“This one is the emptiest so far,” Jul said.

“Alright, let’s stop here then.”

A collective sigh escaped the party. Even Tuk was more than happy to sleep with some dead people at that stage.

Kur guided them to one of the corners of the room, right by the broken-down tubes, and where there were, thankfully, no corpses. However, it was dark there, with only some of the gray light of a solitary arrow managing to reach them.

As Jul had told them, there weren’t actually that many of the charred bodies in that space. In fact, most of the chairs and tables looked to be in perfect order, as if they were still waiting for their owners to return and use them. As though nothing had happened.

Nar passed his hand over one of the tables as he walked by it. A thick layer of dust clung to his fingers, black and greasy.

He felt it with his fingers, touching them against the inside of his hand. He made a face and wiped it on his pants.

“Come on,” Kur said. “Settle down. You know the drill. Food, sleep and [Meditation] if you need it. We’ll have three people on watch from now on and until we get out of this place. Nar, Tuk and Mul. You’ll have the first watch. Then Jul, Rel and Gad. Nar, I’m going to have to ask you to take a second watch with me. We’ll rotate tomorrow.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Nar said.

“Thanks,” Kur looked around. “Anyone else want to join for a second watch?”

“I’ll do it,” Rel said, raising her arm.

Kur frowned at the archer. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I can’t really sleep that much anyways.”

“Ah… Well, okay. Thank you. Tomorrow, it will be a different pair. Alright, that’s it.”

Nar approached Rel.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi.”

“Are you sure you should be taking a second watch?”

She sniffed. “I can pull my own weight. I’m not a burden.”

“That’s not…”

“It’s fine! Let it go.”

Nar frowned at her, but let it go as she asked.

She sat down on the floor and he dropped next to her.

He pulled out one of his crackers to munch on, and saw that she hadn’t done the same.

Rel sat with her back against the wall, and with her legs pulled up to her chest. The arms around her legs shook, ever so slightly.

“Rel, are you okay?” he asked.

She turned her face to him, opening her mouth to lash out. However, when she saw the genuine concern in his eyes, the words died in her mouth. She bit her lip, and looked away.

“Yes… I’m fine.”

Nar stored his un-eaten cracker away. “You promised to tell us, Rel. So that we can help you, remember?”

Rel sighed and lowered her face to her knees. She covered her ears, then scratched her head.

“Ok. Fine. I’m a bit on edge.”

Nar nodded. “Is it this place?”

“It’s everything! This place. The broken path. The timer. I-I’m trying to keep it together, but it's hard not to panic,” she whispered. “We’re lost! Out of the path. And the… It keeps suggesting things to me.”

“Like what?”

Rel shook her head. “Nothing I ever want to say.”

She closed her fists and closed her eyes, and then shook her head again.

“You can tell me if it helps.”

“I don’t want to tell you!” she snapped. “I don’t want to tell anyone. It’s… I-I need to go. I need to go.”

Nar grabbed her wrist.

“Stay. Wait until everyone’s asleep, then do it here. It’s not safe for you to leave us now.”

“I can’t do it here!” she whispered, horrified.

She looked around, but the others either didn’t hear their conversation or pretended not to.

“When that thing hits you, you can’t do anything. You can’t talk, you can’t even scream. And if you pass out, that’s it, you’re gone,” Nar told her, with a much harsher tone than he had intended to. “And maybe they can even take you off to do Crystal knows what. So, stay. No one will hear a thing. I’ll ask Kur to swap you with Tuk or Mul, so that you can do it as quickly as possible.”

She licked her chapped lips and stared at him, her breathing still going fast. Eventually, she nodded.

“Okay… Okay.”

Nar let go of her arm. “It will be fine, okay? Everything will be fine.”

She nodded and eased herself back down, leaning against the wall again.

“Do you want to eat something?”

She shook her head.

“That’s fine. We can try again later.”

She closed her eyes and took deep breaths.

Nar brought out his meal again and started chewing, slowly, and quietly.

When he was halfway through his cracker, Rel pulled out an arrow and started hitting it against the floor.

Nar watched her, intending on just being silently there. However, a random thought popped into his head and he thought that maybe it would be a good way to help her distract herself. Who knows, maybe even make what was coming later on not come at all. Make it not necessary.

“I’ve just realized, but how do you store your broken arrows?” he asked her.

She stopped mid motion and looked at him, slowly, as if waking up from a dream.

“Uh? Oh, it just goes into the same slot as all the others,” she said. “I never break them that badly, otherwise they would probably make me miss. The System probably thinks that they are close enough to the normal arrows and just lumps them all together.”

She looked at the arrow in her hand, and Nar borrowed some [Sight] to discern the hairlike cracks across its length, and notice the fine splinters poking out from the shaft.

“Not all the arrows I use are broken, you know?” she told him, in a dreamlike tone, as if she wasn’t all there. “If they all were, and I was in constant pain, that would make it less effective, right? I’d get used to it. But if enough of them are broken, I’ll always hit some during a fight. Watch.”

