RAYLEIGH’S POV
She really doesn’t trust me. But I suppose I can’t blame her.
That small face with the large eyes currently hidden from view by messy hair is still expressive enough for Rayleigh to know that Asha’s mind is going over multiple scenarios, trying to find a reason for his visit that involves some selfish objective on his part.
> “I’ve had enough of soul contracts to last a lifetime.”
I’m sorry for putting your life on the line, Asha.
He’d come here on Ariana’s and Griffin’s insistence, since they’d urged him to build a better relationship with his soon-to-be wife. While they’d offered him ideas about what he could talk about, Rayleigh doesn’t think any of those suggestions would help make Asha think any better of him.
What should I say?
“You want me to invite Lady Medea to my birthday, right?”
What?
“Lady Asha, what are you talking about?”
Those usually full lips are set in a thin line, and she’s obviously clenching her jaw.
Asha...
“I’m sure you saw the avalanche of letters in the foyer.” It’d been quite impressive, really, that the Snowfalls and Winterblades had been able to coordinate so seamlessly given the unending stream of messengers bearing gifts and letters, and the sheer volume of boxes and envelopes in the entry hall.
Asha’s attendants had glared bloody murder at him, and Conroy and Ethan had glared right back. That’s another thing we need to sort out before she moves in on our wedding day, since her personal maid and knight are sure to accompany her to my home.
More importantly, though, does she mean to say that those letters are all demands to attend her birthday party? Have these people no shame? Even if she’s not engaged to me, Asha is teacher’s daughter - that alone puts her on the same level as a duke.
“Lady Asha, are you saying others are trying to impose themselves on you?”
The slackening of facial muscles tells him she’s surprised by his words.
Why would such a thing surprise her? It’s obvious what she meant, unless she thinks I’m a fool.
...I suppose I can’t blame her.
“How can I help?” Rayleigh usually prides himself on his self-control, so he’s shocked that he’s behaving more like past-Asha, while she now acts more like the way he used to.
He doesn’t have time to be embarrassed when that fair head snaps up, and then he’s pinned under the weight of the sky.
Were your eyes always such a brilliant blue?
Even though he’d looked at her numerous times yesterday while she’d been beautifully done up, for some reason he thinks Asha looks much prettier today with her hair in its usual mess, and her face bare of cosmetics.
What am I thinking?!
Flushing, Rayleigh looks down and reaches for his tea.
“...you don’t need to go so far.”
‘Go so far’? What does she mean? Is she saying she knows I’m marrying her for the empire, so I don’t need to pretend that’s not my reason for all this? Or is she referring to the fact that I love Medea, so I don’t need to force myself to be nice to her?
When Asha sighs, Rayleigh looks up, but she’s already looking out the window, and her untamed snowy waves leave little of her profile visible.
“Dad and I know you’re doing all this to keep the Lambergs in the empire.” How... “So you don’t have to come over, you don’t need to talk to me, and you don’t need to treat me the way you actually want to treat Lady Medea.”
For some reason her words sting, even though they’re delivered in a flat voice.
Wait. Teacher knows?
Instantly Rayleigh wants to kick himself.
Of course teacher knows. He’s famous for his intelligence and cunning. And Asha could possibly be smarter than teacher, given what she demonstrated at the council that day.
Asha’s new alchemy discoveries had spread like wildfire, aided by Conroy’s network. Even at the engagement party yesterday, many noble alchemists had approached asking for a chance to debate theories and exchange ideas with her.
She seemed so lively when discussing obscure theorems and their potential applications. I didn’t know Asha had such an interest in alchemy, medicine, mathematics, and magic theory.
Looking around the drawing room, Rayleigh realizes another thing about his bride-to-be.
In the past, she’d have been going through the expensive gifts she received and trying them on. But instead she was alone in the drawing room with just a alchemy journal and some newspapers before I entered. Is this why she rejected the jewels I’d sent her previously?
> “You don’t need to treat me the way you actually want to treat Lady Medea.”
...I see. So that’s why she told Conroy to tell me to give the jewels to Medea instead. Not only is Asha uninterested in such things now, she knows I’d given Medea plenty of priceless gems and doesn’t want me treating her like a stand-in for the affection I can no longer show Medea.
That thought makes his heart ache for some reason.
“You’re not a replacement, Lady Asha.”
“...I know I can’t compare to Lady Medea, your highness.”
