“Alright everyone, we got this. Tanks, split up and take the same heads you were working on before. Those on the side heads, try and force them to face as far away from the middle as possible. Melee DPS, I want you to focus on the flanks and rotate in and out so you can heal on your own. Try and use potions as much as you can. Ranged DPS, target the eyes and see if we can blind the bastards. Mages, pick a side head and blast away at it. Left side is weak to fire, right side weak to ice. We can save the middle head for last.” I called out. Having a plan is the best way to get people motivated.
“[Shield rush]!” GoldGuard took the lead, charging in and bashing the central head. Unfortunately, the other tanks were slightly slower, and the left head exhaled a stream of poison miasma that caught all three tanks and a good portion of the raid behind them. The Emberclaw head grinned, and hesitated for just a second to allow the poison to catch everyone. It then spat a stream of fire that ignited the poison, burning the raid members.
“Pelor, bless this group and purge their ailments. [Grand healing circle]!” HolyDungeonDiver was on his game, and triggered a massive area heal and status clearing effect. Burns and poison effects disappeared, negating the majority of the enemy attack. Thanks to his quick thinking, everyone managed to spread out and start the assault.
LadyFisticuffs surprised me, sliding into the gap between the tanks and using her spear skills to harry the necks of the dogs, switching between heads to minimize aggro. “Capital idea Fisticuffs! MixALot! If you got any poisons to boost bleed damage give ‘em to the Lady. See if she can’t hit something important in that neck.” I called out, before darting in myself to try and attack the same points.
Cinderfy and Ice Queen split up, and the sages followed them, working together to boost their skills. Several of the druids started summoning vines to bind the left head, letting them catch on fire to do boosted damage. The central head was doing its best to get GoldGuard in its grip, something he was very keen on avoiding as the chance a second head would bite down on him was far too high for comfort.
Ten minutes into the battle, and I saw the middle head raise up. “Watch for an AoE attack!” I cried in warning, and those in range scattered as much as possible. The main head let out a piercing howl, and called down a massive bolt of lightning onto itself. The bolt did a small bit of healing before splitting and electrifying the air in a thirty-foot radius centered on the boss. Static sparks stayed nearby, gradually decreasing.
“Notice there ain’t any lightning underneath the boss?” Eric asked with a grin.
“So close to that soft underbelly, too.” I replied, matching his grin. “Race ya. [Blink].”
“[Beastly rage][Wildlands fury]!” Eric activated skills to boost his attack speed and damage against animals, meeting me beneath the creature and started gleefully swinging his axes above his head. I had to bow out a lot faster, as his skills also stole health from the damage he did, but before I went I decided to leave it with a small present.
“[Storm of blades].” I summoned small blades that would spin in place, sawing at the back leg of the Cerberus. As I escaped and took a health potion, I surveyed the damage done. The heads had lost all cohesion and sense of strategy, mindlessly attacking whatever was nearest. Sometimes one head’s lunge would even cause the other two to miss. They were also looking a lot worse for wear, the Emberfang head even had an eye dangling out of its socket. The smartest head was the Deathtouch one, as it would lean low over a flaming paw to ignite the poison breath attack. Overall our strategy was working, as we had carved away over a third of the creature’s health and it was dropping steadily.
At half health, I noticed the tails started speeding up. “Watch the tails, probably a spinning attack. Tanks, bunker down.” Sure enough, the dog started spinning and slashing with its tails and claws, only to meet three shields time and again. The spin must have taken a bit out of it, as it lowered its heads in exhaustion, which turned out to be a very costly mistake.
“[Savage thrust].” Lady Fisticuffs darted in, and used the proximity to pierce one of the eyes of the central head, twisting the spear on the way out to ensure the eye’s destruction. Everyone had to quickly cover their ears and back away, as an agonized howl from all three heads dazed and disoriented us. The raid recovered, but not before GoldGuard took another one of those poison and burn combination attacks. While the healers were fixing what happened, the main head was getting ready to chomp down and savage him.
