Chapter 19: Dating Advice
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I knelt to one knee and tightened my shoelaces. The hairs on my legs clung to my skin from the morning dew, making me itch slightly.
Just outside the academy’s walls, there was a forest with a nature trail. Coniferous trees towered overhead, while ferns and briars clustered at their roots. A line of well-packed dirt cut through the foliage, dividing the scenery in two.
I suppressed a yawn as I rose back to my feet. My eyes zeroed in with laser focus. Drawing in a lungful of the crisp, natural air, I paused for a moment to stretch my shoulder and then began jogging.
The sun had only just begun to peek over the horizon. Normally, I was more of a ‘snooze my alarm three times and get up when the panic from being late forced it’ type of guy. And yet, here I was. Awake at an ungodly hour, out for a morning run. Others might call my pace sedate or leisurely, but in my mind, I was an Adonis-like Olympian training hard while the rest of the world slept.
What possessed me to suddenly act like an overachiever? Of course, the system was partly to blame. After trying a few things, I found running the least painful way to level my Physique. The alternative was weight training, but that meant going to the gym and being around other people. Was I supposed to make a fool of myself struggling with baby weights in public? No thanks.
But no, the real reason I was here so early was that I wanted to be alone. I had a lot on my mind and needed some space away from a certain spectral roommate of mine.
Right foot. Left. Inhale through the nose. Exhale through the mouth. As I got used to that rhythm, I gradually tuned out my surroundings and started organizing my thoughts. Before long, all distractions faded into the background. It was just me and the path ahead.
No matter how you look at it, yesterday had been an abject failure. I intended to cut ties with Yuki and take back my normal life. Things didn’t quite go according to plan. Somehow, I ended up promising her a date. Now instead of moving on and finding someone else to cling to, she’s more attached to me than ever.
It’s worth mentioning that she apologized after yesterday’s incident. Sort of. She seemed embarrassed over what happened. Admittedly, I did feel a little apprehensive after she grew extra arms and tried to skewer me through the stomach. Anyone would be taken aback if someone they knew transformed into a cryptid right before their eyes. It makes you wonder if they might be keeping secrets.
Things had been exceedingly awkward between us after the excitement calmed down. I couldn’t stand her pouting, so I told her it was alright and I wasn’t mad. Maybe that was overly forgiving, but what else was I supposed to do? She’s a fucking ghost. Yeah, it would be nice if Yuki never tried to murder me. Should I have given her a lecture?
Let me put it this way: Do you get upset with your dog when it barks at the mailman? Sure, it’s annoying, but there’s just no point. What can you hope to accomplish by becoming emotional? Might as well save the energy. Besides, are you really that surprised? It’s kind of what you signed up for.
At least she was remorseful. If anything, the worst part came later. After she got over her embarrassment, Yuki’d been far more lively than usual. Every five minutes, she’d press in close wanting to see what I was up to. I wasn’t able to get any of my usual studying done. Wasn’t she supposed to be all spooky and gloomy? So why was it different now? It was like I had a cat laying across my keyboard when I was trying to work.
She found several ways to communicate, be it hijacking my laptop, calling my phone, leaving a message written in blood on the bathroom mirror. The usual. It was always for the same reason: To ask details on our date. She seemed to think I had it all planned out. That was certainly not the case. It was just something I came up with on the fly to save myself, but it wasn’t like I could tell her that.
Since I didn't know how to answer, I said it was a secret and it’d be a surprise. That turned out to be a huge mistake. It made her bounce around with even more excitement. Have you ever seen a ghost swoon? It’s weird. Now I had a big problem. She’d built up a lot of expectations and there was no way I could back out.
Even if I ignored Yuki’s—quirks—and treated this as a normal date, I had no idea what I was doing. Romance was not exactly my forte. No, that was too much of an understatement. It would be more accurate to say I was absolutely fucking hopeless. Why I’d promised something I knew I couldn’t deliver, I had no idea. Apart from the whole ‘not wanting to be made into a human shish kabob’ thing. That was a pretty good reason, in fairness, but the fact remained, I was up Shit Creek without a paddle.
