It took only 7 hours of hunger and 3 hours of "Praising Captain-ness” and I was finally free from couch prison.
Firstly, I consumed a few of yesteryear tuna cans to replenish my strength and then I went to complain at Captain about Pilot’s behavior.
I found Captain "searching for zee deep webs" in a nearby room.
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/972564269390503976/1002722638558408734/RR-21-window-episode.jpg [https://web.archive.org/web/20230414225043im_/https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/972564269390503976/1002722638558408734/RR-21-window-episode.jpg]
Captain beamed back a mask-smile, posing with very feminine twist. My thick sarcasm obviously didn't reach... her?
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You'd think that Captain would have given up after realizing the computer was simply broken and that there was no way in hell there'd be a working "internet signal".
Of course not!
Captain grabbed the broken cellular out of my hand and started to call "The most hideously outsourced tech support department".
image [https://orig01.deviantart.net/ca88/f/2017/242/5/7/f1_by_alexiuss-dblv8kx.jpg]
I stared at Captain's madness in bemusement.
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/972564269390503976/1002723047301709954/dblv8jv-d155ce41-4639-462e-b4c4-91e8ae1a8da4.jpg [https://web.archive.org/web/20230414225043im_/https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/972564269390503976/1002723047301709954/dblv8jv-d155ce41-4639-462e-b4c4-91e8ae1a8da4.jpg]
Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
The one sided conversation went as follows:
"Hello? Tech support?"
"Damn it! Not another bloated, voice-recognizer-answering automation!"
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/972564269390503976/1002723047008129084/dblv8jg-fb99457d-42d3-4379-b233-a8740db30a6e.jpg [https://web.archive.org/web/20230414225043im_/https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/972564269390503976/1002723047008129084/dblv8jg-fb99457d-42d3-4379-b233-a8740db30a6e.jpg]
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Maybe!"
"Previous menu!"
"Twelfth and a half street. Apartment Seventy Bee!"
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/972564269390503976/1002723046710317066/dblv8j0-c814a849-2f72-4b2d-a365-b005ee41a3e0.jpg [https://web.archive.org/web/20230414225043im_/https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/972564269390503976/1002723046710317066/dblv8j0-c814a849-2f72-4b2d-a365-b005ee41a3e0.jpg]
(I think Captain invented our current residence address here)
"Authorized by me, Captain!"
"The king of France!"
"One thousand ad!"
"Tree hundred and fourtey four!"
"Governess of Antarctica!"
"Just put me through to your representative already!"
"Oh you hideous, blasted automaton!"
"No, I didn't want to hold! NOOOOOOOOO!"
Having reached this point Captain shook enclosed fists at the sky and handed the phone back to me smugly.
"Hold this for me, my dear. Let me know when somebody answers!"
image [https://orig09.deviantart.net/24ef/f/2017/242/f/2/last_by_alexiuss-dblv8il.jpg]
As I took the shattered device from Captain's hand, I could have sworn that for a brief second I heard elevator music playing from the long-dead speaker.