Mirrors can’t eat people, is what I thought when my mother first bought one for me. It was one of those, full body mirrors that showed you your entire bodies self reflection. When I first laid eyes on it I thought it would show me myself In the topsy turvy way that fun house mirror did, but it was just regular old me inside that reflection. My mother bought me the mirror for her journey of my own self discovery, so of course that meant it was apart of her plan to get me to lose weight.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

The mirror showcased every inch of me in its 16X57 full frame, down to my short legs on my overgrowing stubby body, the medium length arm that were somehow no longer than my torso, and the shoulder length hair that hid my round face from the world.

So of course I thought, Mirrors can’t eat people, but I had hoped this one could swallow me whole. My mother had a saying that she would mostly use when frustrated by my father. It was, be careful what you wish for.