“There is, beneath all, a place wherein the ugly truth lies.
Strangely, if one gazes into its depth long enough,
the ugly morphs into the bold and dazzling.”
~ Ovan Paqeña, Superintendent,
District 5 of the Xicayow Steppe
*
Never go to a government office at night. Trust me. I did exactly that five years ago, and look where it got me. I know, I know, I probably shouldn’t be complaining, but hey, sometimes a guy can only take so much. I’m getting ahead of myself, sorry. I’m not really much of a writer. Still, the stupid bureaucrats down at the office insist that I write down my account of things. You get curious one day, pull the wrong lever, then BAM! All the higher ups suddenly know your name.
It’s all “don’t touch that spoon Alex!” or “Alex, you tied your shoe too tight,” never “hey, Alex, thanks for saving my way of life!” I mean seriously, even a little gratitude would be welcome. Nope. Not here. That’s not how things are done. Instead of lounging around and receiving the accolades I clearly earned, I’m stuck here writing about it. In the human world, I’d be a billionaire by now, I’m sure of it. I’ve seen it in all the comic books and movies. Save the human world, and you’re set for life.
If I could sigh through written words, I would. In fact, who says I can’t. Tell you what, for now on, when you see this: ⤘ just know it means a sigh. The more you see, the longer the sigh. Got it? Good. Because I get the feeling I’ll be using it a lot throughout this account. Here, before I get back on track, let me prove it.
⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘
Ha, there we go. An adequate sigh. If you don’t get the humor of that, count the amount of sigh symbols. If you still don’t get it, you’re probably not familiar with Novarkian customs. Don’t worry, I’ll get to that. You’ll be a Novarkian scholar by the time you finish reading this.
Good heavens, I’m really good at getting off track, aren’t I. Let’s start over.
My name is Alex Bapo, and five years ago, I decided to go visit my family. It was supposed to be a surprise. Unfortunately, my family also decided to go on vacation at the same time. When I finally arrived at their house St. George, Utah, I found it empty and locked.
“What gives, mom?” I said to her over the phone. “I travel all the way down from Coeur D'Alene and you guys aren’t even here! Seriously! You could warn me, you know.”
“I could say the same to you, bud, don’t worry though. Your Grandma Olvec is home.”
“Very funny, you know how much I like Grandma Olvec. Besides, doesn’t she live away from town? Why don’t you just tell me where your spare key is and I’ll crash at your place for a few days.”
“She’s just up in New Harmony, bought a place there last year. You’ll like it. Besides, I don’t have a spare.”
I shook my head. My parents had never been very good at planning ahead. It was a habit that took me a few years to kick when I went off to college. Of course, I wasn’t willing to give in so easily, I barely knew my Grandma Olvec, heck, I still don’t know her very well. So, I did what any clever child with siblings would do. I called my younger brother.
“Hey! You probably haven’t heard yet, but I—”
“Mom just told me,” he said. “I don’t have a key, and neither does sophie.”
“Okay, but what about—”
“Alex! I’m on vacation.” He hung up the phone.
Just my luck. No one was home, and no one wanted to help. I got back in my car and drove around for a while before I finally gave in and got on the freeway to New Harmony. I tried to remember what Grandma Olvec was like. The few memories I had of her were from years ago, back when I was a kid. She always talked with a funny accent and she sort of creeped me out. Of all the things I remembered, one stuck out. She had a terrifyingly large pet raven. On the rare occasion that she watched us, she used the raven as a scare tactic to get us to what she wanted.
“Tuck yourselves in and go to sleep!” She’d yell from across the house. “If I hear a peep, Ragpiu will come watch you in the night. You would not like that, believe me, he gives scary dreams!”
Thinking back, it’s kind of a strange threat. As a kid, though, I would have done anything to not find out what she meant.
When I finally arrived in New Harmony, I found myself wondering how my Grandma would like a surprise. Like my family, she had no idea I was coming. I’d have called her on my way up, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t own a phone. She’s always been against technology.
“Surprise!” I said when she opened her front door.
“Go away! I am not buy anything! Goodbye!” She slammed the door in my face and I stood there shocked. Of course she didn’t remember me. I didn’t have any other options, so I knocked again.
She came to the door again a minute later, only this time she had that terrible raven perched on her arm.
“Get him Ragpiu, make him leave!” She shouted.
I braced for an attack, but it never came. Instead, the raven held still and cocked its head sideways while staring at me with glossy black eyes. Believe me when I say I nearly bolted then and there. I’d been wrong. My mom had been wrong. Of all the things I could have done, coming to stare this creepy bird in the face had to be close to the bottom of the “enjoyable things to do” list. Then my Grandma surprised me.
“Ah, Ragpiu, you know this one? Yes? Very well, what do you want, strange man?”
