When I had originally asked to observe the training of the guards instead of joining them, it was for two distinct reasons. One being how I had thought that I’d have to deal with resistance in the first place towards doing some sort of training with them. And in order for me not to face that, I’d have to erode away at the preconceptions I assumed the Castellan at least would have, having to establish my own presence here so it wouldn’t be as unthinkable an idea for me to join them occasionally.
The other was just that I didn’t want to embarrass myself. Giving myself some time to get an idea beforehand of what I’d be doing here. To give me time to get a little more fit and used to this life before leaping into yet another change in the way I lived my life.
So why in the world was the Castellan jumping right towards a glimpse into what my end goal towards this was supposed to be?
Agathe seemed to be just as shocked as me, if for probably very different reasons to build up the foundation of her shock.
“You want me to train-” I began with the intent to ask a rhetorical question so I had a moment to figure out if there was something I wasn’t seeing in his words, or really just so I had an opportunity gather my own thoughts while he answered, only for me to be interrupted by Agathe’s outrage tinted voice.
“Castellan, I beg my pardon, but I must insist on this being a wholly inappropriate suggestion! Her Grace had only asked about observing the training, saying nothing about participating in the training of all things. And her attire, just look at it, it is not at all suited for such activities today.”
The Castellan merely raised an eyebrow at the woman, his words just that little bit more firmer while he spoke. “I do believe I asked Yolanda about if she would want to go through with this, not you. So please Agathe, stop being a terrible example of a handmaiden who interrupts their charge to your daughter, and let Her Grace be the one to respond.” He then turned back to me, that same smile on his face from before as he completely ignored Agathe now, the woman looking a little afraid and uneasy now from his words. “So, what do you think of getting that perspective right from its source, Yolanda?”
I stared at him for a moment. The older man had seemingly been on my side yesterday during the midday dinner, but at the same time, that had been only once. I didn’t know him well enough from that alone and while Isabella had thought of him as friendly, she had also been naive when it came to her previous attendants. There was certainly not enough time for me to analyze all her interactions with him either.
It all came down to if he were to be somehow malicious with this, how could this be a problem for me? Really, the most I could think of that’d make sense were he was planning on me saying no or struggling to perform during the training and using that against me. The thoughts that didn’t seem sensible to me and more errant fears were the ones that this was somehow an elaborate assassination plot against me, but I didn’t think life would be that harsh.
At the very least, this wasn’t supposed to be where I died yet, as it were.
So the solution if he was malicious was simple, just say yes like I was already wanting to and make sure to perform well. And if it weren’t, I needn’t have worried about this in the first place. I could work with this.
With that thought in mind, I nodded my head towards the Castellan, my voice softly echoing out when I spoke. “While I had originally planned to just observe, I am more than fine shifting that towards experiencing for myself what the training is like. I will admit Agathe does have a point about my attire not exactly being suited for this, but I’m more than willing to try anyways. It’ll be a good experience to have.”
The older man's eyes lit up with restrained glee like he had figured out where a puzzle piece was supposed to be placed. “Wonderful Yolanda! Now before we begin, I must warn you that during this, I’ll be treating you like you’re just a particularly young boy under my command and not the queen you truly are with a few exceptions so that by dinnertime, you aren’t too unkempt. Do you still want to go through with this, because know that I certainly won’t be taking it easy on you if you do.”
“I’m sure.” I said as steadily as my soft voice could manage in response to his challenging final words, despite the lingering feeling I’d come to partially regret it in the coming hour.
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Before, I had never really been a physical type of person. Growing up with technology had greatly colored my perspective on what I liked to do generally when I was young to enjoy myself. Namely for me, anything that wasn’t going and playing outside and instead involved me using a computer.
Of course, this left me having seldom physically pushed myself to my limits throughout my life. The few times I truly had usually having been spurred on by adrenaline and thus, being hard to properly remember the sensation of doing so.
