, the side I'd always slept on when my husband was alive and kept using out of habit. It was only ten paces away, but it might as well have been leagues. As I tried to push myself to the tome in question, I crumpled over, the pain in my stomach stabbing through me. It had spread to my muscles and bones. Everything hurt. My entire body protested the curse and I emptied my stomach on the wood panels of my floor before blacking out.

I was only out for a breath. As I opened my eyes, the vomit oozing toward my face was still wet. Neither Lance nor any healer had arrived. The pain, however, was gone. All of the pain was gone. The tight skin, the twisting stomach, and... the aching joints. I blearily reached out for the bedframe to pull myself to my feet and found the process incredibly easy. I was up on my feet in a moment and I felt amazing. Better than I had in years. I flexed my fingers and looked at my hands. My perfectly smooth hands.

I felt stronger, taller and... my shirt had gotten baggy. I looked down to find the weight of the recent years missing. I forgot the tome on my bookshelf and ran to my washroom instead. 'There is no way' I thought, 'no way at all.' As I made it to the mirror, I gasped. I looked like I had in my sixteenth spring. My black hair was thick and lush. My emerald eyes were vibrant and full of life. My muscles had the tone of a youthful swordswoman, and my back was completely straight. The only wrinkles decorating my face were those from smiling too much as a child.

I was... a girl again. Maybe even younger than Lance, in body. It was absolutely incredible. I flexed my arms and admired myself. 'That's right Lorretta, you are hot, and don't you forget it.' I congratulated myself. I jumped up on my toes a couple of times like I was getting ready for a fight. My body responded without complaint for the first time in decades. I dashed out of the room and went looking through my old trunk. It creaked as I opened it and I had to brush spider webs away, but my anticipation swelled as it revealed its content.

I withdrew my old sword and adventuring clothes. They smelled musty, but I didn't care as I changed into them. I sighed a bit when I did, marveling at my own toned muscles and slim figure. I had missed youth. But that didn't matter as much as the sword. I pulled the weapon from its scabbard and made a few practice swings. Its old durability and sharpness enchantments had held up better than I had all these years. It whistled as it flew through the air. I spun it in my hand a few times and painted my face with a toothy grin that used to terrify my human opponents.

I had a thought as I swung my sword. Lance hadn't been opening up to me at all, and something was clearly worrying him. The school year had just started, and I wondered if there was something going wrong there. As good as I felt, it was still strange he had made the mistake. He was hyper-sensitive about what he fed me, ever since his father's death. He always double and triple checked everything. He even came to check on me at night. It was downright irritating how careful he was with me and his mother. So how had he missed the mushrooms?

That gave me an idea. He was seventeen springs old. I glanced back through the open door to my washroom. I could pass for seventeen. If he won't talk to his grandma, maybe he will talk to a classmate? In that moment, my head was high in the clouds. I forgot all about the negative effects even superficially positive curses could have. I was too relieved to be young again. Great Goblin Lord it felt good. Soo good, in fact, I forgot where my grandson had gone. When I heard the front door open, my heart stopped.

If I wanted to enact my spur-of-the-moment plan, he couldn't see me now. I hurried to my bedroom door and slammed the door shut. "Grandma, are you in there?" Lance called.

"Loretta, Lance here says you may have eaten something dangerous. Is it alright if I come in and do an examination?" a familiar voice called. I immediately recognized it as Allen, the human healer who lived a few houses down.

"Uh- uh, no, sorry, I'm quite alright. The mushrooms were fine it was just, uh, gas. You know how it is at this age," I chuckled nervously. There was a moment of quiet and I practically sweat through my clothes with anxiety.

"Loretta?" Allen asked, "Your voice sounds... strange. Are you alright in there?" I cursed at myself, then started faking a raspy cough.

The next time I spoke, I tried to emulate my older voice. "Yes, yes, my apologies. I just had something stuck in my throat. Please, it was a false alarm, you can head home Allen!" I promised but was met with another moment of silence.

"Grandma, I'm coming in" Lance called and the handle started to turn. I pushed myself against the door and tried to hold the broken lock in place.

"No, no, I am, uh, quite naked I'm afraid! I thought I'd take a bath!" I scrambled and he paused.

"A bath? Didn't you already take one this morning? Grandma, what's wrong?" he asked and I pressed my forehead against the door.

"It's nothing Lance, it's just... alright it wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. That's why my stomach was so upset. I'm afraid I've made quite a mess, I'd be terribly humiliated if you came in now. Please, I swear to you, Lance. I am alright. You don't need to worry," I promised. There was another pause.

"I'll tell you what, Lance," Allen suggested, "I'll stay with her until she gets dressed, and I'll send a runner to let you know how things are going. You should be headed to school soon anyway." I didn't hear a response for a moment, but when I pressed my ear to the door I could make out whispering. After a moment, Lance finally spoke.

"Alright grandma, I'm going now. You do what healer Allen tells you to, alright? Let him look you over, promise me?" he requested and I sighed.

"Alright, I promise," I responded.

He let out a heavy sigh, loud enough to be heard through the door. "Alright. I'll be coming by right after school. Please, take care of her, Healer Allen," he finally agreed. After a heavy silence consisting of, I assume, nonverbal communication, I heard footsteps followed by the front door.

"Alright, Loretta. He is gone. Whatever you are hiding from him, it's time to come clean," he intoned and I groaned. Allen was just going to worry about silly side effects. But, his knowing didn't stop me from connecting with Lance. And if I was being honest, I didn't just want to do this for Lance. I wanted to go to school again. I wanted to spar, to run and exercise, and scare bullies with my fangs. But I didn't think I could get rid of Allen, so I sighed and opened the door.

He gaped as he looked at me, and I could only return a sheepish half-smile. "Het, Allen. Fancy seeing you here..."