ASHA’S POV

She remembers the game now, remembers so much more than in any other life except for something she knows is important.

They let me keep some memories from the Great Hall and none of them can roll to make me do as they please, which is a first since the first round, and means someone beat the gods and Higher Demons at their favorite game. But though I remember all my previous lives, something’s missing. The one who...

The pain assails her on cue as she reaches for the shadowy figure in her memories.

Your face, I need to see your face.

It hurts too much, but Asha knows this is vital.

I know you. I was...

Screaming into her pillow in order to muffle the sounds, Asha curls up tight as tears leak from her eyes.

“My lady!” Monique and Valora rush in, frantically trying to soothe her. Giving up on remembering that person for now, she tries for a reassuring smile but knows it’s wan.

“My lady, please.” Monique’s purple eyes are watery. “I know you love Marquess Vihur, but this...”

I love WHO?!

Gaping at her maid, Asha’s mind whirls as she tries to process this information that she knows isn’t right.

“I...I love Marquess Vihur?”

“Lady Asha,” Asha's heart clenches at the pain on Valora's face, “as much as it pains me to say this, you must give up. The Duke’s daughter is far too powerful, and House Lamberg is merely a humble barony making a living as mercenaries.”

Those pieces of shit! I know I didn’t have enough to pay the fee for a reset, and when they told me others already did I made a deal, giving up my immortality for...

“Aghhh!” Endure it, I’ll get used to it and break through eventually. I need to know.

“My lady, please!” As her attendants hold her down while she writhes, Asha distantly wonders if the gamblers will take advantage and make this lead to a terrible misunderstanding.

They absolutely do.

Damn the gods and demons.

“My lady, please do not let this heartbreak ruin your life.” Valora looks absolutely miserable. “You are still young, and Master has a good enough reputation that he can find you a decent husband.”

GODS.

“I DON’T want...!” The pain cutting her off doesn’t help matters, as her best friends’ misunderstandings spiral further out of control.

When I win this game, I will KILL all of you.

She pretends to have temporarily lost her memory in order to obtain information as the deluge in her head is too much to sort out right now, and with every word Asha’s resolve to give gods and demons a beating grows.

“...and that’s why you were in the forest, my lady. It’s fortunate that Marquess Vihur was kind enough to bring you back even though you almost cost him and his men their lives.”

Marquess Vihur. He made a comment to me every time I met him after that first life, almost as though he knew I was resetting and trying again. He’s a Magic Grandmaster so he’s favored by Hekaty, who likes to bend boundaries sometimes.

“I don’t think a Magic Grandmaster can be taken down so easily.” At the confused expressions on their faces, Asha feels dread creep through her.

“My lady, Marquess Vihur is a Swordmaster.” Monique glances at Valora worriedly before continuing. “He contracts the Winterblades for jobs on behalf of the Empire when he’s needed elsewhere, but otherwise he protects the country with his swordsmanship.”

He was always a Magic Grandmaster. Could it be that he’s one of the people who paid the fee for me? Who else did? Was there only one other person, or many more? Resetting is costly. Divinity credits are worth far more than chieftain and guardian credits, which themselves are worth more than human credits, though a Grandmaster’s soul tips the scales more than the average person’s.

More importantly, why did the gods take away so many memories? I know someone killed me in my first life, which meant I was supposed to become the Demon Queen's slave since that was the deal. Then grandmother rolled and turned me into a player with all of mother’s divinity credits in order to save me, and I've been paying for the resets every time since, but...

“My lady...” Monique and Valora are too worried about her to fight, and Asha forces a smile, wishing they were in one of the happier periods of her many past lives.

“I’m fine, just tired.” They look like they don’t really believe her, but leave to let her rest anyway.

I was wondering why my room looks so shabby. I know I was a Count’s daughter in my first life, and one time I chose to use credits to promote dad to a Duke before I reset. But now I’m just a Baron’s daughter? Could dad have been the other person who paid the fee for me? He’s just a Swordmaster this time, so he must have traded his Grandmaster credits for me. Perhaps he also negotiated the demotion in wealth and status to pay as much of the fee as possible.

