Pilot would vanish pretty often, so I assumed he was either wasting all his time scavenging the wasteland for bells or was building Captain another horribly disfigured shrine-statue.

[https://rom.ac/img/38/shrine.jpg]

Eventually I just gave up on fighting the bell-war and nearly right away Captain gave up on sticking more bells to the sled. Perhaps their whole plan was to mess with me. Perhaps they ran out of bells, or maybe the sled had no more places to tie bells to.

I sincerely hope that I will not wake up one morning with the tip of my mask painted red with plastic deer horns super-glued to my head. Oh, who am I kidding, it's going to happen anyway. Captain is already calling me "Turdolph, the grumpy-reindeer!"

[https://rom.ac/img/38/deerss.jpg]

During the time I've been pulling the sled, Captain has got into the habit of perverting Christmas songs, such as:

"The forests birthed a pine tree,

A gentle evergreen

It grew with photosynthesis,

Amidst the mountains serene.

[https://rom.ac/img/38/50-eng-fullaaaa.jpg]

The humans birthed a corporation,

The Good Directorate supreme

It grew with every human wish,

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

Fulfilling every dream.

[https://rom.ac/img/38/50-eng-fullbbb.jpg]

A sentient air freshener,

Had sued the pine tree.

The gentile pine could not foresee,

Victory of the Machine!

[http://rom.ac/img/50-SUE.gif]

They know when you're sleeping

They track when you're awake

DON’T BE a lawbreaking PINE, SNIPPY

And pay your fees for G-s sake!"

"You butt-er, watch out

Or you might just die

And butter your POUTINE,

I’M TELLIN' YOU WHY:

Cus Captainmas IS COMING TO TOWN!"

[https://rom.ac/img/38/50-eng-fulleee.jpg]

"Captain’s a busy wizard,

Fixing things everyday

A sextillion of things to do,

On this captainmas day!"

With Pilot chiming in:

"...and SNIPPY gets COAL IN HIS SHOE, BECAUSE HE IS NOT NICE!"