“Sorry,” I said, shaking myself away from the raven's beady eyes. “It’s me, Alex… your grandson. I thought I’d come by and surprise you!”
“Hmm… grandson. Alex… Alex… Alex… Ah! Alex! Yes! How are you? I see resemblance now. Please, come in. Will you staying long?”
“Actually, I was thinking I could stay through the weekend, if it isn’t too much trouble. I don’t feel like I see you very often and—”
“Say no more, you can stay. I have many errand for you to run for me. This is my offer.”
“Grandma, I didn’t come to work, I came to get to know you. I’m on vacation and—”
“You need place to eat and sleep, yes?”
“Well… yes, but—”
“Then you will work. No better way to get to know your kin then work. Come, I lead you to your quarters.”
⤘⤘⤘⤘⤘ Even the way she talked made me want to get out of there. Quarters? She made it sound like I was in for a week at prison camp. Sadly, as I walked through her house, I quickly realized that prison would have been nice compared to this. Her house wasn’t very big, and all of her walls were covered in black wallpaper. At least, I think that’s what it was. I couldn’t see it very clearly because she had something either hanging or sitting around the perimeter of each room so that you could barely see the wall.
Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.
It reminded me of the hoarding shows I used to watch, only more organized. Little trinkets, art, tools, you name it, she probably had something like it. In another house, you would think it was all trash. Here, you could tell that each piece had its place. Not a speck of dust anywhere I looked, and I could have sword she’d polished anything metal so that it shined like new. Then we got the “guest room,” if you can call it that. It had a bed, but all the walls were covered in shelves full of glass jars and bottles.
“You sleep here,” my grandma said, “but don’t touch a thing. Understood?”
I nodded. “Shouldn’t be a problem. What are all these things anyways?”
My grandma laughed in response. “Ingredients for my potions! Haha! I’m a witch!” She said it in a joking tone, but I couldn’t help but wonder.
“You’re a witch?”
She looked at me like I was a monkey that couldn’t peel a banana. “Ha! It’s jokes. No such thing as witch. Trust me. I have looked into it. They all die years ago.” She laughed again as she turned around. “Put your things down and come with me. I have task.”
⤘⤘⤘ I did what she said and put my things down, then met her in the kitchen. She had a large round table with a dark purple table cloth. On top of it sat a leather briefcase with two iron locks on it.
“You take this to city called Santa Clara for me. There is government building there, not hard to find. Take it in and give to window.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Not tomorrow. Now. You take it now.”
“Grandma, if it’s a government building it won’t be open at night.”
“Bushka. You know nothing. Leave now, and I make dinner. Government buildings always open at night, just use side entrance. If locked, you knock. Someone will answer.”
“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work that—”
She hit me on the head with a long stick she picked up from nearby. Her speed surprised me. She looked like she could be at least one hundred years old, but she moved as quick as a snake. I rubbed my head and stepped back in surprise.
“Ow! What was that for?!”
“You ask too many question. Take parcel and begone!”
I almost stood up to her, but that blasted raven chose that very moment to scratch something awful. At that moment, I decided anything would be better than staying there, so I grabbed the briefcase by the handle and almost ran out to my car. Once I got in, I pulled out my cell phone and looked up Santa Clara. Of course, it was on the other side of St. George and it would take me over an hour to get there and back. ⤘⤘ That’s about when I gave up on trying to make this a vacation. In fact, I’d pretty much decided that I’d leave the next morning. Even one night seemed like too much at Grandma Olvec’s house.
As I drove, I found myself at least a little grateful for the drive. I hadn’t been around St. George much, my family moved there after I left the house, but it had a certain charm to it. Not so beautiful as the mountains where I lived, but still nice in its own way. I’d never seen so much orange and red rock. Sadly, it didn’t last long. Before I got halfway to my destination, the sunset and I couldn’t see much of anything.
By the time I arrived in Santa Clara, only street lights lit the world around me. Fortunately, the city isn't very big, and there’s really only one government building there. I parked my car, grabbed the suitcase and approached the front door. As I suspected, it was locked. I glanced around and found I was the only one outside. The street I was on had a homely small town feel with big trees and decorative lamp posts. For half a second, I considered just throwing the briefcase out, and heading back. Then I thought about Grandma Olvec’s stick. If she found out, something told me I’d get much more than a little whack on the head.
⤘⤘⤘ I remembered what she said about the side door and decided to try that. Unsurprisingly, it was locked too. I gently banged my head against the glass window and peered inside. The lights were off, and nobody was in sight. Even if I’d managed to get inside, I doubted I’d find the right place to drop my briefcase off. I turned to leave, and heard a click. The door behind me swung inward automatically.