Was it just dad and Marquess Vihur, then? I’m certain there were more people involved. Two Grandmasters wouldn’t have been able to afford the fee, even if dad’s the chieftain of a guardian tribe. More people must have been involved, but who?

Curling on her side and gripping worn sheets, Asha sighs when she sees the chair next to her bed is empty. In every life Callan Lamberg hadn’t left her side for days once she’d woken up, but this time he’d been called away for a job.

Dad...

From the looks of it, they have much less than 1% of the wealth she’s used to, and even less political clout. Swordmasters are common enough among Imperial Knights and aristocrats and their knightages, which means her father isn’t very special in the Empire.

Especially when this world’s history has Duke Nathaira winning the Sorcerer War as a genius Magic Grandmaster.

More importantly, now I remember. I paid for Lady Willow to like dad in return and make him happy in the last round so her personality was adjusted. In actual fact, she’s a cold hearted woman, but I remembered how dad’s eyes lingered on her in my third and sixth lives.

She has large gaps in her memories, which means the dice fell badly in that stupid game the gods and demons constantly play. But Asha remembers a little of the happy times in her last life, when Lady Willow was the mother she’d always wanted.

Mom...

While the rules state that only half-gods can be players in order to free themselves from the Demon Queen, Selena had chosen to work as a maid in the Den of Dice instead, saving her divinity credits for Asha.

Enough of this. There isn’t a reset option after the ninth life, which means if I die before time is up the Demon Queen breaks my mind and makes me her slave while claiming this world completely.

That thought just makes her angrier.

Stupid, USELESS gods. You lot and your ASININE games! And grandma, you have TERRIBLE luck against your ROTTEN sister, so STOP gambling with her.

Frustration makes her sit up and punch the lumpy pillows, and the sight of the poor quality bedding just infuriates Asha more.

You wagered my SOUL with great-aunt Apatie, you SHITTY grandma. And each time I reset, my memories of the Great Hall were always wiped so I’d start ignorant of the truth and believing it's my second life. Then that DAMNED Demon Queen and her Generals would always somehow cast their dice and screw things up over and over until I get killed and have to pay to reset. This entire thing is a SCAM, and I’ll break great-aunt’s face if it’s the last thing I ever do.

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It always starts the same way: depending on how much she pays, Asha moves a number of years to before her latest death, waking up as a villainess with memories of only her first life, though without Independence her words and actions would not always be her own. From there, depending on the boons she'd bought in the Great Hall and the ongoing rolls of dice, she’d become a brilliant musician, artist, writer, inventor, Elementalist, Grandmaster, or the like.

I even became Empress once thanks to rolls by another god and Demon General. But who was the Emperor? I wouldn’t have married Uncle Aaron, would I...? He’s older than DAD.

When the pain starts to flare, Asha quickly discards that train of thought and reaches for a glass of water. It’s not the crystal she’s used to, which makes her frown at the reminder that her father had traded his wealth, social standing, and swordsmanship for her.

Sitting here like this isn’t going to help. Thanks to Mony and Val, I know that I’ve been up to somewhat similar antics here - chasing after a guy and picking fights with other girls. But unlike all my previous lives, I can’t bully others due to lack of wealth and standing, so apparently I resorted to outright lies and trickery. This is ridiculous.

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“Look, it’s the north witch.”

“She still dares show her face after what happened?”

“She’s probably going to throw herself at the Marquess again.”

Gritting her teeth, Asha continues walking. Her knowledge of what's at stake and memories of times she’d failed before provide perspective, so the shabby dress and cheap shoes she’s wearing don’t embarrass her as much as they had the ‘original’ Asha of this timeline.

“What are you doing here?” Hello again, Cassandra. The brunette is openly scowling at Asha, disdain evident in brown eyes. “Go away, commoner. We don’t want your kind befouling the air.”

“Cass.” Medea. How terrible to see you again. “Be nice.” Those golden eyes are full of malice as the beautiful blonde smiles coldly. “She probably doesn’t have enough to eat at home, so she had to come here for scraps.”

Didn’t I say that to her a few times before?

Cocking her head, Asha stares up at the wealthy aristocrat. How the tables have turned. It was always me being in a higher starting position than her. I suppose grandmother lost another roll of dice. STOP GAMBLING, GRANDMA, YOU SUCK AT IT.

