[http://rom.ac/img/49nmore/48-05.jpg]
[http://rom.ac/img/98/100-engcaps.jpg]
[Captain's log : Entry eight-nine-laurels]
It’s been a busy day in Captania.
My most delicate citizen Charles Snippy was made safe despite his best efforts towards self-destruction. By following projected lines of probability, I have been able to jerry-rig events into allowing Snippy’s continued Snippitude.
Earlier today, Snippy was spared being vaporized by a store app with a ‘liquefaction of shoplifters’ policy.
My watch had let me know that despite my earnest, vast admonishments against theft, snippy had fully intended to steal from this most stern establishment. Foreseeing his buffoonery, I sent Photoshop out on a mission, so that today she could chase Snippy away from harm.
The 'guide-dog' contingency was a success!
After that, my continued machinations saved Snipster from cardiac arrest brought on by pure terror. Dixon the Dead Zone wraith would have sought to engage Charles in conversation, though his murder-machine aesthetic would eventually induce a heart attack in my frail Charles.
To properly distract Dixon, I had priorly arranged for him to be diverted by a romantic interlude with Matilda, a local eligible bachelorette and Traffic Manager. With Dixon engaged in the tribulations of young love, Snippy was able to flee with his squishy blood-pump working at full capacity!
Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.
And so plan number sixty-thirteen, title: 'make love, not horror' came to fruition.
Another predicted outcome for today would have been a blossoming friendship between Snippy and Dillon, a fellow oblivious unconnectable. It would have been delectably hallmark and wonderful for Charles to enjoy friendship with another unconnectable human — up until the 99.99982% probability event. In it, according to my charts, Dillon’s enemies, the traffic cone mafia and the sentient mold, teamed up against him. Both Dillon and Snippy would have perished in the ensuing attack, like two tragic star-crossed lovers on a sinking ship.
A sinking ship made of sentient mold that was unwholesomely eating both of them.
Yes, it was sadly necessary to prevent this friendship, since life is no charming and quaint movie, where two loveable misfits come together to learn poignant life lessons! Life is one of those unpleasant plays that doesn’t make sense, where you wait for two hours for someone who never shows up, and then the curtain drops!
To estrange Snippy from this fatal friendship, I slyly taped a very visible and whimsical "Property of Captain" note to his derriere, and armed him with a most chic accessory. The clashing of the purse and the note and the list of items to acquire [such as pantyhose] with the rest of Snippy’s ensemble, combined with the suspicious note, had bamboozled Dillon and squashed any hope of fermenting friendship.
And so operation ‘forever alone’ came to fruition, with the doomed friendship wholly prevented.
And now zee day’s final contingency is playing out perfectly—I see from the corner of my eye that Snippy has met the special friend I arranged for! Yes, I have united Snippy with one of his bestest friends of all, from all throughout his temporal history, one that will make sure that Charles won't perish horribly in the diresome events of the coming future.
Is he calling out his gratitude?
It sounds more like he is saying “Captain! For the love of G-d, run away!”
Running away? That’s no way to introduce yourself to your future best friend, Charles!