I’d seen enough creepy movies to know going inside was a bad idea, yet I found myself curious. Shrugging, I turned back around and went inside. A single emergency lit the hall ahead, and I walked toward it. Turning the corner, I walked up a staircase and found a small window with metallic shutters closed over it. Next to the shutters sat a small white button with a sign that read
“Push for Assistance”
I pushed it and waited. Nothing happened. A few seconds passed, and I nearly turned around when a small slip of paper appeared from beneath the shutters. I snatched it up and read it.
“Please explain the purpose of your visit” it said. Underneath were four boxes. I found the one that said “Delivery,” grabbed a pen hanging from a small chain nearby, marked it, then slipped it back underneath the shutters. Not two seconds later, a thick packet of papers slipped out. I grabbed it and read through it. I thought it must’ve been a mistake at first, but as I read through the first page, I found that it was a delivery form. The most advanced over detailed delivery form I’d ever seen, mind you, but a delivery form nonetheless.
It asked me everything from my name to how long I’d had the item, to what I thought the estimated weight was. Pages and pages of questions. It was only then that I realized that my grandma never gave me an address to send the briefcase to. Oddly, I saw that the form I’d been given didn’t ask for an address. I thought it was strange, but commenced to return the form once I’d finished it. Again, a little paper slipped out and I grabbed it. This once politely asked me to find a seat and wait for the next available representative to assist with package pickup. I shrugged and sat down.
I’d been deep in thought wondering about how often government buildings operated at night like this when I heard a noise from somewhere downstairs.
“Hello?” I called out, but no one responded. Shrugging it off, I pulled out my phone and started looking through my apps for something to keep me busy. Again, I heard the noise, but it sounded closer this time. I looked up, but again, couldn’t see anything. Then the smell hit. You know how your propane smells when there’s a gas leak? Kind of like rotten eggs? It smelled like that, and not just a little. I nearly vomited.
I’ve since learned that's how you know when Nojaisa is near. Any one with that bit of common knowledge would have known exactly what to do. It’s simple, really. They have this strange rule where if you hold your breath, they can’t bother you. Naturally, I had no idea at the time, so I kept on breathing when I spotted the ugly little thing.
It stood only about three feet tall and had the most foul skin I’ve ever seen. Imagine if you had a zit on your face, and that zit had a thousand zits then grew up to be a three foot tall child. Sorry, I don’t mean to gross you out, but it’s an accurate description. Wait, no. It’s almost accurate. Take that same image, but now think about each of the smaller zits as tiny yellow volcanoes spurting goop and puss. Yeah. It’s that bad. Thus the smell.
Anyways, I looked up at this thing and didn’t know what to think, so I quickly stood up and backed away. The little creature seemed to notice and it squinted its crusty eyes at me.
“Ah! Go away you ugly little… dog? Thing? I don’t know! Keep your distance!”
Another thing I didn’t know about Nojaisa. They’re rather touchy when it comes to insults. Oh, and they hate dogs. Yeah, needless to say, the little guy was more than a little upset. Instead of scaring him off, I’d only made things worse. He bared his teeth and growled at me. This time, I threw up. If you think a Nojaisa smells bad, try smelling its breath. It adds a certain… Je ne sais quoi to the scent. Like a rotting carcass laying in a field of dog poop.
Quicker than I could respond, the little bugger rushed me, snatched the briefcase from my hand and scuttled away. It’s puss got on my hand and I wiped it off on my shirt. The whole encounter shocked me. I stood there looking like a dumb giraffe with its mouth wide open after accidentally eating a baboon's tail instead of leaves.
Then the window shutters suddenly rolled up into the ceiling with a loud crack! I nearly jumped out of my skin, but relaxed a little when I looked over to see a small man dressed in office clothes at the window. For the most part, he looked normal, but there was no getting around his pointy ears and slick black hair.
“We’re ready for your delivery now,” he said in a high pitched gravelly voice. “Please place the parcel on the counter.”
“Parcel?” I said, my brain still trying to figure out what just happened. “Ah, right. Sorry, it’s… um… actually, I don’t have it anymore. You see, this little thing just came up and took it from me.”
“You lost it!” The man yelled out, surprising me with his rage. His face turned to a shade of red I never thought possible. “Do you know what you’ve done! Where did it go! You must find it at once!”
I looked back at the trail of puss and grime the small creature had left, then back to the man at the counter.
“I’m sorry, it’s just I—”
“Enough words! Quickly, go get it before it's too late!”
“Hold on!” I shouted. “I don’t have the first clue what is going on here! Why is that briefcase such a big deal and what was that creature!?”
“That’s it! You’re clearly an incompetent courier!” He reached over and slammed his fist down on a large black button.
“I’m not a cou—”
Before I could finish, I felt something prick my neck. Almost immediately, my eyelids felt droopy and my muscles weak. The last thing I saw was a small pile of the nasty goop as I collapsed and landed my face smack dab in the middle of it.