Distracted with shaking pieces of coal out of my boots,
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I failed to notice that Captain and Pilot had climbed a small ruined house nearby and were trying to shove our bags of canned foods down the chimney.
"WHAT ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS DOING?" I shouted at them.
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"JUST THINK OF ALL THE LITTLE GOOD BOYS AND GIRLS!"
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Captain responded.
"YEAH, SNIPPY. YOU'RE SO INCONSIDERATE TO NEEDS OF THE CHILDREN!" Pilot flapped his arms rapidly, nearly falling off the icy roof.
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"Children? What children?" I sputtered angrily.
"All the Good children that need presents on account of your bad karma!" Captain yelled back.
"WHAT?" I blinked.
Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.
"I'm just trying to clear your extra-bad mojo because I care for you very much, mon ami!" Captain waved a hand, attempting to explain her insane actions.
"Do you two loons even know how long those supplies took me to gather?! Stop that RIGHT now!" I yelled, my eye twitching.
"Come on now, where is your spirit of gift-giving and jolliness?" Captain inquired, trying to shove a bag three sizes too big to fit down the chimney.
"YEAH! START CELEBRATING CAPTAINMAS RIGHT AWAY!"
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Pilot demanded.
"Come on Snippeh, get with the program, get me...!"
Pilot shook his fist too vigorously this time and lost his balance, slipping and plummeting off the roof into the snow below.
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I stared at his feet wiggling robustly back and forth from the snow-bank for a minute. It helped me calm my nerves.
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I sighed dramatically and went inside the house to collect our bags out of the fireplace. Inside the house I was met with a most eerie scene: a family of skeletons positioned on mold-eaten couches around a badly burned pointy branch that somewhat resembled a Christmas tree. The branch was covered in pieces of cut-out tinfoil stars and had a drawing of Captain's face on the top with angel wings.
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