“Oh look, the crazy dog isn’t growling.” Marquess Aasi’s daughter, Rosalind, has hated Asha in every life. “I suppose you hit the nail on the head, Medea.”

Sighing, Asha just shakes her head. Pathetic. The world is going to be claimed by great-aunt Apatie unless I survive past the age I was when I died in the round before, and you’re playing these stupid games - whether of your own volition or because of the gambling going on in the Den of Dice. Everyone and their grandma needs to get their priorities in order.

“Did you just sigh and shake your head?” Cass’ eyes are glinting, as her voice drips with venom. “I’d ask if the cat got your tongue, but you mercenaries probably ate all the cats you could find already.”

Medea chuckles at that. “Didn’t they do that during the War when they ran out of food?” I think I know which Demon General won the round and made her say this.

A crowd has gathered now, everyone relishing the free entertainment and the fact that an upstart like Asha is being ‘put in her place’.

“Aww, is she going to cry?”

“Why isn’t she saying anything? Maybe she lost her voice?”

“That would be a gift from the gods.”

Looking around, Asha sees all the usual faces - friends in some lives, enemies in others - and waits.

“What’s going on here?” Alexis Vihur looks the same as always, though it’s odd not sensing mana from him. His purple eyes widen when he spots Asha standing in the middle of the crowd, and an expression almost like distaste flickers before he smooths his face over and smiles at Medea. “Is she bothering you again, Medea?”

This definitely happened before. But the one asking that question was...OW!

At the warning throb, Asha quickly focuses on the conversation taking place now. From the sounds of it, Medea is claiming Asha had started another fight, and she can’t help rolling her eyes at that.

“Did you just...?!” Cass looks furious. “You DARE behave so INSOLENTLY to a Duke’s daughter, mongrel?!” It's hard to predict what the gamblers in the Den will be trying to roll for now, but based on her memories of previous lives Asha thinks she can hazard some guesses.

“I dare behave so insolently to a liar.” Trying to keep her head down had failed miserably in her second and seventh lives, so Asha knows the secret to success is in taking action and entertaining her audience. “But of course, since all of you only prize bloodline over truth, everyone here will go along with your lies.”

When she dodges the slap easily, Asha smirks. “Typical nobles. When you can’t throw money at a problem you throw hands instead. And when that doesn’t work, you throw bodies.”

“You...!” Cass isn’t the only one Asha’s angered, and now the crowd seems out for her blood.

...I suppose the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Despite railing at her grandmother’s gambling habit, Asha herself is taking a huge risk right now.

Please Daiki, win your roll.

“What Lady Asha said is true.” YES! “I saw her walking quietly when she was stopped by the Duke’s daughters, and Lady Asha never said a word until now.” Viscount Hawksworth has swooped in to help, as radical as ever though at this age he isn’t as vocal. “It’s unfortunate that no one saw fit to say anything when Lady Asha was being slandered and attacked.”

“Viscount Hawksworth.” Cass’ eyes are vicious as she turns to stare at the young nobleman. “Are you sure you saw correctly? Your affection for commoners may have clouded your judgement, after all.”

His golden eyes are predatory even as the handsome aristocrat smiles. “How unfortunate that no other witness possesses a sense of honor.” You're doing well, Daiki. At the Viscount’s words, some of the onlookers begin to whisper, faces uncomfortable.

“Viscount H...” Cass is cut off by Count Eszes’ daughter, Marcia.

“Viscount Hawksworth speaks true.” Her eyes are the same pale blue as her father’s. “Lady Asha was keeping to herself when she was stopped by the Duke’s daughters and verbally attacked, though she didn’t respond at all until now.” Aethean won her round as well, thank the gods.

“I see.” Marquess Vihur looks shocked for a split second, before his purple eyes turn suspicious as he looks at Asha. “In that case, Lady Asha, it would seem you have been greatly wronged this time.”

That sounds familiar, but who...OW! Alright, I get it!

When she doesn’t respond due to inner distraction, it sparks another wave of whispers.

“Look at her, acting shy in front of the Marquess.”

“Does she think she can appeal to him now after everything?”