“[Fists of the stone giant].” Looking over, I saw massive stone fists form over Brock, which he unleashed on the middle head. The first was a quick jab to the snout to stop his attack, while the follow through was a massive haymaker that hit so hard the fist shattered to pieces.
“Thanks Brock!” GoldGuard yelled over a shoulder, able to reset himself while the main head worked off the stunning blow. While that was going on, Ice Queen was unleashing massive ice spells against the Emberfang head, and it was reduced to whimpering and trying to cover itself with a paw for protection.
“Ready Peppermint?” She asked.
“Whenever you are.”
“Let’s end it then. [Glacial pillar].”
“[Frozen hammer].” As Ice Queen summoned a growing spear of ice beneath the head, forcing it upwards, Peppermint dropped a massive hammer of ice from above, smashing the head down onto the ice from below, spearing through it. The body tensed for a second, before the head went completely limp.
“aaaaWHOOOOOOO!” The two remaining heads howled in mourning, before snarling at the raid. The Deathtouch head inhaled, but before it could breathe out poison Cinderfy stepped up.
“[Dragonbolt].” A small, incredibly intense bolt of flame shot across the gap between them and down the dog’s throat, igniting the poison within the head itself. “We’ll have none of that.” The eyes of the head got wide as it tried to breathe in, but something must have been horribly damaged as it too went limp. The main head backed up a bit, looking at its other dead heads and started growling. It’s health had fallen into critical range, and I got an incredibly bad feeling.
“aaaWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Extending the howl as it sat down on its haunches, a massive ball of lightning formed above its snout before firing off into the clouds above us. When the dog started another howl, generating another sphere, I realized its plan.
“It’s going to destroy the forest in spite! Take it down!” I yelled out, and everyone redoubled their efforts. I charged forward, swapping weapons and leaping into the air. Trailing a bit of wire behind me, I twisted around as the wire dropped around the hound’s throat. Planting my feet on the back of the neck, I pulled the wire as taut as I could, using my entire body to hold it in place. “[Garrote].” I groaned out as electricity coursed through my body, but I held on as the silencing abilities of the skill prevented more howling.
“Healers, keep Mr. Whiskers alive and forget the tanks!” Lucy called out, recognizing that I was keeping the boss from unleashing whatever spell would destroy the forest and ruin our quest. I saw my health bar yo-yoing back and forth as the healers fell into a rhythm, while the main head tried to channel as much electricity into its aura as possible. As my fingers started going numb, and my legs lost feeling from the knee down, I felt the body beneath go slack and fall down.
“You all right?” I looked up to see Lucy and Raider Dave standing over me.
“Fantastic. Did we get ‘em?”
“Yep. Thanks to that silencing garrote of yours. Didn’t even have any lightning blast down on the forest. There is a goddess waiting to talk with you if you can walk?”
I groaned as I rolled to my feet, but everything seemed to be in working order as I headed towards Gaia who was waiting with a smile on her face.
“Thank you, brave adventurers. Your efforts have saved not only this forest, but prevented an invasion this world was ill prepared for. Though a small portion of the forest was lost, with time the rest should recover. You have my thanks and my blessing, as well as this.” With a wave behind her, four golden treasure chests appeared. “Within these chests are the items you would have received had you looted the bodies of the slain creatures. Rest and recover, and may my blessing help you in your quest through the dungeon.”
Divine quest complete!
You battled the five seeds of evil, and defeated them while minimizing damage to the forest.
Rewards:
+1000 reputation with all factions affiliated with Gaia
Dungeon boon: +25% defense while in the dungeon
“Thank you lady Gaia, this boon is most welcome.” I said with a bow, as the other two leaders bowed with me. When we straightened, the goddess was gone. “Alright everyone, let’s take twenty minutes before heading on. Rest, relax, and repair equipment. Lady Gaia was kind enough to bring us our loot from the other bosses. We’ll lottery it off at the end of the raid, that way people will be able to enter for what they want.”
