“Oh goblins and grandmas, sadly can’t out run us. As babies they don’t give way, screaming all day. Years later, they flee, oh the loss of delicacyyy. And let’s not begin, with the GROWN STRONG MEN.”

Two nearly naked adult males were rushed on stage, quivering in fear.

“This is my favorite part,” a goblin by the name of Gob spoke quietly as the musical continued, however, the grandma sitting next to him wasn’t particularly pleased.

“A blade to the head,” the goblin cut the man’s head off, “or a whip to our back,” he sang as the other was whipped. “The cruel king Jack, would see us all dead in humanities last attaaaack. But when all was lost, in the final slaughter, Jack’s own mother slew him, turning the tide on all his brotherrrss.” Hugging the headless corpse, “Oh goblins and grandmas, skin folds like pajamaaaas!” The goblin got on one knee, extending his arms to the sky. “Be it blind or deaf, for the few that are left, there will be peace, for goblins and grandmaaaas!”

Many goblins jumped from their seats, cheering and throwing roses, however some tossed fingers.

“Aw! I left my set of fingers at home,” Gob said, biting his lip. Looking over the wrinkly fingers next to him, “Lucy, do you think…”

“Not a chance,” Lucy said.

As everyone exited the theater, Gob noticed auctions being held outside. “Lucy, a new batch arrived!”

“Get your grandma while their young-er…” the auctioneer shouted over the many goblins present.

“Wow! Look at that one, she’s only sixty!” Gob said.

“I’ll take the two on the right,” a goblin shouted.

“Bog are you sure? She’s practically ninety, I doubt she’ll be around for much longer,” the younger female goblin, Lin, said.

“Meh, who cares. The older the better. They’ve got more stories to tell,” Bog said. Abruptly gazing at his assistant, Bog slapped him across the head, “Gio, what’re you waiting for?!”

“S-s-sorry. O-o-on it.” Gio said, running over to the auctioneer. “We’ll t-t-take the two on the right.”

In today’s society, goblins and humans had driven each other to near extinction, but in a final push, King Jack aimed to kill the last remaining goblins. However, unknowingly, his mother, who had been in love with a goblin, slew him, changing the tide of the war. Now, mostly grandmothers remain, but because of this single act, each one over the age of fifty was spared.

As ordered by the late Goblin King to his brother before passing in the last battle. ‘Until the final grandma breathes her last breath, there will be no slaying of them.’

“Uncle Bog!” Gob said, running over.

“Ah, Gob. How was the show?” Bog said.

“Amazing! This time they severed the head perfectly!” Gob said.

“Wow, no way!?” Lin said. “It’s only been a few weeks since we’ve won the war, I’m surprised they’ve still got some males in stock for the show.”

“They should have offed the lot a long time ago. What’s King Obgi waiting for?” Bog said, in a disdainful tone. “Last thing we need is for one to slip through and repopulate the damn things.” Gazing up at Lucy, “Sorry Lucy,” Bog said.

“None taken,” Lucy said, before a child goblin accidentally rammed into her playing soccer with a human head.

“Watch it, hag!” he shouted.

“Bo!” the mother of the goblin said, quickly approaching from behind. “I’m so sorry miss.” Yanking her kids long pointy ear, “Apologize right now!”

“Ow! Alright, sheesh… Sorry…” the kid said.

“It’s quite alright,” Lucy said.

As they left, the mother said, “And what did I tell you about playing head ball in the plaza?!”

“B-b-bog,” Gio said, appearing beside the lot.

“Gio, nice to see you,” Lucy said.

Gio looked up at her, scowling.

“Well Gio, did you get what I asked?”

“Sorry, the p-p-price was simply out of r-r-range,” Gio said.

“What did it cost?”

“Three hearts a-a-and one hundred and twenty teeth.”

“WHAT?!” Bog glanced at the auctioneer. “Green eared swindler,” he muttered.

“What about the other to the left?” Bog said.