Which all led to me now resting by a lit brazier I had learned the guards called the ‘recuperation fire’ at the edge of the training grounds that the Castellan had all but forced me to rest by after I finished with the rounds of physical conditioning he had me undergo underneath his watchful eye and goading taunts. Every part of my body aching in some way, shape, or form from the exercises.
From simply having me run laps around the training grounds which was familiar to me, only to transition me right into doing my best to lift and throw some heavy stones. Or at least to me they were heavy despite them being the smallest ones they had on hand. And in the end, he had me finish by handling what I think was supposed to be a short spear that turned out to be more of a long spear to me, having me practice the motions of thrusting it forwards while explaining the very basics of using the spear to me.
I did indeed partially come to regret having said yes with how exhausted I felt at the moment. Though really, I couldn’t even blame the Castellan for that. Thinking back to what he had told me to do, it had all been a lot more reasonable than what I had made myself do. So why had I pushed myself so hard for this when I hadn’t ever been a physical person before this?
Frankly, I didn’t particularly understand the reason I had done so.
Oh, I could say the reason was because I had been covering my bases in case the Castellan was planning to use my ineptitude as a reason to deny me this in my future (I was fairly certain at this point that wasn’t the case), or that I was making up for lost time in my past life (I wasn’t, I still would’ve much preferred if it were somehow possible to spend my free time on the internet despite the impossibility of that now).
But I wasn’t blind to looking inward towards myself and recognizing the effect his challenge had on me which I hadn’t initially realized. Being competitive wasn’t exactly new to me, if I was really passionate about something then that part of me did tend to rear itself upwards. However, being goaded into pushing myself? Now that was different and something that hadn’t really happened to me before.
Every time I began to feel like it was a bit too much physically for me, a sudden burst of energy seemed to surge through me that pushed me to keep on going, especially when his voice began to taunt me. Something that seemed to worry the Castellan whenever I pushed myself further than he expected me to, contrary to what he said about not taking it easy on me.
It honestly worried me a little bit too. At least, looking back at it after the fact it did. Limits were limits for a reason and I was pretty certain there was a good reason why kids weren’t pushed to keep going during exercises like I had done with myself in the moment. Though, like many topics outside of my expertise, I just knew it was something to try and avoid and none of the technical reasons on why.
I couldn’t deny its effectiveness though in helping me to establish myself to the guards here as more than a young girl chasing a passing interest. I had noticed them occasionally glancing my way with a look in their eyes with what I thought to be a tinge of respect. Or pity.
It was hard to tell in the few moments I spared thinking about it during the training.
Unexpectedly, a cold, wet sensation suddenly draped itself across my forehead and shocked me out of my thoughts. Glancing upwards, I found the unsure and upside down face of the quiet Eschiva looking from above at me. “Err, is this okay, Your Grace?” She began, “I know you didn’t ask for this, but uh, I’ve heard this helps with recovering after someone exerts themself.”
I slowly raised a hand and pressed it against the wet cloth that had been laid against my forehead. It was certainly quite the juxtaposition from the warmth of the fire, but it wasn’t a bad feeling despite the cold weather the fire was simultaneously warming me against. A small headache I hadn’t even noticed that had begun to form fading away with its presence alongside being a pleasant addition to helping me cool down after exerting myself.
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I did my best to give her a comforting smile, speaking before the unsurety in her expression could morph into fear she’d messed up or something like that. “This is more than fine, Eschiva. Thank you.”
Relief seemed to flit across her face. “I’m glad for that, Your Grace.”
Keeping my hand pressed against the cloth on my forehead, I forced myself to sit up in spite of my body’s protests, coming to a startling realization while I did so. Eschiva for the entire day had been following the suggestions of her mother, never once acting on her own. And I had been fairly certain that nobody had told her to do what she had just done this time.
Glancing around, I didn’t find Agathe or the Castellan. I turned my gaze back towards Eschiva who had taken a step back and whose anxiousness had seen fit to return in the brief moment I had looked away. “Hey, Eschiva? Have you seen where either your mother or the Castellan went? I missed wherever it was they went.”