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

She willed the arrow to disappear back into her storage and then another one appeared.

“This one is fine.”

She did the same thing again.

“Fine. Fine. Fine. Ouch!”

“Rel!”

Bright, deep red droplets formed on her fingertips. She smiled thinly at them and wiped the blood on her pants.

“See?” she said, showing her fingers, hale, and pale. “It heals fast. It's the sudden shock of pain that I need. The surprise that I’m not expecting, not prolonged pain. So, if you decide to cut me up from head to toe, I doubt it would actually work.”

Nar leaned back. “Are you going to hang that over me forever?”

“Just like how Tuk almost killed you. Twice,” she said, smiling weakly.

Nar looked up at the dark, gray ceiling, and shook his head.

“You… You really want to know?” Rel asked. “The things it suggests to me?”

Nar thought about it. “It might help.”

“It might. But they aren’t nice things to say, or to hear, though.”

“I didn’t think they were. I was with you on that ladder, remember?” he told her, not looking at her.

“Yes. Yes, you were.”

Rel took out another arrow, a normal one, and started smashing it against the floor.

“When we’re fighting, and things get tough, the Yearning starts talking to me. It panics, you know? It tells me to run away, or to push someone in front of me, to take the hit meant for me.”

She waved the arrow in his face.

“This keeps me sane. Keeps me in the fight. Keeps me useful.”

He nodded slowly.

“And is that all it says?” Nar asked, watching her closely.

She swallowed and averted her eyes. “Is it not enough?”

He shrugged. “You tell me.”

But she didn’t. She went back to her arrow.

“The other alfin, what do they do?” Nar asked.

Rel scoffed. “Whatever it takes, I guess.”

“Pain?”

“Anything. I’ve seen all sorts of things.”

“Like what?”

“Like anything,” she said with a shrug. “A lot of them pray. A lot. Others just work without stopping. Others just look for comfort. A hug. A kiss. And… You know. Distraction.”

“Hmm,” Nar made, nodding. “What else?”

“Some of them like to count things,” she said. “There’s a place where alfin go. They sit down by the edge of the pile and they count things. How many people are coming up the ladders. How many people are going down. How many people are working down in the pile… Anything.”

She put her arrow away, happy with the amount of damage she had done, and pulled out another one.

It was undamaged as well and for a moment, Rel stared at it with a hatred that almost made him flinch.

“Why are you asking me all these questions anyway?”

“Just trying to understand.”

“Understand?” she asked, almost snarling the word. “Do you get off on reading people, then? Are you just like the nosy rogue with her big eyes? Always seeing everything? Always knowing everything?”

Nar took a deep breath, trying not to panic in the face of her losing control.

“I just want to help.”

“Yeah, right. You just want to get in my head. But I don’t think you can,” she said, her tone low. “Her parents beat her up. Probably every day. That’s why she’s like that! Always watching, looking for the signs, listening to the voice tone. The way they moved. What they did. What they didn’t say.”

Nar straightened up. “That’s enough.”

“Oh, is it? But we always talk about me, don’t we? Why can’t we talk about her?” Rel asked. “Actually, why can’t we talk about you? What’s an Unclean? What did you do? You talk a lot about your dad, but where’s your mom in all of this, uh? She beat you? She a drunk too? Did she…”

A wicked smile spread across her face, giving her a grotesque look.

“Look at that, I hit something, didn’t I? What happened to her, Nar? What happened, uh? What happened to her?”

“That’s enough!” Jul shouted, her voice echoing through the living space with enough force to wake the dead. “Shut up!”

Rel blinked and suddenly, she looked even paler.

“Jul,” Nar said.

His voice was flat. Chillingly calm even. “She didn’t mean it.”

Rel turned to look at him, slowly. Fear and regret oozing from her.

“No! It’s not okay! She’s being mean!” Jul said. “I don’t care if it's her or whatever it is. You shouldn’t have to just sit there and take it!”

Having said that, Jul got up and stomped away, back towards the chasm outside.

Nar got up too.

“Do whatever you need to do, but do it here,” he said, without looking at Rel.

“Nar, I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say any of that!”

She got up too, intending on following after him, tears running down her face. However, a strong hand held hers and pulled her back down.

“Not now,” Gad said. “He needs to talk to her.”

“I didn’t mean it!”

“I know. But it still hurt him.”

Rel pulled her arm free and wiped her tears. “How bad can it be? It’s not like he lured people to be eaten!”

“I know that’s still the Yearning talking,” Gad said, her tone of voice as calm as always. “Sit down, calm down.”

Rel closed her mouth with her hands and sat down.

“I’m sorry,” she said, through her fingers. “It's driving me crazy. It’s obsessed with him. I don’t know why, but it thinks he’s my only way out of here.”

“It's probably right,” Mul said. “I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s saved our asses by now.”

“It was a lot of times,” Tuk said.

Gad nodded. “It was. But try to hold it in. It’s up to him if he wants to talk about it or not. It might end up being nothing, or it might be worse than you expect.”