That’s not what I...
No, I thought that way too. I used to compare them both and always found Asha lacking.
How did she know?
“Asha...” For some reason, that makes her shoulders tense. What did I do wrong now? Is it because I didn’t use an honorific? “I’m sorry. I know I’ve treated you badly in the past.” You have every right to be angry with me, but... “May I at least explain myself?”
The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.
The silence is heavy, but Rayleigh doesn’t look away, watching Asha carefully for the slightest hint that the famous Lamberg sense of fairness will prevail.
When those thin shoulders droop slightly, the Imperial exhales a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.
“Thank you, my lady.” She’s still refusing to look at him. Stubborn as ever. “It’s true I was upset with you before, but that’s because of the way you were behaving towards teacher, your people, me, and others.” Including Medea.
“Huh?” Those eyes aren’t good for my composure.
The shock is clear as day on that heart-shaped face, and Rayleigh wonders if he should continue. Was she really unaware? It’s true that Asha’s never once been self-conscious, because teacher and her House always had her back and indulged her.
“Are you saying you treated me like shit because you were unhappy I was acting my age?”
Huh?
’Acting my age’?
“But Medea...” When Asha winces, Rayleigh realizes his mistake and hastily corrects himself. “I mean, most nobles and commoners act a little differently from the moment they turn twelve.”
In the empire, turning twelve is a significant milestone that indicates a person has discarded their childhood and is ready to take steps towards becoming a responsible, capable individual who contributes to their family and society.
Though nobility and the imperial family debut at sixteen to indicate that they are nearing the age of marriage, the next major milestone is six years after they turn twelve: citizens are officially recognized as adults as soon as they celebrate their eighteenth birthday - since their bodies are assumed to have fully matured to match their minds by then - giving them the right to marry, consume alcohol, smoke, gamble, and own properties under their name.
Asha blinks, before realization dawns on that fair face. “Your highness, I’m a northerner.”
A north...
Oh.
Apart from being naturally stronger and faster, as well as more resistant towards the elements and poisons (including alcohol, hence northerners’ higher tolerance), guardians of the realm are famous for aging at a slower pace than others.
Which is why Asha, despite her nineteenth birthday being a week away, still has the body of a small fifteen year old, and why teacher - who’ll be forty in three months - still looks like he’s in his twenties.
> ”The older a guardian gets, the slower they age.”
It’s also why northerners don’t force their children to mature as quickly, allowing them to do as they please until they turn twenty (though the people of the north love to drink and allow their children to start imbibing from the moment they’re sixteen).
I see. I was imposing imperial standards on you when you’re of a different people, because teacher, the Snowfalls, and the Winterblades conduct themselves in accordance with the empire’s expectations. But you’re the sole heir, and almost a divine princess in the north. Now I understand why no one in your House ever stopped you from acting the way you did - in their eyes, you’re both a child and one who doesn’t need to obey the empire’s rules.
But not only am I marrying that child, I’m expected to...
Blushing, Rayleigh wills away the indecent thoughts.
“F...forgive me, Asha.” Focus. “It way my mistake to forget that you’re a guardian of the realm, and both your clan as well as the Saharas consider individuals children until they turn twenty.”
Is this why teacher was fine all this time about the lack of official engagement, and the lack of wedding plans? Because he wanted to wait until Asha becomes an adult?
But that means...teacher fought the war against the sorcerers when he was effectively a child in his clan. And not only did he lead them and the united North-South army to victory, he became a Grandmaster before he was recognized as an adult in his own House.
Rayleigh hadn’t thought he could worship the Winter Count more, but he’s proven wrong when his esteem rises exponentially at that realization.
“Your highness.” Asha’s facial expression is one he’s never seen in his life, and he’s unsure what to make of it. “You have Saharan blood.”
That’s...
The chieftains of the guardian clans, and their direct descendants, are known to age slower than even their own people. Rayleigh’s mother had been a close relative of the Saharan chief, which meant that he’d acquired some of her bloodline abilities, though they’re much weaker than Asha’s.
Is that why teacher always indulged me more than Griffin, until I turned twenty? And why teacher gave me such a fine sword on my twentieth birthday? I had to grow up faster than most as a member of the imperial family, but teacher always treated me more gently than he did Griffin. I used to think it was just because Griffin’s first in line for the throne, but maybe teacher was thinking of my maternal heritage.