For a second the older girl looked like she was thinking before abruptly stiffening. She then, to my bafflement, gave me such a deep curtsey I was surprised she didn’t fall over in the process. “I-, please accept my deepest apologies, Your Grace. I don’t know where either of them went, only that the both of them went off somewhere to discuss something in private. I should’ve-”
“Eschiva.” I interrupted before she could continue, my voice cutting through the older girl's words more because she stopped the moment I spoke than it being good at doing that at all. If she were to be my handmaiden, I was not going to have her act like she was walking on eggshells around me if I could help it. All the better that her mother wasn’t here for this while I talked with her even if it were a little worrying. “That was a question, not an order I expected you to be able to fulfill without issue. You don’t need to apologize for something like that.”
Eschiva stared at me while her face twisted in confusion. “But… but Your Grace, I failed you.” She said the word ‘failed’ as if that was all that mattered.
A frown flitted across my face before I could stop it from appearing and the girl dipped her, taking that as a sign she had convinced me to see ‘reason’. I needed to try and tackle whatever the hell was going through her head through a different way, because I had an inkling that trying to tackle it directly was only going to end in disaster.
Or at the very least, going to backfire on me horribly.
“Alright Eschiva, I want you to answer this honestly then. What exactly is your definition of failing me?” I asked her, for once thankful about how soft my voice was now. It worked wonders for hiding my annoyance right now.
The older girl blinked. “Er, def-i-ni-tion? I apolo-”
“What does it mean to fail me?” I interrupted again before she could begin to spiral off of not knowing what the word definition meant. Which surprised me, but not something I was going to comment about now of all times.
Her blue eyes stared at me for a moment before she eventually responded. “To dissatisfy you or fall short in my duties to you as your handmaiden, Your Grace.”
Well, that first one was far too broad, but I needed to dissect this one reason at a time. “Alright, and how would you describe your duties as my handmaiden.”
Her response this time was near instant. “To serve you to the best of my abilities, anticipating your needs before you even voice them and ensuring you are properly cared for at all times, Your Grace.”
I thought for a moment before nodding to myself. I could work with this. “Okay, if that’s the case, what if I told you, you weren’t dissatisfying me just because you couldn’t answer a question or didn’t know something.”
Eschiva stared at with incredulous eyes. “But to not know the answer to something you asked me is to fail you.”
It was debate class all over again with her circular logic, though it was certainly different seeing someone use it in person to castigate themselves. “You served me to the best of your abilities though, you just happened to not have the knowledge to answer the question I asked you. But more importantly, if you’re not dissatisfying me nor failing in your duties, why would you need to apologize?”
“But I-” She began, before I interrupted her for what I hoped was the third and final time for this conversation.
I didn’t like to continually interrupt people, but it felt especially necessary to shut down this never-ending line of reasoning. “Just think on it and come to your own conclusions, alright? And remember, that just because you’re told something, doesn’t mean it’s true. Even from me. You’re smart enough to help attend to me without any prompting as you’ve already proven, I trust you to be smart enough to come to figure this out for yourself too. And I do mean by yourself, don’t ask even your mother about this.”
Eschiva looked conflicted at my words, but eventually acceded with a nod. “Okay then, I’ll… do my best to think about this on my own then, Your Grace.”
“Thank you.” I said sincerely, before another thought hit me and though it was a little greedy, I couldn’t help myself. Too many people already constantly referred to me as ‘Your Grace’ already, it’d be nice to have one that didn’t. Doubly so since she was near-ish to my age and someone I’d be interacting a lot more with in the future. “And while you’re at it, I’d ask you to refer to me by name instead of my honorific. If you’re to be my handmaiden, I think it only fair you get to refer to me by name instead of always saying ‘Your Grace’.”
Surprisingly, this got her to object to me much more fiercely than anything else. “But Your Grace, that’s impropriety! I can’t do that!”