With that, the raid broke down into small groups. GoldGuard set up a portable forge and anvil, setting out to repair armor. Several of the druids set up areas for repairing leather and cloth armor, while a Smiter set up a small fire and started roasting some meat. While they were doing that, I took a look at some of the loot from the bosses.
Loot table
Rabid bear guardian:
15x bear pelt
5x vial of rabies infected saliva
20x bear claws
1x corrupted guardian core
Bracers of Grizzly Strength
Moose Guardian:
2x Large guardian antlers (charred)
1x corrupted guardian core
Treant Grove guardian:
50x Treant wood
20x Elder treant wood
5x Ancient treant wood
1x corrupted guardian core
Liana guardian:
1x corrupted guardian core
150x liana vine sections
100x liana wax
Corrupted hound archon guardians:
3x corrupted guardian cores
1x platinum archon torque
2x golden archon torques
Hound Archon leather armor set (4 of 4)
Plaguetouch (greatsword)
Everflame (greatsword)
Along with all the goodies, there was a decent bit of money as well, though that was less important to members of the raid. “Everyone! Looks like we have plenty of crafting materials, but the big things are the guardian cores and equipment. Seven corrupted guardian cores, a legendary necklace for mages, two unique tier mage necklaces, two legendary greatswords, and a rogue armor set that is legendary. Contains four pieces. Not a bad haul, not bad at all.” I chuckled as the raid cheered the rewards.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
After the rest, we set out once again. A quick trip through the forest and we came to the stairs leading down, once again going with the rope trick. Once again there was no issues with the stairs.
“Two tugs followed by three tugs. I gotta say, I’m surprised there hasn’t been a trap on the stairs yet.” Dave reported.
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
“Don’t jinx it ya idiot!” Lucy growled at him, smacking him upside the head. Leading the way with a huff, I shrugged and followed her down. At the bottom we found a large receiving area with a sign, behind which was an opaque wall of magic. While the raid arrived, I moved to read the sign King was nodding toward.
New challenge!
The next challenge is a timed one, ten minutes should be plenty of time. The challenge will start when someone who has read this sign touches the magic wall to disperse it.
The road forward is ever changing. Though comforting, none may truly walk in the footsteps of those who came before. Friends may come and go, but some paths in life must be walked alone. Like all things worthy, there are no shortcuts. Make sure to touch everything on your way.
“Well, that is cryptic. I guess we won’t know what most of this means until we see the challenge.”
“Yup.” King agreed, and I turned to address the raid.
“Alright everyone, looks like it’s another challenge floor. Again we aren’t given outright rules, so it’s going to be a try as we go. I think everyone should read the sign here so we’re all on the same page, and can I get a handful of volunteers to go first?” Everyone filed through, and all the rogues and sages volunteered to help test our way through.
“Ok, I’m going to go ahead and start this. Ready?” Not hearing any negatives, I turned and touched the wall. It immediately disappeared, revealing three corridors separated by pillars topped with dragon heads. The corridors were divided into four sections, each with four rows of tiles with four icon plates in each row. The layout of the icons was random within the rows, but each one contained the same four symbols: a flexing arm, a brain, a tree, and a shield. Behind the raid, a wall of purple flames appeared as well as a popup informing us that time had started.
“Screw these mind games, I’ll go first. Grandelf, care to help me with a really long jump?” Shocker asked.
“Heh, sounds like fun.” Grandelf chuckled. “Clear him a path. [Haste].” Shocker had walked back toward the flames, stopping just shy of them. Once he got the boost from Grandelf, he dropped into the starting position for a sprint, and took off. Just before he reached the first tile, Grandelf hit him with another spell as he leaped forward. “[Featherlight].”
Pin wheeling his arms as he flew through the air, we all watched nervously as he flew down the course. Once he passed the first set of dragon heads, all the eyes of the statues glowed an ominous red and they started tracking him. The second set locked on first, and spat twin purple fireballs that immediately engulfed Shocker, leaving nothing behind.
“AAAAAAH!” We all turned to see Shocker ejected from a portal off to one of the sides and just in front of the fires that seemed to be slowly moving forward. “That didn’t work too well.” He muttered after coming to a rest from sliding on his ass for a few feet. He must have noticed something as he brushed himself off, because he started swearing up a storm.
