CALLAN LAMBERG’S POV
Should I tell her?
It’d been something Selena had kept hidden from him - only ever alluding to it once - but one of the mages who’d raised her had given him enough hints that he’d figured it out eventually, as soon as Asha told him she’d returned from the future.
Would it be too much for Asha?
His beloved daughter has already been through so much - in that horrible future, and here. From trying to save their lives by getting Ray engaged to someone else, then accepting the Grand Duke’s proposal, to helping the empire again and again, to discovering her Elemental powers...
“Dad?” When she looks up at him like that, Callan has to resist the urge to spirit her away to the north and raise the Ice Wall.
> ”Duty to family, duty to clan, duty to country, duty to world.”
He’d shouldered all these burdens from a young age, when his own father had died early in the Sorcerer War and left a twelve year old boy as the sole heir to the Lune Clan. With no time to grieve the loss of his last remaining blood relation, Callan had had to marshal his people, revive their spirits, and ride to a brutal battlefield to fight against sorcerers for years while rushing back north every winter for the March.
How many have I buried?
Once the War was over, he’d become a husband, Count, joint Minister of Defense, widower, single father, teacher to the heirs to the throne, and favored advisor of the Emperor.
How many more will I bury without a single moment’s rest? My childhood ended early and I’ve only had more duties heaped on me since, so I wanted Asha to experience hers to the fullest, maybe even forever. But now my baby is trying to shoulder even more burdens than I did at her age.
What kind of father would I be if I let her?
But...what kind of father would I be if I keep the truth about her birth mother from her?
What do I know about being a father, beyond keeping Asha safe and loving her enough to make up for Selena’s absence? That’s what I’ve been doing all this time, and I thought it was going fine yet…
“Dad, are you alright?” She looks so worried and scared that he wants to kick himself.
“I’m sorry, angel.” When he kisses her, she smiles and his heart squeezes. My baby is the best. “Daddy was just thinking of how to say this.”
Asha is adorable when she’s just breathing, but when she cocks her head like that she becomes infinitely cuter and he wants to squeal.
“You can tell me anything, dad.” I love you so much, my darling. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’ll keep proving myself worthy of being your father.
Mind made up, Callan begins to speak.
“Selena...”
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ASHA’S POV
Sleep eludes her for hours, as the conversation with her father swirls in her head.
Mom was born from a goddess?
And not just any goddess, but the Goddess of Time?
Is that why daddy believed me immediately when I said I’d returned from the future?
From what the Court Mage had said, and the book she’d been reading, Elementalists are chosen at random by gods.
Was my selection random, though? I doubt it. Which means mom already knew I was an Elementalist the moment I was conceived, maybe even determined before that. And she knew she’d die because of me, yet she kept insisting she had to give birth to me despite the threat to her life.
’Most special child in the world’...did mom foresee the future and realize I’d be needed somehow?
But I haven’t done much. I failed and died, and mom’s own mother probably sent me back in time - a violation of Heavenly Law, but then again she broke the rules just by having a child with a human after the Age of Gods in the first place.
When the Age of Gods ended, the divine beings had retreated to the heavens and sworn to never again directly intervene in the affairs of men, only providing blessings and guidance from afar.
Come to think of it, why did they abandon us during the Age of Demons then leave this world to us after that? When the guardians helped usher in the Age of Men, the gods could have returned. Yet they’d not only left the world at the end of the Age of Gods, but they only appeared to ask us and the Sol clan to help, before granting us positions as guardians of the realm and ascending once more.
Does the presence of gods somehow cause problems for humans?
Or do they need to stay away for some other reason?
Did my maternal grandmother get in trouble for breaking the rules twice?
It’s too much to think about, yet Asha can’t let it go.
Mom was a demigod, which explains her almost supernatural abilities, but she died anyway when I consumed all her life force.
Which means I have the mana reserves of someone with a goddess’ blood?
But that should be more than enough, so why does my body need to turn whatever I eat into more mana?