Like I cared about that. Or well, maybe I should, but until I was given an actual good reason for it, I’d be more than happy to break some of the rules on royal etiquette.. “Well then consider it our little thing, something between me and you. I’d be happy if you did call me that.”
She opened her mouth to presumably object to that, but feeling a burst of playfulness and really not wanting to deal with any more circular logic today, I reached out and booped the older girl right on her nose.
Her reaction was near instant as she sputtered and blushed, whatever she was going to say was forgotten, just as planned. “Yolanda?!”
I mischievously giggled at her, she hadn’t even seemed to notice she had called me by name instead of using my honorific in her embarrassed outrage. Which then abruptly disappeared as she schooled over her face in an instant, returning it back to neutrality as she stood to attention. Her gaze locked on something behind me.
Or more likely, someone behind me.
I turned to look and spotted two different figures approaching us now. One was the Castellan who was carrying a wooden version of the spear I had been using earlier, but the other wasn’t Agathe to my surprise. Rather, it was that younger teen who’d been training with the guards. I was fairly certain his name started with a G, but I couldn’t remember it. He was, however, holding what looked to be a wooden sword in his hands.
The Castellan had an eyebrow raised and I found myself hoping he hadn’t overheard the conversation I had with Eschiva. “Your Grace, I see that you’ve been enjoying your break if you’re able to laugh freely. But now it’s time to return back to training. Now get on up now. Your recuperation period is over and there’s still some time yet until dinner.”
Relief shot through me, he hadn’t overheard, apart from my laugh that definitely wasn’t a giggle. And it was right back into it, with apparently someone else this time unless the teen beside him was just for decoration.
“Yes Sir!” I shouted, or at least tried to, calling him by his title since I was back to being temporarily underneath him. I think it was a little louder than my voice was normally, maybe. I stood up and directed all my attention to him, though not with a salute which felt a little strange to me since I had expected there to be one.
Did people salute in this era or was he just not requiring me to do that? I truly had no idea. It was something I’d have to figure out at some point.
The older man nodded in satisfaction. “Good Yolanda. Now, we will be finishing off your training today with some practice spars with Gervase here where you’ll apply everything you’ve learned today about using the spear to keep him at bay while he does his best to disarm you without harming you.” He moved towards me, flipping the wooden spear in his hands to hand it to me spear shaft first as his smile seemed to goad me once again. “Of course, that’s if you’re up to it. I won’t blame you if you think you’ve experienced enough of the training, even if it’ll be an incomplete experience.”
For a moment I gazed up into his eyes, before I snatched the spear out of his hands without taking nearly as long as I should’ve to consider if this was a good idea..
It was so strange being aware that yes, I was being goaded. That I was pretty certain the Castellan had caught onto the fact and proceeded to abuse it in my face to get me to agree despite me being fairly certain that I was going to not have a good time even with the handicaps Gervase had.
Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to care too much about that.
“It’d be a disservice to the time you took with me earlier if I didn’t finish it, would it now? Sir.” I said softly to justify it in a way that didn’t admit exactly how much his goading had affected me, even if it was probably a little too late for that.
The Castellan grinned widely before gesturing with his arms to follow him while he began to move back towards the center of the training grounds. “Good! Then both of you follow me and we’ll set-up a section in the grounds for your spar. And you just continue to watch Eschiva and be ready to aid Yolanda if it gets a bit much for her. I’ve got Agathe going to the castle to deliver Camille a message so don’t worry about that for now.”
Eschiva gave him a nod and a curtsey, while Gervase merely nodded before they both followed after him. Gervase occasionally looked my way with a simultaneously confused and conflicted expression on his face, probably not entirely sure what to make of doing what was to come with me.
I followed after a step behind until I made myself speed up, a natural consequence from my shorter stature that I was still getting used to. Which was also one of many reasons why this was probably going to end in some level of embarrassment for me, alongside Gervase obviously having some experience in spite of his youth, and me only vaguely understanding how to properly use a spear right now.
Oh well, it was too late to back out of this now. Best to at least try and make this as best a showing as I was capable of.