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Chocolate is delicious.

I can never have too much of it, just like I can never have too much of Captain's ba-wutiful visage.

My subplot is to find the chocolate factory of Mr. Wonka so that I may steal his produce to build my Captain a chocolate castle. Another subplot is that I will liberate the subjugated tiny peoples of Lumpa from their servitude to evil Doctor Wonka.

I would grant Lumpians Captanian passports so that they can have happy, fulfilling lives as citizens of Captania.

Wouldn't you like to become a citizen of Captania Steve?

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...

Oh, how rude of me! Of course I will tell you about Captania.

Captania is all around you, Captania is in your heart and liver. Captania is friendship, kindness and obedience. Captania is fluffly clouds, rainbows, hugs and butterflies. Captania is wonderfuralicious! Being a citizen of Captania guarantees you an education, a job, free residence and true love, like a proper utopia!

They told me I can never truly be in love, you know.

Yet here I am, with sunshine in my brain and a spring in my step.

Promise me you'll think about it, okay?

You can mail your citizenship application to our consulate on Twelth and a Half Street.

I'll make a real nice passport for you, you know.

...

Wait a minute! These be no chocolates at all!

These be radioactive candyspooders! Argh!

Such discovery of despair!

Run Steve! Run! Before the chocospooders summon their cake-shaped mother. She can devour you whole, for she is a merciless one!

With tears in my heart, I left Steve to his gloomy fate, for he was too paralyzed by fear to escape from spidery doom.

Such is life.

Such is the way of the world for those that reject Captain.