Chatroom: Divine Avenger?

Current members: Likes2lurk, WarriorPrincess, TheUnrustable, HolyDungeonDiver, RycranSeacrest, FirestarterOzai, JimboJonsies, ThePatman, GrumbleGnumbleMonster, Lilak’n’Lillies, WhatsUpChuck, and 25 anonymous people.

First_of_his_kind has entered the chat

Chatbot2.0: Welcome to the divine avenger chatroom. This automated message is sent to every new member once upon entering. Divine avengers are sent by the gods of Oblivion Online to deal with egregious issues that could be highly traumatic to players. They are tasked with removing the content from the game permanently. If you wish to know more about this recent issue, there is a press release sticky post on the main forum website.

TheUnrustable: Yo! First is back!

ThePatman: Long time no see first

JimboJonsies: How’s it hangin first?

First_of_his_kind: Like a horse.

WarriorPrincess: Oh god.

Likes2lurk: HA! I just snorted soda through my nose

RycranSeacrest: Wow. Just….wow.

RycranSeacrest: I am so stealing that.

First_of_his_kind: Go with my blessing.

WhatsUpChuck: So, what was it like being a Divine Avenger First?

First_of_his_kind: What makes you think it was me?

ThePatman: Yeah. The guy who is constantly in the middle of everything somehow missed the last part.

WarriorPrincess: Plus nobody knows where it occurred. Which means it was probably in monster territory.

First_of_his_kind: Fair enough. I admit, it was me.

FirestarterOzai: I knew it! Bake ‘em away, toys!

First_of_his_kind: Right. Anyway, you guys know those disaster movies where the dam breaks? Imagine you are in control, but only have three curves to change the direction of the water.

WarriorPrincess: Sounds like a rush.

First_of_his_kind: It is, so long as you realize that the power will do what it wants. You just get to direct it a little bit.

TheUnrustable: Can you give us more info than what is on the official release?

First_of_his_kind: Depends. What’s on the release?

WarriorPrincess: Developer went too far, safety checks missed it and traumatic content made it into the game. Company is installing new checks to make sure it never happens again.

First_of_his_kind: Bare bones, but correct. I will add that the company is offering free counseling for everyone involved. Anything else you wanna know?

RycranSeacrest: What did you have to do to become an avenger?

First_of_his_kind: Simple. Find incredibly traumatic content, think taboo breaking. Use a connection to a god to send proof of content to them. Then have at least 7 of the 9 major gods agree that a good smiting is in order.

FirestarterOzai: Can you tell us what the content was?

First_of_his_kind: I won’t put it all out there, I’ll just say they used a child in an alchemy experiment.

WarriorPrincess: Oh no….

ThePatman: Terrible.

TheUnrustable: Glad it wasn’t me that found it. You doing ok?

First_of_his_kind: Having some bad dreams that I can’t remember, going to take them up for the counseling after the dungeon dive. Having the power to kill everyone, level the place, and salt the earth afterwards helped a good bit.

ThePatman: Damn, the gods don’t mess around! What did Gaia say about killing the earth?

First_of_his_kind: It was her idea.

WhatsUpChuck: Oh shit. You know you done f*cked up when the goddess of the earth is willing to make sure nothing will grow there ever again.

RycranSeacrest: Yeah, that’s about as brutal as you can get. Did you get anything out of it?

First_of_his_kind: No loot or experience, which is fine. I did manage to earn a boosted element from it.

Anon6224: How many boosted elements to you have?

First_of_his_kind: At least one

ThePatman: Boom

RycranSeacrest: Nice try FBI

TheUnrustable: No way CIA

WarriorPrincess: So easily distracted….

WarriorPrincess: Can you tell us what’s next on your to do list?

First_of_his_kind: Get max level, finish the final touches in the dungeon, make the raid a total wipe.

RycranSeacrest: Good luck with that! They have the top players from the top three guilds.

Likes2lurk: I’m sure he would be more worried if it were all from one guild.

ThePatman: Likes2lurk, the chatroom’s hidden sage

First_of_his_kind: He’s right though. A month isn’t long enough to get a lot of team synergy, something I’m looking forward to.

FirestarterOzai: And after the raid?

First_of_his_kind: That’s a secret.

First_of_his_kind: And I need to head to bed. Lot to do, and very little time to do it.

First_of_his_kind: Later all!

RycranSeacrest: Later

WarriorPrincess: Bye

WhatsUpChuck: Adios

First_of_his_kind has left the chat

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Waking up the next morning was difficult. I wasn’t really tired, I just had no drive to get things done. Plus the bed was warm. And had fluffy pillows. The game did a decent job with pillows, but they didn’t have any that wouldn’t eventually go flat on you. After two hours of being lazy, I finally forced myself out of bed and into the game.

