ASHA’S POV
It’s a good thing she tells Monique and Valora the full story with her dad and Lady Willow around. Her attendants go absolutely berserk with tears in their eyes, and it takes the Grandmaster and High Mage almost an hour to calm them down enough to have a conversation.
Though she’s as emotional as her two best friends, Asha hasn’t missed all the creative new insults they’d yelled, as well as the way they’ve moved closer to her as though trying to shield their lady from such a terrible future.
Thank you.
It’s telling that they aren’t asking her why she’s agreed to marry Rayleigh despite everything - why she went and did that with the man who murdered them all - and Asha wonders again at how perceptive the seething, shaking, teary duo are.
I’m sorry.
“My lady.” Valora’s eyes are red, but her gaze is fierce and loyal. “I’ll protect you this time.” Asha hugs the Winterblade tight, rubbing her own eyes as tears continue to fall. Her heart is a tumultuous mess - tired, torn, grateful, ashamed, hopeful, afraid - and her head is starting to hurt given the aura and mana flaring and throbbing around her.
“As will I.” Monique is still sniffling, words slightly muffled by her handkerchief. “I won’t let the Grand Duke kill you again.”
“I killed Asha?”
Rayleigh!
Somehow he’d entered the room without any of them detecting him, which is understandable given how upset they are but ridiculous at the same time.
Dad’s a Grandmaster, so even if I’m distracted right now...
Confusion is quickly being replaced by anxiety on a handsome face, as Rayleigh looks around the room and notes the tears, reddened eyes, and unstable aura and mana.
“W…what is going on, Asha?” His usually strong voice is shaky, scarlet eyes beseeching Asha to tell him this is all an elaborate hoax. Her head and heart hurt too much to ease his troubled mind as something surges inside her - a remnant from the pain and humiliation she’d had to suffer, the agony of watching her father and everyone in their House die, the desperate plea in her soul for a chance - and she snaps.
“You didn’t just kill me.” The Winter Count’s aura is enveloping her, whether to support or stifle, Asha doesn’t care. “You killed dad, Val, Mony, and so many others from my House. Personally.”
Rayleigh’s face is pale, pupils pinpricks in wide eyes as his gloved hands shake, a small gift wrapped box falling to the ground. Something in Asha aches and rejoices at the sight of her fiancé so obviously troubled.
“Wh...why would I ever do such a thing?” His desperate gaze flicks to her father, who’s now standing behind Asha with a hand on a trembling shoulder. “Teacher, I would never...!”
“I’ll need you to swear on a soul contract, Ray.” At the Winter Count’s somber tone, Rayleigh tenses, staring in silent shock before agreeing. Lady Willow ushers Valora and Monique out - discretely picking up the gift along the way way - and shuts the door quietly behind herself as the Grand Duke makes his oath. Once the bright light of the soul binding fades, the Grandmaster signals his pupil to take a seat while gently nudging Asha to do the same.
“Before Asha tried to break the engagement...”
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RAYLEIGH’S POV
No.
His head is pounding as bile rises in his throat, but Rayleigh keeps his increasingly blurry vision on Asha’s grim face and twisted smile as teacher speaks.
NO.
“But...I would never-“
“You would for Medea.” Her eyes are haunted in the way he never wants them to be.
So this is why. All this time, you kept trying to leave me and keep a distance from me, and it’s because I...
“Asha...”
“That’s not all.” Teacher looks worried now. “You didn’t just kill me, your highness.” There’s a crazed light in those blue eyes - desperate, reckless, terrified, furious, humiliated, agonized, miserable, vengeful. “You sent me to the ninth level of the dungeon.”
The NINTH LEVEL?!
“N...no...” Rayleigh doesn’t know what he’s feeling right now, as emotions roil within him and strive to exit through his mouth. Ninth level...but that...
“AND.” She’s looking at him, but not seeing him - it’s clear as day she’s overwhelmed by nightmares now, tormented by things that only she really knows. “You made me spend ONE MONTH there before you hacked my head off.”
One...one month? But...no one has ever been kept there for more than a week.
Asha...just what did I do to you?
Looking at her now, he can make some guesses - enough to make him want to vomit, cry, and carve his own heart out with a worn teaspoon - but he knows that no matter what he does, it’ll never compare to what he put her through.
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I deserve your hate. I deserve every pain in the world, for what I did to you.
Despise me all your life, if it’ll make you feel better. I...
“ASHA LAMBERG.”
Teacher?
Callan Lamberg is the most famous fool for his daughter in the empire, but right now the Master of War is looking at Asha with an expression akin to anger. The shock snaps the Elementalist out of her own haze, before large sapphires fill with tears and then teacher hurriedly hugs her tight and pats a small back while soothing the petite aristocrat.
“I’m sorry baby, daddy just hates seeing you in pain.” Rayleigh had been comforted similarly by teacher many times before, when he’d been younger and weaker. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, I’m really not angry with you.” Asha wails. “My light, daddy’s so sorry for scaring you. I just wanted you to stop talking about that, because I think it’s better for your sanity that you don’t remember the details.”
Rayleigh feels like he’s suffocating in flames.
I’m worse than demon excrement.
Each sob from his fiancée tears his heart into smaller shreds as teacher continues to stroke her hair and back. The pain on the Grandmaster’s face turns the scraps of Rayleigh’s heart into icy shards that pierce his soul.
How could I do such a thing to Asha? To teacher?
“Ray.” He flinches at being spoken to, though the Winter Count’s voice is as calm and kind as ever.