It doesn’t make any sense, since there’s no record of previous Elementalists being descendants of gods either. From what she’s read, Elementalists that had come before her had been normal in size - some of them even growing to be quite tall and muscular.
Or did the mana I’d absorbed help me travel back in time? Which means grandmother wouldn’t have needed to intervene directly?
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Sighing, Asha turns on her side and stares out at the waxing moon.
As worshippers of the moon goddess, her clan never sleeps with closed curtains, believing that everything they do and say after sunset and before sunrise is under the auspices of their patron deity.
I’ve been losing a lot of weight since I returned, even though Ellis and the other cooks have been feeding me extremely rich and healthy foods. I thought it was just because I’ve always been picky, and also because I’ve been traumatized by my time in prison and the torture chamber, but what if my body is replenishing the mana I’d used to return?
If that’s the case, I need to eat more if I want to be able to wield my Elemental powers to their full extent.
Just the thought of it makes her sick.
I don’t want to eat. Food reminds me of that time, of all the ways I was brutalized.
The enormous cruelty she’d faced had scarred her for life.
I can’t forgive Rayleigh for it. I can’t forgive the imperial family, even though dad suspects they had a very strong though misguided reason.
We’ve always been loyal to the empire, we’ve always helped the world and the country. Yet they treated us like that in the end.
Clenching her silk blanket, Asha blinks away angry tears.
Dad seems to believe they had no choice, but that’s because he doesn’t know just what those monsters did to him and me in prison.
The tears come despite her best efforts.
Even though I try my best not to remember, I can’t forget the way I felt back then.
Sobbing into her pillow, Asha wonders why her mother and grandmother hadn’t intervened to save them.
Was it really necessary to abandon us to that fate? Goddess Chronelia, you already broke the Law by giving birth to a half-human child in the Age of Men. Why did you not simply break the Law again to save us? I’m your granddaughter, after all. How could you let me go through all that?
> ”What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
Her father used to tell the Crown Prince and Rayleigh that, used to tell it to all the knights he trained, but Asha doesn’t agree.
I didn’t feel stronger each time they tortured me to within an inch of my life.
Unless...
Did mom and grandmother really believe I needed to go through all that? For what reason?
> ”Will forged in hellfire is unbreakable.”
It’s an old saying in her clan, since they’re a group of warriors who spend their lives on the battlefield.
Was my time in prison a lesson of some sort, to prepare me for what’s to come?
I don’t want it. I don’t want to face anything so horrifying that I needed to be tortured like that to be ready for it.
> ”I love you, Asha.”
Dad...
Gritting her teeth, Asha forces the tears back as she rubs her eyes.
If I have to suffer just to keep all of you safe and happy, then so be it. But just let me be the only one to pay the price, I beg of you, O Goddess of Time and Goddess of the Moon.
The light filling her room seems to glow brighter, and Asha wonders if that means her plea had been heard and accepted.
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Her ice magic had helped reduce the puffiness, but the red eyes and dark circles still cause panic when Monique and Valora come to wake her up (Asha is notorious for being able to sleep even with sunlight shining right on her face).
Ellis personally brings breakfast to Asha, the warm and motherly head cook looking almost beside herself with worry. Head gardener Roza arrives not long after, carrying Asha’s favorite flowers as well as herbs to help recover her energy, since they all know she’s busy researching Elementalists and building a device for the contest.
Thank you, everyone.
Their devotion and care strengthen her resolve to do whatever it takes to protect them.
When Lady Willow rushes in as the Winter Count frets by Asha’s bedside, the only child of House Lamberg feels warm inside.
“Sweetheart! I’ve brought some herbal remedies to help you feel better, and some to help you sleep well.” Asha blushes a little at the endearment, though she smiles and happily accepts the gifts.
”Thank you Lady Willow.” She gets a soft touch to her messy hair for that, then drinks one of the many bottles the green eyed noble has brought. Wow. “This is amazing, Lady Willow. Did you grow these make this yourself?” It’s not something she’s ever tasted, even though the Winter Count only ever gives Asha the best money can buy.
