A scaping sound could be heard in a dark murky room. In this dark murky room was a man, an old and bearded man. Leon Elmheard the human king was this man, a husk of what he once was. Enslaved to a desk only to conjure miracles and sign approval letters. Only stopping to dip his pen into the ink well…
Time was precious to the king Leon Elmheard, this was especially true after the failed hero summoning two years ago. He had not the time for bare luxuries such as bathing but somehow he still had time to attend court. He just made sure no one got close enough to smell him. His children were at the age where they did not ask for hugs anymore so he could afford to remain unbathed.
The reason for his inadequate living conditions was because the human kingdom had its share of war effort to contribute to combating the upcoming threat. They had no single hero to throw half of their money and attention towards strengthening. Instead the humans had to direct their resources towards readying the entire kingdom to war.
It can be argued that having no hero to waste away an entire decade’s worth of gold on is cheaper than building up larger armies and improving the nation’s fortifications. It is, but the biggest drain is the man hours. Enlisting personal for the army, construction workers, specialists, trainers, lodging, administration, maintenance and the list goes on. Then there is the burden on planners and politicians. Both roles have taken the hardship of quickly organising and arranging things so that everything progresses smoothly.
King Leon was both a planner and a politician. The role of a king took its toll. Even though things were tough and the cataclysmic event was upon them, he was thankful that time was on their side.
“… and that’s why it is believed that the enemy is producing quality over quantity in terms of military might.” said the Court Mage Elelron.
‘Damn, I spaced out again,’ “Thank you for the information Elelron,” ‘Just ignore him and keep writing, he should understand that I do not want to be interrupted.’
“Should I get the queen?”
The dreaded scaping sound stops. “Why?”
“You’re exhausted and I do not think you were listening to my conjecture on how long we have before the cataclysm makes a move.”
“I was listening…”
“Then may I ask, how long do we think we have until the enemy comes?”
“…”
“Thought so, it’s anywhere from ten to twenty years. Before I call for the queen I’ll make this remark. Your political wit has dulled in here.”
At this comment the king suddenly had a moment of clarity; splurged on by the insult he kept a stoic face while thinking:
‘!!! He’s calling me a smeg head! Curse you, I hope you live long enough to become an old man like me! Dang! I cannot appear before her without bathing first and a new change of clothes.’
“You are dismissed Elelron.”
“That’s better my majesty” Elelron left with a bow.
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In a remote forest three figures could be found beating the living heck out of a slime monster. (No, the slime monster is not the main character.) All three were women and each belonged to a different race.
The elf was a tall, blonde, busty beauty who gave off a graceful impression. She wore a modest white one-piece dress that was sadly spoiled by some green slime. The elf was beating the slime with a metallic staff; it was adorned with an angel at the end which had bladed wings.
“Why are we doing this?” the elf Marry Atrix said.
“To release pent up frustration!” The nearby fairy exclaimed.
Katia Johnstone was as short as fairies come. She was a metre high clad in organic leaf dress. Her wings were a radiant red. She wielded a slime covered mace twice her height which looked sinister in her little hands. If you asked anyone they would call her a violent tom-boy.
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“Those stupid perverts! Uuurrgg! *smash* When we get back, raaahh! *smash* I’ll make them wish they weren’t born men! *smash*”
Katia was scary indeed.
Next in line was the Panther-beast Oprah Moss. Oprah’s body was covered in black fur, sleek and smooth, it was great for patting. She wore black platted leather armour which had many daggers hidden in its folds, wrapped around her torso was her short bow and quiver. On any other day she would give off a composed and elegant impression but today…
“You say it girl! I personally despise that orc for getting it up by looking alone!!!”
Despite having black fur covering her entire face Oprah blushed at her recollection of the day before. The heroes meeting, the first to ever occur since two years ago when they all were first summoned in their respective temples. The moment the men saw Marry their hearts were already charmed.
They were particularly attracted to her assets… Katia and Oprah looked at Marry then themselves… flat… small…
If the unfortunate slime monster could have screamed it would have done so that day.
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In a white room within another dimension were half a dozen office desks each with a chair and a computer. On one of them was a disgruntled office worker. He was a benevolent… yes a benevolent. He was one of the beings that many residents of the planet Troia were thankful towards.
This office setting was merely a substitute made to be understandable for the puny minds of this fictions readers… ah stuff it, I dislike conforming to the author’s writing style (hey!).
Hello my name is [censored]. You probably cannot read my name because it is a very long and incomprehensible cosmic name. I am a senior manager working for the Good Alignment Company on the Planet Troia Project! We strive to bring other cosmic beings entertainment and a sense of accomplishment with our many products.
Want to watch or even play as an inhabitant of GAC’s worlds? No problem! We allow paying members visit our locations in accordance with the Galactic Ethical Mortal Exploitation Policies or GEM-EP. Please take a look at our reasonably priced products and have a good day.
…
Now that the formalities are out of the way I’ll tell you what I am doing. I am cleaning up the rookie’s mess. The boy did not put in the required amount of divine mana into the human kingdom’s capital temple and because of that the summoning failed.
Because of the GEM-EP I cannot interfere too much. So it took me an entire day just to think up and develop a solution. Put the hero’s soul into the inanimate slime the failed summoning produced and make the new body compatible with the hero’s Advanced UI. Finally mess around with data values and explanations so that his existence would make some sense to anyone on the planet if they were to find out.
This makes me want to sigh, I should be home playing galactic pinball with my trusty pet star monster.
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Yay! I’m back! Thailand was a bit boring and stinky but seeing fish skip on water, fly in the air and some playful dolphins made it worthwhile.
I took a couple of days to recover from the sun burn before I started. It’s too bad that the Blank Page of Doom is my nemesis so this came out late.
Also I tried thinking up a joke … it started out like this but I could not think of anything funny…
“An elf, a panther-beast and a fairy enter a bar.”
Try to fill in the rest!