OFFICE HEROTen millennia ago, Sir Benginold the Strong died a hero’s death—until the gods reincarnated him as Ben, a Mail Clerk Specialist with the Excel skills of a concussed goblin. Now, the Towers—eldritch skyscrapers hungry for human ambition—threaten Earth. Recruited by the shadowy Council of Seekers—who mask the Towers as office buildings—Ben assembles the War Council: a steam-wielding barista, an HR rep whose panic attacks buff allies, and Whitebane the emotional support dire wolf—more ‘occasionally helpful’ than ‘loyal companion.’ Together, they’ll climb the Tower’s cursed floors to slay the ancient evils Ben failed to kill 10,000 years ago. Assuming HR approves the overtime, of course. Success would redeem Benginold’s past-life failure and save humanity from eternal servitude. Failure would turn Earth into a battery farm, its emotions harvested to fuel the same malevolent gods who unleashed the Towers. (And yes, Whitebane would be very sad.) But surviving the Tower is nothing compared to corporate nightmares like synergy-obsessed managers, or Brenda from Accounting—wielding Form 47-B like a dragon’s claw. Join Ben’s bewildered quest where printers jam at the worst possible moment, fluorescent lights flicker like witchfire, and the real boss battle is within our heroes. If you love the chaos of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the cringe of The Office, and the camaraderie of Guardians of the Galaxy, clock in, take your mandated break (if Chad allows it and Brenda signs off on the proper documentation), and burn every single Tower down.(Dental plan pending HR approval.)DISCLAIMER & ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF TOWER-RELATED RISKSBy reading, you (the “Reader/Employee”) agree to the following:No stat screens, only climbing up the TowerThe Council of Seekers has concealed the Towers within office buildings. Non-disclosure agreements are binding—even posthumously.Dragonsdeathbringer UsageMug-to-sword transformation only authorized in Tower zones.WARNING: Unauthorized use in Brenda’s cubicle voids ALL benefits.Mandatory Synergy QuestsParticipation compulsory. PTO requests denied unless submitted in triplicate via Form 12-Q.Death-by-PowerPoint not covered under standard benefits.Pre-Existing CursesExclusions apply. Consult HR or your local necromancer (whichever bills less overtime).Hazardous PaperworkBrenda’s Form’s are final. Non-compliance = forfeited pay/benefits.Office InfrastructureElevators are interdimensional gateways. Demon summoning = write-up.DO NOT FEED PRINTERS MAGICAL PARCHMENT.Greg’s Panic BuffsMoral support mandatory during HR Harbinger Episodes. Therapy bills require Gary’s signature (if awake).Caffeine & ConflagrationsLatte magic ≠ PPE. Report steam injuries to Facilities before next incursion.Termination ClauseDeath? Submit synergy reports via next-of-kin/necromancer. Revival subject to The Intern’s (Dylan) Mendwell and local statutes.ComplianceTerms subject to Chad’s “blue-sky paradigm shifts.” Non-compliance = underwater suspension.By proceeding, you forfeit all rights to whine, unionize, or question why the coffee maker’s eternally broken.