“Inkler, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” I asked as soon as I logged in. He cracked an eye, and huffed right in my face. While my game body had been laying in bed, he had crawled on top of me and fallen asleep with his face inches from mine. “Oh god, and what have you been eating? That is some nasty breath.” I had to keep wiggling to make him uncomfortable enough to get off of me, which he was incredibly reluctant to do. Eventually I was able to get him breakfast and head out for the day.

“Greetings brother.” I spoke to the Cardinal as I walked in to the church of Thanatos. “How have things been?”

“Very well, very well indeed brother. Though you absolutely reek of divine power. I take it your time as a divine avenger was used well?”

“As well as it could be, all things considered.” I said, getting slightly melancholy. “That was something I hope to never see again.”

“It usually is. Sad, that it takes something truly horrific to unify the gods.” We both took a minute to reflect on that in silence. “So, what can we do for you today?”

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

“I need to turn in a divine quest.”

“Truly? Oh, this will be a most welcome thing indeed. Please, go right ahead.”

The Cardinal ushered me over to the altar, and I took out the dagger that Thanatos had given me so very long ago. The only difference was that now the four diamonds in the hilt were filled with a swirling blackness. I heard the Cardinal’s breath hiss at the sight of the stones, but didn’t look over as I reverently placed the dagger on the altar. “Lord Thanatos, I have completed your quest. I present to you your dagger, with the souls of the four who would avoid death at all costs.”

The green flames in the statue of Thanatos grew much brighter, and his voice thundered through the temple. “You have done well Angus. Far better than what I had hoped, as you managed to deliver all four souls into the dagger. Now I will be able to personally see to their punishments. Thank you. As promised, you will receive rewards above and beyond what was originally promised.” As he spoke, a flame appeared in the statue’s open hand, and the blackness in each of the diamonds was sucked into the flame. I could faintly hear the wailing of the souls as the flame would flare with each new entrant, and then a screen popped up in front of me.

Divine questline completed!

Death comes for all I – IV

You have slain the four that have defied Death Himself for countless years. Not only that, you managed to force their souls into a dagger enchanted by Thanatos himself and delivered them for punishment. For going above and beyond the minimum requirements, you shall be aptly rewarded.

Base reward (Death comes for all IV):

When summoning Death Incarnate, Cooldown is lowered from 24 hours to 6 hours

Death ignores armor. Once per hour, your blade may use Vorpal Strike

Boosted rewards:

Experience awarded will increase you to max level

All cooldowns with Death’s Raiment are halved (not including Death Incarnate)

Thanatos and several other gods will enhance your dungeon

Level up x 53!

Congratulations on reaching the level cap of 130 for Oblivion Draconians. There are no more evolutions available for your race.

“The gods have been watching your dungeon, and several are interested in providing bonuses to it. For my part, I will reduce the amount of death energy you will need to harness by half. In addition, I will add a special aura for your final boss room.”

“Thank you, Lord Thanatos.” I managed to stammer out, completely surprised by the offers. The gods themselves were going to add to portions of our dungeon? I know that paladins often get tested in dungeons of their patron, but those were all dedicated to a single god or goddess. What would happen when several of them worked together? As I was pondering this, the statue went back to its normal state.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The rest of my week was a whirlwind tour of planes and battles that Derrick dragged me through. To my surprise, not all creatures went with a test of strength. There were several tests of intelligence and puzzles. The day before the final dungeon, I went on a tour through what the raid would be going through, and was quite impressed.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Chatroom: Draconian Raid Central

BettingBot: Welcome to all! As we prepare for the Draconian raid tomorrow, remember that you may bet on anything that tickles your fancy! Who will die first? How many times will people die? What spell or skill will be used most often? All this and more await you.

AnnouncerBot: All taverns will be open, and all will have multiple instances. For the low cost of 1 silver per person per hour, you can even rent out your favorite establishment! There will also be contests held in several cities. In order to enter, you must have a cooking or brewing skill of at least master to enter. There are multitudes of prizes, feel free to enter as many contests as you can!

LoneRanger: Do we have any knowledge of the dungeon?

InformationBot: The dungeon has been designed by players. There are two miniboss rooms and one major boss. I can also say that several divine beings have altered portions of the dungeon.

BettingBot: New bets have opened up! Which divine beings have aided in this dungeon? How many? All this and more! Head to any information broker in your city to place bets.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Private Chatroom, Raid leaders

Current members: Mr. Whiskers, Crimson King, Citadel, RaiderDave, DarkmoonLucy

Mr. Whiskers: Just so we are in agreement, I’m in charge of the raid. That includes the ability to kick people if they constantly screw up.

RaiderDave: I can agree to that. I’ll make sure the rest of the Dukes are on board as well.

DarkmoonLucy: Mayhem agrees as well. With two stipulations. One, no healers are kicked if someone dies for doing something stupid. And two, anyone kicked forfeits all rewards.