Lady Willow blushes slightly before nodding. “I enjoy gardening when I can.” Those shy green eyes flicker to Count Lamberg. “It’s a wonderful feeling, to be putting down roots and making things bloom.”
Dad looks absolutely besotted.
The chaos in her room is heartwarming, and for the first time since her return to the past, Asha feels like she’s truly home.
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By the time Rayleigh arrives, her face looks normal enough, though for some reason the Grand Duke immediately realizes something’s amiss with her.
“Are you alright, Asha?” I know you made an oath, but I really don’t understand why you’re acting like this. Just not killing my family and I would be good enough. It’s not like I’ll ever forgive you anyway.
“I’m fine.” He doesn’t look convinced, and it’s making her uncomfortable. “Shall we get started?”
Rayleigh looks like he wants to say something else, but in the end he just nods.
“How hard are you going to work me today, my lady?” The slight trace of a smile on that handsome face does funny things to her heart.
Is he teasing me?
He’d been quite playful yesterday as well.
“Hard enough to make you run crying to your cousin.” When he grins like that, Asha has a very difficult time not falling in love all over again.
Why do you have to be so perfect?
...Why did you betray us?
She can’t ask him, because he knows nothing about the future she’d come from, so Asha just focuses on completing as much of her invention as possible.
They eat a simple lunch in a gazebo, Rayleigh constantly trying to put more food on her plate despite her insistence that she’s not very hungry.
“You’re far too thin, Asha.” Again with that worried look. “You’ve always been slender, but lately your wrists are nothing but skin and bones.”
They’re not THAT bad...are they?
Looking down at the offending body parts, she’s stunned to realize he’s right.
When did I get so skinny? I’ll never be buxom or strong-looking, but this reminds me of that time in prison, since I’m not naturally this thin.
I know I’ve been eating less, but this probably means...
Had her theory been right?
Did I use up too much mana coming back to the past? Is that why my body is devouring my food to replenish my reserves?
“I hadn’t noticed.” That answer just makes Rayleigh look more concerned. “I’ll try to eat more.”
He doesn’t look convinced, but he smiles anyway and puts another sandwich on her plate.
Ellis only makes my favorites, so I should be able to finish this piece.
She’s so full after the biggest meal she’s had since returning that Asha begins to feel sleepy as they continue working after lunch.
I need to do this. I have to eat more, if I want to be strong enough to protect my family.
They’re joined by Lady Willow for dinner, and the laughter and cheerful conversations distract Asha enough that she doesn’t realize she manages to finish all the food on her plate.
I can do this. For my family, I can do anything.
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RAYLEIGH’S POV
Asha...what is it that troubles you so?
He finds it very hard to believe someone as brave as her could be unsettled to this extent simply by nightmares.
She’s smart enough to know that nightmares are just bad dreams. So what could possibly affect her like this?
Teacher refuses to say more on the matter, and Rayleigh knows that no matter how hard he presses he won’t get anything more out of the Grandmaster. It’s a known fact that the Winter Count loves Asha more than anything, to the point he’d probably set the world on fire to keep his only daughter warm.
If teacher won’t tell me, that means there’s something greater at play. And that ‘something’ could possibly endanger Asha’s life if I or anyone else finds out.
Even if he hadn’t made an oath, Rayleigh is determined not to do anything that would cause harm to the brilliant Elementalist.
But I need to know what worries Asha so in order to properly protect her.
> ”In the absence of information about your enemy, prepare ten times more than you would in any other situation.”
Teacher had taught him that before.
Very well. I’ll ensure my funds, my knights, and I are ready for whatever comes.
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??? POV
Lamberg is not behaving as expected, and hasn’t been for awhile.
It makes things a little inconvenient, but that’s easily solved.
That House is close with the Loredan imperial family, but the rulers of the empire are only human, after all.
There are so many ways to make a person bend to one’s will.
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MOONRISE BY LUNASEA: CHAPTER 21 END