[https://rom.ac/img/108/PILOTAVVY.gif]
To:
The Emissary of humanity
Twelfth and a half street,
Apartment Seventy Bee,
Manchester,
Planet Mercury
From:
The desk of Pilot
Frosty land of traffic lights
Planet Earth
Dear Princess Captain,
Let me tell you what delights it is to find you once again! My heart flutters with all the handly flavors of merriment!
I must also say that I greatly enjoy the grand melody you are whistling to motivate our march across the land of traffic lights.
[https://rom.ac/img/96/96a.jpg]
I do not muchly trust the residents of this land, the traffic lights themselves for they attempt to pin sinister thoughts into my head cushion by blinking yellow morse-codes at me while I am not paying attention...
"Are you strategically warning me of much impending disasters?" I blinked back at the traffic lights. "Or are you secretively trying to slant my brain-noodles sideways?"
"Which one!?" I demanded.
"User: Charles Snippy. He is to be dexified, you know." the traffic lights blinked in youngly-femaley voice.
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"Don't I know it! Snippy is a no good rotten appleoid!" I blinked back.
"Yes, Christophorus. According to the rules you have to kill Charles Snippy. I'm curious. Aren't you going to do your job or are you... a lawbreaker?"
"My job is to be a quality citizen of Captania!"
"Just answer me this - why haven't you killed Charles and turned him into a Dex? You've had opportunity aplenty."
"Citizen murder is illegal in greater Captania!" I noddered with rapidity.
"What if you don't do it directly yourself. It won't be your fault if Charles falls into a hole which you had dug a week prior and had stored sticky sap in. Oh no, it will be the fault of Charles and his failure to be attentive. See how this works?"
"But..." I blinked.
"Charles will replace you. He is already taking jobs away from you. He will take Captain away from you. How many times has Charles been declared citizen of the month, already? Time after time he has received praise and appreciation from Captain. He is a threat to your livelihood. You must banish Charles from Captania, forever. You will be rewarded. Trust me." the traffic lights voice stapled stenrlilike. "Lose Charles in the Dead Zone."
I considered this development. The traffic lights girl-beast was right.
Snippy continues to undermine captain's divine authority with snidey comments!
[https://rom.ac/img/96/96-b.jpg]
. . .
My right eye tells me to keep a stern watch on Snippy, for he is not a trust-worthy character. It's a rather sad thing he was able to find his way back to us on his own, after his train-picnic, otherwise I'd have to be the one to fetch him.
I relish the job of fetching Snippy for it mildly satisfies the demands of my right eye.
It does not please the eye when Snippy gets lost, but it does please it when I find him again.
Hunting Snippy is rather fun!
It is indeed a salty thrill for me to build elaborate traps for Snippy to walk into, for a more elaborate each a trap is, the more points my right eye rewards me. Each trap is of course tax deductible, which is a great bonus.
[https://rom.ac/img/96/96-c.jpg]
Does this mean that Snippy is the roadrunner to my coyote or Jerry to my Tom?
Sincerely,
Most observantly,
With infinite adoration,
Your most pliant servant,
PILOT