“SHUTUP AND TELL US WHAT’S THE MATTER!” I yelled, interrupting his tirade.
“Blasted fire. Not only did it remove any and all buffs I had going, but the effect lingers. I can’t be buffed for twenty minutes, and it can stack up to five times!” He moaned.
“Alright, guess we need to avoid that as much as possible. Spice, you wanna give it a go next?”
“Any ideas on what I’m supposed to do?”
“Let’s try crossing by stepping on the tiles that work with your class. Brains all the way.”
“Roger that.” He said, moving and stepping cautiously on the first brain tile. It lit up, but the dragon eyes stayed green and he let out a massive sigh of relief and stepped onto the second brain tile. The eyes of the dragons immediately turned red, targeted him, and blasted him with purple fireballs.
“Well, we know the first one is a brain at least. This is going to suck if it’s going to be trial and error all the way across.” Grandelf said, stepping up to the corridor. He stepped on the brain, and immediately got blasted by the dragons. “WHAT THE HELL?”
“Perhaps that rambling at the bottom is a clue.” King said, stepping forward. Looking over things, he stepped onto the tree first, then the brain, shield, and flexing arm. Once he made it to the first gap, he hesitated before stepping onto the tree again and getting blasted by the fireballs.
“Damn, so close.” Someone muttered, and I heard grumbling from the rest of the raid.
“What have you figured out King?” I asked as he walked back up.
“About not walking in the footsteps of those who came before, you can’t step in the same pattern as the person who just went. That’s why Grandelf got blasted. Touch everything means you have to hit each type of tile. Four rows, four tiles. Ever changing means the second, third and fourth sets probably have to be different than the one previous. Might be easiest to say start each new set of four with a different tile, and we can get across.”
“Ok. I’ll take the next run then, no sense in letting the debuffs pile up on people.” I said, stepping up to the run. The first four were quickly crossed, moving from shield to tree to brain to arm. “Here goes nothing.” I muttered to myself, stepping on to the tree next. Cracking my eyes open, I saw the dragon heads still looking at me with green eyes. Exhaling in relief, I kept the same procession to make things easier to remember. The third set I started with the brain, and the last set was the arm.
“Alright everyone, let’s split into three groups and each group use a corridor! Make sure that you don’t follow the same series as the person who goes before you, and start each new set of rows with a different icon than what you initially started with! Hurry up, we are still on a timer!” I called back. The raid quickly sorted themselves and started crossing, and I let out another sigh of relief as nobody was penalized for using different corridors at the same time. I guess it was just so that you didn’t have two people using the same corridor at the same time. We were going to cut it close, as everyone was taking close to thirty seconds to cross the field.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
HolyDungeonDiver’s POV
God this dungeon was annoying! First runs always have issues, but this was ridiculous. I’m sure that bastard was sitting somewhere watching us, laughing his ass off. If it weren’t for the promises from Pelor’s church, I wouldn’t even have tried this. They were really looking forward to taking down the draconians, and should I bring back the head of the player who led that devastating raid on our main church I was promised promotion to the next pontiff.
Just take this ridiculous test. How the Hell did King and Whiskers figure out that rambling on the damn sign was the rules for crossing? And the punishment? Ridiculous! Banning buffs for twenty minutes? I honestly hope that the devs ban anything like that from happening in the future.
At least the bastard of a player designed the dungeon with an eye for aesthetics. Oh sure, the major statues and things were awe inspiring, but they went and did a lot with the little things. The bricks weren’t a repeating pattern, there were random wear patterns on them. Anyplace that had a traditional torch also had scorch marks on the walls, and the previous level even smelled like a forest.
Interrupting my musings was a strange pattern. Looking closer, it almost resembled the symbol of Pelor spread over the corner of four bricks. I touched it, but nothing happened. Tracing it didn’t help. Looking over my shoulder, only about half of the raid had made it across, so I shrugged my shoulders and channeled the tiniest bit of mana into it. That got the outline to light up, and a panel silently slid downward to reveal a red button. “Push for bonus” was written above it, so I shrugged my shoulders and pressed the button.