“She didn’t w-w-want to come with,” Gio said.

“Well, can’t be helped I guess,” Bog said. “Afterall, it’s not like they’re slaves, each grandma’s given the right to choose whom adopts them. Let’s head home.”

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***

Gio carefully walked into the dining room where everyone sat, placing a brain with seven lit candles dug into it before Lin.

“Happy kill day to you, happy kill day to you. Happy kill day, vile Lin, happy kill day to youuuu!”

“And m-m-many mooore—”

“Shut up Gio,” Bog said.

“Yessir,” Gio said, slouching over as he headed to the kitchen.

“I can’t believe you got a brain for my birthday,” Lin said, tears welling in her eyes.

“Well, go on,” Bog said, “Damn somebody.”

Closing her eyes, Lin contemplated who or what to condemn.

“Who did you condemn?” Gob said.

“Any remaining humans hiding out there!” Lin said.

“That’s my girl,” Bog said.

“Psh, lame,” Gob said.

“Shut up Gob,” Lin said.

“Now now, you have all your lives to kill one another, but today’s a day for celebration,” Bog said. “Now let’s feast!”

Gio reappearing, placed a bowl of soup before Lucy.

“Thank you Gio,” Lucy said as he left back to the kitchen.

“Gob! Stop hogging all the eyeballs!” Lin shouted.

“Snooze you lose,” Gob said, shoveling the entire bowl down his throat.

“UGH!” Lin gripped her knife, tossing it directly at him, piercing straight through his ear before sticking into the wall behind him where it dangled.

“My ear!” Gob stood on the table with his fork in hand pointed at Lin. “I’ll kill you!”

“Stinking quarter orc!” she said, also getting up while brandishing a fork of her own.

“Lin, Gob, we’re eating,” Lucy said.

Bog, gulping down some soup, said, “She’s right, sit your asses down,” wiping his face off with a napkin. “You’re lucky I’m more lenient than grandpa Igo. If he were here, he’d teach you ankle biter’s some manners. Back in my day, your head be on a platter for such an act!”

Scowling, Lin reluctantly sat back in her seat.

Gob, crossing his arms, “Psh, I’m not afraid of that goblin geezer.”

“Is that right?” Bog stood, walking over to a dresser. Opening it, a rotten head of a goblin was displayed on a platter.

“Brother Gi!” Lin said. “I wondered where he went.”

“Gulp…”

“So that’s where the smell was coming from…” Lucy said.

“Go on, keep it up Gob,” Bog said, and Gob slowly sat back in his chair. Sighing, “Gio! Where’s dessert!”

“S-s-sorry sir,” Gio said, exiting the kitchen with a platter of Jell-O filled ears.

Sipping her soup, Lucy said, “Gio, the soup is exquisite, the meat simply melts in the mouth. What is it, lamb? No, it’s got more of a pork flavor.”

“I m-m-made it a little special today, j-j-just for you,” Gio said, a sly smile spreading across his face. “Human liver.”

Spitting it out, Lucy quickly stood, exiting the room.

“Hahaha,” Gio fell to the floor laughing hysterically.

“GIO!” Bog said. Gio quickly silenced; a look of fear replaced his happy demeanor. “Get your dirty green ass outside, now!” Gio quickly scurried out the front door, followed by Bog. “I’ll be right back,” Bog said to the children.

“I’m going to check on Lucy,” Gob said, getting up to leave.

“M-m-master, please d-d-don’t,” Gio said, pressing against the stone wall of their small cottage home.

“Idiot! Don’t you know we’re to treat grandmas as one of our own. What you did was completely out of line!” Nearby, stabbed into a severed tree was a machete. Bog walked over to it, yanking it out.

“I won’t d-d-do it again,” Gio said, curling into a ball.

“Stand up straight you no good gobber.” Reluctantly, Gio stood up straight, grimacing as Bog approached. Reaching for Gio, he flinched, “Don’t move,” Bog said, gripping Gio’s ear. With a deciding swing of the machete, he sliced the long ear of Gio clean off.

