Logged in to Kobold Warrens Issues chatroom as Admin_Em. Current occupants: Steele_Tim, WarriorPrincess, StarGazer, TinyDon, DocWho, Paul_Revered, and TheUnrustable.
Steele_Tim: The games cheating I tell you. There’s no way that a party like mine would totally wipe in a level one dungeon.
WarriorPrincess: It can’t be cheating, there’s no way to cheat this game.
Steele_Tim: Well someone found a way to hack it or something.
Paul_Revered: I bet it’s just a resourceful player. Ask TheUnrustable about his glory hole.
TheUnrustable: IT WASN’T A GLORY HOLE!
TinyDon: Well, I gotta ask after a reaction like that. What were you sticking in the glory hole Unrustable?
TheUnrustable: Look, the note said to look up and wisdom would rain down from above.
StarGazer: You trusted a note in a dungeon? Seriously?
TheUnrustable: I was looking for a bonus stat or something. It can happen!
StarGazer: So what really happened?
TheUnrustable: I stuck my head in and took a hammer to the face. Broke my neck, instant death.
TinyDon: Oh that is fracking glorious! Bet you won’t be using the glory hole anytime in the future.
Steele_Tim: I can see why idiots like you would get slaughtered, but we were still cheated.
WarriorPrincess: So how were you cheated Tim?
Steele_Tim: Some sort of high level undead is in that tunnel. There is no light, and we got slaughtered by a barrage of bluish white fireballs.
WarriorPrincess: So how is that cheating? It sounds like you died the same way my group did. You still haven’t proven that it was a high level creature
Steele_Tim: It got you too? See! It has to be cheating!
Admin_Em: Steele_Tim, I have reviewed the logs for your cheating complaint. There were no actions that broke any game rules. All attacks were made with materials and skills available in the dungeon, utilized in a unique way. As such, your ticket has been closed.
Steele_Tim: BULLSHIT! THEY HAD TO BE CHEATING! The second time I died I didn’t even see what hit me!
DocWho: Wait, the second time? You went back and got one shot? That’s awesome
Steele_Tim: NO IT ISN’T! IT’S CHEATING! I HAD THE BEST WARRIOR GEAR AVAILABLE!
Admin_Em: Again I will reiterate: There was no cheating. You were killed in a unique manner, but that does not necessarily constitute cheating. This is your first warning, further insistence of labeling this cheating may lead to banning from the chat boards.
TinyDon: Can you check your game logs? Maybe there’s a clue there *snickers*
Steele_Tim: One second.
DocWho: TinyDon is evil. Didn’t your mom ever teach you not to poke the bear?
Steele_Tim: SERIOUSLY?!
Steele_Tim: This is ridiculous. Quoting from the damage logs.
Steele_Tim: Unknown hits you for 25 damage (unknown). Unknown hits you for 32 damage (unknown). Critical hit! Unknown hits you for 110 damage (unknown). You have died.
Steele_Tim: Why is everything unknown?
TinyDon: Did you see what hit you?
Steele_Tim: No, it was just a blue flame thingy.
TinyDon: There you go. If you don’t know what hit you and you don’t know what it hit you with, you get unknowns.
Steele_Tim: Damnit!
Paul_Revered: So what’s the logs for how you died the second time?
Steele_Tim: Critical hit! Unknown hits you for 750 damage (unknown). You have died.
Steele_Tim: See? This has to be cheating! Nothing hits for 750 damage in a level one dungeon!
Admin_Em: All actions were within normal gameplay rules. You were warned, and now you have a one week ban from the chat boards.
Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.
*Steele_Tim has left the chat*
Admin_Em: I will be monitoring this chat for the future, but it seems that the instigator has been taken care of. Enjoy your gameplay and for any errors or bugs you come across, please send a support ticket in. Thank you.
*Admin_Em has left the chat*
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Emily rubbed her eyes in annoyance. That arrogant little shit, it actually felt pretty good banning him for a week. Even if she would have to do a bit more paperwork. Might as well get started she thought.
Mike,
I had an issue with a player in the chat boards. He had previously opened a ticket, accusing Marty of cheating. I reviewed all the data available, and there was nothing to support his accusations. I closed the ticket and informed him of the resolution, he insisted on repeated accusations of cheating even when warned. I put an initial ban of a week on his account for the chat boards. Per protocol, I have the transcripts saved and attached for secondary review.
On a personal note, you will want to save some of this footage for your montage with Frank. Some of the stuff he pulls is just genius.