Wheel of Misfortune!
Congratulations for discovering the Wheel of Misfortune, and thanks for pressing your luck! Below is the table of opportunities and what is required for obtaining them. You managed to roll a 4!
1
Individual space hijinks: Entire raid is randomly teleported throughout the dungeon individually.
2
Small group space hijinks: Entire raid is randomly teleported throughout the dungeon in groups of 2-4.
3
Status effect mania: For the rest of the dungeon, random status effects that can’t be dispelled are added to members of the raid.
4
Time Warp: Go back to the beginning. Requires secondary roll.
5
Clean slate: Removes all positive buffs and bonuses.
6
Thank you, your neutralness!: Nothing happens. Can press button again.
7
Equipment bonus: Drops a loot crate for every member of the raid, guaranteeing at least one unique or higher tier item.
8
Hit me with your best shot: All damage done by the raid is doubled, but aggro generation is normal.
9
Double down: All positive buffs are doubled and last twice as long.
10
Free Pass: Raid moves to the room before the final boss
Time Warp!
Go back to the beginning! But which beginning? Roll to find out! You’ve rolled a 3!
1
Restart the dungeon. All traps and enemies have been reset, but death count and death penalties remain.
2
Restart the dungeon, but current progress is saved.
3
Raid must restart this room. Time is not reset.
4
Raid must restart this room only. Time is reset.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Mr. Whisker’s POV
With a flash of light, we found ourselves back at the start of the puzzle. “WHAT THE HELL DIVER!” I yelled, rounding on the sheepish looking healer. “Everyone, double time it across the paths, I’ve got a bone to pick with a healer.” I snarled, and people started rushing across. It wasn’t bad yet, I just hoped that mistakes would be minimal. “And you! Why in the hell would you push something labeled the Wheel of Misfortune?”
“It wasn’t! It said to push for bonus!”
“Oh, excuuuuse me! You are in a dungeon created by a bastard that is known for horrible puns as traps! Let me guess, the button was large and red?” At his embarrassed look, I continued, “For fucks sake! You pressed the big red button. In a dungeon. How stupid are the followers of Pelor? Seriously, I’m wondering if anyone in this raid outside of my guild, Dave, and Lucy has a functioning brain. As a reward, you get to cross to the other side last, and you’ve lost half of your raid rewards. I’ll be informing Dave and Lucy of this, so don’t think you’ll get out of it. You’re just damn lucky I can’t justify tossing a healer mid raid, or you would be gone so fast.”
“Oh screw you! It’s not like you haven’t made mistakes, and did we bust your balls over it?” He snarled at me, and I took a few seconds to clench my fists and try and calm myself down. “And I’ll be damned if you force me to wait and get scorched by those purple flames. I’m heading across.” He said, turning and trying to brush past me to cross before we ran out of time and the encroaching flames did, whatever they were going to do.
That was about the point I lost it. Grabbing him by his shoulders, I twisted and flipped him over my hip and into the flames behind me.
“AAAAAAH! YOU BASTARD YOU’VE KILLED. . . What?” He started screaming, causing everyone to look. Looking at a popup, he started frantically scrambling to get out of the flames. “GO! GOGOGOGOGOGO! The flames burn your durability and every ten seconds add another stack of debuff!” While everyone was frozen, he darted forward and tried to scramble across the way, not letting Lucy finish her own crossing. Both were blasted by angry dragon heads, and both landed in the flames as they were teleported back. What sealed the deal for my next actions was when Diver pushed Lucy down to get past her and out of the flames.
“[Garrote].” Slipping a wire into place, I activated my skill and turned so that Diver was partially on my back as I was bent over. Twenty seconds later and he was dead, and I was glad nobody made any move to help him. “We’ll rez him when almost everyone has finished crossing. How bad is the debuff Lucy?”
“I get no buffs for an hour. Twenty minutes for the dragon heads and forty minutes for the flames.”