Mr. Whiskers: Agree with the second one. I will kick someone on a case by case basis. If we have healers not following orders, they will be kicked.

Citadel: Healers need to be ready to let people die if Whiskers orders it. He’s done it on nearly every raid.

RaiderDave: That’s cold.

Crimson King: No, it’s practical. If a rogue keeps drawing aggro, we aren’t going to sacrifice a tank’s dedicated healer’s mana to save him.

DarkmoonLucy: I’ll let my healers know then.

DarkmoonLucy: No disbanding the raid at the very end to keep all the spoils for yourself then.

RaiderDave: Paranoid much?

Mr. Whiskers: Relax Dave, it’s understandable. How about this then. You are eligible for whatever drops up until you get kicked. If I kick someone with less than three levels left in the dungeon, they are eligible for any and all rewards.

DarkmoonLucy: That’s fine.

RaiderDave: Looks like we have an agreement. Anything else we need to hash out?

Mr. Whiskers: One last thing. I’m sending you a chart. It has everyone’s name, description, and their raid obligations. Any issues, let me know before tomorrow.

RaiderDave: Alright.

DarkmoonLucy: Go ahead and send it.

Name

Class/ description

Duties

Mr. Whiskers

Elemental assassin. Dark grey cloak and armor, twin daggers

Raid leader. Calls strategy, ranged DPS

Crimson King

Arcane ranger. Green and brown leather armor with red highlights, black and red bow

Raid second. Opens boss battles with varied elemental attacks to determine weakness. Trap detection

Citadel

Sentinel. White armor with gold accent, tower shield and sword

Tertiary tank in lineup. Set to guard healer group.

Raider Dave

Paladin. Gold and silver armor, kite shield and sword

Primary tank. Holds aggro, keeps boss’ back to raid if possible (unlikely)

Darkmoon Lucy

Druid. Armor made of plants. Staff topped with nightliger skull.

Tertiary leader. Debuff boss, maximize DoT

TisButAScratch

Guardian. Black armor with white highlights, shield and mace.

Secondary tank for healer group.

Cinderfy

Pyromancer. Red and black robes, dual wands.

DPS. Enchant group with fire damage if necessary

Ice Queen

Cryomancer. Blue and white robes, bone wand with sapphire

DPS. Enchant group with ice damage if necessary

Brock Onyx

Geomancer. Black leather armor and hammer

DPS. Enchant group with earth damage or defense.

Brosef Brostar

Photomancer. Gold robes with silver trim, white staff with diamond.

DPS. Enchant group with light damage

Blackthumb

Druid (Plaguebringer). Black and green robes, throws vials

Boost DoT of each member. Poison boss.

SirMixALalalot

Druid (Botanist). Green robes with blue trim, silver plant wand

Brews potions for raid. Plant binding spells and boss debuff

Grandelf

Sage (fire, lightning, water). Red robes with white and blue trim, mithril wand

DPS.

SpiceMix

Sage (Earth, water, fire). Brown robes with blue and red trim. Silver wand with sapphire.

DPS.

PeppermintYork

Sage (Ice, water, fire) Black robes

DPS.

NotABandaid

Priestess of Gaia. Brown and green leather, one handed hammer

Keep Raider Dave alive.

Dr. HealYaButt

Priest of Moradin. Mithril armor with gold trim. Warhammer

Keep GoldGuard alive.

HolyDungeonDiver

Priest of Pelor. White robes with sunburst and mace

Assist healing Raider Dave. Focus on others after AoE

NaughtyNurseJess

Priestess of Pelor. White robes with sunburst and staff.

Assist healing GoldGuard. Focus on others after AoE

ShockerSnipe

Elemental Ranger. Black leather armor. White bone bow.

Trap detection. Ranged DPS.

DeathFromAbove

Elemental ranger. Green and black armor set, black bow with gold runes.

Trap detection, ranged DPS

GoldGuard

Paladin of Moradin. Golden armor with Warhammer.

Rearguard. Secondary tank against boss.

OhMightySmiter

Paladin of Pelor. White plate armor with longsword and shield.

Rearguard. Pick up boss add ons.

LadyFisticuffs

Berserker (Amazon). Brown and red leather armor. Oversized spear.

Damage. Help Smiter with add ons

EricDaRad

Berserker (Bloodfury). Animal fur pants with leather bandoliers. Twin axes.

Damage. Help Smiter with add ons.

PlayWithMe

Berserker. Red leather armor with black accents. Sword and hand axe combo.

Damage.

ChaosBringer

Berserker. Silver chain armor, greatsword

Damage.

GotYerBack

Guardian. Chainmail with red accents. Greatsword.

Intercept attacks against NotABandaid

Shieldwall

Guardian. Silver plate with short sword.

Intercept attacks against Dr. HealYaButt.

HitMe

Guardian. Black and white armor with axe

Secondary add on groups, protect anyone falling into critical if possible