Thanks,
Emily
Now that that bit of unpleasantness was taken care of, Emily needed to fill out the forms for Marty’s second bug. She didn’t know if he was lucky or just good, but either way he had results and that was what mattered. Though a minor bug, it would be annoying if things like that kept happening, cluttering up dungeons.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Marty was ecstatic as he strolled into Café Oblivion. He had a phenomenal day at the Kobold Warrens, he wasn’t even sure how many kills he got. He was also the first one to arrive, so he grabbed the same table as yesterday and sat facing the entrance and ordered a Jack and Coke. Taking a sip of his drink, he smiled as he relaxed in his chair and closed his eyes.
“Yo Marty! How goes life in the Kobold Warrens?” Jon yelled across the café as he entered with the others.
“Not too bad, not too bad. First though, to Phoebe!” Marty replied, lifting his glass in salute. “Thanks to your tutoring, I got over 15 kills today!”
“No shit!” Derrick exclaimed, apparently in a much better mood than yesterday. “Here I thought I was going to be the winner with 7 kills.”
“Seven kills? That’s awesome!”
“Yeah, turns out that mages have a hard time dodging the headless body of their tank as it is thrown at them. Completely lose track of the guy who did the throwing, and then. . . SQUASH!” Derrick was chuckling evilly as he described his exploits.
“Ha! That’s great man. What’re we having to celebrate?”
“I’m just sticking with soda tonight, no need for useless alcohol.”
“And we’re all proud of you for that. I, however, will have a glass of wine.” Phoebe said.
“Guiness for myself” Jon added. “I got a few kills myself, or at least my horde did. Thanks for the idea of hamstringing them Marty, it worked wonders. I even got a few slashes to the back of the hand and left them flailing about with no weapon.”
“What about you Phoebe?”
“As disgusting as it sounds, biting people in the back of the neck and a few jerks of the head can often snap a neck. Other than that, I usually bit down on the weapon arm and held on for dear life. It only worked part of the time, as I was often first targeted by the mages in the group when I did that.”
“What about you Marty? What got you so excited?” Jon was wondering.
“Well, first off I made some magical hand grenades thanks to Phoebe here.”
“How the hell did what I teach you become a magical hand grenade? That’s just madness!”
“Seriously! I carved out a few baseball sized chunks of granite and filled them with mana. Then I overcharged ‘em a bit and threw ‘em at the party. Of course, I took out all the torches first so they couldn’t see anything but the small glowing rock that was coming their way. Half of them tried to whack it the first time.”
“I wonder what went through their heads when the thing blew hahahaha!” Phoebe was chuckling along with me. She obviously knew what happened whed you overcharged an object with mana.
“Speaking of what went through their heads, I think I’m gonna have an issue with someone. I’ve killed him twice so far, and he seems to be rather upset about this fact.”
“And by killed you mean….”
“Total party wipe. There might have been some taunting the first time.”
“Of course there was. You’re just like Derrick in that respect. So what’s his name and what did he do?” Phoebe asked.
“Well, his character is Steele, and he thinks he is a great warrior leader. His plans are mediocre and he is incredibly headstrong.”
“Steele? Spelled with an E at the end? I know that lil’ bastard.” Derrick interrupted vehemently. “He is guildmaster of what he calls the ‘Steele Legion,’ a mediocre clan of about 40 or 50 characters. The only reason they are as good as they are is because he gets hand me downs from his older brother. He is one of the leaders of the Screaming Eagles. They are one of the higher guilds out there, and Rycran is allowed to rush his brother’s guild through some of their dungeons.”
“So let me guess, this reinforces his sense of entitlement and rapidly inflates his ego.”
“Got it in one. If you do nothing else for the next several days, please make sure he never kills you.”
“Oh don’t worry, he won’t be able to get me. Besides, he volunteered to be the test subject for my newest weapon, one I think Phoebe will be very interested in.”
Taking a sip from her glass, Phoebe raised an eyebrow at me to get me to continue. “OK, so you know about the baseball sized rocks, they hold 25 mana each. Tell me Phoebe, how much damage could a rock the size of a basketball do when overcharged with 350 mana?”
She stared at me. Long enough that it was starting to get uncomfortable. “Basketball sized? What was the base mana?”
“Maximum mana was 300. I dumped in 50 extra and threw it right behind him.”
“BWAHAHAHAHA!” She cackled maniacally. “Oh god, that’s fantastic! Even without shrapnel, you can basically guess at 1 damage per point of mana. You probably got him with a crit as well since it was from behind, I don’t care who you are at low levels they are dead. Even a level 5 warrior who dumped everything into constitution wouldn’t live through that.”
“Excellent! I am going to use that on him almost every time. He’s also going to get some of my newer traps. I’m going to enjoy making him miserable.”
We ended up joking and telling war stories for the next few hours, before we all wound down and decided to head to bed.