“That’s, odd.” I said, confused. “Shouldn’t they stack?”
“Oh no, they are in different stacks. Since it is the same effect, the second stack won’t start counting down until the first stack is discharged.”
“Fucking hell. Alright, anyone who has gotten a debuff, you get first crossing. Don’t mess up, as the flames cause a separate stack that won’t start until the first clears.” I called out, getting nervous looks from some people. The raid was moving forward, though it was obvious at least six people would be stuck getting burns from the flames.
“I need four volunteers to stay and brave the flames with me and Diver here. If you are willing to, go ahead and place all your equipment in your inventory to prevent decay. I also ask that we not use any tanks, just so that they don’t face the upcoming challenges without buffs. We are getting ready to head to the fifth floor.”
Blackthumb, Brosef, Spicemix, and LadyFisticuffs all volunteered to stay, and I noticed the rest of the raid who was waiting trying to pick up their speed as much as possible. “Blackthumb, wanna give me a hand? We should probably drag Diver’s body as close to the start as possible so he spends less time in the flames.” Brosef asked, and the two got to work moving the body. I really should have done that myself, but I was rather irate with the cocky bastard.
“Blackthumb, do you mind waiting for the last dash across?” I asked.
“Not a problem.” He agreed, giving me a nod. There wasn’t much to do but wait, and eventually we were all encompassed by the flames. It was odd, as they gave off no heat. It was almost as if we were standing in an illusion of fire, something I was quite thankful for. Being forced to stand in flames calmly as you burned waiting to cross would be terrible.
“As soon as you guys start, I’ll burn up a rez scroll on Diver here.” I said, nodding to the others.
“Bastards! What about my equipment!” He immediately started yelling, trying to get in my face.
“Put it in your inventory and shut your mouth. You got us into this mess, the least you could do is pay the highest punishment.” I snapped back at him. A few minutes later, and the entire raid was on the other side. I had taken a look at the description for each tier of the debuff, and it was even worse than what I was expecting. The first three stacks added twenty minutes apiece, while stacks four and five added thirty minutes. So we had three members of the raid with no buffs for two hours. “Before we go on, we need to make a few changes. Jess, you are on backup for Raider Dave, Diver you are switching to GoldGuard. Blackthumb, Diver, and myself are not able to be buffed for two hours minimum, so we will have to switch to more support. We are burning through rez scrolls at a horrific pace, so try and be smarter about things. Absolutely do not touch any red buttons, don’t stick any body parts in holes in the wall. Basically knock off the stupid shit. Now, let’s head on down to the next floor.”
“Already did a pre scout.” King spoke up. “No traps on the stairs or the landing. There’s another wall and a sign saying that the wall will fall when the entire raid is ready.”
“Thanks King. Could you see through the wall?” He shook his head no, so I continued, “Alright. Into the unknown again. Tanks up front, scouts on the wings and guardians surrounding the healers. Let’s hope for a normal floor.”
Raider Dave took the lead, heading down the stairs with the clatter of armor. At the bottom, the raid spread out into formation, ready for battle. As soon as Shieldwall stepped off the stairs, a massive glyph lit up under the raid party. It only glowed for a second before fading, and taking the wall in front of us with it. Beyond the wall was a sparse forest. Leafless trees raised skeletal limbs to the darkened sky, and a thin mist hung near knee height. The entire floor was silent, which only added to the creepy vibe. No birds. No bugs. Nothing.
“Undead?” Someone asked.
“With the boss in the church of Thanatos? Highly unlikely.”
Smiter knelt to the ground, brushing something off. “You ever danced with the devil, in the pale moonlight?”
“aaaaaaaWWWWWHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” As soon as he finished, a full moon appeared above the trees and a throaty howl reverberated through the forest. Even the trees were scared of that howl, as their branches swayed in the still air.
“Sorry guys.” Smiter whispered amid the groans from the raid.
“Scouts, stealth and spread. I want you to stay close though, who knows what detection skills whatever howled has. Let’s move.” I gave orders, and the raid moved out.