In my first life, I’d been too much of a loser to talk to the girls in my highschool. It wasn’t until my early 20s that I had my first experiences with dating. Even then, I could only count one serious relationship under my belt. It didn’t end well either.
My third year of university, I lucked out. Somehow, an antisocial person like me got a girlfriend. A dormant part of my soul never touched stirred for the first time. I learned what it was like to feel important to someone else. Unsurprisingly, I fell head over heels for her. For a while, life seemed perfect. I was happy. We were happy. Or so I thought.
We were together almost two years. When she dumped me, I was devastated. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. In my mind, I’d made a terrible mistake. It’s funny really. I thought if I figured out what went wrong and apologized, she’d take me back. Went out and bought some chocolates and flowers. My plan had been to make a grand gesture and ask for a second chance, promise to make things right, like I was the protagonist in some cheesy romantic comedy. Thinking back on that part still makes me cringe.
Of course, that’s not how things went. I showed up at her door the next morning. She was there along with her new boyfriend who’d spent the night. Apparently, she had someone else lined up before she broke up with me. It hadn’t even been 24 hours yet. While I was still reeling, she’d already moved on. That’s when I realized I’d been fooling myself all along. She wasn’t angry or upset, she was just bored. To me she might be special, but I was replaceable.
The reason for digging this up wasn’t to say, “Oh woe is me, my life’s been so hard.” At least not entirely. I like throwing myself a good pity-party as much as the next guy. But no, that was all ancient history by now. I’ve gotten over it.
My point was just that I was completely terrible when it came to matters of love. If you took every guy in the world and ranked their success with women, I was probably in the bottom 1%. Not only was I inept at reading body language and making conversation, I didn’t know the first thing about keeping someone happy.
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That’s why planning a date was such a big hassle. Yuki was a sweetheart most of the time, but when she was displeased, she wasn’t afraid to let me know. If I tried to wing it, she’d be bored to tears in the first five minutes.
This required careful planning and multiple contingencies. I couldn’t afford to bomb. If she wasn’t satisfied with my performance, who knew what the consequences might be? Disembowelment was a distinct possibility. Maybe decapitation? In any case, my life literally depended on the date being a success. No pressure.
I continued to rack my brain, but came up short again and again. No matter how much thought I put towards the problem, I simply didn’t have enough experience to draw from. Most of my ideas were dumb cliches that came from fiction. That wasn’t going to work. This was really life, not a novel.
***
Time passed and eventually the sun had fully risen over the horizon.
By this point, I’d been jogging for the better part of an hour. Sweat poured down my face and neck. My shirt was soaked through and my legs burned in agony. It felt like I was dying. This trail was supposed to be “beginner friendly”. Turns out that adopting the mindset of an athletic person wasn’t enough to make it true.
There was a comfy-looking rock nearby, so I decided to take a quick rest. I plopped down heaving out labored breaths, unscrewed the cap on my water bottle, and drew from it in large gulps. After a minute or two, my heart stopped pounding so hard and it became easier to concentrate.
All this time, I still hadn’t gotten any closer towards a solid plan. There was no helping it. It was time to face the facts. If I tried to rely purely on myself, things would end in disaster. I needed advice. A master to guide me. Someone reliable who knows how girls think.
Just then, I heard someone else approaching from down the path. It seemed I wasn’t the only one up early. A moment later, I was surprised when it was Alicia who emerged from the trees. We made eye contact and she immediately scanned over my disheveled appearance. I had to hold back a sigh as she took on a devilish grin.
Unlike me, Alicia was more than fit enough to handle jogging a couple miles. I looked like I’d just been dipped in a salty bath with my clothes on, but she’d hardly broken a sweat at all. The nonchalance with which she bounded over was frustrating to see.
“Well, well, if it isn’t little ol’ Izzy. I didn’t think you were the jogging sort. Trying to take after your Auntie Ruebell?” She planted her hands on her hips and blew the stray hairs away from her nose.
This was just my luck. I came all the way out here specifically to avoid letting others see my lack of fitness. Alicia was about the worst possible person who could have turned up. She’d never miss the opportunity to twist the knife after finding me in such an embarrassing state. I couldn’t show any weakness here or I’d never hear the end of it.