Why are you still so nice to me, teacher?
“I’m sure you had a reason.” At the faith in those brilliant blue eyes, Rayleigh wants to sell his soul and turn things back to a time before Asha ever knew anything but happiness. “There must be something larger at play, something that would cause you to kill me.”
“Teacher!” He doesn’t want to hear it - it’s ripping him apart inside, stabbing him in every pore and clawing at every fiber of his being - but knows he has no right to refuse when Asha had lived through a hell he’d put her in. The least he can do is listen and try to prevent it a second time. “I...I can’t think of what would...”
“Medea.” Though she’s clearly exhausted, Asha’s hiss is clear as her swollen eyes start to close.
“I...” Rayleigh has no excuse, not when he’d actually been head over heels for the blonde to the point of sending her a letter and gift the night before his own engagement ceremony.
Asha is asleep now, the tear stained face with its puffy eyelids no less lovely, though Rayleigh doesn’t believe he has any right to touch her anymore.
All this time, first when I ignored and mistreated you, then when I asked to marry you and did whatever it took to keep House Lamberg from raising the Ice Wall...all this time, you were carrying these painful memories within you. I know you agreed to marry me for your family’s sake, but when we kissed earlier...
He knows very well what happens in the ninth level of the dungeon, since meeting all the Inquisitors was a rite of passage for heirs to the throne.
> ”Some day you’ll either be in need of their services, or begging them to stop.”
Rayleigh has never forgotten the look on Uncle’s face when the Emperor had said that to him on his twelfth birthday, as the Grand Duke walked side by side with Griffin who’d volunteered to accompany him despite the way gloved hands trembled.
His cousin had caught him when the youngest Imperial’s legs gave way, unable to bear witness to the horrors around him yet being forced by the Emperor to “grow up, for the sake of the empire”. Griffin’s arm around his waist had been the only thing keeping Rayleigh from throwing up and screaming, as the Crown Prince helped the Grand Duke through the seventh level and beyond.
Was I only fooling myself, the way I did with Medea? Asha has no reason to let me touch her, must loathe me with every fiber of her being, so all those reactions I took as interest...
“Ray.” Teacher is speaking quietly as he continues patting his daughter’s back softly. “Asha does have feelings for you, make no mistake.” Stunned, he gapes at the strongest warrior on the continent. “Sometimes the good feelings inside her far outweigh the bad, and sometimes it’s the other way around.”
> ”Two wolves exist in every heart.”
“Now that you know why Asha has changed so much, I hope you won’t forget your promise.” Rayleigh has no idea why teacher treats him so well and believes in him after everything, icy shards piercing a battered heart as he bows his head.
“I will never betray Asha, or do anything to hurt her.”
I’d rather suffer a thousand hells than make Asha cry again.
When teacher smiles gratefully at him, Rayleigh wants to hack himself to pieces.
I don’t deserve to live, not after what I did to you and Asha.
That night, when dinner is wheeled into his study, Rayleigh vomits into the waste bin as the smell and sight of his freshly cooked meal juxtapose themselves with memories from his tour of the dungeons.
> ”We put glass shards in excrement and force feed it to them at least once a week.”
Inquisitors are always fully covered, magic masks eerily devoid of features while warping their voices. Rayleigh had had nightmares about his courtesy ‘introduction’ for months after his twelfth birthday, and even though he knew why they were necessary he couldn’t understand how the Imperial Family could sanction such cruelty.
And Asha...
As Conroy shouts orders while Ethan holds him up, Rayleigh heaves violently once more.
I sent her there.
Even if only the Emperor could order such punishment, Rayleigh held enough sway over Griffin and Uncle that he’d most likely either asked for it or not disputed the decision.
This is all my fault.
Someone hands Ethan a bucket which the knight hurriedly holds near Rayleigh’s face as the Grand Duke bends almost double while expelling bile.
Ninth level.
I put her there. I put Asha there.
I KILLED Asha and teacher myself after making them suffer.
Though he’s vomited the last dregs of bile already, Rayleigh can’t stop the retching.
That’s the most horrific layer of the dungeon. One where humans are no longer treated as such, by monsters in human skin that the Imperial Family employs.
And I put her there.
Heaving as saliva drips, a part of Rayleigh wishes he could die a thousand painful deaths instead of having to live with this knowledge. Yet, another part of himself knows it's the cowardly thing to do, when Asha and teacher are bravely living on and trying to change their fates.
Asha...
He can't believe she hasn't tried to kill him yet, or at least seek revenge.
Is marrying me...?
> "Asha does have feelings for you, make no mistake...sometimes the good feelings inside her far outweigh the bad, and sometimes it’s the other way around.”
If teacher says so, it must be true.
His fiancée's ability to love and laugh despite everything he'd put her through makes him fall harder for her, even as Rayleigh spirals deeper into the abyss of self-hatred.
I don't deserve her. I hurt her - not just by betraying her, not just by killing her father, but by...
There’s nothing in his stomach left to throw up, no matter how much his body reacts to the horrors in his head.
I don’t deserve to live.
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??? POV
All according to plan.
The Grand Duke and the precious princess of Lamberg will be leaving the capital soon, while the Count stays behind.
And they believe they ‘discovered’ the gunpowder.
Arrogance would be their undoing. Arrogance, and the foolish inability to see past their own prejudices.
The end of your hubris approaches.
Everything is ready. The fall of House Lamberg would soon begin.
And after that, Loredan and the world.
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MOONRISE BY LUNASEA: CHAPTER 30 END