“Ahhh!” Gio cried, falling to the floor.

“Consider yourself lucky I didn’t take your other,” Bog said. “I want this mess cleaned up by morning, and don’t even think about coming inside tonight, less we make room for another head in grandpa Igo’s dresser.”

Inside, after puking, Lucy leaned over the sink, water dripping down her chin. Gazing into the mirror, she traced the wrinkles along her face. Time had surely caught up to her, but her blue eyes remained the same; it brought back sweet memories.

“What’s wrong honey?” a young man appeared to her left, strapping his belt on.

Pouting, she looked over at her husband. “My first wrinkle… Quick, we need time magic,” Lucy said.

“If I find an elf on the way who can cast such a spell, I’ll ask them to come back with me,” he said, chuckling.

“God, here’s hoping. We could really use an elves help,” she said. “It’s too bad King Jack decided to let them perish in the last Goblin raid on Myrith…”

“We’ve all made mistakes. King Jack’s not perfect, but little by little we’re finding our way to the end of this war because of him,” he responded.

Gazing in the mirror, she smiled as her husband wrapped his hands around her stomach, kissing her neck. “Mm, I love you,” Lucy said, sinking into his chest.

“I love you too,” he said.

Turning around she stared directly into his eyes, “Promise me you’ll come back.”

“Lucy…”

“Promise me Harry,” Lucy said.

“Sweetie…” Looking into her glimmering blue eyes, he sighed. “I promise. I’ll be back.”

A tear fell from Lucy’s eye, rolling down her face, barely gracing her lips as she turned the running water off. “You promised me…”

“Lucy?” Gob said, appearing to her left.

Wiping the tear from her face, Lucy said, “Yes Gob?”

“I was just checking to see if you were okay?” Gob said.

Smiling, “Yes, I’m fine. It wasn’t all that terrible, just a bit of a surprise is all.”

“Okay. Lin’s whipping up a ham and cheese sandwich if you’re still hungry?”

“That’s alright, I’m pretty tired as it is. I’m not the young star athlete I once was. I’m going to get some shut eye,” Lucy said, placing her hand on his shoulder as she guided him toward the door.

“Alright, well, see you in the morning,” Gob said.

“Goodnight Gob. And do apologize to Lin for me that I couldn’t stay up later this time around to play cards against humanity.”

“Okay, goodnight Lucy,” Gob said, as the door shut behind him. Gob made his way into the kitchen where Bog and Lin were.

“Is she coming back?” Lin said, placing a sandwich on the dinner table.

“No, she’s going to bed,” Gob said.

“Damn Gio,” Bog said, pushing the Jell-O aside before standing. “I should have left him to the wolves back in the forest. Taking him in as a servant was a mistake.”

“You’re going to bed too?” Gob said.

“Yeah, my appetites ruined,” Bog said. “You guys enjoy the rest.” Walking over he pat both children on the head before going to bed.

Sighing, Lin said, “Some happy kill day this was…” She also got up and left to her room.

Gob watched as everyone left, before slowly redirecting his eyes to the Jell-O. Inching his hand closer, he casually slid it his way, bit by bit.

Lucy walked over to the dresser where a photo of her wedding was placed. Tracing the small square room, she took in the many portraits on the wall; pictures of family members, now long gone.

Sitting on the bed which was just big enough for her, she sighed. The moonlight peered through the window as she gazed down at a portrait in her hand that she kept on the bed stand. It showed a young boy with a beautiful woman. They each had an ice cream in their hand and looked very happy. “How is this possible?” she said, placing her hand on her stomach, rubbing the small protruding bump. “If they found out I’m with child…”

Meanwhile, peering in from outside her window, Gio. He looked surprised, at first, but soon after, his lips curled into a wicked smile. Holding his severed ear, he quickly ran into the forest towards a castle looming over the trees in the distance; the Goblin Kings estate…