“Since when are you my Auntie? Wouldn’t you need to be a bit taller for that?”
Alicia’s eyes flashed with a predatory gleam. Even though her expression hadn’t changed, there was an unsettling quality hidden behind her smile. It was only there only a second before it vanished and she once again became friendly and teasing. I felt the same rush of adrenaline and relief one might have after prodding a sleeping bear with a stick.
Don’t mention her height. Noted.
“Scooch.” She sashayed over and wedged herself in next to me. “Gross, you’re all slimy.”
I didn’t feel any need to apologize when she was the one trying to hog my seat without asking. “If you don’t like it, get your own rock. This one’s mine.”
She ignored my complaints and casually took a sip from her water. Well, so much for trying to concentrate on the date issue. There was no way I could think with her around. I watched as a trickle of water spilled from the corner of her lips. It slid down the side of her neck until it reached her chest.
Wait a second. Chest. That’s right. Despite her thuggish attitude, Alicia was female.
I sat up straight, struck with a sudden eureka moment. She might have some good ideas when it came to dating. Her people skills weren’t the best, but they had to be better than mine. Perhaps this meeting was a blessing in disguise.
“Hey Alicia, you’re sort of like a girl, right?”
Wham.
My arm fell limp after she unleashed a swift and brutal punch to my shoulder, holding nothing back. I stared down at it incredulously and found that I wasn’t able to lift the deadened limb in the slightest. The most I could do was rotate my body side to side and watch as it flapped around.
Huh. Would ya look at that. It didn’t hurt that much, actually. In fact, I couldn’t feel anything there at all. Was that an indication of nerve damage?
The savage beside me cocked her head to the side with her eyes narrowed. “You were saying?”
“Uh, I chose my words poorly. You’re very feminine and ladylike. What I meant was I could use a girl’s perspective on something.”
Alicia flashed a radiant smile. “Of course. That’s what friends are for, right?”
If that’s the case, why didn’t the senseless violence she used to disable a ‘friend’ weigh on her conscience? I considered asking, but decided it was better to stay on topic. “I have a date coming up and I’m not sure what to do. I was hoping you’d have some ideas. Where should we go? What kinds of things do girls like?”
“So you decided to nut up and ask that girl out after all, huh? Bravo, Izzy. To be honest, I didn’t think you had it in ya. Maybe there’s some hope for you yet.” She rubbed her chin in a sagely manner as if stroking an invisible beard. “Hm, let me think.”
I didn’t bother mentioning that I did not, in fact, ‘nut up’ and instead tried to weasel out of the date originally. There was no need to reveal details that weren’t relevant. “Well, what’s she like? As in her personality. What kind of food does she like? What are her hobbies?”
I pictured the girl in my head and how best to describe her. It occurred to me how little I really knew about Yuki. “She’s… quiet and shy. As for the other stuff, I have no idea. Isn’t the whole point of a date to figure that out?”
“I mean, you’re not wrong, but you should know at least a little about her interests.”
The only answer I could give there was a shrug.
“I take it back, you’re hopeless. Well, if you don’t know anything, the best you can do is play it safe with a movie or something. Or you could take her to the carnival this weekend. Everybody likes rides and games.”
“There’s a carnival coming to Rosemont?” That was news to me.
“Not the academy itself, but the town nearby. Ugh, you don’t even know that much? Seriously, do you live under a rock? It’s all anyone’s been talking about all week.”
I had no idea. Come to think of it, I remembered people discussing some event coming up, but I hadn’t bothered to ask anyone for details. With everything that's been going on in my life, I wasn’t in the position to care about gossip like a normal student. Perhaps that was a mistake and I should be paying closer attention to my classmates.
“Thanks. You gave me a lot to think about.”
“Whatever. Not a big deal.” Alicia waved her arm dismissively as she stood. “In return though, you gotta give me all the gory details when your date blows up in your face.”
Let’s hope it didn’t come to that.
Without so much as a goodbye, she set off, jogging back towards the academy and leaving me in the dust. I’d better do the same unless I wanted to be late for class.
A carnival, huh? Was that the sort of thing Yuki would enjoy?