Barely resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Asha just sighs and spins on her heel to walk away.

Unfortunately, her shoes are poorly made and have been worn far too many times. Which means the heel she’s pivoting on breaks midway through the movement and only Asha’s unnatural grace prevents her from falling while people laugh.

Stay calm. I'm a villainess on a mission to save myself, and thanks to my useless grandmother it just so happens that saving myself means saving the world.

“Lady Asha, please.” Viscount Hawksworth likes the ladies, as always, so he gallantly holds out his arm for her to take.

“Thank you, Viscount.” Reaching down, Asha yanks both shoes off before holding onto the Viscount with her other hand. When he doesn’t start walking immediately, she looks up to see an odd expression on a handsome face. “My lord...?”

“Lady Asha, how can a noblewoman walk without shoes?” It’s not like I have a spare pair in my pocket. “Forgive my impudence, but please allow me to carry you to your carriage.” Is this going to go well or badly for me?

“Lady Asha.” Marcia’s face is calm. “I suggest you accept, before you cause more of a scene.” That’s right. I tried to get her in trouble a few times here. I suppose I should be glad she even spoke up for me at all.

“Very well, Lady Marcia, Viscount Hawksworth. Thank you both.” That makes their faces twitch in shock and suspicion, but Asha considers it a win for now. Releasing the firm arm she’d been holding, Asha absentmindedly plays with her broken heel as the radical noble picks her up and carries her out of the ballroom.

“Lady Asha, pardon my insolence.” It’s rare to hear the Viscount so unsure, and Asha stares at him before cocking her head. “Are you...alright?”

’Alright’? He wouldn’t be worrying about how I feel, so why...? OH.

“Thank you for your concern, Viscount.” She wants to slap every younger version of herself. “I’m quite recovered now.” Asha can’t call him out for thinking her insane, so she’s decided instead to make it seem like she’s still suffering the after effects of getting struck by monsters.

“I see.” His bright golden eyes are watching her almost warily, as though afraid she’ll suddenly turn rabid. As soon as the flimsy carriage door closes, Viscount Hawksworth steps back and smiles politely through the thin window. Asha bows her head in farewell, then the rented vehicle sets off for the Lamberg townhouse on the edges of the capital.

Sighing, she leans back to rest her head on rough fabric and closes her eyes.

That went as planned. Make myself start to seem like a changed person, maybe even a sympathetic figure, and start gathering allies. The gods will play along while the demons will try to get in my way like they always do, but overall this is the strategy that worked best across my lives.

She’d almost made it to her twenty-first birthday and won the game once but ended up dying the day before, courtesy of the Demon Queen’s skill with dice.

I hate you, great-aunt.

By the time she leaps out of the carriage onto the cracked sidewalk, the sun has almost set completely.

“My lady, are you alright?” Monique is one of the few servants remaining, since even Valora and Truman had had to leave on another mission. “Did something happen?”

“I’m fine.” Asha’s smile is warm, as it always is when she’s with her best friends. “I’m sorry, my shoe broke so I had to leave.”

“I see.” The Mage’s purple eyes are assessing and concerned as she takes the shoes from Asha. “Please wear mine instead for now, my lady.”

Shaking her head, Asha starts walking, listening to the painful screeching of the gate as Monique shuts it hurriedly and follows after her.

No money, no power, low mana, no aura...grandma and great-aunt, I’ll kill you both when this is over.

At least she still remembers how to fight and make things. The problem is that the inventions that always made her famous require magic stones, which this House Lamberg can’t afford.

I suppose I should go with the next part of the plan now. I just hope I’m not rushing it the way I rushed so many other plans.

She’d originally intended to stay in the capital a little longer in order to improve her reputation as much as possible, but clearly House Lamberg needs everyone working on missions in order to survive.

The north is barren in this timeline, but the Palace demands taxes in full anyway. Uncle Aaron and dad aren’t friends here, and His Majesty barely even knows we exist.

It’s the bleakest start she’s ever gotten in all her nine lives, but Asha knows she has to make it work.

This is my last chance. I have to win if I don’t want to end up enslaved and mind-broken for eternity.

Damn the gods and their stupid games.

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MOONRISE BY LUNASEA: CHAPTER 34 END