“Oh, it's not nothing!” Mul said. “And we all know it. Fuck us and everyone one in that cubeplant. And fuck the Crystal, too! That shit wasn’t nothing…”

“Mul,” Kur warned. “Don’t.”

Mul chuckled darkly. “Oh, I’m not going to say anything. We Clean ones did enough already. I’m not about to take his story from him as well.”

Gad patted Rel’s shoulder. “Don’t mind him. You just do what you have to do. Leave the rest to us.”

Rel nodded, feeling hot tears prickling at the back of her eyes.

She was so tired of this. Of hurting herself. Of hurting others. She just wanted to be left alone in her own mind.

Was it that much to ask for?

But at the same time, the more she heard of Nar’s past, the more she wanted to know about it. The more she seemed to obsess over it…

*********

“Jul! Jul!”

He called after her, not daring to raise his voice higher than a whisper.

“Jul! Come on! Stop!”

She stopped suddenly and faced out towards the chasm.

Nar grabbed her arm. “It’s dangerous here. Come on! Let’s go back!”

“No.”

Nar sighed and let go of her arm.

“She didn’t mean it. You know that.”

“I don’t care! You should have told her to shut up!” Jul said.

“She can’t control herself!”

“Can’t she? How do you know that?” Jul said, glaring at him.

“You are being unfair to her,” Nar said, glaring back. “She can’t help it. Imagine if your own mind wasn’t yours!”

She pursed her lips and looked away.

“And, to be fair, I was pushing it,” Nar said. “I was hoping I could find something else other than pain that could help her.”

Jul snorted. “Yeah, right. Like what? Hold your hand? Hold you while she sleeps? What next? She’ll ask you to screw her every night from now on too?”

Nar flicked her on the forehead.

“Ow! What was that for!”

“For talking like that to your older brother,” he said.

“I’m the oldest!”

Nar sighed and rubbed his eyes. Crystal, he was tired.

“I’m not going to screw anyone. Alright?”

“What if she asks?”

“She won’t.”

“But what if she does?”

“I’ll say no, then!” he said, not believing he was actually talking about it.

“Good! You used to not care about anyone!” Jul said. “Now you’re caring too much! Find somewhere in between. No, wait, that’s bad. Find somewhere close to caring, but not too much! You hear me?”

“Yes. Yes,” he muttered, tiredly.

“I’m being serious!”

“Me too! I’m not going to-I’m not going to scr… I’m not even going to say it!”

She frowned at him.” What? Screw her? Screw! Screw! Screw!”

Nar shook his head. “I’m definitely the older brother. I don't care what you say.”

Jul sighed. “I’m just looking out for you. You’ve suffered enough. I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“I’m fine. I’m strong too, you know?” he said, alluding to their earlier argument.

“I know,” she said, and placed a hand over his heart. “But the little Nar saw too much, and he never healed. I’m scared that one day, you’ll snap… You’ve hid it well, but it's still there. I know it. I was beaten up every day, you know? That’s why I can read people.”

Nar groaned. “I’m sure she’ll apologize for that too.”

“And I’ll think about forgiving her… But Nar, I meant it. You’re here now. Hold on to that. Hold on to us, okay?”

An image of bloody fists flashed through his mind, and he nodded quickly.

“I’m not going to let this go,” Jul said. “And I will always be there for you.”

“And I for you,” Nar said

“I know. And don’t just let yourself be swept away like that. There are boundaries! Even for her, do you understand?”

“I do. Now can we go back, please? Before something jumps us?”

“Yes.”

They walked back to the others in a closer, tighter silence.

As they arrived, Nar noticed Mul and Cen walking back into the room. Inside Rel was sitting at one of the tables, a little bit away from the others.

She looked up as they came in.

“Be nice,” Nar said to Jul.

“I am being nice,” Jul said, continuing to stab the archer with her eyes.

“I’m going to go talk to her. You go to sleep, okay? You have the second watch.”

Jul pointed a finger at him. “Don’t do it.”

Nar rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to do anything.”

“Anyone!”

“Ugh,” Nar groaned.

They split and Nar headed over to Rel. The atmosphere seemed strangely tense, but he attributed it to Rel and their worry for her.

“Have you done it yet?” he asked her.

“No. I… I got hurt enough already.”

He nodded. “Alright. Well, do you want to talk about something else?”

“Yes, please.”

“About what?”

“Anything.”

“Alright. Then, how about this? What's your favorite color?”

She snorted.

“What? You said anything!” Nar said.

She shook her head. “I know. And I like green. And blue. How about you?”

Nar frowned. “You know… I actually don’t know.”

She snorted. “Really? After all that talk of light and color and you don’t know?”

“Hmmm,” Nar made, thinking about it. “I guess I don’t. I like them all. Although, I think I like purple a bit less now.”

She grimaced.

“Yeah. I hate purple…”

In that way, Nar steered the conversation, keeping her there and in the now, away from the insidious whispering of her Yearning.

That night, Rel did not need to harm herself, but at the back of his mind, Nar couldn’t help but wonder, and fear, at how much time she had left before the end came.