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ONE SANE COMPANION. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?
Apparently it is, because I've just walked into a room and spotted Engie who was frantically pouring gasoline everywhere.
Ever since the Directorate eggheads put me a few times through the "RAPID-EXPLOSIVE-OXIDATION TEST CHAMBER" I've been unafraid of fires, so I stood there waiting to see where Engie was going with this "opposite of fire-safety" plan of his.
My assumption was right on target. Engie, his hands shaking pulled out a lighter, ignited the little flame and dropped it straight into a gasoline puddle, without even bothering to retreat as if he was in a horrid rush or a severe state of shock.
I'm getting real tired of these incompetently retarded companions. Real tired. First they dig a hole for me, then they fall into it themselves and cry "SAVE US SNIPPY! THIS HOLE IS SO DEEP! YOUR SHALLOWNESS WILL HELP DEFEAT IT!" or even "Come join us in the hole! We're having a tea-party!" and further "Snippy! This is your commanding officer speaking! You must imagine a filling solution to this hollow problem!"
I bet Engie's jacket is gonna catch fire soon and I'm gonna have to stomp him out.
It's not like he's a Directorate Tour guide employee, who's outfit has been tested against all sorts of flames, fireballs, explosions, etc... all while grudgingly wearing it as a "NOMINATED VOLUNTEER FLAME RETARDANT CLOTHING TEST SUBJECT".
"What?" I came upon Engie right through the flames, inquiring of his motives quizzically with slight frustration in my voice.
Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.
"FIREWALL!" he croaked. "They are coming after me..."
"Yes, I realize that you've made a wall of fire, now this whole crumbling building is likely to burn down while we're still inside, you dolt" I commented.
"Literal! Literal firewall!" He shouted through the roar of the flames. "They are likely following my heat signature! I had to make a lasting distraction!"
"Who is THEY, and why are you so special that they're after you?" I inquired, shoving him away from the flames towards the stairs.
Surprisingly, his jacket hasn't caught fire yet.
"Nothing!" He whimpered, then suddenly reeled: "I'm nobody! I am not important! Listen to me! THE SPAM-BOTS ARE COMING! They'll slap a neural interface onto your head and you'll be just like them! A mind-less zombie! The Machines are coming! ANNET has risen!! They will kill us all!!!"
"Neural Interface zombification? Unlikely. I am immune to the Neural Broadcasting signal." I told him.
"Wait... you are... UNSCANNABLE?!" He cried in shock.
"The last one left alive." I answered.
Engie muttered something incoherent in response under his mask.
"Huh?" I asked.
Engie just stood there, twitching ever so slightly.
"Earth to Engie?" I shook him. "Hello?"
Engie didn't respond.
I smacked him on the head.
"Eh?" He suddenly came to.
"Go into the basement, stay below the smoke, head east. I'll get the supplies from upstairs and join you shortly!" I sternly told him.
"Please! You have to come with me!" Engie started to beg. "Charles! Forget the supplies! It's suicide! You'll burn up or suffocate!"
"Don't worry about me. I am FIREPROOF." I answered, shoving him downstairs with a less than gentle push and jolted upstairs, before he could say anything else.