“Forgive me, Lady Asha. I see now that I’d judged you unfairly.”
How could I forget? Was I truly so blinded by my prejudice, by the expectations placed on all of us? Teacher is a great man, and the Winterblades are famous warriors, but at the end of the day they’re all northerners.
I was expected to conduct myself like an Imperial from birth - and my mother's family is distant, almost just a diplomatic afterthought since I've not been involved in many international dealings with Anouar. But there's no denying that teacher always treated me more like a child than a Grand Duke. I thought it was purely out of kindness, now I see it could have been out of respect for my mother’s bloodline.
What kind of monster am I, to return teacher's favor in such a manner towards his precious daughter? My Saharan blood aside - since a Grand Duke must always appear 100% Imperial - how could I have ignored Asha's northern heritage, the fact that she's a direct descendent of Lune chieftains? Was I really only looking for ways to think badly of her, to the point I saw her as an object of censure instead of a person?
When she says nothing, simply looking at him with that indecipherable expression, Rayleigh starts to wonder how he’s upset her once more.
“You’re quite the hypocrite, aren’t you?”
WHAT?
“Asha, what are you...”
“You claim to be upset about the way I was treating my dad and others when I should have started to be more ‘adult’ once I turned twelve, just like the rest of you. But instead of trying to help me see the error of my ways, you who are older than I am chose to be rude, mean, spiteful, and petty - aren’t those dishonorable traits?”
I...
Rayleigh can only hang his head in shame.
That’s true. I was no better than you, whom I despised.
“You’re right.” It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but honor demands he own up to his mistakes. “Not only did I judge you unfairly, I behaved shamefully while continuing to find fault with you.”
When Asha doesn’t respond, something in his chest tightens.
> ”Raise your head, Ray. Never forget: a true warrior goes to his death with an undefeated soul.”
Forcing his head up, Rayleigh locks eyes with the most beautiful sapphires in the world.
> ”Fight and die for what is right, Ray, even if the whole world is against you, even if every voice in your head is telling you to stop because it hurts too much, even if the person you love the most urges you to stand down for the sake of your own life. Fight on, and die a glorious death, knowing you will be welcomed to the Great Hall by the cheers of gods and heroes.”
“I’m sorry, Asha.”
It’s the hardest apology he’s ever made but he owes her this much, and only a coward would run away from such a difficult situation.
She’s quiet for a long time, before looking down and taking a sip of cold tea.
Will you ever forgive me?
...will I ever be able to earn your forgiveness?
“I’m looking for a stepmother.”
What?
“Dad needs to remarry, because I can’t be chief of the clan. So, I’m looking for a stepmother.”
...I see.
Chuckling ruefully, Rayleigh wonders why he’d ever expected a conversation with this wild child to follow a linear progression.
“Do you have any requirements in mind?” It’s the least he can do, especially given the fact that whoever teacher marries will become his mother-in-law.
Seeing the way she both mulls the question thoughtfully while watching him carefully, Rayleigh’s reminded of the stray kitten he and Griffin had discovered in the palace gardens as children.
I wonder what happened to her.
Now that he thinks about it, that kitten had had fur as white as Asha’s hair, and eyes as blue as Asha’s.
I hope you found a good home, little one.
“Honest, honorable, compassionate, loyal, just, wise, brave, generous, and selfless.” Blinking, Rayleigh smiles when he realizes Asha had recited all the values of her House.
“That’s a given, Asha.” Oh? Interesting. Instead of looking prickly, the way she had when he’d called her by her name earlier, this time high cheekbones have a slight flush to them. “Is there anything else you’d like in a stepmother?”
When bright blue eyes narrow, Rayleigh’s mind races before he rushes to explain himself.
“I didn’t mean anything superficial, Asha.” Very interesting. “I was thinking more along the lines of a track record. Did you want the candidate to have won awards or medals, or perhaps have successfully set up and managed free clinics around the country?”
Cute.
She looks just like that stray kitten when she blinks like that.
“I’m not looking for a unicorn.” Uni.. “The empire’s laws and rules don’t make it easy for women to distinguish themselves on their own merit.”
That’s true. But...
Looking at the beautiful, brilliant, and bold young lady before him, Rayleigh can’t help but want only the perfect woman as Asha’s stepmother.
That’s right. There’s that House.
“Asha, have you ever met the Ferdinand family?”
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MOONRISE BY LUNASEA: CHAPTER 13 END